126

So, I also saw that research once in a training, and I think that one of the reasons why your strategy is not working might be related to a misinterpretation of ...specifically that men do not like to talk face to face and women like to talk face to face Men do not like to talk face to face means that they don't like to be positioned facing the person ...


116

I think that the major reason your strategy isn't producing the results you want is because you've overinterpreted a very precise piece of information, and have based your entire approach around that overinterpretation The single most difficult element of your situation seems to me to be this: A few years ago, I read online that men and women communicate ...


62

From a communication point of view, your main problem is excusing yourself and giving an challenge-able explanation, while at the same time acknowledging that other solutions exist. As a person with High-functioning autism, I noticed a lot of(if not all) people have some type of behaviour that's similar or identical Your cinema example is a good way to ...


54

I used to have a colleague that was on the spectrum as well, and when I had just met him, he also used questions like these. From my (non-spectrum) perspective, a question like Why do you say that? appears to question/doubt what I just said. If I tell you my opinion on something, and you asking me why I say that, it appears to question my opinion, and I ...


41

It's been a while since I've dated, but I've been married for quite a while. So maybe I might have some insight here. When I'm on a date with my wife, I want to be her focus - and she wants to be mine. I want her to think that she's the most interesting thing in the world at that point in time. Were she to bring a book, or work to do, I'd be really ...


41

For most people, active listening techniques are going overboard in casual conversation For most people, casual conversation is casual. Having one person seem to take it too seriously almost forces you to start taking what you thought was casual conversation or even "small talk" seriously as well. That can make the conversation unexpectedly intense. When ...


34

Please note that I am not autistic. My experience is tertiary from my brother who was diagnosed with Asperger's, now High-Functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder, and how we handled sensory issues and other people for him. Your requests seem very valid and well worded, but the issue is the other person's protestations to your requests. The other party seems to ...


32

I dont think you need to focus so much on WHAT to say, but just the fact that you are talking to them. According to Open Democracy, a lot of homeless people are lonely, 77% of homeless people often or sometimes feel lonely, according to a survey undertaken by Crisis in 2015. That’s more than three times the level of loneliness amongst the middle-aged ...


23

I'm on the spectrum myself, and I understand that dating can be quite the challenge. I've had a fair bit of success with it (I'm now married), so I've got a few tips that can help you out. Why your recent strategies have failed First of all, it's important to understand why what you've been doing hasn't worked. While it may be true (though it certainly isn'...


20

I didn't have this exact issue with my mom, but I have had the need to have difficult conversations with her about certain things she did and how they made me feel that it seemed like she was totally unaware of, just like in your case. Also I have taken some courses on negotiation and handling difficult conversations. In my family we don't talk feelings ...


19

I am in a similar situation. Except We are both female and I am her one to one job coach. I get very uncomfortable when she rubs my back, tries to give me back massages etc. unfortunately sometimes people on the spectrum, as well as typical people, have a hard time understanding boundaries. Are you my friend? Boy/girl friend? How do I treat my friend as a ...


17

Reiterate that the core issue is related to the autism, and that as a result "standard" fixes are not effective. Also consider pointing out that you, too, are trying to minimize your own stress and inconvenience. My experience with autism is also second-hand (relatives and acquaintances with autism, not myself). But I do have OCD and there are a lot of ...


14

I have found in my dating and married life, as well as with friends and family, that everyone is different. We do not need to generalize men as non-talkers and women as talkers that make them uncomfortable. I married a man who does not like social situations and is very quiet. However, when we went out, our conversation was very easy. He opens up to me, ...


13

You've already communicated this to your spouse, and this is no longer the problem you're having. Your spouse is likely upset because the way they want to express their affection for you clashes with how you prefer to receive affection. Based on the question, it seems that you've already conveyed this information to your spouse, and you believe they ...


11

I don't typically comment on aspects of people's appearances because I try to avoid finding myself in a situation such as you've found yourself in, but I have witnessed it on many occasions, and I have never seen someone react poorly to receiving a compliment. There are lines that can be crossed though. One common one is asking to touch the hair (which you ...


