Questions tagged [netherlands]

Questions that have a specific focus on people in the Netherlands or Dutch culture.

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34
votes
6answers
12k views

How can I have a conversation with my fiancé about a subject he doesn't want to talk about?

My fiancé has a bit of a troubled history. I knew that when we got together. He has some mental issues, which I attributed to years of being bullied. Only recently I managed to figure out the main ...
9
votes
2answers
581 views

How to encourage a great-aunt with dementia to talk about her past instead of reiterating the same story?

This Christmas, we're going to not only have my grandparents, but also two siblings of my grandmother join our family for dinner. The great-uncle is often fine, he's still very active, has plenty of ...
12
votes
1answer
2k views

How could I have better handled telling this minority woman I liked her cultural hairstyle?

Background This happened in Netherlands. I have some mixed ancestry. I mostly look like a Dutch person, except for my curly bush of hair and my olive skin. In school I got bullied a lot because of my ...
6
votes
3answers
554 views

How to request people to help me speak a language without imposing it on them?

I'm an Indian student who recently moved to the Netherlands to study. I'm intending on it becoming my permanent home at some point. While I was in India (and when I briefly moved to the US with my dad)...
6
votes
0answers
871 views

What to say to someone going to a funeral they are looking forward to?

When a family member or friend is going to a funeral for someone they deeply hated (and have practically been celebrating their death), what do you say to sign off a conversation on the topic? Have ...
18
votes
3answers
6k views

For how long after New Year's Day is it appropriate to wish people all the best for the new year?

Today is my first day back at the office after a two-week vacation, and so there's a lot of handshakes and well-wishing ('happy new year', 'best wishes') going on. Which raised a fun discussion ...
94
votes
17answers
23k views

How to handle people blocking your view and breaking the rules at the theater by not sitting in their assigned seats?

A while ago, my parents/brothers and I went to visit a theatre performance (in The Netherlands, where we live). We booked really nice first class tickets with empty seats in front of us. We booked ...
9
votes
4answers
6k views

How to tell people they should feel free to drop by, without necessarily inviting them?

Often I'd like to tell people to feel free to drop by, for instance for a birthday, without wanting them to feel obliged to do so. Especially my mother interprets any hint that she and my father ...
77
votes
5answers
17k views

Offering to share my umbrella without sounding creepy

Yesterday afternoon I (male, late 30) went to the supermarket in my neighborhood to buy something. Since the sky was menacing rain, I took along an umbrella. Lucky me, when I got out from the ...
12
votes
1answer
1k views

Dutch dating etiquette

Since I am Japanese, English may be strange. Please ask if you do not understand the meaning. A while ago (in Japan), I met a very nice woman at a bar, for the first time in my life, I took courage ...
56
votes
8answers
13k views

How can I more clearly ask people to accommodate for my autism?

I've got autism. This isn't always clear to people*. Sometimes I need accommodations for a sensory issue to participate in a normal way. One time, there was a colleague with a strong aftershave, for ...
9
votes
1answer
575 views

What techniques are proven ways to fix an unbalance between levels of benevolence-based trust and integrity-based trust?

In my latest answer, I explained the concepts of benevolence-based trust and integrity-based trust: Intentions are more important than honesty for building benevolence-based trust. So, a pro-...
14
votes
4answers
1k views

Appropriate reactions to people who recently lost their pet?

I've only had this happen twice, but this morning my mom will be going to the vet to have my brother's pet rabbit put to death, because it is ill. For me, a pet is just a pet, and nothing more. It is ...
35
votes
5answers
12k views

How to imply that the gift is meant for the two of us

The birthday of a friend is coming up. A month after that, there is a concert we both would like to see. So giving those concert tickets would be a great gift. If I just gift her two tickets, she ...
8
votes
3answers
934 views

Contacting a friend when I haven't heard from them in weeks

Background Online I got some friends who I regularly play games with, these aren't just people on the internet you meet for me. I know a lot of things about them and we've been friends for a long ...
8
votes
2answers
938 views

How to handle the aftermath of a parent leaking information I want to keep private to family?

My parents have a 'bad' habit of disclosing information about any unfinished business of mine, or about other things I like to keep private for reasons, to people ranging from family to vague ...
46
votes
12answers
13k views

How can I try to have my mom help me understand why she won't accept a sincere apology?

Background: About 8 years ago, we started having some serious trouble with a couple of neighbors (which slowly escalated to call-the-cops and get-a-lawyer kind of trouble). There was some property ...
8
votes
2answers
747 views

How can I talk with these people that I owe money to solve the situation?

Background First, about me. I've got Asperger's and (social) anxiety. I started my first job after college a bit over a year ago and moved into a nice apartment with a fully furnished kitchen and ...
8
votes
3answers
1k views

How to avoid semantic noise during a regular conversation?

Semantic noise refers to using grammar or (technical) language that the person you're talking with cannot (clearly) understand. I keep running into situations where I feel I am ruining a conversation ...
10
votes
1answer
1k views

How to tell an unknown cyclist I don't want to give them the pace

I commute to work by bike. Being tall and going at a fair speed, I am aware a give a good wake. Sometimes it happens that some other cyclist, a complete stranger to me, simply stitch behind me and ...
21
votes
3answers
2k views

How to support a coworker with her insecurity, while not going against my own opinions?

I have a new-ish co-worker. Before I landed in this team we already had some contact, we enjoyed having lunches together and often chatted over a cup of coffee. We seem to be developing a friendship, ...
39
votes
3answers
9k views

How to properly maintain eye contact with people that have distinctive facial features?

Recently, I've been talking to someone that is cross-eyed, and his face has a pretty visible scar as well. These talks are mainly at lunchtime when there's more than 1 person present. Whenever he's ...
12
votes
1answer
2k views

How do I avoid an interaction with an employee at the grocery store escalating to the store manager?

I live in the Netherlands. I am an immigrant of North African descent, and Muslim by faith. Yesterday I walked into a major grocery store. I was very angry and stressed for other reasons. In this ...
13
votes
2answers
2k views

What to keep in mind when telling an aunt how wrong her actions are, without creating further family conflict?

In a few weeks, my grandparents will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary by having a family dinner. My grandparents made 2 decisions about that dinner: To only invite their children, their ...
8
votes
4answers
999 views

Proper etiquette for sending food back to the kitchen?

When eating out, a lot can go wrong: Sometimes you order food and there's this thing you really don't like, and you order a dish without it and it's still there. Or that thing you really don't like ...
10
votes
1answer
641 views

How to address the disapproval of someones actions when he/she throws litter on the ground

Today I was cycling home from work. I was just cycling past a group of two girls when one of them hit me carelessly when she was throwing her tin can of energy drink on the ground. They said "sorry ...
42
votes
9answers
6k views

Appropriate ways to dismiss street vendors?

In the Netherlands, it seems to be quite common lately to hire some students, put them on a busy main street or outside a supermarket, and have them target every passerby by asking 'Can I ask you ...
11
votes
4answers
900 views

How to make a proper, harmless April Fools' joke?

From Wikipedia: April Fools' Day or April Fool's Day (sometimes called All Fools' Day) is an annual celebration commemorated on April 1 by playing practical jokes and spreading hoaxes. The jokes ...
20
votes
3answers
6k views

How can we ask neighbours to be more quiet without escalating?

We are living in an apartment, so obviously there are a lot of 'living' noises surrounding us. Even though we don't mind the regular noises (someone listening to his music a little louder, someone ...
8
votes
1answer
679 views

How can I apologize to coworker while avoiding another lecture?

My colleague Tom has been making me feel bad over a computer game. He's been insulting me and my ability to play this game, both during the game and at work. More info at my previous question: ...
5
votes
1answer
1k views

Colleague making me feel bad over a game

A group of colleagues and I are friends outside of work. We like to go out together. We found out most of us play the same online team-based, player vs player game. We added each other as friends and ...
2
votes
5answers
612 views

How to properly criticize a poor (scientific) work?

My question: Are there ways to point out errors of somebody's scientific work without sounding harsh or as if I am discrediting that person? A lot can be found about criticizing well and proper ...
6
votes
4answers
1k views

How to keep an interesting conversation going when there's a dog present at family gatherings?

I try to pay a regular visit my grandparents once a week, and on special occasions like their birthdays. Most of these visits coincide with my aunt, uncle and cousins being there as well. They also ...
34
votes
6answers
9k views

How to open up to someone about loving them, when you don't know if they love you back?

