115

I really like your question, mostly because it somewhat relates to our situation (me and my girlfriend, now wife). I was similar to your boyfriend. I was clean, but simple. Too simple. On very rare occasions I would get ready, or dress somehow special. And I didn't need to: I was living very close to my faculty (5 min) so I was waking up 5 mins before I ...


87

I don't think it hurts to let them know why you booked with someone else. We'd have booked with you but we really couldn't get hold of you. I'm certainly happy for you to take it on next year if you are going to be more contactable again. Something like that allows for an interpretation that their uncontactability was an aberration, perhaps down to ...


75

This is the problem with favours and recommendations that come through family or friends - it mixes business with friendship/family and people have unrealistic expectations. Plus in this case the link is pretty tenuous - your boyfriend is being hounded by his girlfriend's godmother's friend's son. Very few people, but by the sounds of it this lady is one of ...


72

Why are you trying to change her habits? You are on a date, and neither side has any standing to comment or change another persons behaviour. You also have no obligation to continue the date if her behaviour bothers you and makes it unlikely that you want to spend more time with this person. In fact, breaking off the date early, while it requires a bit of ...


69

I will get at the actual question below, but first let me start with a frame challenge: You are mad at the wrong person! You really want this to be about Lilly, but in reality the problem here is your BF. Forget about Lilly. She does not know you nor care about you, and you can't expect that she will help with this entire mess. Your boyfriend, on the other ...


63

Texting during a date is rude and disrespectful most of the time. There can be plenty of variation between the level of texting before it becomes rude (some prefer none and some don't mind responding when your phone alerts) and more importantly there could be external reasons they need to be texting. Because of this I think that being assertive is not the ...


61

Short answer: you can't. There is no non-smug way to say the words "I told you so". If your boyfriend is smart, he already knows. If you want to be part of the solution, you need to avoid arguing about it and likely he'll admit the error. And even if you want him to sort out his own mess, being smug about it can have the opposite effect of making the other ...


58

You shouldn't reward laziness. To learn, they need to debug code they've written. They're used to you saying yes and they rely on that. If they need help that's fine, but you need to set some boundaries before they take further advantage of your good nature, coding is time-consuming as it is. They need to learn on their own and being spoon fed really isn't ...


55

The most important thing here is to try and not accuse the coworker of a misdeed (even though what they are doing is a little fraud-y). If possible imply that the use of your name was an honest mistake (when Boss asks) i.e.: Oh, I'm not on that project anymore, he must've forgotten to remove my name from the list of reviewers Similarly you could use this ...


53

You are in the vicinity of a Help Vampire. The post explains the symptoms much better than me, though I suspect you already know them all too well already. If you follow the links you will find that the recommended solution is typically to cease your enabling behavior. By helping out with reading documentation, setting up demos and continuously rewarding ...


52

I'm not sure that you can get them to stop laughing. What you might be able to do is to shift the meaning of the laughter. Rather than say, "Well, actually, not all wines are vegan", consider the following conversation: Actually, even things made entirely from plants can be non-vegan if they are prepared with animal products. And wine is on the list ...


50

Regardless of whether it was sexual or not, no one should be invading your personal space if you don't want them to. This isn't normal regardless of the situation. You have several approaches: Your reaction doesn't have to be verbal, you could simply just pick his hand up and move it away from your thigh. But, if you do want to take a verbal approach, just ...


49

I think you have the right to be more forward about it. The dialogue you had could have gone a different way: Them: Come again? Me: Fred. Them: (puzzled face)... Me: Fred. Them: Were you baptized as Fred? Me (Thinking they wanted to understand my name's origin): That was Frederick, but I prefer when people call me Fred. Or: Me (Thinking they wanted to ...


48

Include him in these activities. Take initiative. Ask him to go brush teeth together. And then both brush teeth in the same room. About clothing, ask him wheter he wants fresh clothing that fits him better and is more comfy, and then propose a shopping center where you'll head together, and show him stuff that you think will look awesome. Gently push him to ...


