Hot answers tagged

150

How do I politely tell her I only want to hang out with her? I'm pretty sure you have missed some important information from her, here. It's untold, but shown. Having a friend of hers coming with you sends a rather clear message: "I'm not against hanging out with you, but at this time, I'm not sure, so I'll play it safe." Why safe? Because she won't be ...


111

In short, don't bother. They know what happened. Going out of your way to rub it in and try to get something out of it is unrealistic. Even considering being polite after someone stole cutlery is more than would be deserved, in my opinion. You aren't exactly dealing with the most moral, responsible people, from the sounds of things. So don't bother with ...


85

Adding this answer for the minor gap in the other answer: what if she isn't actively inviting her friend to avoid uncertainties? It's not beyond the realm of possibilities that she's simply inviting a friend because she wants to invite a friend to hang out; without having an ulterior motive. However, there is an issue with your expectations. I know it's ...


69

First off, you're never obligated to have sex with anyone ever. That's worth repeating so, you're never obligated to have sex with anyone ever. Not. Ever. If you don't really really want to, you don't have to, no matter what. With that said... Often the best approach is the honest and direct one. Talk to them. Tell them how you're really feeling. Tell ...


50

How to get out of the situation: Don't ask them to take you off their application. Some have already turned it in. Instead, go to housing placement and request directly there to not be placed with them as you are aware that they have put in that request and you don't want that to be the case. Telling your ex-roomies you don't want to live with them when ...


41

Is this the right approach to get him to make less of those comments? If not what would be a better approach? In general, I would caution that it is extremely difficult to get a person who makes mean comments to make less of those comments when he is getting positive reinforcement from people around him. I see three major approaches to getting him to make ...


33

To not offend anyone, tell them that you are changing seats for their benefit. Before they started to talk or once they paused, say If you don't mind, I will sit down over there, so that you can talk with each other directly (or eye to eye) without me in between. or If you don't mind, I will sit down over there, so we all sit face to face to you for ...


27

I wouldn't say it's rude exactly, it's just asking for a pretty huge favor, and when asking for a pretty huge favor, you shouldn't​ be too worked up if someone says no or things don't work out as planned. I would say that being young is like that... Friends do these things for each other on occasion, but it shouldn't be expected. Your friend should have ...


22

As a track and field college athlete, I know that practices can make scheduling tough. Sometimes it's hard to squeeze in something like dinner, for instance, because practice goes right up until some other event I have to go to. It's tempting to skip something like a shower and just do that later, so I can have more time. For me, the situation typically ...


21

I have posted a collection of solutions that vary based on what you feel would be the best approach to the solution. YMMV (Your mileage may vary), so take these with a grain of salt and change them based on the situation. Very Non-Confrontational Solution Don't bother telling them anything past I already have living plans for next year. You don't owe ...


19

In most any organization 10% of the people do 90% of the work... Sometimes taking a "management role" is a way to get away with that. Sometimes these people feel like they're "natural leaders." a variation of "I'm a thinker, not a doer" In my experience it's worth openly challenging these people. When they say: We aren't doing that. A fun response would ...


17

Is there a way I could have changed my seat without offending anyone involved? I think, since it was a buffet style dinner, that it would have been perfectly fine to go get some more food, a dessert or a second helping and switch your seat afterward. I've seen it happening on multiple work-related dinners, and have always considered a good form of ...


17

One of the hardest things about this is people's tendency to assume, lacking any other evidence, that the people they encounter in a situation (such as college) are of a similar age/background/what have you - they assume that you "fit" in the broadest sense. So naturally, their first instinct is going to be to assume you're one of them, age wise and life-...


16

Having German relatives and studied there, I can offer one tip: German conversations are as a whole pretty direct. They don't beat around the bush much but rather would get to the point. So do that. It's not like you're professing undying love to her (at least I hope not; that's a whole different problem). Come out and say it. "I'd like to spend some ...


14

Well, she's obviously interested in going with you at that event. High chances are, of the two bolded items in my previous sentence, it's you she's really interested in, and not (so much) the event. Now, that's irrelevant to the answer of your question, but it may make easier to reconduce the situation depending on what do you want to do about her interest ...


13

This is the dean's job; he's probably good at it. If you try to express yourself and do it badly, that's ok, you can back up and say it again another way. The dean will ask you questions and help you to explain yourself. You can start with simple facts: I didn't do well in A and B class I saw a psychiatrist The psychiatrist says X I wanted you to know the ...


13

The issue here not that you are a bad communicator, or that you lack the magic words that will make him want to respect your wishes. You don't need magic words, you don't have to convince him of anything. You say you don't want to hurt him. Well, he obviously doesn't care about what you want. Just keep blocking him. And I'd honestly consider blocking any '...


12

Yes it would have been incredibly rude to insist that someone who is paying to have a place to stay, so that they have a constant controlled environment to rest, go find somewhere else the night before a big test, just so that you can do something with a visitor. The primary purpose of being at the university is to get an education. Education related ...


11

Go to a movie with her and welcome her friend. Enjoy yourself - you are in her company after all. Your goal is for the three of you to be relaxed and comfortable in each others company. Kick all thoughts of girlfriend/lover/wife/love-for-the-ages out of your mind. Assuming the three of you had a good time say, at the end, that you had a great time. Don't ...


10

Try to learn a bit about these subjects for future conversations. I go to a liberal arts college, which basically means that it's a small school with a lot of people who like to talk about a lot of different things. Students do get exposed to a variety of disciplines, but everyone seems to like to specialize, and there's always a topic or two that a person ...


10

There are a number of things she could be intending by inviting a friend: She took your offer to "hang out" at face value and does not think you're hoping to date her. She's invited her friend because she thinks it would be even more fun with you and the friend. She understands you want to date her. She does not want to date you, but does want to stay ...


8

On the days that your friend comes from track & field, you can give him the opportunity to shower in your bathroom using your toiletries - if he has not done so at home. If he takes the offer, all the better - but if he does not, you could mention that hygiene is rather important. Try to avoid saying "hey man, you smell bad" - as this might give him the ...


8

I went through this over the past year (my freshman year in college). Most of my classes were small (~30 students) in comparison to the average first-year class at most colleges, and they were in a variety of subjects, two in my majors, and two outside my majors. I was already developing separate friend groups, but I still wanted to get to know people in my ...


8

There's more in 2 brains than in 1. So, you can (and always should) listen to anyone willing to improve for group's sake. Do you have to stick to what they unilaterally decide? I don't think so... What I always did (and still do) when I was facing such a issue, was: Have a scheduled meeting with all the points that were to be discussed / disputed. Send a ...


8

This will not be a fun conversation. Possibly the worst thing you can do tomorrow during lunch is to first lead him on with small talk ("Yeah, I too am really excited for starting the PhD"). I've had conversations like this with parents regarding dropping out of uni and with student councillors about said dropping out. It's not fun. The thing that ...


7

The answer depends on your specific goals. If I'm not particularly good at socializing so I want to practice by participating in as many group conversations as I can. That's easy. Just don't leave. Sit it out, try your best to look and act interested in most of the conversations, and if you can't participate meaningfully, observe and learn. Besides ...


7

This answer only addresses the "and just laugh it off when he makes a hurtful comment about me" part, and is a quote from the Live by Night 2016 movie starring Ben Affleck. You can take a joke, right? Sure, I can take a joke. As long as you don't become one, right? I live by this policy and recommend the same to my friends. So, in practice, if ...


7

While of course you are not obligated to have sex or intimate social-interactions with anyone whom you do not wish to do so with, I think there is a lot more complexity to these kind of situations which needs to be addressed. No gender tends to appreciates having sexual advances denied, and complicating the situation further, having already had sex with you,...


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