Questions tagged [netherlands]

Questions that have a specific focus on people in the Netherlands or Dutch culture.

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133
votes
18answers
38k views

How can I stop enabling my brothers without my mom exploding?

My parents are away from home for little private holidays on a quite regular basis (once every 2/3 months), where they leave me home alone with my 2 brothers for 2-5 days. I'm a 26-year-old female, my ...
124
votes
8answers
29k views

Requesting someone to give up their seat to me on public transport if I have an invisible disability?

I have an invisible disability. I do not really want to disclose what it is, but I have trouble standing up on public transport for longer than a few minutes. I would like to sit down. Now, the bus/...
111
votes
15answers
25k views

How can I handle my father challenging everything I say?

I live with my parents. My father likes to challenge nearly everything I say, up to the point of ridiculousness. I can prove many of the things he challenges but not immediately. In most cases his ...
94
votes
17answers
23k views

How to handle people blocking your view and breaking the rules at the theater by not sitting in their assigned seats?

A while ago, my parents/brothers and I went to visit a theatre performance (in The Netherlands, where we live). We booked really nice first class tickets with empty seats in front of us. We booked ...
86
votes
8answers
23k views

Dealing with somebody who's ignoring my very existence

Background I have a group of friends, and we've known each other for about 7 years now. We once all were colleagues. One of these friends, Alice, has an autism spectrum disorder. This friend got ...
80
votes
15answers
22k views

How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date?

I have had some issues that have convinced me that I will never try and have/raise kids (either my own or those of someone else). This, however, leads to some serious problems when dating/having a ...
77
votes
5answers
17k views

Offering to share my umbrella without sounding creepy

Yesterday afternoon I (male, late 30) went to the supermarket in my neighborhood to buy something. Since the sky was menacing rain, I took along an umbrella. Lucky me, when I got out from the ...
75
votes
10answers
27k views

Friend keeps making jokes about my ethnicity which are not funny

My parents are from India, but I was born and raised in the Netherlands (which is where I still live). I am in university and a friend keeps making jokes about the fact that I am of Indian descent. ...
75
votes
9answers
16k views

How to redirect a real-life help vampire to an alternate source of food… um… assistance?

I've recently had some troubles with a help-vampire in the office. She's about my age (late twenties), from India and she doesn't speak Dutch. She works in the same office as me, but not on the same ...
66
votes
8answers
14k views

How can I suggest to someone that he may potentially be colourblind?

My colleague recently had a disagreement with a client about the colour of two items. The client claimed both items were the same colour, while to my colleague one was red and one was green. I can ...
64
votes
9answers
14k views

How to deal with a dangerous, developmentally disabled person I can not avoid?

On my way to work, I cannot help but encountering a developmentally disabled person who harasses me and other women. How can I deal with him? Background I have been taking the same train to work ...
59
votes
5answers
19k views

Which pitfalls should I watch out for when meeting my half-brother who hasn't been aware of my existence for 25 years?

I've been adopted at early age and have no recollection of my biological parents. My adoptive parents have told me at a young age that I was adopted. Because this fact became integrated into my life ...
56
votes
8answers
14k views

How can I more clearly ask people to accommodate for my autism?

I've got autism. This isn't always clear to people*. Sometimes I need accommodations for a sensory issue to participate in a normal way. One time, there was a colleague with a strong aftershave, for ...
54
votes
9answers
13k views

How can I express my concerns about my underage brother drinking alcoholic beverages to him without sounding like I'm his mom?

So, recently my youngest brother (he's 16, I'm 26) had a party of a classmate. Mom and dad did allow him to go, and he did just fine. He lived by the rules, he sent a message when he arrived safely ...
52
votes
6answers
11k views

How can I handle a co-worker awkwardly forcing herself into conversations?

Background: I've recently started working on a new project, in a team of around 10 people. I'm the only female on that team, but the guys are awesome and it's a great, fun group of people to work ...
46
votes
12answers
13k views

How can I try to have my mom help me understand why she won't accept a sincere apology?

