64

He asked you for an invitation that wasn't yours to give. You're not the host, you're not the one who prepared the food, and you're not the one who will be inconvenienced by a last-minute guest. Whether to invite him is up to your uncle. What you say in this situation is something like "I'm sorry, but my uncle is hosting, not me. I can't just show up ...


33

Pretty much echoing what others have said: I'd be so grateful! But I'd also be embarrassed and feel a little bit violated. Adulthood is complicated. One can assume a house/flat/whatever is a mess because that's how one prefers it. In that case, the person is telling you in action that her values supersede yours. Or, one can assume - based on seeing the ...


28

Sometimes Lila would offer me something I wanted to buy for free, to which I awkwardly insisted in paying full price. Sometimes Mark would offer me a product with a discount, which I would often just end up accepting, to avoid any embarrassment. For me, addressing behaviors while they aren't actually happening is often easier than having a good talk about ...


26

I'd rather pay full-price for the things I get there, since it is still a business and I feel like I shouldn't have privileges over other clients, not to mention I can't help but think of how these discounts might sum up at the end of the month on their profits. This is just it. You can say exactly this. I want to support you guys and your business. Your ...


14

Offering help with ulterior romantic motive is usually fine, provided the intent is clear and the recipient has the option of turning down said help. If both conditions are met, I could see the offer to help as a flirtatious gesture, or the start of one. However, the issue here is that the recipient in question is in a tough spot where it would be harmful ...


12

If I stay at someone's house and they head to work the next morning (obviously friends close enough to trust me to do that), I'd give it a clean up as a thank-you (not their bedroom, mind). It's not always out of judgment or anything malicious. There's not much point creating any animosity over it, it most likely came from a good place. In the long run, it's ...


7

This is about personal boundaries you have with that person above everything else in my opinion. My grandmother cleaned both my sisters' houses a few years ago - one sister didn't talk to her for half a year while the other was thankful. This is more about what you feel comfortable with than something that is objectively bad/good. You might want to think ...


7

"I'm sorry; that's not going to work." People get so worked up about how to handle saying "no". There's no additional explanation necessary. Just apologize and say it won't work. If the friend asks why, the answer is "it just won't. I'd love to spend time with you, but Thanksgiving won't work."


4

You said yourself that things haven't been easy lately, now if this person knew this, I'd figure it was them trying to help out. Be grateful, thank them, but maybe drop a comment that it was a little disconcerting, or confusing when you found the whole house had been cleaned. This should hopefully let them know that it was a bit odd for them to do that.


2

Don't say "Yes" if you don't mean it, that the most important thing here, probably. If you don't have a thing to say right away and you don't want to give a flat "No" for whatever reason, say that that you need to discuss this with others first, while you formulate the answer. But in this case the answer is pretty easy: "Sorry, mate it's a family only thing,...


2

How to deal with it depends on whether you want it to happen again, and that depends on who this family member is to you and your own feelings about what they did. I think not asking permission & doing it while you were out are telling. If it's OK for this person to do it again, thank them and make it clear how grateful you are, so that they feel they ...


2

While I admire your consideration for their new business, I think you may be going too far. Friends do favors for each other, and if they own a business a common way to do this is by giving away their products or services. If the shop deals in products that they enjoy making and they know you like, it gives them joy to give them away to you. It's really up ...


1

Being that you describe yourself as an introvert, I interpret that quality as hesitation or reservations in speaking your mind and feelings without careful thought and consideration. Speaking directly to or with others about thoughts that are not simply agreeable may pose difficult. I would suggest a special greeting card with a handwritten note, and your ...


1

Classic tropes are classic. You really don't have to. I couldn't possibly take that. Please, I insist on paying. Use the conventional language of propriety. Granted, using a "stock" phrase from the etiquette books doesn't automatically make a given action not-rude, but, if your position is that refusing an offer isn't rude and you're only ...


Only top voted, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible