Hot answers tagged

70

First of all, it's not your father's decision - it's yours. Your father made a demand of you, but the choice rests with you. You organize the wedding, you're paying for it, you get to decide. From what you describe, you cannot acquiesce to his request. Every further point you've listed strengthens this fact. This means you need to find a way to bring this ...


40

Wow, this is a difficult question, and I hate to say "There's nothing you can do," but that's about what it will boil down to. I can say, sit down and have a rational discussion about everything that's going on, but anxieties of that kind are difficult to have a rational discussion about, because they aren't rational. Given these circumstances, what can ...


40

Just to clarify: You have panic attacks when you think your friends are ganging up on you This is because they have actually ganged up on you before and admitted it All these interactions are online Your attacks make you apologise for something you haven't done They have told you to hide your panic attacks You want to try and hide the attacks You can't tell ...


27

About feeling socially awkward You mentioned that you're uncomfortable telling the other person that you have social anxiety. That's perfectly understandable. Although the other person might very well understand, and even respect you for your candor, many people find it uncomfortable to discuss their anxiety with others, and there's no reason you should do ...


27

I got a message from my father telling me that it's my wedding, but he feels I must invite that branch of the family anyway, because it's just 2 more people. [...] It's totally unfair for her, and I've spoken to her about this before. No. This is not unfair only for your girlfriend, this is totally unfair especially for you. As he said, it's your wedding. ...


27

Disclaimer: I don't have Asperger nor autism, but I do have emotional dependency, PTSD, anxiety attacks, social anxiety and depression. This may seem blunt, but you can't really help her. Unfortunately, she is the only one that can help herself and no matter how much effort you put into it, it will probably not work if she is not willing to acknowledge the ...


23

I too am a verified geek. I even went through high school with a briefcase and pocket protector. To compound the problem my family moved very frequently (attended 13 public schools, from 21 addresses, in the 12 years from 1st to 12th grade). Consequently I seldom even bothered to try making friends. Giving presentations on any subject other than computers ...


22

...she is very afraid of upsetting me. And I cannot hide the fact that I am upset. ...such things do cause me crippling anxiety (e.g. quite vigorous physical shaking, racing heartbeat, and inability to sleep) First, you need to get into therapy. Be it talk, CBT, desensitization, repetitive motion, whatever, do that ASAP, because you owe it to yourself and ...


17

I'm really sorry that you're experiencing anxiety in this way. Panic attacks can be really difficult to cope with and it seems like your 'friends' aren't being very supportive. From all that you've said, I don't think that these people are very good 'friends' because friends don't gang up on you, exclude you or do bad things to you. To answer your original ...


16

Back in high school I had friends that were highly depending on talking to me about their everyday issues. I'm not saying they didn't have reasons to feel bad: one of them had to deal with their mother's sclerosis and depression, another one had a violent step-father, another had struggles to deal with celibacy and to get good grades, ... You get the idea. ...


15

By common everyday standards you do appear to be over-attached to your friend. Not necessarily that you're asking too much of him ... it sounds more like you're simply suffering in silence instead. Honestly I think I'd be remiss if I didn't suggest you look into counseling. As a college student you may find that there are a lot of resources available to ...


15

If her quietness is a symptom of her anxiety, it is possible that there is no perfect communication that would allow her to entirely change her behavior, just like I imagine that there is no one-time reassurance she can give that her silence is not malicious that would make you stop being uncomfortable with it. (I'm going to consider professional/medical ...


14

Lazy people often take advantage of the good nature of hard-working people. From the details you give it sounds like you initially had some confidence in your original roommate working and contributing, and that their reason for having no income is not their fault. However the SO seems to be work-shy, and assuming you are right to retain confidence in your ...


14

Personally, I think that this is a sign of a much larger problem in your life that should be dealt with. I have a relative who decided that, for him/her to heal, he/she needed to cut the family out of his/her life. Then, and only then, could this relative start on the long path to recovery. We are some of the only family members that this person is in ...


13

Don't contact her. A cease and deist letter is the clearest possible signal anyone can give, short of an actual restraining order, that they don't want to hear from you again. If you contact her again, you risk getting an actual restraining order next. Nothing good will come from contacting her again. She has likely heard the entire story, including your ...