Background: About 8 years ago, we started having some serious trouble with a couple of neighbors (which slowly escalated to call-the-cops and get-a-lawyer kind of trouble). There was some property ...
44
votes
16answers
13k views

Is it socially acceptable to dismiss a compliment? [closed]

Sometimes I get compliments like: "good job on making that website" or that I look nice or something. I often say that much more people look better or I could have done the site better, or even saying ...
42
votes
9answers
6k views

Appropriate ways to dismiss street vendors?

In the Netherlands, it seems to be quite common lately to hire some students, put them on a busy main street or outside a supermarket, and have them target every passerby by asking 'Can I ask you ...
40
votes
9answers
8k views

How to join in when people are gossiping?

I have been struggling with this for quite a while now. Sometimes, I have to interact with people whom I did not choose as friends (read: family and neighbors). After the last event (a neighborhood ...
39
votes
3answers
9k views

How to properly maintain eye contact with people that have distinctive facial features?

Recently, I've been talking to someone that is cross-eyed, and his face has a pretty visible scar as well. These talks are mainly at lunchtime when there's more than 1 person present. Whenever he's ...
37
votes
15answers
6k views

How to find out how my father would like us to decide for him with regard to medical treatment?

So, this weekend my mom and dad both signed some official paperwork, which my dad handed to me with a 'read it carefully please'. The paperwork gives me and my brothers the power to make decisions for ...
35
votes
5answers
12k views

How to imply that the gift is meant for the two of us

The birthday of a friend is coming up. A month after that, there is a concert we both would like to see. So giving those concert tickets would be a great gift. If I just gift her two tickets, she ...
35
votes
9answers
17k views

How to tell someone they're not welcome at an event you organise

So I am taking part in organising an event for around 100 people. This is a leisure event. It is not work-related. These are events that take place three times a year, lasting from Friday to Sunday. ...
34
votes
6answers
9k views

How can I stop acquaintances from reposting my photos on social media without credit to me?

Background I'm a amateur photographer, often volunteering at events. I befriend other volunteers and visitors to these events on Facebook. I would often take pictures of everyone, the volunteers, ...
34
votes
6answers
13k views

How can I have a conversation with my fiancé about a subject he doesn't want to talk about?

My fiancé has a bit of a troubled history. I knew that when we got together. He has some mental issues, which I attributed to years of being bullied. Only recently I managed to figure out the main ...
34
votes
6answers
9k views

How to open up to someone about loving them, when you don't know if they love you back?

I feel attracted to someone. I did have a relationship with her before (we were little children at that time, 5-7 years old), but we couldn't continue because of age and distance. We are both ...
31
votes
14answers
12k views

Going to a strip club for a friend's bachelor party. Is it common practice to inform my girlfriend? [closed]

One of my friends I know from college is getting married next year. As tradition dictates, a bachelor party is being organised and I have been invited as well. Two people are in charge of planning the ...
31
votes
10answers
4k views

Ask for support with weight loss, without sounding tedious

My question is sort-of related to this one but has the roles reversed. I've been overweight for at least 10 years, and obese for approximately 6. Last February, I decided to better my life. I've ...
27
votes
8answers
15k views

How do I politely ask my friend for a refund on unused rent?

TL;DR: I need ask for a refund without ruining a friendship. I needed to move out of my student apartment since I am not a student anymore. I did not want to move back in with my parents. My friend ...
25
votes
7answers
8k views

Should I help pay for a traffic ticket someone got while helping me? [closed]

A couple of weeks ago, my brother-in-law helped me by transporting a piece of furniture in his car, as my car was too small. On our way home, with me following him in my own car, he ran a red light (...
24
votes
4answers
8k views

Received a large monetary gift from an estranged grandparent - now what?

This afternoon my parents visited me. It was all pretty normal until just before they left, they told me that my estranged grandfather apparently suddenly felt the need to donate a large gift of money ...
23
votes
8answers
10k views

How can I best let my once-close friend know that I think our friendship is over--if at all? [closed]

My once-closest friend and I have seriously drifted apart. It's come as far as that I do not want to invest any more energy in the friendship and I'd prefer it to just quietly end. I am unsure, ...
21
votes
9answers
5k views

How do I decline contact with a previous buyer?

