Questions tagged [conflict-aversion]

For questions regarding to the avoiding of an imminent conflict, or the general avoiding of a conflict that occurs on a regular basis. Questions regarding ongoing conflicts, or conflicts that are already started, please use the "conflicts" tag.

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How to amicably discuss how rent will be increasing to newly inherited tenants?

I already have a property where I inherited tenants, and increased rent. Although, it was only by $50 after six months. I also gave them a list of improvements to be done. I'm looking at acquiring a ...
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  • 135
3 votes
0 answers
165 views

How can I let a classmate know I can't help them on an assignment anymore?

I'm enrolled in a university course. For some time, I've been helping another student with a major project for our class, which counts for a quarter of our grade. It is an individual project where ...
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  • 1,743
4 votes
2 answers
485 views

How can we convince grandmother to use the dishwasher?

Grandmother needs to start using the dishwasher, she evidently can no longer wash dishes by hand. I visited my grandmother today, she served me some fried salmon and a bowl of ice cream. Afterwards, I ...
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1 vote
1 answer
537 views

How to avoid someone in a group

Me and B, my best friend, 2 boys, were the core of a group of friends. C, a girl, became a core member by coming to almost every gathering we had. I started having feelings for her but long story ...
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  • 113
0 votes
1 answer
274 views

How to avoid division without being divisive yourself?

I’m in a situation where I believe cohesiveness would be both sensible and desirable, in a “house divided against itself cannot stand” sense. The other parties, however, don’t see this. This is partly ...
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3 votes
1 answer
364 views

How to tell coworker to learn and do it themselves?

I started using Docusign about 4 months ago. I have a coworker who needed to learn how to use Docusign as well and we attempted to connect so that I can show her how to use it. First attempt was not ...
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0 votes
0 answers
428 views

How to help a friend determine if they are happy or just settling in a long term relationship?

Through my years until recently I have had friends or just known people who have been in relationships that they generally considered long term and committed, but were open (at least to me) about the ...
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  • 289
3 votes
1 answer
655 views

How to say no to my brother while avoiding him thinking I no longer support him?

Background: My brother has a manipulative wife, which has essentially turned him against our mother. I want to keep the story short and won't go into too much detail. Essentially, his wife has ...
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8 votes
3 answers
1k views

How to let people face the consequences of their own actions, and at the same time avoid a negative reaction?

My parents are both great at this: I do something stupid and they can make me realize whatever follows is simply a consequence of my own stupidity. Their approach made me take responsibility for the ...
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4 votes
0 answers
223 views

How do I get my friend to stop singing along when I'm trying to listen to the music? [closed]

I have a friend who has an absolute tin ear... could not carry a tune to save her life. But she is a genius with lyrics. Because of this, she loves to sing along to things. It is almost as if she is ...
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  • 397
6 votes
2 answers
479 views

How to ask for autonomy without coming across as rejecting?

I have been living with my boyfriend for 4 years now and we have an overall great relationship. I work and he's currently unemployed. I used to ask him small services and be happy when he'd take ...
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  • 4,740
7 votes
2 answers
1k views

How can I survive in a 'guess' culture?

Recently I read an article on 'ask' and 'guess' culture1, and it brought me a lot of clarity. It explains the reason behind many of the interpersonal conflicts that I faced during the past 10-20 years ...
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4 votes
1 answer
526 views

How to deal with an egoistic friend who only talks politics and religion?

I'm 27 M (living in India). I have this friend (say John). We were school classmates for 9 years. We shared a good relationship during school days but our mentality and perspectives to look at the ...
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6 votes
2 answers
715 views

Why do I lose my temper more easily if one of my own has been wronged than if I'm the one that has been wronged?

Interpersonal conflicts inevitably happen in life, under one form or another. As I'm being confronted by more conflicts as I grow older, I keep learning how to react better. In conflicts where ...
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  • 161
2 votes
2 answers
442 views

De-escalating perceived conflicts against spouse without "taking the other side"

My spouse recently wanted to know some details about an airbnb reservation my mother had made, which we will be sharing later this year. My spouse and I have formulated this post together. In my ...
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3 votes
2 answers
412 views

How to ask an otherwise helpful person who often reacts rudely to my questions to stop?

A while ago I joined a Discord server for a team (2 vs 2) chess game called bughouse, owned by a guy who I'll call Jake for the sake of anonymity. As I got more interested in the game, he and others ...
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19 votes
3 answers
4k views

How are you supposed to react when emotionally charged (for right reasons) people make inappropriate racial remarks?

To describe further let's take an example. Consider a person V, victim of an event or witnessed injustice. It seemed quite obvious that a person X who belongs to a group G is responsible for said ...
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  • 361
6 votes
1 answer
1k views

How can I deal with my wife always changing her mind about things we already planned?

I like making plans whether they're short term or long term (> 6 months). Always have. My wife, however, tends to "forget" about plans we had already discussed and gets upset when I try ...
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  • 223
21 votes
4 answers
2k views

How do I ask my family to stop buying me Star Wars themed presents?

When I was a child I was really into Star Wars, as many children are. Now as a grown man, with my own interests and hobbies, a fully developed brain, and two decades of bad Star Wars movies I have ...
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10 votes
1 answer
1k views

How to tell an employee that someone in their shop is not wearing a mask?

(Without looking condescending or like I'm telling them how to do their job) The other day, I was at a shop and someone was not wearing their mask (it was hanging on one of their ears, so they clearly ...
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  • 17.2k
24 votes
3 answers
5k views

How could I have communicated better to my wife that I don't like my toddler's shoes?

I have three toddlers whose shoes I have to put on and take off several times a day. Two of them have shoes that I can put on and take off very easily. The third has shoes I struggle with every day, ...
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  • 342
5 votes
0 answers
647 views

How to explain a group division for a game

I started holding an RPG game with five friends long ago. I'm the host for this activity. Out of these five friends, two proved to disturb the game in some way, but it wasn't an issue then. We ...
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  • 151
16 votes
5 answers
5k views

How to encourage conversations beyond small talk with close friends

I had 2 friends in high school, and we were quite close. Then college life started, and we went to different colleges. One of them went to a college out of state. And so there was no physical contact ...
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4 votes
2 answers
842 views

Dealing with a Colleague who never stops eating

At the moment I am working with one other person in an office. I have no complaints about him, but he eats continually and quite loudly. The problem is he mostly eats bags of snacks and nibbles so it ...
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  • 247
3 votes
2 answers
712 views

How can I get my mom to compromise and not use her total authority?

I am a 19-year-old autistic male that currently works as a Software Engineering apprentice. I live in a small village in the middle of Bavaria. Even though I got officially diagnosed - secretly - as I ...
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2 votes
2 answers
508 views

How do I get to the point of asking questions and getting answers?

No matter what I say or do, I am truly just always asking questions about what I do not understand to people who are capable of helping me understand what I need to know about that topic, and no one ...
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10 votes
1 answer
867 views

How do I stop a person I am not interested in being friends with from contacting me?

There is a middle-aged Scandinavian educated chap (similar age) neighbour who befriended me (I am male too), even though I never wanted be anything more than neighbour or associate at best, but he is ...
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1 vote
1 answer
650 views

Handling Christians' unpleasant feedback on non-Christian Beliefs? [closed]

A question was asked on the Buddhism stack that garnered a well written answer from the Buddhist point of view, comparing Jesus and Buddha to highlight similarities. However, I'm interested in a ...
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3 votes
2 answers
447 views

How to avoid conflict when telling your SO that you are going to start searching for work in another country?

Context I've been in a relationship for the last two years, we are in our late 20's and during the last year we have had some talks about future, we have different views for the next five years, she ...
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  • 219
12 votes
1 answer
968 views

Relative emailed me demanding to know my political views because they disliked my wife's Facebook posts

This morning I received an email from a relative demanding that I state my political viewpoints on a hot-button topic in US politics because his political views are opposite from those that are being ...
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  • 395
32 votes
4 answers
5k views

How can I negotiate following a diet with a reluctant significant other?

I'm 30 and due to being very sedentary, especially with COVID-19, due to being on a medicine that affects hunger, I'm slightly overweight. I'm taking this very seriously as I've never been overweight ...
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  • 4,740
6 votes
1 answer
324 views

Being a people pleaser vs trying to be more likeable same thing? [closed]

Being a people pleaser obviously has negative connotation. Is trying to be more likeable the same thing as people pleasing or is it something that one should strive for? Just trying to figure out if ...
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  • 187
16 votes
4 answers
2k views

SARS-CoV2: When conflict arises over wearing masks, what should I say? [closed]

In Germany, due to the Corona pandemic, the government requires everyone to wear a mask over their mouth and nose in public when within enclosed spaces like supermarkets or public transportation. ...
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  • 269
-2 votes
1 answer
346 views

Can a marriage survive when one side doesn't show due to COVID restrictions? [closed]

Two strong-willed families will assemble in the US Mid-Atlantic region. Except, one entire side will not be there due to unforeseen COVID restrictions and quarantine requirements. Only the groom ...
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18 votes
2 answers
4k views

How do I support a friend on Social Media who contacted me directly about something I don't want to be involved in?

