439

I don't think you can. I'll lay out why I think this is the case: The relationship you describe with Katie sounds exactly like any new romance except for the fact that you are both currently married to other people. You, personally, feel that there is romantic potential in the relationship. Except for your current marriage, you expect you would have the ...


259

From everything you've written here, it seems perfectly reasonable that your wife would be feeling jealous. Your wife is jealous because everything you are doing looks like cheating, regardless of how pure your intentions are. If you want to convince your wife that you two are just friends, it doesn't come down to saying the right things to your wife. It ...


231

Close friendships are wonderful. Right now, you are putting a lot of time and energy into your friendship with Katie, and you are both enjoying the benefits of that effort. A proportionate investment in your marriage will help it to be more stable and fulfilling, for both you and your wife, which should in turn lessen concerns about cheating. Most spouses ...


173

My goal is to win these arguments if they occur or to stop them from happening entirely. Everything but losing the argument, basically. How can I do that? You need to modify your definition of "winning" an argument with your father. His goal is to get in an argument. If you can avoid that argument, then you have "won". The best way to do this is to learn ...


127

So, I also saw that research once in a training, and I think that one of the reasons why your strategy is not working might be related to a misinterpretation of ...specifically that men do not like to talk face to face and women like to talk face to face Men do not like to talk face to face means that they don't like to be positioned facing the person ...


121

By having a long, hard talk with Katie about what your relationship is. It's going to suck, believe me. But you seem totally oblivious to the fact that you're having a full-blown emotional affair. If Katie is as oblivious as you, then you need to work together to figure out where the social line is and how you can get back to your own sides. If she's not ...


116

I think that the major reason your strategy isn't producing the results you want is because you've overinterpreted a very precise piece of information, and have based your entire approach around that overinterpretation The single most difficult element of your situation seems to me to be this: A few years ago, I read online that men and women communicate ...


99

I hesitate to suggest shunning her like the other answers suggest. It seems like it might work, but it also seems like it could be traumatic for her. A little about autism I think it's worth knowing a little about how she may see the problem. This is based on my own experience with autism, which probably isn't exactly the same as hers but might give some ...


91

"I didn't mean to" is a one-fits-all, automatic answer, akin to the "sorry" he was saying before. It's a sort of automatic protection. For what you tell, it looks like he's a very anxious person. One of my best friends is like that: when I make even some mild remark (like "would you mind closing the window? I'm a bit cold") she always tells "Sorry" with a ...


82

Keep in mind that doing this is a step that both of you cannot go back from. Suppose 10 or 20 years down the road he wants to reach out to you. Will you still hold that against him? If not, then firmly cutting ties may not be the best decision. But lets say that it is. You want to never again be associated with your friend. I think that the most ...


72

You seem to be an apple that didn't fall far from the tree. When there are two people in an argument who prefer "anything but losing the argument" this is what is going to happen. People are going to yell, get their phones, prove facts, say those don't matter, say you must have remembered wrong, and generally get upset. I know it's upsetting to have things ...


63

You don't As someone that has been in a similar situation, I can give you a bit of insight in how this would be received by your friend. Simply put, you are not in a position to diagnose (or meddle with) the mental state of others, especially over the internet. Frankly put, this is none of your business. Later down in the answer, I will outline what you can ...


62

From a communication point of view, your main problem is excusing yourself and giving an challenge-able explanation, while at the same time acknowledging that other solutions exist. As a person with High-functioning autism, I noticed a lot of(if not all) people have some type of behaviour that's similar or identical Your cinema example is a good way to ...


61

Just because you are someone who will take that information calmly doesn't mean everyone is. To the flight attendants, you could well freak out about the possibility of something terribly wrong on the plane, they may not know you. In addition, if someone else overheard what was said, they could freak out instead. Sure, you may be curious as to what has ...


59

Background to my response I'll start by giving some context from my own experience. I am a woman who has been dating a man who has Asperger's for over a year and a half. We have also been living together for about nine months. We met on an online dating site and our relationship is continuing to strengthen as we go along. He told me that he had ...


58

I am not talking to her at parties, or approaching her. But she still seems intent on ruining the party for me, by ruining the conversations I am having, hijacking them and then pretending I don't exist, acting like they just started a conversation with another person that was not having a conversation to begin with. Simply ignoring you is something that ...


52

Rude would be arguing with the compliment. An honest gracious response is, generally, not rude. Humility is also important, which you seem to have a good deal of. That's a good thing as well. I understand your struggle with human interactions. There's never a good rule of "if this, then do that" or if there is, there are a ton of exceptions to that rule....


51

There's a good time to be quiet. This is one of those. More or less, panicking people is a terrible idea. You're in a tin can hurtling through the sky on jet fuel and engineering. Your pilot is a trained professional, as is your air crew. You got home safe. If you need to know, they will probably tell you. Don't be this guy. Actually oddly enough, that ...


47

I would start out by telling people you don't think the joke is funny any time they make the joke. So for example, some one makes one of these bird jokes you could sigh and say: That joke is so stale you should really stop. Keep your voice calm and try to sound more like your just tired of the joke instead of frustrated by it. From your question it ...


46

Don't start with "I love you." Don't even start with "I am falling in love with you." That is leaping too far "down the track" and could startle or scare her. Even if she is feeling exactly as you are: how would you feel if she called you tomorrow and said "I love you, let's get married!" How about asking her? Something like Would you say our ...


46

I know this is more of an anti-answer, but I think it's an important Interpersonal Skill to identify the difference between knowledge and feeling. How can you convince her? You can't. Here's why: Jealousy is an emotion! You can't change someone's emotions. Emotions don't adhere to logic and reasoning. Emotions are embedded in human psychology. Think ...


44

To answer the question: you can't. The other answers go into good detail on why you can't and I agree with them, so I won't repeat everything they said here (for more detail see the points made by the other answers), but to summarize, what you're doing is an emotional affair whether intended or not, so there is no way to convince your wife otherwise. ...


41

Depending on how comfortable you feel saying it, you could simply say: "Thank you, don't worry about it" And then smile politely. You're not saying something untrue as it was an accident and I doubt you want the person to worry about what he did for the rest of the day, so I feel as though that is a very good alternative for "it's okay" and often I say "...


41

It's been a while since I've dated, but I've been married for quite a while. So maybe I might have some insight here. When I'm on a date with my wife, I want to be her focus - and she wants to be mine. I want her to think that she's the most interesting thing in the world at that point in time. Were she to bring a book, or work to do, I'd be really ...


39

Not to stray too far into parenting but I had a similar problem with learning reading comprehension at a young age. My primary motive for not reading much was the same too: I was uninterested in what I was being shown. This is where the key to the answer lies. You need to find a topic that Jane is interested in. There are likely to be a few where she's very ...


38

The problem isn't her dropping hints, it's her interpreting your statements as hints. I bet you think that's preposterous. You only say just what you mean, right? Well, maybe. Let's take a look at your example. ME: This week I'll only be able to meet on Tuesday, because of so, so and so. HER: Oh, I actually had an appointment that day... ME: ...


34

The fact that you are both on the autism spectrum can work in your favor bringing this up because you can share a common point of view. You might ask him a more general starting question like: I know that we have both had to endure strange looks or bullying because of some of our behaviors. I would hope that if you noticed something I was doing that ...


34

Please note that I am not autistic. My experience is tertiary from my brother who was diagnosed with Asperger's, now High-Functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder, and how we handled sensory issues and other people for him. Your requests seem very valid and well worded, but the issue is the other person's protestations to your requests. The other party seems to ...


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