I recently sold my first car to someone. The sale went very fast, they test drove it, looked at it and signed over the car. This was about 3 weeks ago. All of a sudden I get a text message 'Can you ...
21
votes
9answers
5k views

Offering to ride along with women when it's dark

When growing up my brother and I where taught that, when it's night, you should offer girls/women to ride along when you are on bike or on foot to prevent unsafe situations. This wasn't saying that ...
21
votes
3answers
2k views

How to support a coworker with her insecurity, while not going against my own opinions?

I have a new-ish co-worker. Before I landed in this team we already had some contact, we enjoyed having lunches together and often chatted over a cup of coffee. We seem to be developing a friendship, ...
20
votes
3answers
6k views

How can we ask neighbours to be more quiet without escalating?

We are living in an apartment, so obviously there are a lot of 'living' noises surrounding us. Even though we don't mind the regular noises (someone listening to his music a little louder, someone ...
20
votes
1answer
1k views

How can I follow up if a polite request to follow the rules has been declined?

How should I follow up if a polite request to adhere to the rules is ignored or declined? An Example Dutch trains have special silent compartments (Dutch: stiltecoupé), where people are supposed to ...
19
votes
6answers
5k views

How to non-verbally communicate that I am listening?

I recently got some feedback that people have the impression that when they talk to me, I am not listening. Usually, when starting a conversation with people, I acknowledge them with something like '...
18
votes
7answers
8k views

How to avoid having a snorer share your dormroom?

So every few months I go away for a weekend with a large group (100 people give or take). We generally sleep in a camphouse, which has dorm-like accomodation with a few bunkbeds per room. There are a ...
18
votes
3answers
6k views

For how long after New Year's Day is it appropriate to wish people all the best for the new year?

Today is my first day back at the office after a two-week vacation, and so there's a lot of handshakes and well-wishing ('happy new year', 'best wishes') going on. Which raised a fun discussion ...
17
votes
5answers
3k views

Do I need to force myself into social interactions [closed]

I am 18 year old male, and I have PDDNOS (a form of autism). I don't feel comfortable with most social interactions around strangers. I am struggling with the choice of forcing myself in social ...
15
votes
4answers
3k views

How to communicate with a coworker who repeats meaningless context? [closed]

Background I work in a technical role in an international environment, and have (and prefer) a very direct communication style. If you want my help, the best way to get it is to simply state your ...
14
votes
4answers
1k views

Appropriate reactions to people who recently lost their pet?

I've only had this happen twice, but this morning my mom will be going to the vet to have my brother's pet rabbit put to death, because it is ill. For me, a pet is just a pet, and nothing more. It is ...
14
votes
2answers
656 views

How to persuade a coworker we both need to do our own work?

I recently started on a new team, with a single fellow developer. Under the motto of 'getting her up to speed as quick as possible', my co-worker has spent the past week sitting at my desk (open ...
13
votes
2answers
2k views

What to keep in mind when telling an aunt how wrong her actions are, without creating further family conflict?

In a few weeks, my grandparents will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary by having a family dinner. My grandparents made 2 decisions about that dinner: To only invite their children, their ...
12
votes
1answer
2k views

How do I avoid an interaction with an employee at the grocery store escalating to the store manager?

I live in the Netherlands. I am an immigrant of North African descent, and Muslim by faith. Yesterday I walked into a major grocery store. I was very angry and stressed for other reasons. In this ...
12
votes
1answer
2k views

How could I have better handled telling this minority woman I liked her cultural hairstyle?

Background This happened in Netherlands. I have some mixed ancestry. I mostly look like a Dutch person, except for my curly bush of hair and my olive skin. In school I got bullied a lot because of my ...
12
votes
1answer
1k views

Dutch dating etiquette

Since I am Japanese, English may be strange. Please ask if you do not understand the meaning. A while ago (in Japan), I met a very nice woman at a bar, for the first time in my life, I took courage ...
11
votes
4answers
900 views

How to make a proper, harmless April Fools' joke?

From Wikipedia: April Fools' Day or April Fool's Day (sometimes called All Fools' Day) is an annual celebration commemorated on April 1 by playing practical jokes and spreading hoaxes. The jokes ...
10
votes
1answer
1k views

How to tell an unknown cyclist I don't want to give them the pace

I commute to work by bike. Being tall and going at a fair speed, I am aware a give a good wake. Sometimes it happens that some other cyclist, a complete stranger to me, simply stitch behind me and ...