44

I have tried the following things, each with some success. Refuse to get off the phone or answer "is there anything further I can help you with today" until I am transferred to a supervisor Hang up and call back immediately, hoping that a different CSR will do the escalation Tell them that if they can't find anyone within the company for you to talk to, you'...


42

Easier said than done because I feel that if I do this I will make it a bigger deal than it was It's your body, which makes it as big a deal as it is to you. If it concerns you enough to raise the issue, raise it. and that it will make things awkward for all of us It's already awkward for you from the moment he touched you. I think him being so ...


40

I think this could be dealt with by simply reiterating the name you chose to go by, via subtly - but firmly - correcting them every time they mention your full name, without necessarily sounding rude. I see it as if it was similar to a situation where someone forgot your name, or have a hard time pronouncing it, or like people who formally call you by your ...


39

Fellow vegan, so I know what this is like. I often get colleagues offer foodstuffs that are non-vegan (such as cakes containing milk, egg etc) and confusing veganism with vegetarianism (to the point people seem to be on the verge of arguing the incorrect definitions). Firstly, you need to stop worrying if people believe you or not, there will always be ...


38

I come from The Netherlands. Let me assure you that joking about relationships/weddings is very common here as well, since (at least in my area) people are usually married by their mid-twenties. Just as you, I get a lot of jokes about my lack of interest in any relationship. Here's what I have done about it: Not responding seriously at all. When a family ...


33

This is a very tough one, I feel sorry for you, really... As you can't tell people how to raise and take care of their kids, you're walking on eggs. Doing so would only lead into a dead-end and a no-win situation. You're left with: Say nothing (not good, you already tried) move (???) Let them know. I would use a quite flexible (snaky) approach, without ...


31

Some reports claim that as many as a third of millennials do not want children. How resolute they are, and whether or not they will change their stance as they get older is anyone's guess. But the point is, you aren't alone in your view. If true, then statistically speaking it shouldn't be difficult to meet like-minded individuals. The thought occurs then ...


31

My partner has made it clear that she never wants to have children (I do) and I didn't know until about 12-18 months into the relationship how strongly she felt about this. However this didn't cause us to break up...I accepted it, and now we are married. Despite that, I still often say to people "I'm hoping she'll change her mind on that" or something ...


26

Instead of stating it like an ultimatum: I will never have kids. How about asking what the other side's expectations are? What do you think about kids? Do you expect you'll have one/some after some years? If the answer is yes, you can just tell them it won't work between the two of you. If the answer is no, you can ask for further clarification: ...


25

You are being used and should stop what you are currently doing - start with a "No" You are being used and you should try to stick to a simple "No". The best way is probably to go with a "I'm sorry, but I don't have the time to help you with your problem. It's costing too much of my time and I've already shown you ways you can try ...


22

A few years ago, we were out to dinner and a bunch of Prom Kids (ick) came in. The girls had clearly spent hours and a lot of money on this. The guys were wearing wrinkled suits and Sports Ball mesh-back caps, turned backwards (of course). Not cool. A lot of us clueless guys sometimes don't realize that we're not putting in the same (or appropriate) level ...


21

How can I tell my date to not use her phone unnecessarily during dinner? I have news for you. You don't get to control your date's behaviour. In general you don't get to control someone's behaviour unless you are their parent or their boss. You can however do two things: Communicate to your date how you feel when she uses her phone unnecessarily. Ask if ...


21

I think it is as simple as: I have already booked service with another plumber. This a busy plumber. They don't want any fluff.


21

You tagged this question assertiveness. I want to go a bit further than the other commenters: the main thing for you to learn in this situation is how to become comfortable telling a service provider you no longer require their services. Essentially, you're "firing" your plumber. There's no point dancing around that fact. You have a right to use any plumber ...


Only top voted, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible