Questions tagged [netherlands]

Questions that have a specific focus on people in the Netherlands or Dutch culture.

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2 votes
3 answers
385 views

How to make clear to foreign neighbors that I can't help them?

My downstairs neighbors who don't speak Dutch or English, have water damage. They have a moist, smelly, moldy wall for over half a year now. They think the leakage comes from my place. But I had a ...
8 votes
3 answers
1k views

How to let people face the consequences of their own actions, and at the same time avoid a negative reaction?

My parents are both great at this: I do something stupid and they can make me realize whatever follows is simply a consequence of my own stupidity. Their approach made me take responsibility for the ...
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5 votes
4 answers
554 views

How to provide feedback when my mother tries new recipes, in a way that doesn't upset her but still allows for honesty?

This has been a thing since I was a kid, but I experienced it again tonight. My mother has always done the cooking at home, it's also something she won't give up. She's the kind of person that would ...
  • 33.7k
3 votes
2 answers
765 views

How to decline after-work meeting requests from my manager, after setting a precedent of accepting them if pushed long enough to do so?

I am working for a client, fulltime, on another company's behalf. I have a manager on the company side that's fond of organizing 'extra-curricular' activities: Meetings organized outside of work hours ...
  • 33.7k
2 votes
2 answers
605 views

How to effectively counteract a rhetorical technique where a position around a complex issue is summarized in one word?

I've recently listened to an interesting Dutch podcast. The podcast talked about framing, and specifically about how people sometimes frame things by using a tactic that uses single words or images to ...
  • 33.7k
18 votes
3 answers
8k views

How can I better handle 'bad-news' talks about family members I don't care about?

There are a few people in my life that I can't avoid because they're family, but that I do not care about at all. Yet, from time to time a parent or grandparent will start sharing things about these ...
  • 33.7k
3 votes
2 answers
1k views

How can I help a hoarder friend while I worry about the health of her cats I need to feed?

One of my best friends, "Anne", has mental health problems for a long time. She's very closed off, just like me, and never responded much to my offers of help. I still tried to help her any ...
  • 39
2 votes
1 answer
537 views

What if I could prevent a conversation from turning into pure guesswork?

I've had some serious stuff to handle over the last month or so. And it sadly wasn't the stuff you could keep easily quiet. To make things worse, the main actor that created this mess has apparently a ...
  • 33.7k
5 votes
3 answers
830 views

How to calm a panicking grandmother over the phone?

My grandfather is having health issues. Last week, he was complaining about being tired, sleeping a lot and acting confused (can't find his way to the bathroom, that kind of stuff). He had a very ...
  • 33.7k
8 votes
4 answers
1k views

How to gently turn down digital small-talk and prevent any new attempts at having it?

The corona virus has everybody working from home. And it seems all of management is recommending to 'stay in contact', to talk with each other digitally. Which may be fun, when it's actually planned ...
  • 33.7k
4 votes
1 answer
352 views

How to resolve a conflict with a noisy neighbor and a passive landlord?

(This is mostly a copy of a question I asked over at Law.SE. I'm reposting it here following the advice of a commenter to look for solutions with a more interpersonal appraoch.) I have a friend who ...
  • 141
34 votes
6 answers
13k views

How can I have a conversation with my fiancé about a subject he doesn't want to talk about?

My fiancé has a bit of a troubled history. I knew that when we got together. He has some mental issues, which I attributed to years of being bullied. Only recently I managed to figure out the main ...
  • 8,010
12 votes
1 answer
2k views

How could I have better handled telling this minority woman I liked her cultural hairstyle?

Background This happened in Netherlands. I have some mixed ancestry. I mostly look like a Dutch person, except for my curly bush of hair and my olive skin. In school I got bullied a lot because of my ...
  • 8,010
8 votes
2 answers
2k views

What to say to someone going to a funeral they are looking forward to?

When a family member or friend is going to a funeral for someone they deeply hated (and have practically been celebrating their death), what do you say to sign off a conversation on the topic? Have ...
  • 716
18 votes
3 answers
7k views

For how long after New Year's Day is it appropriate to wish people all the best for the new year?

Today is my first day back at the office after a two-week vacation, and so there's a lot of handshakes and well-wishing ('happy new year', 'best wishes') going on. Which raised a fun discussion ...
  • 33.7k
7 votes
3 answers
631 views

How to request people to help me speak a language without imposing it on them?

I'm an Indian student who recently moved to the Netherlands to study. I'm intending on it becoming my permanent home at some point. While I was in India (and when I briefly moved to the US with my dad)...
8 votes
2 answers
660 views

How to encourage a great-aunt with dementia to talk about her past instead of reiterating the same story?