10

Frame challenge: Why do you link those two? (the diagnosis and the problem) That you have problems with strong smells is a problem that can be dealt with separately. I have a position where I regularly train people in conflict resolution, coaching, problem solving and communication. Part of that curriculum are some small "rules-of-thumb" that is generally ...


9

I've worked with homeless people weekly for couple months per year over 2-3 years at a winter shelter (Toronto, Canada). You are already doing far, far more than most people (eye contact, shake hands, have a conversation). From a respected mentor, here are the things that homeless people appreciate: Eye contact: Most people walk by and try to avoid them. ...


9

The answer is actually quite obvious: ask them! If you start the conversation (after the hello/how are you?/fine you?/ok ok ...) with a genuine interest in how they feel, you'll achieve exactly what you are asking for here. Asking how they would feel about you talking happily about your work shows them 2 things: 1) That you are willing to give them ...


8

An important point especially pertinent to the first several dates is that the goal should be to try to get know each other so that you can both decide whether to continue to pursue the relationship. In this way your current strategy is extremely disruptive and counter productive, by withdrawing into a book or your work you are not engaging with your date so ...


7

Giving feedback to someone about the fact they smell can be a bit tricky. That's why I won't talk about that in my answer, especially since Lux Claridge's one do that very well. I'm on the autism spectrum too and I also have anxiety issues. Before I do something, I need it to be planned in advance. For example, if you want me to drive a car, I need to know ...


7

I would like to add a few thoughts to the excellent answers already given. I used to visit a homeless shelter once a week for a period of about 5 years, and it never ceased to make me feel humbled and thankful. Kindness shown towards others, especially those less fortunate, not only brightens their lives, but also changes YOU in the best possible ways. ...


7

In the UK, any employee who has been in their job for more than 26 weeks has a protected right to ask for part-time or flexible working hours. The employer's response has to be a business decision. For example, if you worked in a shop that was open 7-11 and you asked for work midnight-6am then obviously that isn't compatible with the needs of the business ...


6

How can I talk with these people about this? Be concise and to the point. I know it is probably very hard for you to do but try to be stern and short. Remind yourself that they, in my opinion at least, do not necessarily have any claim on the remainder of that money outside of your morals. You do not owe them the remainder of the money persay but to avoid ...


6

You're dating without a purpose. Stop. As you mention in a comment, you're not sure why you're going on dates, just that you're supposed to. This is where you are coming undone. You have no aim, so you're aimless. And that is how you are making a first impression of a nose in a book. That isn't on your radar, clearly. And when you discuss it, from ...


6

What you describe looks like a catch 22 situation to me. On the one hand, you want to know because of a specific issue, and on the other hand, don't want to tell them the exact reason for knowing. So, it's also like being between a rock and a hard place. You either suck it up... or not! What I would do, in your situation, is a "twist", the use of something ...


6

There are two questions here really. One is how to get your mother to stop making these exaggerated complaints that leave you feeling completely unappreciated, and the other is how to choose what things you do with your mother that give her the most benefit for your effort. I think you can pursue both of these goals by (and I know this may be surprising) ...


6

I've thought about your question quite a while, particularly for you being so insistent about it - this is not the first time that you bring up the issue in one way or the other. I've actually thought that the other (quite comprehensive) answers should have sufficed, but clearly they don't. For you, I mean. It's by far too long a tale to tell how I've come ...


6

You might get better reactions if you don't include the other person in your question. For example, asking "Does that mean" instead of "Do you mean" when applicable will lower the chances of your interlocutor thinking he explained poorly / said something wrong instead of thinking the concept he was explaining could be difficult to understand. Instead of ...


5

There are books and articles that say men don't like to talk face to face, but the meaning is the particular geometric orientation, not that they don't want to talk. For example: Intercultural Communication: Girls and women talk face-to-face; boys and men prefer to sit at an angle Talking shoulder-to-shoulder, not face-to-face: men often ...


5

I think there are a few things to consider when approaching this issue. One thing is that it is difficult for many people to hear what might seem like a 'generic complaint', and accurately determine how to respond. This can stem from an actual lack of empathy, a difficulty in reading others' cues, or simply a desire to avoid committing to a course of ...


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