Questions tagged [netherlands]
Questions that have a specific focus on people in the Netherlands or Dutch culture.
71
questions
12
votes
1answer
1k views
Dutch dating etiquette
Since I am Japanese, English may be strange.
Please ask if you do not understand the meaning.
A while ago (in Japan), I met a very nice woman at a bar, for the first time in my life, I took courage ...
56
votes
8answers
13k views
How can I more clearly ask people to accommodate for my autism?
I've got autism. This isn't always clear to people*. Sometimes I need accommodations for a sensory issue to participate in a normal way.
One time, there was a colleague with a strong aftershave, for ...
9
votes
1answer
559 views
What techniques are proven ways to fix an unbalance between levels of benevolence-based trust and integrity-based trust?
In my latest answer, I explained the concepts of benevolence-based trust and integrity-based trust:
Intentions are more important than honesty for building benevolence-based trust.
So, a pro-...
8
votes
2answers
917 views
How to handle the aftermath of a parent leaking information I want to keep private to family?
My parents have a 'bad' habit of disclosing information about any unfinished business of mine, or about other things I like to keep private for reasons, to people ranging from family to vague ...
8
votes
2answers
726 views
How can I talk with these people that I owe money to solve the situation?
Background
First, about me. I've got Asperger's and (social) anxiety. I started my first job after college a bit over a year ago and moved into a nice apartment with a fully furnished kitchen and ...
39
votes
3answers
9k views
How to properly maintain eye contact with people that have distinctive facial features?
Recently, I've been talking to someone that is cross-eyed, and his face has a pretty visible scar as well. These talks are mainly at lunchtime when there's more than 1 person present. Whenever he's ...
12
votes
1answer
2k views
How do I avoid an interaction with an employee at the grocery store escalating to the store manager?
I live in the Netherlands. I am an immigrant of North African descent, and Muslim by faith.
Yesterday I walked into a major grocery store. I was very angry and stressed for other reasons. In this ...
13
votes
2answers
2k views
What to keep in mind when telling an aunt how wrong her actions are, without creating further family conflict?
In a few weeks, my grandparents will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary by having a family dinner. My grandparents made 2 decisions about that dinner:
To only invite their children, their ...
8
votes
3answers
928 views
Contacting a friend when I haven't heard from them in weeks
Background
Online I got some friends who I regularly play games with, these aren't just people on the internet you meet for me. I know a lot of things about them and we've been friends for a long ...
8
votes
4answers
933 views
Proper etiquette for sending food back to the kitchen?
When eating out, a lot can go wrong:
Sometimes you order food and there's this thing you really don't like, and you order a dish without it and it's still there.
Or that thing you really don't like ...
10
votes
1answer
636 views
How to address the disapproval of someones actions when he/she throws litter on the ground
Today I was cycling home from work. I was just cycling past a group of two girls when one of them hit me carelessly when she was throwing her tin can of energy drink on the ground. They said "sorry ...
10
votes
1answer
1k views
How to tell an unknown cyclist I don't want to give them the pace
I commute to work by bike. Being tall and going at a fair speed, I am aware a give a good wake.
Sometimes it happens that some other cyclist, a complete stranger to me, simply stitch behind me and ...
21
votes
3answers
2k views
How to support a coworker with her insecurity, while not going against my own opinions?
I have a new-ish co-worker. Before I landed in this team we already had some contact, we enjoyed having lunches together and often chatted over a cup of coffee. We seem to be developing a friendship, ...
11
votes
4answers
890 views
How to make a proper, harmless April Fools' joke?
From Wikipedia:
April Fools' Day or April Fool's Day (sometimes called All Fools' Day) is an annual celebration commemorated on April 1 by playing practical jokes and spreading hoaxes. The jokes ...
8
votes
3answers
1k views
How to avoid semantic noise during a regular conversation?
Semantic noise refers to using grammar or (technical) language that the person you're talking with cannot (clearly) understand. I keep running into situations where I feel I am ruining a conversation ...
8
votes
1answer
640 views
How can I apologize to coworker while avoiding another lecture?
My colleague Tom has been making me feel bad over a computer game. He's been insulting me and my ability to play this game, both during the game and at work. More info at my previous question: ...