This Christmas, we're going to not only have my grandparents, but also two siblings of my grandmother join our family for dinner. The great-uncle is often fine, he's still very active, has plenty of ...
  • 33.7k
11 votes
1 answer
2k views

Dutch dating etiquette

Since I am Japanese, English may be strange. Please ask if you do not understand the meaning. A while ago (in Japan), I met a very nice woman at a bar, for the first time in my life, I took courage ...
  • 111
57 votes
8 answers
14k views

How can I more clearly ask people to accommodate for my autism?

I've got autism. This isn't always clear to people*. Sometimes I need accommodations for a sensory issue to participate in a normal way. One time, there was a colleague with a strong aftershave, for ...
  • 8,010
12 votes
2 answers
943 views

What techniques are proven ways to fix an unbalance between levels of benevolence-based trust and integrity-based trust?

In my latest answer, I explained the concepts of benevolence-based trust and integrity-based trust: Intentions are more important than honesty for building benevolence-based trust. So, a pro-social ...
  • 33.7k
8 votes
2 answers
1k views

How to handle the aftermath of a parent leaking information I want to keep private to family?

My parents have a 'bad' habit of disclosing information about any unfinished business of mine, or about other things I like to keep private for reasons, to people ranging from family to vague ...
  • 33.7k
8 votes
2 answers
847 views

How can I talk with these people that I owe money to solve the situation?

Background First, about me. I've got Asperger's and (social) anxiety. I started my first job after college a bit over a year ago and moved into a nice apartment with a fully furnished kitchen and ...
  • 8,010
39 votes
3 answers
9k views

How to properly maintain eye contact with people that have distinctive facial features?

Recently, I've been talking to someone that is cross-eyed, and his face has a pretty visible scar as well. These talks are mainly at lunchtime when there's more than 1 person present. Whenever he's ...
  • 33.7k
12 votes
1 answer
2k views

How do I avoid an interaction with an employee at the grocery store escalating to the store manager?

I live in the Netherlands. I am an immigrant of North African descent, and Muslim by faith. Yesterday I walked into a major grocery store. I was very angry and stressed for other reasons. In this ...
  • 253
13 votes
2 answers
3k views

What to keep in mind when telling an aunt how wrong her actions are, without creating further family conflict?

In a few weeks, my grandparents will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary by having a family dinner. My grandparents made 2 decisions about that dinner: To only invite their children, their ...
  • 33.7k
8 votes
3 answers
2k views

Contacting a friend when I haven't heard from them in weeks

Background Online I got some friends who I regularly play games with, these aren't just people on the internet you meet for me. I know a lot of things about them and we've been friends for a long time....
  • 1,146
8 votes
4 answers
1k views

Proper etiquette for sending food back to the kitchen?

When eating out, a lot can go wrong: Sometimes you order food and there's this thing you really don't like, and you order a dish without it and it's still there. Or that thing you really don't like ...
  • 33.7k
10 votes
1 answer
684 views

How to address the disapproval of someones actions when he/she throws litter on the ground

Today I was cycling home from work. I was just cycling past a group of two girls when one of them hit me carelessly when she was throwing her tin can of energy drink on the ground. They said "sorry ...
10 votes
1 answer
1k views

How to tell an unknown cyclist I don't want to give them the pace

I commute to work by bike. Being tall and going at a fair speed, I am aware a give a good wake. Sometimes it happens that some other cyclist, a complete stranger to me, simply stitch behind me and ...
  • 101
21 votes
3 answers
2k views

How to support a coworker with her insecurity, while not going against my own opinions?

I have a new-ish co-worker. Before I landed in this team we already had some contact, we enjoyed having lunches together and often chatted over a cup of coffee. We seem to be developing a friendship, ...
  • 33.7k
11 votes
4 answers
954 views

How to make a proper, harmless April Fools' joke?

From Wikipedia: April Fools' Day or April Fool's Day (sometimes called All Fools' Day) is an annual celebration commemorated on April 1 by playing practical jokes and spreading hoaxes. The jokes ...
  • 33.7k
8 votes
3 answers
3k views

How to avoid semantic noise during a regular conversation?

Semantic noise refers to using grammar or (technical) language that the person you're talking with cannot (clearly) understand. I keep running into situations where I feel I am ruining a conversation ...
  • 33.7k
8 votes
1 answer
820 views

How can I apologize to coworker while avoiding another lecture?

