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68

How do we properly inform her parents that she 1) will not be leaving with them, 2) will not be attending college in her home country, and 3) will be moving in with me when they leave?* You do not. You're dealing with abusive people with full power over her. Do not do this until you are absolutely sure they cannot force her to do anything she doesn't want, ...


35

From an IPS perspective I don't see any way you could change the way her family treats her. This sounds like a clear case for child-welfare / youth protection / whatever it's called in the US. Draining a bank account leaves clear and objective evidence and creates a strong dependence on her parents. Add the sexual abuse and evidence of self-harm and she ...


11

Weddings always seem to have a lot of drama associated with them. People get worried about others causing a scene, uninvited guests showing up, and other things happening. Most of the time, these scenarios never materialize. Your friend has most likely changed, as have you. I think you are judging her by what you remember of her and not what she might be ...


9

I ran into a similar situation with a friend some years back. She was dating an angry, abusive man. He was the very definition of toxic masculinity, but "I didn't know him like she knew him, and he was different when it was just the two of them..." I voiced my objections when I first met him. It wasn't hard to see what kind of man he was. When I had the ...


9

What you can do Abusive relationships are awful, and unfortunately helping someone who is in one is not as easy as it should be. There are a few levels of help that you can provide which I will go through. Provide Support A very important thing to start off with is to be supportive. Abusers often try to isolate their victims so that they feel helpless. It is ...


9

A key part to your potential answer is something you brought up yourself: I am more mature and want to handle the situation appropriately. No doubt that your friend will most likely be the same - true they could be just as they were before however you shouldn't necessarily be thinking of the worst case scenario. They might not turn up, they might avoid ...


8

Hang out with Samantha without Alex Just because they are in a relationship doesn't mean that they're joined at the hip. Your dislike of Alex is already known, so simply ask Samantha to hang out without Alex. While you're hanging out, discuss topics unrelated to their relationship. Don't let Alex join the two of you on your hangouts if they try. You don'...


7

Your question contains a good bit of your answer. Start with "I understand that you feel sorry for your father." It sounds like she is a pretty great person and that is most likely a good reason you are in the relationship together. Keep this about her, and nothing to do with you. There's no need to remind her of her father and what he has done. I'd ...


6

They sound not only manipulative, but they are derogating her too, her mother in particular seems to be the issue. I think she needs a professional help. Psycho-dynamic/psycho-analytically orientated psychotherapy would be of help to clarify her problematic relationships, which drag on since early childhood, I presume. The socio-economical context just make ...


5

I don't know if this is the answer you're looking for, but I can give several bits of advice on what I think can help in having successful relationships: Be happy in yourself If you have a happy and fulfilling life as a single person and don't allow yourself to depend on other people for your emotional wellbeing, it's easier to notice whether a ...


5

Detection I believe the key point is to understand what a gaslighting is and what kind of traits are frequent among people that use this technique. Wikipedia notes on gaslighting (emphasis mine): Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them ...


4

This situation seems too absurd to me. Before I say anything else I have to point out how problematic this sentence is: "I'm not a strong person so I can't beat him up." Don't get me wrong, I'm not a person that thinks violence is never a solution. Sometimes it is, but it is never a solution if you are not in danger of physical harm. Let's say that you are ...


4

I would ask this in a comment, but lacking reputation at this point, How old are you? Do you both go to the same school? Are you of the same culture/religion? These may seem like non-sequiturs, however, each of these (tip of the iceberg, by the way) could be additional indicators of the dynamics involved. Immigrants (especially recent immigrants) ...


3

I have a lot of practice with exactly this kind of situation. I think the answer is really pretty simple. Treat her and interact with her exactly the same way (I hope) you would an unappealing or boring stranger at a party -- be polite, make whatever small talk is required, and find the earliest polite opportunity to leave the conversation.


2

Disclaimer, this is not academic research but in the style of normal answers on this site. My friend recently left an abusive relationship and realised she'd been gaslighted for a long time. She has recurring doubts about whether it was really gaslighting or she is just crazy / bad in some way, and has found the input of external people to be very helpful to ...


2

Let me start off by saying that I am very sorry for how you are being treated, both by your bullies as well as the department head. My initial reaction would be to escalate the situation to an instance beyond the department head, be it his supervisor or the principal. This is violence in the school which affects your school work, as well as physical and ...


1

Having dealt with a similar experience for the past year, I'm going to try to build on EFrankl's answer. I want to forewarn you that you have good intentions, and I understand the feeling that you care for this person and will give them undying support, but you will likely not fix this person. She is going through serious emotional trauma and that can build ...


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