5
votes
1answer
1k views
Colleague making me feel bad over a game
A group of colleagues and I are friends outside of work. We like to go out together. We found out most of us play the same online team-based, player vs player game. We added each other as friends and ...
2
votes
5answers
611 views
How to properly criticize a poor (scientific) work?
My question:
Are there ways to point out errors of somebody's scientific work without sounding harsh or as if I am discrediting that person?
A lot can be found about criticizing well and proper ...
6
votes
4answers
1k views
How to keep an interesting conversation going when there's a dog present at family gatherings?
I try to pay a regular visit my grandparents once a week, and on special occasions like their birthdays. Most of these visits coincide with my aunt, uncle and cousins being there as well. They also ...
13
votes
2answers
617 views
How to persuade a coworker we both need to do our own work?
I recently started on a new team, with a single fellow developer. Under the motto of 'getting her up to speed as quick as possible', my co-worker has spent the past week sitting at my desk (open ...
3
votes
0answers
381 views
Dealing with unintentionally racist/offensive behavior of new country [closed]
I'm American, considering taking a job in the Netherlands. My research into living into the Netherlands has predominantly been great, except for one very worrisome thing. Zwarte Piet. I was looking at ...
15
votes
4answers
3k views
How to communicate with a coworker who repeats meaningless context? [closed]
Background
I work in a technical role in an international environment, and have (and prefer) a very direct communication style. If you want my help, the best way to get it is to simply state your ...
10
votes
2answers
2k views
I have suggested my friend's toddler has down syndrome. How can I explain myself or apologies to her?
Background
We were at a party for a mutual friend and as we were standing in a circle, talking to each other, she started talking about her kids' field trip. I was semi listening, semi listening to ...
2
votes
1answer
839 views
How do I interpret this situation my crush has given me? [closed]
Please reword if necessary
My crush (same one as in one of my other questions) is now a good friend of mine. She certainly does like me as a friend, and I want to remain as her friend but I also have ...
77
votes
5answers
17k views
Offering to share my umbrella without sounding creepy
Yesterday afternoon I (male, late 30) went to the supermarket in my neighborhood to buy something. Since the sky was menacing rain, I took along an umbrella. Lucky me, when I got out from the ...
75
votes
10answers
27k views
Friend keeps making jokes about my ethnicity which are not funny
My parents are from India, but I was born and raised in the Netherlands (which is where I still live). I am in university and a friend keeps making jokes about the fact that I am of Indian descent. ...
9
votes
5answers
814 views
How to set and enforce a divergent personal boundary for a single problematic person in an online group of people?
Background
I have been playing an online mobile phone game for about 3 years now. The game is about building a castle, an army, and you go and attack either other players or computer generated ...
93
votes
17answers
23k views
How to handle people blocking your view and breaking the rules at the theater by not sitting in their assigned seats?
A while ago, my parents/brothers and I went to visit a theatre performance (in The Netherlands, where we live). We booked really nice first class tickets with empty seats in front of us. We booked ...
9
votes
3answers
2k views
How can I ask a stranger who I'd be living with if he believes in weird things?
I'm a master student (20+) that for the last 6 months has been renting a room in an older woman's (50+) house, that is we're living in the same house (just two of us). Unfortunately, I didn't have a ...
10
votes
2answers
1k views
How can I talk with my friend about her burn out problems when I disagree with some things she says?
I have a friend, Jane, mid-twenties, who is going to get married to Joe, mid-thirties.
Joe has a good job, owns a house and generally has things 'in order'.
Jane had several (short, low paying) jobs ...
52
votes
6answers
11k views
How can I handle a co-worker awkwardly forcing herself into conversations?
Background:
I've recently started working on a new project, in a team of around 10 people. I'm the only female on that team, but the guys are awesome and it's a great, fun group of people to work ...
111
votes
15answers
24k views
How can I handle my father challenging everything I say?
I live with my parents. My father likes to challenge nearly everything I say, up to the point of ridiculousness. I can prove many of the things he challenges but not immediately. In most cases his ...
35
votes
5answers
12k views
How to imply that the gift is meant for the two of us
The birthday of a friend is coming up. A month after that, there is a concert we both would like to see. So giving those concert tickets would be a great gift.
If I just gift her two tickets, she ...