My colleague Tom has been making me feel bad over a computer game. He's been insulting me and my ability to play this game, both during the game and at work. More info at my previous question: ...
  • 8,010
5 votes
1 answer
1k views

Colleague making me feel bad over a game

A group of colleagues and I are friends outside of work. We like to go out together. We found out most of us play the same online team-based, player vs player game. We added each other as friends and ...
  • 8,010
2 votes
5 answers
654 views

How to properly criticize a poor (scientific) work?

My question: Are there ways to point out errors of somebody's scientific work without sounding harsh or as if I am discrediting that person? A lot can be found about criticizing well and proper ...
  • 131
5 votes
4 answers
2k views

How to keep an interesting conversation going when there's a dog present at family gatherings?

I try to pay a regular visit my grandparents once a week, and on special occasions like their birthdays. Most of these visits coincide with my aunt, uncle and cousins being there as well. They also ...
  • 33.7k
14 votes
2 answers
715 views

How to persuade a coworker we both need to do our own work?

I recently started on a new team, with a single fellow developer. Under the motto of 'getting her up to speed as quick as possible', my co-worker has spent the past week sitting at my desk (open ...
  • 33.7k
3 votes
0 answers
407 views

Dealing with unintentionally racist/offensive behavior of new country [closed]

I'm American, considering taking a job in the Netherlands. My research into living into the Netherlands has predominantly been great, except for one very worrisome thing. Zwarte Piet. I was looking at ...
  • 41
15 votes
4 answers
3k views

How to communicate with a coworker who repeats meaningless context? [closed]

Background I work in a technical role in an international environment, and have (and prefer) a very direct communication style. If you want my help, the best way to get it is to simply state your ...
10 votes
2 answers
2k views

I have suggested my friend's toddler has down syndrome. How can I explain myself or apologies to her?

Background We were at a party for a mutual friend and as we were standing in a circle, talking to each other, she started talking about her kids' field trip. I was semi listening, semi listening to ...
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2 votes
1 answer
904 views

How do I interpret this situation my crush has given me? [closed]

Please reword if necessary My crush (same one as in one of my other questions) is now a good friend of mine. She certainly does like me as a friend, and I want to remain as her friend but I also have ...
  • 1,146
77 votes
5 answers
18k views

Offering to share my umbrella without sounding creepy

Yesterday afternoon I (male, late 30) went to the supermarket in my neighborhood to buy something. Since the sky was menacing rain, I took along an umbrella. Lucky me, when I got out from the ...
76 votes
10 answers
28k views

Friend keeps making jokes about my ethnicity which are not funny

My parents are from India, but I was born and raised in the Netherlands (which is where I still live). I am in university and a friend keeps making jokes about the fact that I am of Indian descent. ...
  • 711
9 votes
5 answers
957 views

How to set and enforce a divergent personal boundary for a single problematic person in an online group of people?

Background I have been playing an online mobile phone game for about 3 years now. The game is about building a castle, an army, and you go and attack either other players or computer generated targets....
  • 33.7k
93 votes
17 answers
24k views

How to handle people blocking your view and breaking the rules at the theater by not sitting in their assigned seats?

A while ago, my parents/brothers and I went to visit a theatre performance (in The Netherlands, where we live). We booked really nice first class tickets with empty seats in front of us. We booked ...
  • 33.7k
10 votes
3 answers
2k views

How can I ask a stranger who I'd be living with if he believes in weird things?

I'm a master student (20+) that for the last 6 months has been renting a room in an older woman's (50+) house, that is we're living in the same house (just two of us). Unfortunately, I didn't have a ...
  • 594
10 votes
2 answers
2k views

How can I talk with my friend about her burn out problems when I disagree with some things she says?

I have a friend, Jane, mid-twenties, who is going to get married to Joe, mid-thirties. Joe has a good job, owns a house and generally has things 'in order'. Jane had several (short, low paying) jobs ...
  • 278
53 votes
6 answers
13k views

How can I handle a co-worker awkwardly forcing herself into conversations?

Background: I've recently started working on a new project, in a team of around 10 people. I'm the only female on that team, but the guys are awesome and it's a great, fun group of people to work with....
  • 33.7k
110 votes
15 answers
41k views

How can I handle my father challenging everything I say?

I live with my parents. My father likes to challenge nearly everything I say, up to the point of ridiculousness. I can prove many of the things he challenges but not immediately. In most cases his ...
  • 8,010
35 votes
5 answers
12k views

How to imply that the gift is meant for the two of us

The birthday of a friend is coming up. A month after that, there is a concert we both would like to see. So giving those concert tickets would be a great gift. If I just gift her two tickets, she ...