Questions tagged [requests]

This tag is for questions about making requests to other people, be it about information, a favor, or a task. Don't use this tag for requests for the Interpersonal Skills site itself - post those on meta instead.

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125
votes
8answers
30k views

Requesting someone to give up their seat to me on public transport if I have an invisible disability?

I have an invisible disability. I do not really want to disclose what it is, but I have trouble standing up on public transport for longer than a few minutes. I would like to sit down. Now, the bus/...
56
votes
13answers
18k views

How can I ask (or determine) if someone on the phone is human without offending them?

I recently saw a doctor about a minor medical problem. This is the first time I saw this doctor . After the appointment I asked my doctor a follow-up question via my insurance company's website. I got ...
56
votes
8answers
14k views

How can I more clearly ask people to accommodate for my autism?

I've got autism. This isn't always clear to people*. Sometimes I need accommodations for a sensory issue to participate in a normal way. One time, there was a colleague with a strong aftershave, for ...
54
votes
9answers
16k views

How can I ask a new date to not smoke around me?

I can't stand smoking, like, at all. I get repulsed by someone's smoking nearby or coming close to me after smoking. It's purely due to the smell, which I find about on par with eating foods I hate ...
47
votes
4answers
14k views

How to ask someone to not leave their pee on the floor when they use my bathroom?

I have a male nurse who comes to my house every so often to give me medication and observe me all day for any reactions. When he is here, he leaves pee puddles on the floor in front of the toilet (...
46
votes
4answers
19k views

How to politely request we don't eat out for lunch on my first day at new job?

Tomorrow I start work as a software developer -- my first full time job. Four of my close friends work at the same company. They usually eat lunch in the break room, but for everyone's interviews and ...
45
votes
4answers
17k views

A coworker mumbles to herself when working. How can I ask her to stop?

My coworker, who sits right next to me, keeps mumbling to herself when she types or reads. It is a not-too loud, low-voice mumble that I can hear without understanding words. It really irritates me ...
41
votes
7answers
32k views

How can I ask my parents to stop calling me when I'm out or ask me where I'm going?

I'm 24 years old, have my own career, my own car but I live with my parents and my 2 younger brothers. I live my life quite independently. One of the problems I constantly face from my parents is ...
29
votes
3answers
9k views

Classmate is being deported - how could I politely offer to buy their furniture?

My classmate is being deported from the U.S. due to visa issues and has no intentions of returning in the coming years - they plan to join a lab at university in their home country. They're really ...
27
votes
3answers
4k views

How can I respond to "It's because I'm <historically oppressed quality>" as a rebuttal to a request?

Occasionally I hear or encounter "it's because I'm <historically oppressed quality>" as a response to an objectionable request to the claimant. The claimant is usually a minor who in my ...
26
votes
5answers
5k views

Asking my friend out even though I have a girlfriend

I am a 20 years old male from Canada. I have been with my girlfriend (also 20 years old) for about three months. When we started being in a relationship, we agreed that it was an exclusive one ...
23
votes
8answers
18k views

How do I politely tell a stranger to stop making annoying noises I can't name?

Background I've encountered this problem several times and under different circumstances. It really annoys me when people constantly make noises with their mouth. Now, I can't name them and they come ...
23
votes
6answers
7k views

How can I ask someone I've never met to type quieter?

I'm working in a co-working space, and today a new guy is working at the same table as me. His typing (on his laptop) is quite intense, which makes a lot of noise. In addition, the table is not too ...
21
votes
9answers
11k views

How do I ask my friend for some of his water on a long bicycle ride without offending him?

When I ride my bicycle I often drink a lot of water because I get thirsty and like to keep hydrated, my bicycle can only fit a single bottle holder because the front derailleur is mounted in such a ...
20
votes
3answers
8k views

Requesting time off to attend a Pride event

For those that are unfamiliar June is Pride month. The month of June was chosen for LGBT Pride Month to commemorate the Stonewall riots, which occurred at the end of June 1969. As a result, many ...
20
votes
4answers
2k views

How to ask 'why?' without implying I'm asking them to justify themselves?