124
votes
8answers
29k views
Requesting someone to give up their seat to me on public transport if I have an invisible disability?
I have an invisible disability. I do not really want to disclose what it is, but I have trouble standing up on public transport for longer than a few minutes. I would like to sit down. Now, the bus/...
8
votes
4answers
1k views
How to deal with clingy mother pushing me to use social media?
I'm 20 and moved to Germany two years ago, moving out with 18 is rather uncommon in my country (Netherlands). About one year ago my mother became more and more clingy (my assumption is that she didn't ...
2
votes
5answers
623 views
How to find out whether I should stop and chat with the person that salutes me on the street? [closed]
I have just moved into a new country (Netherlands) where things are a little bit different than my home country. Now, I happen to get to meet a couple of people at my time here and naturally I bump ...
5
votes
2answers
1k views
How can I tell my parents I want to drop out of college?
Background
I am a 24 year old living with my parents. I'll soon be 25. I study at a local university/college. Lately (the past few years) it has not been going well. I am considering dropping out, ...
66
votes
8answers
14k views
How can I suggest to someone that he may potentially be colourblind?
My colleague recently had a disagreement with a client about the colour of two items. The client claimed both items were the same colour, while to my colleague one was red and one was green. I can ...
21
votes
9answers
5k views
Offering to ride along with women when it's dark
When growing up my brother and I where taught that, when it's night, you should offer girls/women to ride along when you are on bike or on foot to prevent unsafe situations. This wasn't saying that ...
26
votes
8answers
15k views
How do I politely ask my friend for a refund on unused rent?
TL;DR: I need ask for a refund without ruining a friendship.
I needed to move out of my student apartment since I am not a student anymore. I did not want to move back in with my parents. My friend ...
33
votes
6answers
9k views
How can I stop acquaintances from reposting my photos on social media without credit to me?
Background
I'm a amateur photographer, often volunteering at events. I befriend other volunteers and visitors to these events on Facebook. I would often take pictures of everyone, the volunteers, ...
19
votes
6answers
5k views
How to non-verbally communicate that I am listening?
I recently got some feedback that people have the impression that when they talk to me, I am not listening.
Usually, when starting a conversation with people, I acknowledge them with something like '...
23
votes
8answers
10k views
How can I best let my once-close friend know that I think our friendship is over--if at all? [closed]
My once-closest friend and I have seriously drifted apart. It's come as far as that I do not want to invest any more energy in the friendship and I'd prefer it to just quietly end.
I am unsure, ...
9
votes
2answers
2k views
How can I help my father understand our dog's needs?
Our family dog is a very cheerful border collie. She's great with people, kids too, but not with other dogs. She is scared of them. We got her when she was a year old and she never learned to walk on ...
37
votes
15answers
6k views
How to find out how my father would like us to decide for him with regard to medical treatment?
So, this weekend my mom and dad both signed some official paperwork, which my dad handed to me with a 'read it carefully please'. The paperwork gives me and my brothers the power to make decisions for ...
80
votes
15answers
22k views
How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date?
I have had some issues that have convinced me that I will never try and have/raise kids (either my own or those of someone else).
This, however, leads to some serious problems when dating/having a ...
35
votes
9answers
17k views
How to tell someone they're not welcome at an event you organise
So I am taking part in organising an event for around 100 people. This is a leisure event. It is not work-related. These are events that take place three times a year, lasting from Friday to Sunday.
...
44
votes
16answers
13k views
Is it socially acceptable to dismiss a compliment? [closed]
Sometimes I get compliments like: "good job on making that website" or that I look nice or something. I often say that much more people look better or I could have done the site better, or even saying ...
46
votes
12answers
13k views
How can I try to have my mom help me understand why she won't accept a sincere apology?
Background:
About 8 years ago, we started having some serious trouble with a couple of neighbors (which slowly escalated to call-the-cops and get-a-lawyer kind of trouble). There was some property ...
54
votes
9answers
13k views
How can I express my concerns about my underage brother drinking alcoholic beverages to him without sounding like I'm his mom?
So, recently my youngest brother (he's 16, I'm 26) had a party of a classmate. Mom and dad did allow him to go, and he did just fine. He lived by the rules, he sent a message when he arrived safely ...
