106

I had a similar situation when I was a teenager - an online friend who didn't give any indication to her gender, so we all assumed she was male, and she never bothered to correct us. One day, she said something about her personal life that indicated her gender, which surprised me in particular, and I incredulously asked "[username], are you a girl??&...


44

There is no way of knowing for sure how they'll react to it, but being upfront and honest about it, while stating your reasons and apologizing for keeping it a secret for this long is probably the best way to go. Correct me if I'm wrong, but as I understand, initially you were unsure of how they would treat you knowing you're female. Then as time went on, ...


38

Talking about paying rent after two weeks gives the impression you can stay for more than two weeks! It can already be seen in the reaction from your friend: He said he would pay a respectable rent although I am unsure of his definition of respectable. In other words, he's okay with staying for more than two weeks now, and thinks you'd be okay with that ...


31

I used to visit a barbershop back before my hair decided to vacate the premises. The response I heard from other men was "I'm waiting for Bob". So the barbers would look for whoever was next; he'd say "I'm waiting for Bob" and they'd move on to the next customer. Based on what I saw there, barbers in the US are used to that behavior. No ...


27

Say both at the same time. "I very much agree that X did you wrong and I will try and help you in that regard in any way I know. But you cannot blame all Gs. There are bad people in any group of people, like X in G. I share your pain, but that's no reason for racism/ageism/whateverism." Well, that's how I handle these kinds of situations. It ...


24

There are many reasons she might want to bring another person. One might be to ensure her safety, or that of her reputation. Another might relate to a promise made to her parents or someone else. She might be trying to make it clear to you that this is not a "date" or romantic meeting, just two work friends chatting. She might even want someone to ...


24

The phenomenon you're experiencing has a name: "not all men". It applies not only when men are the group G, but for any group. What you need to understand is that they are not condemning the whole group, so you don't need to correct that. That G, X, [did terrible thing]! All G are [string of nasty adjectives.] Despite having said "All G are&...


16

Both of my children have taken in friends with nowhere to live and yes, faced the issue of how to limit that stay. I think the key is in the way you tell the person they can stay. Compare: Sure, this house is huge, I'll take you in for a while, no problem! to I'm sure you can find a place in the next 6 months, but of course if it ends up that you need a ...


14

I‘d suggest that you take a specific situation in one of those larger meetings. As soon as he credits you, you raise your hand or - if this is normal behavior in those meetings - just jump in with something along the lines of Thank you, Bob, and let me add that this approach was developed by Susan, and I am as fond of it as you are. By thanking him, you ...


13

I want to summarise your question slightly differently than written. You have a house and like your own space. Your friend has been given 6 months notice to leave his place, is struggling to find a new place, and wants to "move in" (not the same as staying temporarily); you think he may be taking advantage of the situation. You have told him he ...


12

How can I convince my sister's husband to switch to boxer shorts? You can't. This is way too personal for you to be involved in. Between this being about underwear, and about it being a treatment for a potential medical problem, which is in turn about his family life...you can't get involved. This is not your problem to fix, do not even try. It's between ...


11

Lame excuses just lead to more asking. If you don't want to see him, just reply "No thankyou" or "Sorry, but no" or other fairly terse things when he invites you to get together. Someone who is willing to go through someone else's wallet and then berate them over what was found there is not someone who will get the hint after 4 or 5 lame ...


11

While I wasn't in a similar situation myself directly, I had an (online) friend that found himself in a similar situation. I tended to present much more aggressively ("male", some would say), but I was also quite outspoken so if somebody I expected to stick around assumed wrong (or even worse, expressed utter surprise that a "girl is playing ...


7

This is a VERY delicate situation. Under normal circumstances, what kind of underwear a person wears is absolutely none of anyone's business. You wouldn't take a coworker aside and tell them their underwear was too sexy for the office, for example. I am sure that before this you had absolutely no idea what kind of underwear your brother in law wore, and that ...


6

I am going to have to disagree with Kate in her answer. I think there is a strong distinction between a few examples of inflammatory behavior coming from specific members of particular groups, and stereotyping unfairly, and emotionally, in the heat of the moment, that all members of that particular group are problematic. Self restraint and rational thinking ...


