Questions tagged [saying-no]

Questions about how best to approach saying "no", or declining requests. Please explain in your question why just saying "no" is not sufficient.

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10
votes
2answers
2k views

How to be friends with a man, but not with his wife

Background: I live in Germany and come from an eastern-european country, I am 30 and female. The man in question, let's call him Ben, is from Germany, he is 55, he recently married Alice, she's 40 and ...
11
votes
3answers
11k views

How to politely turn down roommate offer for awkward reason

Awhile ago I was roommates with someone. We stopped being roommates on good terms (we both moved to different cities but are now back in the same one). My roommate became a cop. I'm still friends with ...
11
votes
2answers
707 views

How to decline a help request (which suggests that I must do all his job)

In my class, everyone is looking forward to the presentation of our little project (programming with C#) at high-school. Most of my class doesn't even know how to code properly and, because of that, ...
-5
votes
5answers
1k views

How do I tactfully refuse to donate money? [closed]

At a family dinner, my snippy uncle "reminded" me: Have you donated to my church's charity yet? I mentioned last time that it's only $200 [USD] a month. This is like 3 restaurant meals. ...
0
votes
3answers
288 views

How do I effectively convey my inability to attend an event?

There's a reunion party that has been organized by my High School friends. Let's say, it's on 10th of June. They expect almost everyone to be present since it's the first reunion that we have had. But,...
9
votes
2answers
2k views

How to tell a person who is interested in me that a relationship is not an option?

I have this workmate for almost 2-months now, who is an all-out person. I mean, she's not afraid to tell any of her feelings towards another person. Now, she told me she likes me. I told her, which I ...
44
votes
14answers
18k views

How can I deny a request from the mother of my girlfriend to tag along on our road trip?

Background My girlfriend and I are going on a holiday in her native country, about 800km from our current city. We planned this holiday months ago and we planned to stay for 2 weeks. Problem Today ...
36
votes
8answers
13k views

How can I tactfully refuse to let someone cut in line? [closed]

On over 3 occasions at different supermarkets in the same neighbourhood, I've bumped into the same person asking to cut in line. He usually says: Sorry. Can I please go in front? I'm in a big hurry....
7
votes
3answers
1k views

Politely rejecting unwanted attention at a nightclub.

I am in a happy relationship, so when I go to a nightclub with friend(s) I am not looking to pick anyone up, or dance with anyone other than the people/person I came out with. When I go out to a ...
7
votes
2answers
3k views

How to politely say 'I have a prior appointment' to a friend inviting me to a meaningful event, without going into details?

Recently, a friend invited me to an event that was important to her. I said "I have an appointment." but worry I may have blown her off. I didn't want to go into specifics - the appointment was for ...
8
votes
1answer
569 views

Dealing with friends are attempting to recruit me for a job

I'm going to leave as many details out as possible to keep this anonymous since they are in tech, but here we go: I have some friends who are starting their own company. They have some small capital, ...
8
votes
5answers
1k views

How to tactfully refuse to provide academic help?

As an undergraduate student(and a so-called nerd), I have had friends who requested academic help a day or two before exams. Now, I don't have much problem with helping them and I try my best to do ...
32
votes
4answers
16k views

How do I convince my Mom I’m not inviting my brother to someone else’s bachelor party?

My friend is getting married, and another mutual friend is planning his bachelor party, to which I’ve been invited (we’re all in our early 30s). Initially, my mother wanted me to take it upon myself ...
2
votes
2answers
976 views

How do I ask classmates to stop asking me to hang out?

Two classmates often phone me, asking if I want to hang out. The times I have done so, I did not enjoy myself at all. We don't seem to share any hobbies/interests. What I have already tried (didn't ...
14
votes
10answers
13k views

What’s the best way to decline sharing my WiFi network with neighbours?

Occasionally when we have friends who are neighbours over to visit we are asked for access to our wifi so their kids can watch videos on their phone or whatever. Since neighbours are very close to ...
7
votes
2answers
317 views

How do I handle unsuitable requests for endorsement of jobs/internships applicants?

I work as a software developer in a medium sized company in developed country A. I have family relations to underdeveloped country B. Due to economic crisis, glorification of the west and nepotism ...
81
votes
6answers
27k views

How do I politely decline a request for a contract marriage?

