203

Anne is clearly a fervent believer in saving power. In fact, one might go far enough as to call her a fanatic based on your description. And your mistake has been making concessions, and validating her attitude by apologizing for small, everyday things. Now she feels that she is entitled, and morally "in the right" to leave you strongly worded messages, ...


197

Having been here before myself, I think you need to realize what this means for your relationship. You don't feel able to relax and have you-time with her around. This is probably because you place a set of responsibilities on yourself when you spend time with her, but also want to be able to shed those responsibilities at times and do what you're interested ...


187

Like most boundary related issues, this is one of those "set a boundary and stick to it" situations. If the boundary you set says that it isn't ok to drop by unannounced, then that's the boundary. Don't answer the door when she just drops by. Her reasons for feeling that it's ok to violate boundaries are really irrelevant, because dealing with it ends up ...


175

Spend some time (with your wife) getting to know Jane. Invite her and her kids over for dinner, or a Saturday lunch grill-out, or have your two families meet for bowling or something. It seems strange to me that you'd let your kids play together, but only if you're around. When we moved to a new neighborhood, we got to know the family across the street that ...


163

You are right to be bothered by this. Not specifically because she goes through your phone, but because you explicitly told her you do not want her to go through your phone, and she did it anyway. The real problem is your partner broke your trust, not the means by which she did so. The most important parts of relationships are communication and trust. By ...


161

No one likes to be ignored, but with digital media, that's unfortunately something you will have to get used to. People often read messages pretty quickly but do not always have the time to immediately respond. Especially in a case where a reply is not a quick answer or might need some more thought behind it, such as how it sounds from your example. This is ...


157

I think you handled it perfectly. First, a long silence. This is the best way to indicate to someone that their joke, suggestion, comment or whatnot is over some sort of line and not ok. Second, a joke. This gives them a chance to abandon their bad idea by "agreeing" that it was just a joke, ha ha ha, and moving on as though it had never been said. (You don'...


146

My biggest concern with you addressing Jane is that she could take offense to the implication of her wanting to seduce you (presently or at a future time), so to avoid that I'd suggest saying something more like: "My wife and I have an agreement to not spend time with the opposite sex alone, so out of respect to her I'd like to wait for my kids to come ...


131

I think you already said all that really needed to be said when you said: No. "No" is a complete sentence. You're not always required to justify yourself when saying "no". I think this qualifies as one of those situations. A coworker assumed that you would be doing something that you hadn't actually agreed to do, and further overstepped by telling ...


131

The first thing you have to understand is that she is a fanatic and that the matter at hand has left the realms of reason and is now a religious one. You can't argue with her on a rational level if she does not even see the irony in wasting paper for reminding someone of their "anti-environmental" behaviour. She essentially does not care about the effort ...


128

TL;DR: You messed up, own that to yourself before you talk to her. Don't lie. Express how your lie was wrong to her, and mean it when you say it. Figure out your needs, and her needs, and communicate that to each other exhaustively, and make a plan around it. First, realize that you have messed up. Relationships are built on trust, and literally every ...


123

As I said in the question's comments, I think this is strongly culturally-related, but let's take a shot in the dark: In my culture (I'm French) and those of many people who testified in the comment section, such a bet would already be considered as flirting, so it would not seem awkward to ask for spending some time to get to know her better. With such an ...


122

A few years ago, I used to fantasize about what it would be like to be in your situation, because I wanted to live in a very beautiful part of Europe. Kind of like winning the lottery, I suppose; it has its downsides. But you hit the jackpot! Were I in your place I would have ready a generic e-mail that I could customize for particular people/circumstances. ...


118

I would encourage your wife to talk to the fiancee about this. The person best able to put an end to this is the fiancee. Even if she can not, she needs to know who she's engaged to before she's legally bound to someone who is - at minimum - very much attracted to a younger woman enough to stalk and harass her - and who may some day actually "catch" some ...


109

My dentist handles this by handing people slippers as they arrive on rainy days. I think you can adapt the technique quite well. Get a variety of soft loose slippers with nonslip soles somewhere inexpensive like a dollar store, and some sort of basket or the like to keep them in. Slippers like this: Something soft, stretchy, that covers the whole foot (not ...


105

When it comes to my own young cousins and children of friends, I usually give them an explicit choice between sharing physical affection and not, while still expecting that they will obey the spirit of the parents request by giving a greeting. My personal script for it is, "Hugs, bye-byes or high fives?" (Basically, give a hug, wave goodbye at each other, ...


92

You can't expect people to answer you right away when you send them a written message. They might be busy, they might be too tired to answer, they might haven't taken any decision yet and so one. Unless you are sending a message to one of your employees during work hours, this person doesn't owe you their time. And responding to someone is something that ...


86

In the absence of anything explicit in your tenancy agreement, this comes down to what you can negotiate with them. Ultimately it's their place and if they never intended for you to store items outside of your room, you aren't going to be able to force the issue, except perhaps by finding somewhere else to live or at least threatening to move out - the only ...


84

Pro-tip: Never get matching designs, names, or any other tattoos that will forever be a reminder of someone. With the exception of your own children, or perhaps mother, these kinds of tattoos are nearly always a bad idea. If/when you have a falling out, you're forever stuck with the tattoo. Good cover-up work is difficult to pull off, and laser removal is ...


83

The varying amounts which your girlfriend is being charged, combined with the emotional guilt tripping ("not a good daughter" if she doesn't pay up) lead me to believe that this is an exploitative relationship, and not one meant to simply instill financial responsibility on her. You seem to have reached much the same conclusion. While other answers describe ...


82

You are a man, she is a woman. If there were a reliable way of reading her intentions, half of all books, movies, plays, songs, operas and other artwork would not exist. You need to approach this question not from an angle of knowing, but from a position of high uncertainty. You will never reach certainty until you straight out ask. However, at least in ...


81

Sometimes the best way to handle it is to not consider it. After they made their "helpful" suggestions, you could have said something like "so, a box of Godiva dark, then?" to Bob. You don't need to dignify insulting proposals with an answer. When I was younger and part of a social organization that included some people who were heavy on the flirting (...


80

Bit left field but this happened to me recently and I just kind of laughed and shouted: "Because I'm a strong independent woman who don't need no man!" Edit: in response to Vality's comment, the above expression is a pop culture meme, so you don't need to be a woman (or dating a man) to say it. Although, in that case it would depend more on the humour ...


73

Edited to respond to asker's clarification: I think right when people come in, either when you greet them or walk in with them, a simple "Can you please take your shoes off?" will suffice. If you ask beforehand, people will likely forget, as they are excited for the coming activity. Taking off shoes at the door is fairly common practice, so it shouldn't ...


72

When we were training our dog, in the section under barking, the book claimed that you can't teach a dog not to bark until you have first taught the dog to bark. This establishes that the barking is something you control, not the dog. So, in the case of your mother-in-law (or as we called it when we lived together, mother-in-sin) to-be, you take control of ...


70

You don't usually want to start a discussion, you don't want to attack them, so don't try things like "Now I see how you are still single". Merely express your displeasure: Not cool, man. There are similar alternatives depending on how bad and how long the chat has gone on, like "Too far", "Just no". The most common outcome is that they will attempt to ...


69

I faced this with someone my own age who, no matter how much we discussed this, could not be a polite passenger. We're talking bracing yourself against the dashboard as we go around a corner, mashing an imaginary brake pedal, yelling out "look out!" at inappropriate times, along with a general stream of disagreement about the best way to get from A to B. My ...


68

I will get at the actual question below, but first let me start with a frame challenge: You are mad at the wrong person! You really want this to be about Lilly, but in reality the problem here is your BF. Forget about Lilly. She does not know you nor care about you, and you can't expect that she will help with this entire mess. Your boyfriend, on the other ...


67

You and Mary both seem to be assuming that the conversation between the customer and the manager went like this: That girl at the counter sure is pretty. I'd like to ask her out. Can you call her over here please? Of course, sir! But chances are it went more like this. Good morning. I was in here last week and got fantastic help from a young ...


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