This has to do with the events going on regarding racism and discrimination. A good friend of mine is black. He recently posted something on social media saying "if you say 'all lives matter' ...
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  • 189
6 votes
2 answers
726 views

How do I balance saying no and being liked?

I often find myself in the following situation: a friend from work asks to borrow an object, such as a book or my bike or a piece of jewelry they might have seen me wear or money, to pay for food if ...
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1 vote
2 answers
589 views

How to explain to family that I don't want to keep fixing the same tech problems?

Firstly, I have a very good relationship with my family and there are no issues on that front. However, due to me working in a technical capacity professionally all of the technical questions / issues ...
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  • 113
3 votes
1 answer
603 views

Asking housemate’s partners to contribute toward bills during pandemic?

I share a 5 bedroom house with 4 others. We all get on and they are nice people. As the Coronavirus spread in the UK I was put on furlough (temporary leave paid for by the government, as long as I ...
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  • 131
1 vote
1 answer
428 views

How to deal with my project manager?

I've been a software developper at an IT company for the last 3.5 years now and I've pretty much enjoyed it so far. About 9 months ago, I've asked to work on another project as my former attributions ...
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29 votes
3 answers
9k views

Classmate is being deported - how could I politely offer to buy their furniture?

My classmate is being deported from the U.S. due to visa issues and has no intentions of returning in the coming years - they plan to join a lab at university in their home country. They're really ...
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17 votes
1 answer
1k views

How to respond to challenges about using the women's restroom as a trans woman

I'm a transgender woman, and I'm getting to the point in my transition where I'm starting to use the women's restroom. However, given the recent climate around transgender people using the appropriate ...
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  • 2,829
3 votes
2 answers
865 views

Confronting an Inconsiderate Co-Worker

A little background: I am very conflict averse. I go out of my way to be friendly and accommodating. Recently I was promoted at work, but I am in a different group. I used to be in a technical ...
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  • 2,452
2 votes
0 answers
268 views

Is it acceptable to ask for money to replace a rug that an acquaintance's dog ruined? [closed]

Background: Recently, a young couple moved into our area, and started going to church in our congregation. They first couple months, they struggled to make friends and fit in, so my wife and I ...
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  • 147
5 votes
2 answers
999 views

How to explain I won't attend a theme party?

My female friend had a son recently, and it is a source of great joy for all of us (friends). When her son was three months old, we organized a surprise party for him, and the mom was very happy with ...
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  • 477
2 votes
1 answer
471 views

How to avoid blaming a single person for issues submitting a group assignment?

I have a group assignment that is due soon. We are only allowed one submission per group (and further submissions, even before the deadline, will be penalized). This group assignment is worth a ...
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64 votes
7 answers
13k views

Dealing with unwanted "Joking" physical contact

This isn't really a sexual thing, just something that makes me uncomfortable. So I hate having my hair up or braiding it or doing anything with it in general because I think it looks weird and it's ...
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  • 441
2 votes
0 answers
108 views

How to get friends(s) to confirm for certain if they are attending or not? [duplicate]

I think this is a fairly common situation. When trying to arrange something, some people don't like to commit so they say "maybe". This is a problem, because space may be limited or reservations may ...
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1 vote
2 answers
836 views

How to express frustration that friend left without telling anyone?

I have a problem where I either say nothing or get abrasive when I try to get a person to stop doing something that bothers me. This is why I'm asking here. My friend (Bob) had invited me and another ...
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4 votes
2 answers
658 views

How to discuss the lack of effort in a friendship without causing conflict?

About 3 years ago I moved from Canada to Ireland. While I didn't have many friends in Canada, I have a friend that I've been very close to for over 20 years. In the first 2 years after I moved to ...
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  • 1,975
8 votes
2 answers
1k views

How to deal with a depressed person who thinks people are uniting against her?

Let's call this person Alice. Alice is currently in therapy and taking drugs to treat a long lasting depression. Alice is also quite egocentric i.e. likes to be in everybody's focus and tries to get ...
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