I am a recent graduate from a school in the United States that has a large number of international students. During my time there, I became friends with someone who I will refer to as "Suzy." Suzy and ...
12
votes
4answers
4k views

How do I tell a relative that I don't want them to spend their vacations in my house

Context: I'm a 26 years old South American, and up until mid last year I lived with my parents. In June I moved countries (7,000 miles) because of work and now I live alone, and so far I very much ...
109
votes
8answers
39k views

How can I tactfully refuse to switch seats on flights?

On flights, seatmates (strangers near my seat) have asked me to swap my aisle seat (reserved in advance, sometimes paid for), usually to my disadvantage as their seat has some snag (dirtier, narrower, ...
8
votes
4answers
1k views

How can I decline an invitation from someone who is only asking because she feels sorry for me?

Long story short, I never had friends, and didn't know how to make any. I'm 2nd generation Indian, raised in the USA, if that's relevant. Only recently I have few hi-bye friends from office (who ...
8
votes
2answers
2k views

How to avoid sitting with friends during an exam

I have an important exam coming up and a few friends in my class want me to sit with them. Normally I would, but I'm worried about this group distracting me while I'm writing the exam. I won't discuss ...
15
votes
5answers
1k views

How can I tactfully approach not wanting to read someone's unpublished/self-published book?

A lot of people who know me know I like to read, I read a lot of different things, and I read quickly. I also like to post about what I read on Twitter or my Goodreads profile. The problem is, ...
-1
votes
2answers
562 views

How to tactfully refuse outsiders to stay in your home [closed]

I am in USA (2nd generation Indian American, if that is relevant) and have witnessed situations where person A let person B (A's wife's distant relative) stay in their apartment, but they overstayed ...
36
votes
6answers
11k views

How to refuse politely to play with someone as a streamer

I'm a new (game) streamer, I don't have a massive audience, and I find myself in quite a challenge. Often when I play, some viewers will ask if they can play with me (or us if I'm already playing ...
56
votes
18answers
15k views

How do you deal with someone who's pushing you without explaining yourself?

There are certain people, especially family members you see from time to time or other close relatives, who simply don't know where to stop when offering you something. Usually it's about drinking ...
3
votes
3answers
1k views

How do I avoid meeting an acquaintance that comes to visit every few months?

An acquaintance visits my city for 1-2 weeks every few months because her boyfriend lives here and wants all of three of us to meet up together. I'm fine with her, but do not like her boyfriend, ...
8
votes
7answers
964 views

Saying no to frequent but trivial favors

I was recently a guest by my sister and brother-in-law, and over the course of my weekend visit he asked me several times to do very trivial things, for example, to bring him the newspaper from the ...
5
votes
5answers
723 views

How to deal with people who are aggressive when providing/denying help with problems?

I do programming and web development as a hobby, and I have experience building computers, and have fixed computers in the past, so naturally I'm going to seem like a good fit for solving most people'...
19
votes
5answers
7k views

How to decline a polite but insincere request

I recently got a new job, and I don't talk with people besides what is needed for work, because I'm in a time of my life where I don't want to interact with strangers if I don't have to. My ...
3
votes
3answers
775 views

How to convince people I don't want to attend an event?

Note- I used the 'United-States' tag, but this takes place on the US-Canada border. TL;DR: There is an event that everyone is excited for but me, and I don't know how to convince people I don't want ...
9
votes
5answers
1k views

How to convey to a person that I am not interested in talking to him?

I have a senior colleague at work with whom I do not wish to talk. He makes it a point to come over and talk to me despite me giving him a very clear cold shoulder. He stands there even when I have ...
36
votes
6answers
10k views

How to politely decline painting requests from co-workers?

Update: Someone recently requested I paint something, and I said that I'm short on time. It was really painless Thank you guys! I paint to relax. During the office lunch break, I paint in my ...
33
votes
6answers
11k views

How to properly reject an intimate suggestion?

This question comes from a situation that was quite a while ago. At the time I was 16, while I'm 22 now. I'm a guy and was at my girlfriend’s house while we were cuddling. She suggested that I touched ...
18
votes
3answers
3k views

How do I tell my girlfriend that I do not need to eat more?

Long story short, I've gained over 50 pounds in the 3 years since graduating high school, and I'm sick of seeing myself in the mirror. I would eat food until I felt like a bloated balloon, and then ...
0
votes
1answer
374 views

How to say "No" without any hesitation and discomfort [closed]

I have a general problem of saying 'no' to people. For example, when my friends ask me to go out with them, but I don't want to, or when my colleagues ask me to do extra work that I don't want to ...
22
votes
6answers
5k views

How to deal with unruly children that aren't yours?

I'm a 21 year old college student living with my girlfriend, her mother, and her mother's boyfriend. We've lived here, on and off, between my house and hers for the past 5 years. I don't consider this ...
32
votes
9answers
17k views

How do I politely tell my coworker he can do the work himself?

My team, A, has set up everything for team B to work with. They can change texts, values, basic colors. The only thing they can't change is general layout or complicated styling. They can ask my team, ...
33
votes
15answers
13k views

Dealing with a friend trying to get me a girlfriend

TL;DR: Bruce is pushing for me to enter a relationship with Mary, and I like Mary, but don't want any relationship right now, and I want him to back off. The People Me: I am not interested in a ...
24
votes
5answers
11k views

Avoiding unnecessary touches from doctors

I'm currently in my late twenties, I have an illness that requires me to go to see various doctors and paramedical practitioners. Over the last 12 months, I went to 7 different doctors/practitioners, ...
175
votes
14answers
34k views

How to tell people I'm not their tech support?

I have a rather common problem for people in my field of study (computer science). The problem is this: People, especially relatives, ask you stuff about their computer-related problems, for example: "...
107
votes
7answers
35k views

How to gently turn down a female coworker who asked for a sperm donation?

I have a female co-worker (she's technically my superior but in another department). We've worked together for about 4.5 years and have been become pretty good friends, we'll always chat in the ...
3
votes
2answers
2k views

How can I convince my family to go out without me?

Some background: I live in a state in the coast of Mexico with my mother, my cousin (lets call him Pete) and my grand mother. Pete's family (his mother and 2 sisters) lives in another state and came ...
4
votes
3answers
3k views

How to effectively communicate to my mother that she sometimes suppresses me even if she doesn't realize it?

My mother and I had a serious fight over the holidays. I didn't spend New Year with her because some friends invited me and my partner to join them and they live a few hours away. It was last minute ...
11
votes
3answers
10k views

How to communicate I'm not interested in any relationship other than friendship?

Context: I (23f) have been working with a guy (30m) for more than half a year already. We used to joke around at work, talk about different topics and generally came to know each other. In those ...
31
votes
9answers
11k views

How can I tell my aunt that I won't be 'Santa' next year

My family has a very large Christmas get-together every year in which there is a tradition where one of the cousins (aged 20-30) will dress up as Santa (Edit: "Santa" for this is very gender neutral - ...
25
votes
9answers
25k views

How to refuse to shake hands without offending the other party?

TL;DR: I don't like to shake hands and I'm looking for suggestions about how to turn people down without seeming rude or stand-offish; or how to prevent a handshake gesture from being initiated at all....
42
votes
9answers
12k views

How to ask to pay for products from a friend's shop rather than accepting them as gifts without being rude?

Little bit of background: a few weeks ago, my friend/coworker's sister, we'll call her Lila, opened up a shop with her boyfriend, let's call him Mark, about things that generally interest me. I've ...
11
votes
2answers
3k views

How do I decline a friend wanting to become roommates?

My fiancée and I are planning on moving out of our parent's house and into an apartment of our own after our wedding. During a conversation with a close mutual friend of ours, it was brought up that ...
136
votes
7answers
34k views

Girlfriend's nosy mother keeps expressing that she'll show up unannounced

Some context: my girlfriend and I have been dating for a year, and we've decided to move in together now that she has graduated and found a job in her chosen career. We're both financially ...
42
votes
13answers
22k views

How to turn down 'stay in touch' proposal from manipulative ex-coworker when leaving job/moving?

I recently quit my job, after a three months notice, and I've changed my region of residence (it's like moving to another state in the USA, but the regions are smaller). The last day, when everyone ...