105

When it comes to my own young cousins and children of friends, I usually give them an explicit choice between sharing physical affection and not, while still expecting that they will obey the spirit of the parents request by giving a greeting. My personal script for it is, "Hugs, bye-byes or high fives?" (Basically, give a hug, wave goodbye at each other, ...


80

First see the situation from another perspective: These people do something to you that you don't want to be done They do it without your consent They do it daily They know you don't like it but they do it anyway They don't take your objection seriously and joke about it This is bullying and not something "friends" should do. And it's not something you ...


31

I'm so sorry you're going through a difficult time right now and that you feel you need to rely on this person, but it's never ok to kiss a sleeping person on the lips unless you have a previously-established romantic relationship with that person. A sleeping person cannot consent to being kissed and its telling that, despite how close you two are, he ...


27

I hate to be this person, but I think this is a bit beyond an "awkward situation" and might have crossed the border into sexual assault. I know he's your best friend and he's helping you through a difficult situation, but what he did was take advantage of an emotionally distressed person that was sleeping. At least in the U.S., platonic/non-romantic ...


23

Perhaps it might help if you sit down with Friend B and explain that you are not comfortable with deception, and you do not feel it is your responsibility to help him hide the truth from Friend A. Tell him that you will not volunteer the information, but if asked directly you will not lie. If Friend B wants to make plans that exclude Friend A, then he must ...


22

In cases where you have to tell someone things that they probably don't want to hear, these are the principles that I generally try to abide by, and they have served me well. Be clear but not unkind. Try not to leave the door open for her to misinterpret the situation. Avoid lying or making excessive or elaborate excuses. Remember that you are allowed to ...


20

I dated someone for several years who was upfront about the fact that they never wanted to live with a romantic partner. Although I understood and respected their decision, it was still hurtful for me because I love spending time with them and I ultimately do want to live with a romantic partner. (Due to that and several other long-term incompatibilities, we ...


17

From what you write, it seems you properly establish your personal boundaries - but unfortunately the father chooses to disregard them. That means you need to escalate your enforcement of the boundaries. There are many ways to do this, depending on the details of the situation and what you feel comfortable with. Just as an example, I would propose a gradual ...


16

I've never been in your position with someone that I previously had a physical relationship with, but I have had the need in the past to make it clear to someone that when they are staying over, sex is not on the table. The way I have done this is to mention the sleeping arrangements when telling them they can stay over. It doesn't need to be elaborate, just ...


16

First things first: she doesn't need to be taught a lesson. She owes you nothing. She's minding her own business going to university, dating some people who are worthy of her and some who aren't, finding out who she is. You've built up a whole thing in your mind where you're going to marry her, so you're very invested in all this, but she knows nothing about ...


12

Try getting together to do a specific thing. Go for a run or a walk. Play board games or cards, at your place or his: either two-person games or invite him along with some other people. If you have to take your laundry to the laundromat, suggest the two of you go to the same one so you can hang out and talk while the machines do their thing. All of these ...


12

TW: Moral and physical abuse, sexual assault The situation you describe is physical abuse. You don't want something, they know it, they do it anyway. You might consider them your friends, that doesn't make it any less of an issue. I was harassed at school for three years. It started when I entered middle school at 10 years old; people would think I'm ...


11

Be proactive and step into the conversation before the parents insist with the child. The general conversation will be something like this: Sibling: Do you have hugs and kisses for uncle Rainbacon? *Child hides face Sibling: Come on, give your uncle Rainbacon a hug and a kiss and say goodbye In this scenario, give your ...


11

My take is that this is just normal mom stuff, taken a bit to extreme. For all of your childhood life, this has been your mother's job. Eat your vegetables, wash behind your ears, look before you cross the road, don't touch the hot stove, don't run with scissors... Now, suddenly, you don't need her for those things any more. I would ask you to think about ...


10

First, this might be a bit of a 'western' look on things, but: Stop thinking you need to teach her a lesson. She is not your property, she's not a dog, she is a human being with the same rights as you have. You have crush on her, good for her. But just because you have feeling for her, doesn't she automatically has feelings, or the obligation to have ...


