So, I'm level 1 autistic (Aspergers) and I notice that sometimes when I am trying to explain something online or teach someone something new, my direct answers to an asked question can come across as condescending.

Sometimes even my husband (who is also ND) will tell me to stop being so condescending, when I am not intending to be at all. 

I work in software engineering and I wish to get better at explaining code and asking and answering questions to neurotypical people.

Whenever I answer a question, I try to provide as many details as I can.
However, sometimes when I give so many details about a specific problem I have, people seem to assume that I don't think they're "smart enough" to answer.

But if I skip these details, then people ask me why I didn't provide enough information for that specific question.  It seems like a double-edged sword.


Things I have tried:

I read this book recently called Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg and it has helped tremendously for me to improve my communication style in the software world.
https://www.cnvc.org

I'm in the middle of another book called "Thinking Fast and Slow" which was recommended to me by a previous manager.

I'm constantly learning and mirroring people in their social interactions, which I am quite good at in-person although online seems to be more tricky.

I start with asking people directly, things like:
- what are the requirements for this project?
- Here is an outline that I've created which may solve your problem, does this meet your needs?
- what are your specific needs for this?


Particularly, it is quite frustrating to be as exact as I possibly can be in my questions and answers on sites like this one, only for my answers to be rejected (even if the original poster told me directly that my comment has solved his problem).

I truly believe this comes from a difference in communication styles where my only choice is to be direct and focused on details; where as neurotypical people sometimes see directness as a threat.

TLDR: How can I change my communication style so that it will be more well-received by people?