I feel attracted to someone. I did have a relationship with her before (we were little children at that time, 5-7 years old), but we couldn't continue because of age and distance. We are both ...
124
votes
8answers
29k views

Requesting someone to give up their seat to me on public transport if I have an invisible disability?

I have an invisible disability. I do not really want to disclose what it is, but I have trouble standing up on public transport for longer than a few minutes. I would like to sit down. Now, the bus/...
20
votes
1answer
1k views

How can I follow up if a polite request to follow the rules has been declined?

How should I follow up if a polite request to adhere to the rules is ignored or declined? An Example Dutch trains have special silent compartments (Dutch: stiltecoupé), where people are supposed to ...
133
votes
18answers
38k views

How can I stop enabling my brothers without my mom exploding?

My parents are away from home for little private holidays on a quite regular basis (once every 2/3 months), where they leave me home alone with my 2 brothers for 2-5 days. I'm a 26-year-old female, my ...
14
votes
2answers
655 views

How to persuade a coworker we both need to do our own work?

I recently started on a new team, with a single fellow developer. Under the motto of 'getting her up to speed as quick as possible', my co-worker has spent the past week sitting at my desk (open ...
34
votes
6answers
9k views

How can I stop acquaintances from reposting my photos on social media without credit to me?

Background I'm a amateur photographer, often volunteering at events. I befriend other volunteers and visitors to these events on Facebook. I would often take pictures of everyone, the volunteers, ...
3
votes
0answers
383 views

Dealing with unintentionally racist/offensive behavior of new country [closed]

I'm American, considering taking a job in the Netherlands. My research into living into the Netherlands has predominantly been great, except for one very worrisome thing. Zwarte Piet. I was looking at ...
10
votes
2answers
2k views

I have suggested my friend's toddler has down syndrome. How can I explain myself or apologies to her?

Background We were at a party for a mutual friend and as we were standing in a circle, talking to each other, she started talking about her kids' field trip. I was semi listening, semi listening to ...
15
votes
4answers
3k views

How to communicate with a coworker who repeats meaningless context? [closed]

Background I work in a technical role in an international environment, and have (and prefer) a very direct communication style. If you want my help, the best way to get it is to simply state your ...
19
votes
6answers
5k views

How to non-verbally communicate that I am listening?

I recently got some feedback that people have the impression that when they talk to me, I am not listening. Usually, when starting a conversation with people, I acknowledge them with something like '...
52
votes
6answers
11k views

How can I handle a co-worker awkwardly forcing herself into conversations?

Background: I've recently started working on a new project, in a team of around 10 people. I'm the only female on that team, but the guys are awesome and it's a great, fun group of people to work ...
2
votes
1answer
848 views

How do I interpret this situation my crush has given me? [closed]

Please reword if necessary My crush (same one as in one of my other questions) is now a good friend of mine. She certainly does like me as a friend, and I want to remain as her friend but I also have ...
40
votes
9answers
8k views

How to join in when people are gossiping?

I have been struggling with this for quite a while now. Sometimes, I have to interact with people whom I did not choose as friends (read: family and neighbors). After the last event (a neighborhood ...
75
votes
10answers
27k views

Friend keeps making jokes about my ethnicity which are not funny

My parents are from India, but I was born and raised in the Netherlands (which is where I still live). I am in university and a friend keeps making jokes about the fact that I am of Indian descent. ...
9
votes
5answers
827 views

How to set and enforce a divergent personal boundary for a single problematic person in an online group of people?

Background I have been playing an online mobile phone game for about 3 years now. The game is about building a castle, an army, and you go and attack either other players or computer generated ...
10
votes
2answers
2k views

How can I talk with my friend about her burn out problems when I disagree with some things she says?

I have a friend, Jane, mid-twenties, who is going to get married to Joe, mid-thirties. Joe has a good job, owns a house and generally has things 'in order'. Jane had several (short, low paying) jobs ...
9
votes
3answers
2k views

How can I ask a stranger who I'd be living with if he believes in weird things?

I'm a master student (20+) that for the last 6 months has been renting a room in an older woman's (50+) house, that is we're living in the same house (just two of us). Unfortunately, I didn't have a ...