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203 votes
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How to tell girlfriend I don't want to meet without hurting her feelings?

Having been here before myself, I think you need to realize what this means for your relationship. You don't feel able to relax and have you-time with her around. This is probably because you place a ...
JessieArr's user avatar
  • 1,912
203 votes
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How do I deal with a coworker who unplugs my monitor because I didn't turn it off?

Anne is clearly a fervent believer in saving power. In fact, one might go far enough as to call her a fanatic based on your description. And your mistake has been making concessions, and validating ...
AndreiROM's user avatar
  • 17.1k
186 votes
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Girlfriend's nosy mother keeps expressing that she'll show up unannounced

Like most boundary related issues, this is one of those "set a boundary and stick to it" situations. If the boundary you set says that it isn't ok to drop by unannounced, then that's the boundary. ...
apaul's user avatar
  • 54.8k
176 votes

How do I politely explain to my neighbour that I don't feel comfortable being alone with her in her house while my kids play?

Spend some time (with your wife) getting to know Jane. Invite her and her kids over for dinner, or a Saturday lunch grill-out, or have your two families meet for bowling or something. It seems strange ...
redOctober13's user avatar
  • 1,361
164 votes
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Partner reading my phone messages

You are right to be bothered by this. Not specifically because she goes through your phone, but because you explicitly told her you do not want her to go through your phone, and she did it anyway. The ...
Erik's user avatar
  • 7,274
161 votes

How to let people know I don't appreciate being ignored in instant messaging?

No one likes to be ignored, but with digital media, that's unfortunately something you will have to get used to. People often read messages pretty quickly but do not always have the time to ...
Ansem's user avatar
  • 1,279
160 votes
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How do I gently reject an indecent proposal?

I think you handled it perfectly. First, a long silence. This is the best way to indicate to someone that their joke, suggestion, comment or whatnot is over some sort of line and not ok. Second, a ...
Kate Gregory's user avatar
  • 44.8k
147 votes
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How do I politely explain to my neighbour that I don't feel comfortable being alone with her in her house while my kids play?

My biggest concern with you addressing Jane is that she could take offense to the implication of her wanting to seduce you (presently or at a future time), so to avoid that I'd suggest saying ...
Jess K.'s user avatar
  • 22.7k
130 votes
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How do I tell a co-worker that just because something is a hobby doesn't mean I want to do it for free?

I think you already said all that really needed to be said when you said: No. "No" is a complete sentence. You're not always required to justify yourself when saying "no". I think this qualifies ...
apaul's user avatar
  • 54.8k
128 votes
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How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment?

TL;DR: You messed up, own that to yourself before you talk to her. Don't lie. Express how your lie was wrong to her, and mean it when you say it. Figure out your needs, and her needs, and ...
PolyPixiePaladin's user avatar
127 votes

How to ask for a wish from a woman?

As I said in the question's comments, I think this is strongly culturally-related, but let's take a shot in the dark: In many regions of the world, such a bet would already be considered as flirting, ...
avazula's user avatar
  • 14.3k
126 votes
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I live in a desirable, world-famous vacation spot. How do I handle visiting friends and set healthy boundaries?

A few years ago, I used to fantasize about what it would be like to be in your situation, because I wanted to live in a very beautiful part of Europe. Kind of like winning the lottery, I suppose; it ...
anongoodnurse's user avatar
120 votes
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How should my wife handle an engaged admirer and his fiancee?

I would encourage your wife to talk to the fiancee about this. The person best able to put an end to this is the fiancee. Even if she can not, she needs to know who she's engaged to before she's ...
Catija's user avatar
  • 14.2k
115 votes
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How to enforce a "No Shoes" policy in my apartment?

My dentist handles this by handing people slippers as they arrive on rainy days. I think you can adapt the technique quite well. Get a variety of soft loose slippers with nonslip soles somewhere ...
Kate Gregory's user avatar
  • 44.8k
104 votes
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How to decline physical affection from a child whose parents are pressuring them?

When it comes to my own young cousins and children of friends, I usually give them an explicit choice between sharing physical affection and not, while still expecting that they will obey the spirit ...
Meg's user avatar
  • 4,899
97 votes

How to let people know I don't appreciate being ignored in instant messaging?

You can't expect people to answer you right away when you send them a written message. They might be busy, they might be too tired to answer, they might haven't taken any decision yet and so one. ...
Ael's user avatar
  • 17.2k
85 votes
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Childhood friend wants to get a "best friends" tattoo but I do not think it is a good idea

Pro-tip: Never get matching designs, names, or any other tattoos that will forever be a reminder of someone. With the exception of your own children, or perhaps mother, these kinds of tattoos are ...
apaul's user avatar
  • 54.8k
85 votes
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How to negotiate with landlady in a shared home who flat out says "no"?

In the absence of anything explicit in your tenancy agreement, this comes down to what you can negotiate with them. Ultimately it's their place and if they never intended for you to store items ...
Will Appleby's user avatar
  • 2,493
84 votes
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How to handle my girlfriend's parents' attitude to asking her for money?

The varying amounts which your girlfriend is being charged, combined with the emotional guilt tripping ("not a good daughter" if she doesn't pay up) lead me to believe that this is an exploitative ...
AndreiROM's user avatar
  • 17.1k
83 votes

How can I know whether a female house guest is interested in more than a friendly visit?

You are a man, she is a woman. If there were a reliable way of reading her intentions, half of all books, movies, plays, songs, operas and other artwork would not exist. You need to approach this ...
Tom's user avatar
  • 7,045
80 votes

How do I gently reject an indecent proposal?

Sometimes the best way to handle it is to not consider it. After they made their "helpful" suggestions, you could have said something like "so, a box of Godiva dark, then?" to Bob. You don't need to ...
Monica Cellio's user avatar
79 votes

Answer to: "Why aren't you with your boyfriend right now?"

Bit left field but this happened to me recently and I just kind of laughed and shouted: "Because I'm a strong independent woman who don't need no man!" Edit: in response to Vality's comment, the ...
sudowoodo's user avatar
  • 1,656
79 votes

Dealing with unwanted "Joking" physical contact

First see the situation from another perspective: These people do something to you that you don't want to be done They do it without your consent They do it daily They know you don't like it but they ...
Elmy's user avatar
  • 6,039
75 votes
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How to deal with an annoying front passenger?

I faced this with someone my own age who, no matter how much we discussed this, could not be a polite passenger. We're talking bracing yourself against the dashboard as we go around a corner, mashing ...
Kate Gregory's user avatar
  • 44.8k
71 votes

How to enforce a "No Shoes" policy in my apartment?

Edited to respond to asker's clarification: I think right when people come in, either when you greet them or walk in with them, a simple "Can you please take your shoes off?" will suffice. If you ask ...
tilde's user avatar
  • 680
70 votes
Accepted

How can I tell my boyfriend "I told you so" without sounding too full of myself?

I will get at the actual question below, but first let me start with a frame challenge: You are mad at the wrong person! You really want this to be about Lilly, but in reality the problem here is ...
xLeitix's user avatar
  • 2,213
70 votes

Girlfriend's nosy mother keeps expressing that she'll show up unannounced

When we were training our dog, in the section under barking, the book claimed that you can't teach a dog not to bark until you have first taught the dog to bark. This establishes that the barking is ...
Kate Gregory's user avatar
  • 44.8k
68 votes

How to politely communicate to your manager that what they did upset you and ask that it doesn't happen again?

You and Mary both seem to be assuming that the conversation between the customer and the manager went like this: That girl at the counter sure is pretty. I'd like to ask her out. Can you call her ...
Kate Gregory's user avatar
  • 44.8k
68 votes

How can I address a man talking inappropriately about women?

You don't usually want to start a discussion, you don't want to attack them, so don't try things like "Now I see how you are still single". Merely express your displeasure: Not cool, man. There ...
Peter's user avatar
  • 3,870

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