So, as part of my job, I sometimes get requirements from users without any context. This context can be useful for reasons above and beyond justifying the requirement itself. These come from fellow ...
20
votes
1answer
1k views

How can I follow up if a polite request to follow the rules has been declined?

How should I follow up if a polite request to adhere to the rules is ignored or declined? An Example Dutch trains have special silent compartments (Dutch: stiltecoupé), where people are supposed to ...
18
votes
2answers
1k views

How do I diplomatically get someone to hurry up and make a trivial decision?

This question was initially triggered by an incident with a houseguest a few months ago. Earlier in the day, he was tossing up whether to join a group of us who were going out for a drink in the ...
16
votes
6answers
5k views

How can I ask reading people in public transport for the title of their book? [closed]

I travel with public transportation quite a bit, and I read a lot while commuting too. While I don't mind being asked what book I'm reading, other people might. I'm always on the lookout for new ...
15
votes
4answers
2k views

How to ask people to speak softer?

I am suffering from a medical condition called hyperacusis, which makes normal levels of noise painful (and potentially damaging) for me. I have found ways to cope with this condition in my daily life,...
14
votes
3answers
9k views

How could I ask a stranger to take a photo of me while traveling?

I always travel alone, so it is not possible to take a photo of myself except selfies. Some of my friends also travel alone, yet they frequently upload non-selfie photos of themselves on SNS. I asked ...
13
votes
5answers
4k views

How to ask someone if I can do a background check on them?

I'm currently preparing to cycle the TransAmerica Trail next summer, and am in the process of searching for a traveling companion. The problem though is that, since this is a fairly long trip, it is ...
13
votes
2answers
3k views

How can I subtly tell coworker I don't want a surprise leaving party?

So, I've handed my notice in at my job and one of my colleagues (let's call him Bob for the sake of argument) is giving me the suspicion that he's throwing a surprise get together with the office for ...
13
votes
1answer
756 views

Cellphone-obsessed friend (and driver)

I have a good friend who, in my opinion, uses his cell phone too much while we are hanging out. When we do things like go to dinner together as a group, he is often not paying attention, engrossed in ...
12
votes
2answers
2k views

How to ask a large group of people to stop playing loud music on a train

Sometimes when my friends/colleagues (2-3 people) and I travel by train there is another group of people who play songs on their mobile phones without using headphones and on full volume. Many of us (...
11
votes
1answer
626 views

How to ask my friend to tell her support group she was sexually assaulted?

Preface For the sake of my friend, I want to convince/ask her to talk to her extended support group about the situation. This is a decision she has to make herself and I really think that it’d help to ...
11
votes
2answers
6k views

How to politely ask for a price for a commision, when I only intend to ask?

I wanted to ask for a price for a commission from an artist. However, my budget is lower than what I think the commission would be worth, hence I intend to only ask for the price and not buy the ...
10
votes
3answers
753 views

How to ask my grandmother to be nicer with my grandfather?

My grandfather (85 years old) is affected by Alzheimer disease, and although it is still a mild form, it is now visible in the conversation as he often struggles to remember a name or loses his train ...
9
votes
7answers
2k views

How to not be "this annoying nitpicking Quality Engineer"?

I am a 23-year-old woman who was hired 2 weeks ago. As a Q&A engineer, I have to ask developers to change the way they are coding in order to improve the code's quality, maintainability, and ...
9
votes
1answer
730 views

How to try to find out who stole a valuable item in a social situation?

I was recently at a friend's birthday party and at one point in the event he told everyone that an electronic gadget was missing and that no one would leave until he found it. It was an embarrassing ...
9
votes
3answers
560 views

Knowing when you should send message instead of asking in person

In my day to day life, when I have a question, I like to ask the person who has the answer in person (instead of sending a slack message). One of the reasons for that is that, most of the time, I can'...
9
votes
1answer
4k views

How to ask ex-girlfriend to delete nude pictures of us that she took?

An ex-girlfriend whom I used to date around two years ago is in town. We had broken up amicably and have kept in touch somewhat. We are planning to meet this week to catch up. Back when we were ...
8
votes
6answers
1k views

How to convince a group of friends to drop a topic that's making the group uncomfortable?

