96

Don't give the tickets, give an invitation to go to the concert together. That way you will be making it clear what your gift is: attending the concert with you. Also, this leaves you still holding the tickets. One caveat here is that this should not make her uncomfortable. If you're romantically interested in her and this gift is actually a date in ...


63

For work, I bring in donuts for everyone and let them know I brought them in to celebrate my birthday. This is a pretty common gesture at many workplaces in the Midwest US. Alternatives are cupcakes, bagels, cake, a fruit or veggie tray, or any other snack type thing that can be shared.


44

You don’t. You will find in life people forget things. Usually as people get older and more mature (past their teens) they care less about the occasion of their birthday. If as a grown man he’s honestly that upset about you forgetting his birthday (which right now you're simply assuming) then all you can really do is tell him “I’m sorry” because if he is a ...


32

Birthdays are not something you can believe in or not. They are a matter of fact. A person is born, and once a year this day repeats. What you can chose to practice or "believe in" is celebrating that occasion. Its perfectly fine not to celebrate certain things. I do not celebrate Jewish holidays, nor Muslim ones (nor many, many others, e.g. July 4th, its ...


32

I think the only thing you can do here is 'be polite'. If your co-worker is that excited about her birthday, she obviously attaches more value to it than you do. That's okay, people are all allowed their own 'opinions'. So, just like it's your right to 'not believe in birthdays', it's your co-worker's right to be super-excited about it. That doesn't mean ...


28

It's delicate, but I'd roughly say the following. I've got two tickets to see this band, want to have one? Don't worry about the price, consider it a late birthday present. We can try grab a third ticket if {boyfriend's name here} wants to join in. This does the following: Explains you are offering only one. Mentions it's a gift, even dealing with the ...


24

This is not a date, we would go as friends. I'm sure she won't reject my invitation (as we been to concert before). She does have a boyfriend, so she might think the tickets are for the two of them. since you've edited to add this information, I think it is fair to update my answer to take this into consideration. My suggestion is to give her one ...


22

What I've often found is that people find gifts that "work" and they fall back on those when they don't know what the person actually wants. We often have this expectation that all of our friends and family should know what we want for our birthday or the holidays without them asking or without us telling them. The idea, "you're my parent/spouse/sibling/...


19

Do not give her the actual tickets. Instead, make your own ticket (either arts/crafts or graphic design depending on your skillset) that says something like the following: Awesome Band Admit one One night only with your friend SirDuckduck! And give her that with the card. This way, there's no ambiguity about how she can use the ticket. You also won't have ...


19

Yesterday a colleague of mine had birthday and I didn't know about it until later that day where she brought in some food and sent an email to everyone. I felt pretty embarrassed, as I already met her at that morning but had no clue. That sounds pretty standard to me, other than the fact that you got embarrassed by it. Most adults aren't that bothered about ...


18

Short answer: You can't. There is no such thing as convincing someone. You can display your arguments and that is all. The part of actually believing what you said/demonstrated is up to him. Having forgotten his birthday for a few hours doesn't diminish how much you care or how important the person is for you, those are separate facts. There are certain ...


17

Option 2 sounds like the safest and most honest way to handle it. If Person A is likely to be uncomfortable, but you still want them to show up, it's probably better if you give them a chance to prepare rather than be surprised by the situation. Just break it to them tactfully and express how important it is to you that they be there. Of course you can't ...


17

I'd like to try a small "frame challenge" with you. Try to help me answer this imaginary question: How can I tell my friend I was wrong to over-react when they forgot my birthday? I have a friend who has been struggling a lot with mental health over the last few weeks and was nearly hospitalised on multiple occasions. A few days before my birthday, they ...


15

While I personally think there is no social obligation to tell people, I find that most people love the opportunity to celebrate something like a birthday if given a chance. If it were me I'd say, My 30th birthday is coming up next week and I was wondering if you all would like to go to lunch, or happy hour to celebrate with me. I think this is a ...


15

You don't believe in birthdays, or in celebrating them? Hard to deny this person was born? Jehovah's Witnesses also don't celebrate birthdays because they think only God is worth celebrating. I used to know one. He just told me best way is to tell this person you don't want to celebrate because of what you believe. This is as polite as it can get in your ...


15

Seems like people hasn't known about your belief before. If they had known before, they will respect you by leaving you alone that day (well, perhaps with extra, but subtle, kindness, although they won't mention it because your birthday). Make your (dis)belief in birthdays known before the date. You can try directly approaching one of the organizer Hey, ...


15

It's actually not common at all to have 5 years left to live. A few months, a year or two, or "there's nothing we can do" are the usual diagnoses. That said, whether a person is dying or not, their birthday is a time to say "I am glad you haven't died yet" in one way or another, and so it would be proper and good to celebrate their birthday, knowing it may ...


14

There are three ways that I've tried to get people to stop doing stuff. The first is to ask them to stop. That sometimes works; more often than not the other party says "Hey, that bothers OldPrussian. Let's do it more!" And the problem gets worse instead of better. The second way I've tried to get people to stop doing things is to make it their problem ...


11

From my own experience, my Father was very ill and died the day after my nephew's 21st birthday, what is important is to demonstrate care for the bereaved person, rather than to wish them a happiness which might seem inappropriate in the moment. To wish someone a happy day at the funeral of a close family member, as you clearly understand, has potential to ...


9

Just say: Hey, can we talk? I might have overheard you were throwing a surprise party. Can you do me a favor and not organize one. I don't believe in birthdays for this and this reason. Thanks. (Polite and to the point) Or at lunch start a conversation like this: Did you know, I think this and this about birthdays, because this and this. What do you ...


8

I think you should stop feeling guilty. People are not entitled to your gifts. Your money is yours alone to spend on your friends. If they are not yet in your inner circle (of gift), they can't force their way in. You don't need to feel must to include them, too. One way to explain this is to thank them for being such a good friend for x years. That set an ...


8

There are a couple of things for you to pick and choose from. Let's begin with: I like her The choice that I would ask you to make is this.... Is your hard-line take against not celebrating birthdays more important than the person you think you like? Will going out of your way offend you badly enough if you wished her on her birthday? If you answer ...


8

I find "A" and "B" a bit impersonal, so I'll call them Alice and Bob. Invite Them Separately Invite Alice at an earlier time than Bob and most of the guests, and tell Alice that Bob will be coming. That way, Alice can plan her visit early and leave before Bob arrives. Rationale You don't want to invite them both at the same time and have to play the ...


8

How to reassure my mother about the fact that forgetting my birthday does not mean I'm mad at her? Crazy thought, but ... don't do anything at all, don't take any intiative. My mom sometimes thinks she's a terrible mom for doing certain things (like pushing me to buy extra nice clothes, while I prefer to wear a plain jeans and sweater). Afterwards, she ...


7

There are lots of ways to let people know that your birthday is coming up or is occurring. I'm a big fan of birthdays, regardless of their importance. My son's first birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and I'm already telling people about it. If it's upcoming, talk about your plans or what you're excited about/dreading. Everyone loves talking about ...


7

Social tip: You never have to do anything It is quite common that people see invitations as demands rather than just...inviting them. Its also pretty common for them to be seen as a quid pro quo "You come to mine, I come to yours" sort of deal. Your aunt and uncle don't see things that way (else they would be coming to your parties) and, as such, ...


7

In my personal experience: If you invite people, you're the one paying Unless you invite people and clearly state on the invitation that you're expecting people to contribute. A befriended couple of mine invited me to a bar for a birthday of one of them. They clearly stated that first round is on them and for the rest of the night it's everyone for ...


7

Explain that your text was a joke It can be very difficult to convey a joke through text. You said that you tried Telling her (both on the phone and by texts) that it was okay, that it was not a big deal and that I loved her. But you never told her that your message was meant as a joke. By saying that it's not a big deal, you imply that it did bother ...


6

I think we need to understand a little better what the problem is. Is it that you don't want to say anything birthday related? Are you afraid there's going to be a party and you mustn't go? Is signing a birthday card off limits too? Depending on what your office's custom is, there might be quite a bit to dodge. You ... could ... take the day off. There ...


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