110

There is possibly a bigger issue here. If the question is literally "How to ask girlfriend to pay rent..", then you've almost, already, done that. A more diplomatic approach could be just starting a conversation with "So, how are we going to handle rent?". Depending on her financial status, it might actually be unfair to expect a 50/50 share on rent, but ...


81

The key word in your question is "invited". (update: It was. Question has since been edited to remove that word. Skip the next paragraph to get to the actual answer, I leave it as this was the original answer, the rest of this answer is independent of the word choice.) By our western cultural standards, if we are invited for something, we expect not to pay ...


78

One of my roommates, when I was younger, worked in a call center... Believe it or not, the people calling you hate doing it more than you hate being called. He didn't last long working there, but came home pretty beaten down at the end of the day. From what he said, the very best thing to do is to simply not answer the phone. The auto dialer just moves to ...


73

I, too, found your name telling (yes, actually, though most likely a joke, it's telling.) I'm sure you meant it as a joke. That doesn't mean it isn't offensive. I take it you're a male. You might remember Playboy clubs where the women are/were? dressed as bunnies. Bunnies aren't just cute and fuzzy. Think about it. "Fly me" was the byline of an airline ...


71

Seldom I've seen a question that is so well separated into two worlds. I think that you can settle this by dividing the risks and possibilities, and manage expectations with precision. Your nightmare: She moves in with you, lives in comfort on your pocket either indefinitely or until a better opportunity presents itself. Any 'love' in the equation is just ...


58

Exact time is somewhat dependant on situation, but if everyone is there and one person is 20+ minutes late, you should just order. If you want to be nice about it you can call them and say something like: We are ordering now, do you know what you want? We could order for you as well That lets them know what you're up to so that it isn't an unpleasant ...


56

I once had a noisy neighbour who was very inconsiderate like yours. Talking to him, knocking on his door and writing him letters didn't help. You should look up the bylaws in your city and see if your city has any bylaw enforcement. You would probably have more luck with bylaw enforcement because the police often feel like their time is being wasted handling ...


50

It is rude and presumptuous of them to question whether you have a disability, especially since your car was marked. This is something I understand happens to a lot of people with invisible illnesses or disabilities. Anyone who confronts or questions you is already being rude. You say that you want to help educate people, so do so when you have the energy. ...


50

My best friend had something similar happen to her. Her mother wanted her to be the best. She pushed her to always study, get the best grades, get into the best university, graduate with honours, get a master degree etc. She pushed me too, but I was not her kid, so she did not have the same amount of influence on me. We are now 25. She has a master degree in ...


47

I had to face the same problem with my classmates in my university often. After 2 years I decided to be clear about it. What I did was: Do my work without telling them that I have already done it. Helped them with combined studies, with the intention of helping them learning what we missed. Sometimes telling them that they need to do it themselves because ...


36

What is the standard/polite etiquette for 10 seconds of small talk in a workplace when you repeat the exact same process with the exact same person every single day? I don't know if there's exactly a standard etiquette for this specific situation. But from what I know, the core of etiquette boils down to being considerate of others feelings and being ...


34

The cold caller is working through a list, not trying to establish a relationship with you (other than getting your money). In that situation, "no thank you, I'm not interested -- please put me on your 'do not call' list" and hanging up is not rude. Yelling at or otherwise abusing the caller would be rude, but a polite "no" is perfectly reasonable. ...


29

If possible, something should be done while it is happening. Move. If you are sitting, ask him to get a you drink (or some other request that will allow you both to move). Then, while he gets up and leaves, simply excuse yourself. Once you are both in motion, make sure to end in a different spot. This of course only will work if there's no assigned seating. ...


29

The way you phrased your question, it sounds like you've asked your girlfriend to uproot her life and move 1000k, not out of love, but because you need someone to subsidize your rent. Now that might, in no way, be a fair read of the situation, but if it reads that way to me, just based on hearing only your side of the story, I could definitely see it ...