My close friend is a very dominant (DISC) person. Last time, he bashed my ex-high school when we hang out with some friends. He had valid points, and I had admitted it, but nevertheless, I asked him ...
8
votes
3answers
926 views

How to politely deal with smoking, within range of my window, in a block of flats?

I live on the fourth floor of a building that's shaped a bit like a T, and I live on the inside edge of the top of the T. One of my neighbours, who lives in my side of the long edge of the T, on the ...
8
votes
2answers
489 views

Asking a retired soldier about their experiences

I know an elderly guy through a volunteering program that helps charities. He seems rather kind but I don’t talk to him often. I know when he was younger, he served on the American forces and helped ...
7
votes
1answer
403 views

Does including a reason when making an assertive request make it more effective?

I need to make an assertive request to my neighbours about making noise outside my bedroom early in the morning. I am ill at the moment, and being woken up early is more than just an annoyance, it ...
6
votes
4answers
315 views

How can I motivate the group to participate in the annoying small chores?

I think everyone knows about this one: You are in a team, a good team with lots going on and lots getting done. But not everything. The projects are challenging, you see the guys around you growing ...
6
votes
1answer
414 views

How can I tell if I'm being a bother when asking for help?

I started a new job several weeks ago and like with any new job, I have no idea what I'm doing. I have a "mentor"--somebody on the team who's designated to helping get me up to speed with everything--...
6
votes
6answers
1k views

How do I tell my boss that I cannot learn the way he wants me to? [closed]

I'm currently in a new area of the business in what is somewhat a career change (from support to development). I have been in this position for just over a year now, and when I started my boss wanted ...
6
votes
1answer
680 views

Brother thinks no one wants to hang out with him

Two quick notes about my brother, 21M: His personality type is stubborn and borderline obnoxious at times He will help anyone with very little notice or thought The root of the problem is he ...
5
votes
3answers
880 views

Communicate to flatmates I want to clean less because I am never at home

I live in an apartment with 3 other people. Nice people and we get along pretty well. We have a cleaning rotation where everyone gets to clean a quarter each week which rotates. Which is fair a thing. ...
5
votes
2answers
2k views

How do I make my dad respect my opinions?

This has happened time after time. When making a decision together with dad, he always goes behind my back and ignore my opinions, which is really frustrating and even infuriating some times for me. ...
5
votes
2answers
691 views

Making my friends take my requests seriously

I'm having trouble with a few friends (I see on a regular basis) to take me, and what I say seriously. They sometimes straight up just ignore me. Also, it's not like I'm telling them to do stuff they ...
5
votes
5answers
1k views

How do you get someone's honest opinion about your cooking?

The flip-side to this question about being asked one's opinion on food they didn't like; What things should you keep in mind if you have cooked or are cooking a meal for family or friends, and would ...
5
votes
2answers
413 views

How to "nudge" a client to email me back without seeming rude

First, some background knowledge: I'm currently building a video game for a client, mostly for a bit of practice. My "client" isn't paying for the game to be made, since I had just started programming ...
5
votes
2answers
464 views

How do I get my landlord to show some consideration without souring our relationship?

I've been living at my current address for just under 3 months. I'm not renewing the lease for another year after this one is up, so my landlord has just started to take viewings for the property. So ...
5
votes
3answers
1k views

How to get housemates to be quieter when video-chatting?

I live in a large shared house with international people. I noticed it’s natural to speak a bit louder than a normal voice when video-chatting (because the microphone isn’t right beside your face). I ...
4
votes
4answers
673 views

How do I best handle offering my phone upon request without becoming a phone booth

I'm in the community library coding away on some c++11 std::thread work when a library patron enters the quiet area asking to use someone's phone. To his chagrin, he was met with head shakes (no). ...
4
votes
2answers
540 views

How to get hosts to split invitations to parties between ex-partners

My Ex and I recently broke up. There are a lot of very negative feelings on my side due to things that happened during the relationship and after the breakup. It is still hard for me to be in her ...
4
votes
2answers
581 views

How to ask a host to fix something, they consider due to their lacking knowledge, not flawed?

I am living for 2 months now in a pension and will probably stay there for 3~4 more months. The host provides WLAN. Sadly the WLAN is blocking some websites and a vast amount of ports required for ...