424

You're asking this question on Stack Exchange, a website built on the very idea of obtaining information from others without much interest about them personally. Can you imagine everybody on the internet had the attitude of "Well, I spend loads of time figuring this out, so why would I provide this information freely?"? There would be no tutorials, no ...


177

As a fellow woman who does not wear makeup, I feel your pain. Usually my mother is the one nagging at me, and I've found that it's most effective to say something along the lines of: "I appreciate you trying to be of help, but I've already went X years (I usually just state my age) feeling great about myself without makeup, so I won't be starting now." ...


146

I am Indian and it's considered good etiquette here to receive a compliment with indirect modesty. So I have tended to focus on the specific requirements or challenges of the job rather than my own qualities like smartness, when somebody asks such a question. Example: Q: "So you must be really smart?" A: "Oh this job requires a lot of concentration, ...


137

How I would normally respond is: "Enough to pay the bills" This way, they'll get that you're unwilling to disclose this information, they'll also know you earn enough to get by. You should reply with a polite undertone which insinuates that you're saying it in a way that you haven't taken offence to the question, either. As @Emrakul rightly points ...


133

These questions make my skin crawl. That is very much a perception issue you have that may just need to get to grips with, as honestly, they are all perfectly normal conversational questions in Britain and Ireland. They aren't seemingly innocent. They are innocent. It doesn't say anything about these people at all other than they are trying to have a ...


80

As has already been pointed out by @JAD in their excellent answer, the idea that we shouldn't share what we know with others does not sit well on this website. Sharing information freely is exactly what Stack Exchange is all about. That said, I understand some of the sentiments in your question. It is very frustrating when people leach off your hard work ...


76

I'm always reminded of my sage uncle's answer to such rude, inappropriate questions: If you'll forgive me for not answering, I'll forgive you for asking This answer is on-target because it clearly advises the "asker" of the question that it was not appreciated, and simultaneously yet implicitly explains why you won't be answering


75

Well, you could try contacting each person in turn, and asking them to give you credit by following the steps you described in your post. You shouldn't bring them stealing your work into the conversation at this stage, however, because most of them will likely not have thought of the situation in those terms, and will likely cooperate with you. Some of ...


71

To add to the list of suggested rebuttals: I have carefully considered the matter, and decided against it. No justifications, excuses, or reasons. You have already resolved the issue to your satisfaction, and the person you are addressing has nothing new to add that might cause you to reopen the discussion. Details will just encourage them to poke at ...


65

I personally am very bad with names, and often come across this issue myself. Firstly, if you have a mutual friend, or someone else who knows the person, it's always best to ask them first, to see if they know (and can tell you). If you can't think of anyone you know that might know their name, it might be worth trying to contact one of his friends, and ...


63

I find that you have two prime options - Give her your number and let her decide what to do with it from there If you choose this method, try explaining your situation, something along the lines of: "Hey, so I'll be on maternity leave soon, and my schedule may change afterward, but I really enjoy our conversations. If you want to chat via [text/call/...


63

First I would like to clarify something, I don't fully agree with the Stack Exchange (SE) example in other answers. SE is a network which asks others to volunteer to answer; you don't tag a particular person and ask them to answer it for every question. And everyone is a stranger here with no social relations or social cost involved. What you experience is ...


54

You guys got off on the wrong foot, which is not to say that things might not change for the better (or worse). Very few of us actually stop and try to look at things from the other person's point of view. You're not really doing that right now either. You know you were busy for those two days. You know you had good reasons to not interact. So how dare ...


52

A trick to save you a bit of embarrassment, is the following. "What was your name again?" "John." "Sorry, I mean your surname." That makes it seem you've only forgotten their surname. Should they reply with their full name right away, be sure to emphasise it was their surname you had forgotten. "What was your name again?" "John Smith." "Ah ...


49

These are rather loaded question. The one about being smart, because "smart" is an incredibly vague and broad term that means lots of things to lots of people, and the one about whether what you do is hard, because how difficult something is depends on who is doing it. Which is also why answering them with "yes" feels rude; considering yourself smart is ...


45

I don't wear makeup as well and I've been through the process of people trying to persuade me about wearing it. The reasons people tell you to wear make-up are really offensive, actually: they imply that you're not good-looking enough or that you're not comfortable with your look. They're clearly stepping a boundary and they need to know they have to step ...


43

An approach that would work nicely in your situation is to just point them to where you got your research done. For example to the question of "What software did you use to create it?" you can say something like: "Oh there are hundreds of options for that, I read about it on ...... .com. Different options are explained there better than I could explain them ...


40

That style of communication is indeed anything but cute in an adult. It communicates that the person in question is either not taking your interaction seriously, or is utterly immature. It might fly in some sort of roleplay setup, but not during day to day interactions. There's a very simple way of asking people who take this approach to stop doing it when ...


40

To start with I like all the points in Rory's answer. The people asking these questions are trying to make conversation with you and there is nothing wrong with what they have asked. Your skin crawling is quite an extreme reaction and it seems to me like a personal issue and I wouldn't know how to help with that. The reason I am writing a new answer is ...


39

From a UK perspective it's considered rude to ask such a question (it could be considered nosy, as it's something personal to you and something only you can choose to share), but I will delve into why I feel it shouldn't be a question that is asked. It also really depends on who is asking: Close friends and family People you trust with such information, I ...


39

There's nothing wrong with getting back in touch because you're looking for work. In fact, I'd recommend against random "hey how are you it's been a while" contact that slowly morphs to "oh yeah btw I'm looking for a job." It's dishonest and it doesn't fool anyone. However, straight up "can I come work for you?" is very direct and may leave the old manager ...


35

You seem to be reading way too much into it. While it's possible/probable that there was awkwardness about this situation it isn't that big of a deal and apologising for it likely will make it worse, since it would add a lot of importance to something most people would forget in five minutes. If you feel bad, just make sure you are more consistent about ...


32

In the UK, it is incredibly rude to directly ask someone how much they earn. I wouldn't even expect to be asked by my own parents. It's not necessary to make light of the situation or play it off with humour. You can just respond with I prefer not to say. Or That's not something I talk about. You wouldn't be considered rude by refusing the answer the ...


32

I believe that you missed an important step right here: My best course of action, for myself, was to stop the project and sell off all the materials etc that I had acquired. This has now been done. The best moment to tell your friend was, IMO, just before doing that. Now that it's gone, you still have a way out. I would just tell the truth. The parts you'...


28

You could ask them directly, by saying something like: I'm sorry, I have a terrible memory. Remind me one more time of your name? Or, if you actually have a good memory and you're pedantic, maybe something like: I'm sorry, I know I should remember your name, but it's just escaped me for a moment. Could you remind me once more? If you really don't ...


26

Hmm, that's a tricky situation. If possible, it's best if you convey the idea that your new friend is not alone in the boat. Since you said Facebook ID is fine, my personal recommendation would be something along the lines of, Ah, I don't usually share my WhatsApp credentials publicly. Would my Facebook account work instead? The advantages of this ...


25

People are unwilling to talk openly about their salaries because there is a social taboo surrounding the practice. Like all taboos, there isn't necessarily a good rationale behind its existence. And the taboo can, in fact, be detrimental, as it is here. Around the time of the industrial revolution, you were not allowed to talk about your wages. You could ...


25

(A little late to the party...) You could literally just reply with Thanks! This has two benefits: If what you heard was a compliment, it acknowledges that without affirming or denying it and allows the conversation to move on naturally without any awkwardness. If what you heard was sarcastic or otherwise less-than-courteous, it reverses the table and ...


24

The "natural" subject to talk about is your mutual friend. Because that is what you and the "stranger" have in common. It's a subject you both know something about. After you've exchanged stories about "how long have you known X," you'll be in a better position to judge whether or not you have anything else to talk about.


23

If you feel the need to avoid sharing your knowledge and experiences with your colleagues - which I think is a shame - then direct them to online resources (articles / tutorials) which would enable you to help them help themselves. If they want direct help then let them know you're busy and might be able to help them later in the day, or later that week. I ...


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