27

What you said in the comments is relevant for my answer: Directly asking the girl shows the group that i suspect everything IS NOT alright, and that puts the group in an opposing position to me and would likely but in and say "mind your own business". I would prefer to phrase it in a way that better avoids conflict. You need to understand the reason ...


25

Ideally you want to have conversations about this subject before it happens. Realistically, unless you want an awkward situation in the moment, you need to clarify expectations in advance. Talk with your partner, it doesn't have to be a long conversation, but make sure you both know how the other feels about this. It's entirely possible your partner didn't ...


24

Try to evoke her sympathy So this is a great Christmas get-together and everybody should have a good time. This is hardly something she could argue against. Try to evoke her sympathy by making clear that you didn't enjoy being Santa. your performance was lacking and you won't be able to improve, because of your weaknesses/shortcomings (being bad at public ...


23

This feels like an XY problem... (not saying this question is an XY problem, just the situation that prompted it) Your aunt is upset about her daughter and rather than addressing that, she had drinks and redirected her feelings into the "Santa" thing. You ended up having the rotten luck of being a casualty of her redirect. People get a little weird around ...


23

Your approach might work if she has noticed you and is also interested in you. However, if she hasn't noticed you or she's noticed and isn't interested, then such a blunt approach is likely to make her uncomfortable, which will translate into her not wanting to continue the conversation. What to do instead A better way to approach is to find a less blunt ...


22

It's like they have a plan of pitch depending upon which responses of rejection they receive. Yes. They usually have a script to follow. In the late '90s, the Dutch privacy artist EGBG (real name Martijn Engelbregt) created a counterscript, which you can use to derail the caller from their script by asking questions yourself. The completed forms are (still) ...


22

You don't!!! I mean you are moving in together. If she is actually your girlfriend and someone you care about, then you prepare yourself to support her. If you can't do that, then you have no business asking her to undertake this with you and should just break up now. To be clear, it's fine to say something like "we are going to go 50/50 on the rent", but ...


22

Realize that you are also saying no for their own sake. To me, it seems that you are not at all unwilling to help. You will definitely help them if they face an actual difficulty. What you are trying to avoid is being exploited. Letting them exploit you is not going to earn you any thanks and not going to teach them anything useful for life. You can ...


20

Apart from the aforementioned discussion with your partner, a very simple, subtle, non-confrontational approach is to ask for an introduction. Something along the lines of: "Hey, honey¹ why don't you introduce me to your friend²?" Honey may be replaced with whatever term of endearment you normally use. Friend may be replaced with whatever context ...


20

I experienced almost the exact same thing when I worked in a small shop some 26 years ago. Over the two years I worked in there on minimum wage there were a few 'customers' that would come in several times a week, ask stupid questions and then never buy anything. Only in my case it wasn't usually people of the opposite sex, and I concluded that they were ...


19

One strategy for coping with these kinds of issues is meta-talk. Much like SE sites each have an associated meta site, take a moment when you and the other person are both calm, and talk about how you argue. You can apologize for getting out of control when you argue, and you can express everything that you just said: you are fast to anger, but also fast ...


19

For a big group, I think waiting is expected. How long, though, is dependent on a lot of things. Is the person habitually late? Is the restaurant filled to capacity? Do some members of the party have a definite time frame (have to be somewhere else after dinner)? Is the restaurant staff looking askance at your table? Have you asked the server if the table ...


18

There are good answers here already about how to directly either get out of that situation or address the issue with your partner, but I'm going to take a different approach and suggest a shift in your own thinking. If your partner is trustworthy and faithful to you, then another woman hitting on him is not a threat to you or your relationship, and is ...


18

From your post, at least to me, you've tried almost everything a civilized person can do. Time for action now! As what I'm thinking right now isn't per se an IPS solution, I'll focus on another way to sort this out. I've seen this kind of individual and attitude (my girlfriend had a neighbour like yours, before we move together, some years ago), and she had ...


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