Questions tagged [boundaries]

This tag should be used when boundaries (either yours or someone else's) play a major role in the situation at hand. This could involve questions about how to respect other people's boundaries, how to handle overstepping someone's boundaries, establishing your own boundaries, or handling someone who has overstepped your boundaries.

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39
votes
5answers
14k views

How do I reject helping my neighbour who constantly asks me for little favours?

My neighbour is constantly asking me for little favours, which is super obnoxious. She regularly asks me to maintain her smartphone as she has no clue what to do with a smartphone and keeps ...
40
votes
9answers
19k views

How to negotiate with landlady in a shared home who flat out says “no”?

I moved into a shared home with roommates. The landlady and her husband are two of the roommates. I've been having issues with storage space. Today she was cleaning up and she was about to throw out (...
10
votes
1answer
2k views

Neighbor unhappy with the fact I asked his kids to return our toys

My neighbour came over yesterday and addressed me in a rather aggressive tone, he complained that 'kids will be kids' and that 'my bins shouldn't be where they are'. He has never mentioned the bins ...
1
vote
1answer
441 views

As a student, how can I negotiate appropriate sleeping arrangements with strangers for an academic conference?

I'm an undergraduate student that was offered a role researching for a grant. I was able to get authorship status on a paper and will be attending a conference for it later this year. The professor I ...
2
votes
4answers
2k views

How to stop friends from coming in my holiday house?

I have the following problem: I own a house near the beach, in which I go only in summer. Every year, friends ask me (or try to manipulate me to invite them) to come and spend their vacations there. ...
95
votes
5answers
20k views

How to talk to a one night stand about her potential breast lumps issues?

I'm Brazilian, 23, and I went on a date with a Tinder match yesterday afternoon. At some point things got more intense and as I was fondling her breasts I felt two big lumps on her left one. We've ...
5
votes
2answers
543 views

How can I properly refuse my mother's help?

I'm living in a theocratic country, where people have to study religion in schools and universities extensively, no matter the field of study. And holding different views from the mainstream religion ...
9
votes
3answers
1k views

How can I diplomatically ask my neighbor to move his/her patio off my garage wall to stop damp

I have just moved in to a new (to me. 6 years old) house and have yet to meet the neighbors. I have since noticed my inside garage wall was damp. Inspecting outside the dampness was caused by the ...
5
votes
2answers
1k views

How do I tell my close friend that I don't need the advice he gives me? He always patronizes in every conversation!

First up, he's a long time friend of mine, but not someone I ever will get along with in the same room for more than an hour. In the past, I've had a lots of insecurities and he used to be the ...
8
votes
4answers
843 views

How to establish boundaries with parent who is always negative

(In case it matters this question is made on behalf another person) I have a parent who seemingly lacks the ability to empathize with me. They'll never say things like "I understand you" or "I am ...
39
votes
6answers
14k views

Childhood friend wants to get a “best friends” tattoo but I do not think it is a good idea

Background I have a friend, we'll call her A, who I have known for nearly 20 years now. We are both in our early 20s now. Due to transitions we have both experienced over the last several years, ...
8
votes
1answer
871 views

Personal Space, Boundaries and a “Hands Off” policy

I realize that this topic has been covered (probably many times) before, but here is my situation: My fiancè's sister has before her some unique challenges. First, she is handicapped (by her own ...
3
votes
1answer
3k views

How to apologize to a friend who blocked me?

Backstory: About 2 years ago I became close online friends with someone over Steam and Discord. Recently (4 days ago) we got into a disagreement; I overreacted and he responded by blocking me on ...
4
votes
4answers
655 views

How can I set emotional boundaries with a friend who is going through a difficult time without leaving them feeling abandoned

I have a female friend who is going through a divorce, and she will talk to me at times for emotional support. My girlfriend is not happy with this. My friend has very few people to turn to and I do ...
44
votes
14answers
17k views

How can I deny a request from the mother of my girlfriend to tag along on our road trip?

Background My girlfriend and I are going on a holiday in her native country, about 800km from our current city. We planned this holiday months ago and we planned to stay for 2 weeks. Problem Today ...
-9
votes
2answers
861 views

Is it a bad idea to tell people that I could be a manipulative jerk if I wanted to? [closed]

Without going to much into my personal psyche, here are some things I know: People can be manipulated relatively easily (1) I know where I can learn to do exactly that (2) I choose not to for moral ...
4
votes
2answers
9k views

How to deal with my ex who told me to never talk to him again but still texts me? [closed]

About 3 years ago when I broke up with my ex over text it ended with him sending a text that read "Please don't ever talk to me again" So I haven't seen or contacted him since. A week after breaking ...
82
votes
14answers
32k views

How to enforce a “No Shoes” policy in my apartment?

I like to keep my apartment floor clean, as I enjoy walking around with bare feet after a shower without having to worry about them becoming dirty. As such, I don't like shoes beyond the doorway in my ...
11
votes
3answers
1k views

How to suggest to friend that he should clean up after himself in another's home

In our group of friends, "Mike" always hosts game nights, study sessions, etc. The rest of us never can return the favor since we don't have enough space and privacy. I feel it's the least I can do to ...
15
votes
14answers
7k views

How to convey seriousness in conditions when giving money to brother

TL;DR: I want to give my brother some money with a few conditions on how it is spent but believe he is unlikely to realise that I seriously plan to enforce those conditions. How can I convey my ...
11
votes
7answers
3k views

How can I be more convincing when it comes to my words?

I have a big problem with people that know me. I do have slight anger issues (like 0-90 in 1 second, and 90-100 in 10), and I know some people (my friends) that would irritate me just for their ...
4
votes
6answers
3k views

Dealing with long-time friends that only reach out when they need something from me?

I get this quite often. The most recent situation happened today. A friend of 15 years asked me for a favour. We used to be close but over the years we grew out of our shared interests. Nowadays, we'...
14
votes
4answers
3k views

Establishing expectations with my parents about visiting after I give birth

I'm 8 months pregnant. I'm also an introvert who really doesn't cope well with change and stress. My mom is very outgoing and I need to talk to her about expectations when she visits me at the ...
11
votes
4answers
3k views

How do I tell a relative that I don't want them to spend their vacations in my house

Context: I'm a 26 years old South American, and up until mid last year I lived with my parents. In June I moved countries (7,000 miles) because of work and now I live alone, and so far I very much ...
12
votes
2answers
1k views

How do I follow through after setting a boundary for a friend who throws loud parties at my place?

I have a family friend I have known for years who now lives in a different city, but when he comes home to see his parents, etc, he likes to stay at my place. I'm totally fine with this, but recently ...
22
votes
6answers
9k views

How to ask someone on a date when dating isn't usual in your culture?

Background One similar question is How to clearly communicate that you're asking someone on a date?, but here my situation is noticeably different. I am from India and many girls don't even ...
11
votes
2answers
1k views

Trying to limit toxic relationship with family but keep getting dragged back in

This question focuses on my relationship with my mom. Most people who know her find her difficult to be around. She invites me to her place but there’s a 75% chance we get in a fight the first 15 ...
68
votes
10answers
22k views

How can I know whether a female house guest is interested in more than a friendly visit?

We have met around 4 months ago, we both are from the same country and are on an internship abroad. She lives quite far from me (around 400 km). We have chatted a bit since we've met and our ...
45
votes
14answers
13k views

How can I address a man talking inappropriately about women? [duplicate]

Source is this twitter thread: https://twitter.com/MalwareJake/status/976848126987374593 Excerpt: She said that the guy who appeared to be the unofficial group leader started talking about one of ...
11
votes
4answers
882 views

How can I tell a friend that their self-published book needs editing?

Background An acquaintance of mine and his wife just self-published a very short book. Unfortunately, it has scores of grammatical mistakes on most pages. My friend and his wife have a great message ...
8
votes
7answers
920 views

Saying no to frequent but trivial favors

I was recently a guest by my sister and brother-in-law, and over the course of my weekend visit he asked me several times to do very trivial things, for example, to bring him the newspaper from the ...
3
votes
3answers
695 views

How to convince people I don't want to attend an event?

Note- I used the 'United-States' tag, but this takes place on the US-Canada border. TL;DR: There is an event that everyone is excited for but me, and I don't know how to convince people I don't want ...
59
votes
7answers
22k views

How to ask for a wish from a woman?

For context, I am a twenty-four-year-old man. Recently I made the acquaintance of a woman who is twelve years older than myself. I was instantly struck by her extreme beauty and made efforts to form a ...
43
votes
5answers
19k views

How to handle my girlfriend's parents' attitude to asking her for money?