12

Most of the answers seem to be suggesting that your mother should see a therapist. If your mother is willing and is responsive to therapy than that would definitely be the best long-term solution. However, as someone with a similar pattern of anxiety/OCD for whom therapy was unproductive, what really helped to mitigate my anxiety was installing cloud ...


10

First of all, you sound very thoughtful. Acknowledging the issue and understanding that this is a challenge for her is a great first step. Some people are introverts and the way their social world works is slightly different. I recommend reading some of the top questions in that tag to get a better idea on how those people feel about social interactions. ...


9

So, I do not have hearing problems myself, but a co-worker has. Just as you, he relies heavily on watching faces/mouths when having a conversation, which makes having a conference call hard for him. Here is what he does: Make sure the equipment used during a conference call is of good quality. For him, this means he makes sure co-workers he works with (and ...


9

I think you should aim to internalize the idea that nobody cares very much about you. Okay, that sounds kind of harsh, but its a true idea. Your failures on a daily basis, even in social contexts are pretty short lived, nobody remembers what someone said a few days ago and nobody forms their perception of someone from a few of their blunders. People make big ...


8

However, over the years (especially since I have moved out) this behavior has escalated. Her old behaviors still persist, but there is a new behavior which (I feel) is inhibiting her ability to live a normal life. Don’t worry about the dogs; they are a manifestation of an issue but not the core issue. First and foremost: This has utterly nothing to do with ...


7

On top of other answers that give great advice like practice/rehearse in front of friends, here's what I started doing when I had to talk in front of people... When I first had to give a presentation in front of people, I wasn't able to rehearse like that. But I was lucky enough to be in a half-darkened room because of the use of a video projector. If this ...


7

First, if what you are experiencing has not been diagnosed as panic attacks by a medical practitioner then I'd suggest your first action should be to consult a medical practitioner. Panic attacks are something you can and should get help with. I am not a medical practitioner and I am not diagnosing you, however, I am going to post some stuff for you to ...


7

Building on excellent answers above, I think another important question for you to ask is what you want. You can’t change someone when they refuse to change. But you can, and only you can, decide what kind of relationship you want and what is acceptable or not. It is not being selfish. It’s being responsible. You have shown a great level of empathy for ...


7

I think that to find a way to achieve this you first need to understand why it is that people find fast talking to be unfriendly. From what I gather it seems that you did not give these people enough time to finish a sentence. This is a problem because people need to feel heard in a conversation. If they feel like you never heard what they said then they ...


7

I recommend acknowledging the situation, de-personalizing the issue, and deflecting with an observable effect which I present as trivial. I have OCD, and am compelled to carry out some bizarre-seeming behaviors or else face rapidly increasing anxiety. If someone notices that I seem tense or anxious, and that's the reason, I often don't really want to get ...


6

I'm very introverted and only have one friend, do I ask too much of him? I had a somewhat similar problem with my wife back when I was still married. We were both introverted and aspie. So we ended up largely just spending time together which was nice, but at a point we kinda got on each other's nerves... Asking one person to meet all of your social/...


6

Everything I will say may sound rude, but it's how I see things from outside. In a relationship there are 2 people involved. You can't stay together just because she loves you. The question is quite simple: do you love her? Do you feel guilty leaving her because she needs you? I know that it may sound selfish, but do you think you can be her ...


6

(My answer is quite along the line of @baldPrussian's answer, consider this an addendum) Stop arguing, and start saying Is a sentence I use a lot. I work a lot with group and team dynamics at work, I facilitate and coach as a living. Through my work and observing / learning from others I have experienced that a lot of conflicts are perpetuated by enabling ...


5

I'm familiar with this feeling. Negative interactions are your fault, but positive interactions are because of something else (the other person has good people skills, you got lucky, etc). In your own mind the problem is clear: you have bad social skills and you are unable to interact properly with people, so you must force yourself to practice and become ...


5

Well, it will take a frame shift for you, but it would be better for all parties if you took this to be useful feedback. I have a co-worker at my office who is smart, capable, and incisive. But in a conversation with anyone, he very rarely makes eye contact. This dramatically impacts his effectiveness, and his ability to connect to others. I'm pretty ...


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