9

Well, your home is your private space and it's understandable that you feel vulnerable inviting people, which you don't feel safe with. This does include your mother. And you have a good reason not to feel safe with her. If we refer to the western morals, based of one of the Ten commandments: "Honour thy father and thy mother"... You can express gratitude ...


9

I was bullied in the past and I have to say this. Those people aren't your friends, they are bullying you. They don't respect your boundaries, they make you feel bad and you are absolutely right to avoid them. No, you are not overreacting. This is your body and your life. Not having your hair touch is obviously very important to you and you have every ...


8

I do personally feel most comfortable with just tackling these kinds of things (expectations I don't feel I can live up to) before the dinner in a truthful manner, but as you've ruled out telling Alice the true reason for not wanting to share: I'd like to introduce you and your friend to the wonderful concept of pro-social deception. These are lies that are ...


8

It takes about one minute after reading the question to realise the almost staggering amount of power behind the dynamics at play in this situation. The very first issue here is how old the both of you are, how long the relationship has been going on, how serious it really is for the long term (if you're definitely planning it to be for the long term), how ...


7

I have some experience with this, coming from both an affectionate family and a large one. (I have 18 nieces and nephews, 1 great nephew, and several "step" nieces and nephews) Like you, I'm also against forcing kids to give physical affection. When I run into situations like this, if the kid doesn't want to, I just say "That's cool, how about a fist bump ...


7

My wife and I both lived alone for a very long time before we got together. It wasn't necessarily by choice, just circumstances; and while neither of us had a lifelong goal to live alone as you do, we both enjoy some space. I would say that we can now fully appreciate and acknowledge the benefits of living alone, but also the benefits of being together as a ...


6

I am going to recommend you stop saying sorry. There are two reasons for this: it is always followed by "but", which negates it. "Sorry, but that's how my life is right now" isn't really an apology and doesn't make the person hearing it feel better. if it does work as an apology, it says that you have done something wrong and in fact, you haven't. Instead, ...


6

It sounds like you have already figured out this person's motivation for asking you questions - they want to give you advice. "Advice-giver" is a recognised personality trait, and many do it for their own ego gratification. As the opportunity to give advice is evidently what is prompting the questions, if you stop fuelling him by answering them, the advice ...


6

It might be hard but you need to be blunt. And harsh. There are some comics (it's what helped me express myself) on the internet that explain/ridicule "have you tried to not be depressed/eat better/workout/" mentality. Like this helpful-advice or this Why Your Brain SUCKS When You're Trying to Sleep Or this Why meds are not magic solution I see from other ...


6

I'm going for the less offensive/agressive answer here: Just tell them you don't like your hair being touched. You can say this in a neutral tone, no need to be aggressive or offensive: Could you please not touch my hair? It makes me feel uncomfortable :) It's very normal to not like something, you create boundaries like this all the time. If someone ...


5

You said, you do not want to make a big deal out of it. Because of that I recommend a less confrontational method. As you "stayed asleep" until being kissed, you can talk with your good friend about a dream you had about him kissing you. You can talk about the uncomfortable feelings you had in this situation and the relief as you noticed it was a dream! ...


4

Given that the lady you are interested in apparently has been seriously ill, surgery, struggling with work due to health issues etc, you probably need to back off. I know because I went through a similar situation... met a woman, we dated a few times, she was dealing with some serious family issues, so we broke it off for a while. I maintained "light ...


4

Unfortunately, I have no idea how can I best communicate to her that I just don't want her visiting me, at least in my home. How to communicate is really easy : just say no. What is very complicated is the hidden question : how to make her understand and have her behave reasonably. That is very tricky, and honestly not up to you. You have the power to be ...


4

I personally believe that at this stage and level of unacceptable behavior: involving the authorities might be something to consider. I've found that narcissistic people enjoy that sense of power and if they feel they have the upper edge, they aren't likely to respond appropriately and listen to you... unless there's a greater power to set them straight. ...


3

I think bringing it up after the fact is likely to lead to an argument where they say they were trying to help, or it wasn't that bad, or you were asking for their advice, or other justifications for the lecturing. You have to let go of those incidents and put them behind you. The next time you're out and you vent a little and they try to fix your situation ...


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