I'm asking this question on behalf of my girlfriend because she's asking me for help but I'm not sure on how to handle this situation. A little bit of background: My girlfriend's parents moved from ...
9
votes
5answers
1k views

How to convey to a person that I am not interested in talking to him?

I have a senior colleague at work with whom I do not wish to talk. He makes it a point to come over and talk to me despite me giving him a very clear cold shoulder. He stands there even when I have ...
11
votes
6answers
1k views

If I want a child to stop a behavior, should I talk directly to the child or to the parents?

Consider a case where a young child is doing something that directly impacts me, and most everyone would consider it reasonable to want them to stop. Here are a few real examples of things they've ...
6
votes
5answers
931 views

Father wants me to give him my work number and I don't want to

I'm moving to a new town (a big city in Florida) where I don't know anyone for work. I'm over 23. My father wants me to give him the number and e-mail for my primary work boss because sometimes I ...
3
votes
3answers
1k views

How to ask ex to not be too personal

I dated the same guy all throughout high school (yes, all of high school-- as a summary: he's a year older and lived about 20 minutes away from me, it was pretty serious) and the relationship lasted ...
11
votes
3answers
2k views

How to tell partner we need boundaries?

I have been with my partner for about a year now, we are not married. In the past 8 months I have felt that my partner does not respect when I say no to certain things. We are both in university, I ...
20
votes
5answers
4k views

How to convey who will be asked to join my wife and me in the delivery room without causing offense?

My wife and I have just started trying to expand our family. Last night, the topic randomly came up of who should be in the delivery room with us (if we are lucky enough to conceive) as my wife asked ...
10
votes
2answers
3k views

How to establish boundaries with a neighbour who breaches basic privacy?

We have a neighbour about a minute walk from our place. Our kids go to the same school/kindergarten, so we are looking forward to a very long relationship. The problem is that she is extremely nosy ...
5
votes
2answers
715 views

Persuade community staff to be more lenient on unwritten “rules” about hot tub

My wife, my children, and I arrived yesterday for a 2 week stay at a "senior" style 55+ Florida RV park with a hot tub. We are very well informed of the risks associated with children enjoying hot ...
-2
votes
3answers
793 views

How to ask someone to stop behaving in a certain way in public that makes me uncomfortable [closed]

There is someone I know who is really into kink/bdsm/fetish. He is one of the several organizers at social dances I attend. Note, these dances have nothing to do with kink/bdsm/fetish or anything sex ...
22
votes
6answers
4k views

How to deal with unruly children that aren't yours?

I'm a 21 year old college student living with my girlfriend, her mother, and her mother's boyfriend. We've lived here, on and off, between my house and hers for the past 5 years. I don't consider this ...
83
votes
10answers
28k views

How do I gently reject an indecent proposal?

Background People: Bob, John and Alice are old acquaintances of mine. They are a little older than me, mid-to-late twenties. We are not close friends, but we get along together well and see each ...
3
votes
2answers
4k views

How to tell a roommate to stop using stuff around the apartment that does not belong to him?

So we have a problematic, new roommate, "Michael", who uses all of our stuff, when he's not supposed to be doing so. We typically have our own toilet paper, soap, dishes, paper towels, etc., and don'...
30
votes
5answers
6k views

How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs

I have three coworkers that I work with directly (one being the manager of our "pod"). As a team we generally work on weekly goals with a meeting at the end of the week to go over accomplishments and ...
10
votes
4answers
2k views

How to stop my ex wife from pressuring relationship between our son and my new partner

About five years ago my wife Laura and I got divorced - we kept it quite civil and even now our relationship is quite friendly. We also have a son, Steve, currently 10 years old that spends 3 days a ...
33
votes
15answers
13k views

Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend

TL;DR: Bruce is pushing for me to enter a relationship with Mary, and I like Mary, but don't want any relationship right now, and I want him to back off. The People Me: I am not interested in a ...
83
votes
14answers
37k views

How do I politely explain to my neighbour that I don't feel comfortable being alone with her in her house while my kids play?

We recently moved into a new neighborhood, as did our neighbor, Jane. I have two young girls (4 and 5), and Jane has a boy and girl (7 I think?). My kids love to play with them, and her kids seem to ...