6

Some people find talking in social situations much easier and can seemingly break into a group straight away, but that isn't always a good thing. Most social groups build up gradually and organically over time, and people don't instantly break into them as easily as you might think. When you see someone loudly and confidently breaking into a new social group,...


6

Most likely, these young people are trying to impress you. Maybe they are feeling intimidated by your status (of being an American or a European). (We, Indians, subconsciously (and at times consciously) feel that Americans or Europeans or Australians are better than us.) So, maybe these young people are trying to tell you that they too have quality and that ...


6

I once sold a rather expensive item to a friend. The item's new price was more than 1000€ and it went used for just under 1000€ on Ebay. We agreed to a price slightly (50€) below the Ebay price. At the time I suggested the price. I chose a price that left me no better nor worse off, regardless if my friend agreed to the deal. As such I could communicate ...


6

I use the following technique in a bouldering gym where I used to go. I approach to someone and I ask them "Hi, I see you easily climb that wall, will you show me how do you climb this route?". Always they make a comment about climbing and then they climb the route I asked them. After that I make a flattering comment and ask their names while ...


6

So I thought of presenting my own view on this, now that a year has passed since that incident happened In spite of all the helpful advices in other anwsers, I simply brushed it off like nothing happened. I was a mess at that time and relying too much on that person, that the thought of losing him made me afraid because I believed he was my hope to live. So ...


4

Interpersonal skills are the behaviors people use to interact well. You're blocked, that's the other person putting up a boundary. Respecting that boundary is the interpersonal skill that you could and should use to save face. You've apologized to her in two places, presumably the rest of the group can see the apology you left her there. Leaving her alone is ...


4

Everyone has a different expectation of what constitutes a satisfactory answer to any given question he asks, even that question is as straightforward and simple as what 1 + 1 equals. That is due to the fact that there are certain subjective presumptions of prior knowledge inherent in both the question and in any attempted answer that are by no means ...


3

I had the same situation when I was still student with a group of friends and friends of friends. One of my closest friend (lets call her Mary) had a problem with a guy (Ben). The story behind it was absolutely stupid, but Ben wasn't able to forgive or forget, and was even badmouthing Mary behind her back to the rest of the group. Mary immediately tried to ...


2

I see the following three statements as being key to your problem: So I could be potentially paying utility bills on behalf of 3 unofficial housemates for months to come. I also don’t like being walked over or people taking the p*ss when it comes to living for free at others expense. It’s a matter of principle. How should I go about asking them to ...


2

In seminary we learned about counseling others and I've volunteered with the elderly. For the most part, people in advanced years and declining health know what's happening. We all face our own mortality - some do it earlier than others. Some choose to ignore their decline, others choose to act like it's not happening, still others are realistic about it. ...


2

As an intro, I am a person too that has a very not-happy facial expression and I know your situation, being asked how you are due to this expression. Since I started to watch other peoples' expressions, I learned this is very common. Almost nobody walks along smiling or laughing, so why should I? Are others being asked that too? How to let people know I am ...


2

I have only some limited experience with these kinds of situations (from both sides). What I experienced in those situations is: This "I don't expect anything in return", as true as it may be, won't be how the receiving side usually feels in case of gifted money. It may work, where there's a deep existing friendship. But without that level of ...


1

"My gut feeling" Don't ignore a gut feeling. I've done this a couple of times in my life with disastrous results. If you have someone living with you because of your feelings of guilt, you will inevitably build up resentment. This will finish your friendship. You will end up arguing about shared food, who cleans the bathroom, who pays for what and ...


1

Kate's answer is on how to make sure that you understand your girlfriend correctly, which is not bad, but I feel doesn't really answer the question. As someone who experiences something similar to what your girlfriend might experience, I would like to share how you can support her. Reading what you have described about your girlfriend, I feel I can relate to ...


1

What I see boiling just beneath the surface of this story is the roiling politics of a talented female in a male-dominated culture. I understand why you feel uncomfortable. So would I, if I were credited for someone else's contributions to the company or society or life in general. It's not right, it's unfair, and it's unjust. I feel very strongly that we ...


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