100
Instead of saying
Excuse me, you are taking all the room.
I'd go with
Excuse me, I don't have enough space, could you move a bit?
It's just less accusatory (and as such, less confrontational), you're not telling them they're doing something wrong but instead making them aware you have a problem they can solve. For me, just a "Pardon" ("Excuse me"), ...
75
Quick note: This answer is writing from my own experience. I fully acknowledge that there are (several?) men (maybe women too?) who are far less considerate than I am and just push out to get as much space as they want.
Why I spread my legs (and why your attempts did not work)
I'm a tall man. 1,94 m (6 foot 4.4 inches) to be precise. I also can't stand ...
64
One thing I have learned is that it is generally better to assume ignorance or stupidity over malevolence.
I think there are two things I haven't seen in the other answers yet that I would try first:
Empathize. Sit down and ask your boyfriend something along the lines of
"Seeing those pictures really bothers me, and despite having said a
couple of ...
48
Have you tried politely asking them to move their legs?
From personal experience, they might not know that they're doing it. I have unintentionally sat in seats with my legs spread rather wide. I have always moved my legs when asked. Sometimes this simply wasn't possible because the leg room was physically too small for my long legs.
As Imus said in their ...
24
How do I tell my boyfriend how much I want these pictures gone, and
that this task is not something he can postpone any longer?
At this point, after dating for a couple of years, I don't think it's unreasonable for you to be a bit more firm in your request.
First, use your own idea of offering to remove them together. This seems like a good group effort ...
21
Perhaps it might help if you sit down with Friend B and explain that you are not comfortable with deception, and you do not feel it is your responsibility to help him hide the truth from Friend A. Tell him that you will not volunteer the information, but if asked directly you will not lie.
If Friend B wants to make plans that exclude Friend A, then he must ...
17
In my answer, I hope to give you some background on the issue that might help you overcome your shyness/conflict aversion over it.
You characterized this behaviour to be very rude and unpleasant. While it's certainly unpleasant, I think it's important to understand that it's not necessarily rude. Don't assume malice, where social unawareness, obliviousness, ...
14
From what she said, she wants to become a citizen and be a pathway for other relatives to come to the US. Her begging went as far as offering to pay me.
This would be immigration fraud. Absolutely do not accept money for marriage; you can go to prison for it.
If her goal in getting married is to circumvent US immigration laws, then she is committing fraud ...
12
I have a stutter. It's a small one, so people don't really realize I'm stuttering. It comes across more like I'm insecure about what I'm saying. So even though it's a bit awkward, I just tend to announce to people that I stutter, often right after I did.
Ah, FYI, I have a slight stutter, don't worry about it ! Anyway, what I was saying is...
(It doesn't ...
11
I don't see a nice way to preemptively prevent this. The only ways I can imagine would, to me, seem awkward or come off as strange to them.
Instead, I'd do as you've done by announcing your name to give them a hint of your gender. And then, if they do assume incorrectly, politely but firmly correct them:
OPERATOR: This plan will offer you 154 channels. ...
10
You can't.
The conflict is inherent to the request.
There is some space. They would like to use it. You would them not to use it. This is a conflict.
There may be some interpersonal tactics available to have them capitulate more easily, but as the question stands, this situation is intrinsically not conflict-free.
Very long side note:
Your question ...
9
The technique you are referring to is called escalation limiting, or more informally, disarming.
disarming, adjective
allaying criticism or hostility
Receiving feedback often makes people uncomfortable, which can in turn cause them to become defensive or even hostile to the person giving the feedback. I've been on both sides of this coin, and ...
9
As you've found, other people just don't mind or pay attention to physical contact as much as you might. So another approach is necessary.
Take up all your available space immediately when sitting down (always)
I realise this isn't exactly what you asked, and it may or may not be relevant to you, but I thought it might be helpful to someone in your ...
8
I am a woman, not very tall, so I can understand where you are coming from. I usually use the subway for work. I live in a country where personal space is rather small-to-non-existant. I have used the approach I will describe in subway and train (I can't recall if I used in the bus, but I don't take the bus much). However take note that if the person avoids ...
6
How this speech pattern works is twofold:
First, any kind of hedging (it seems to me, I think, it appears that lately) is literally a less extreme position than the same sentence without it. Compare:
Your work does not meet our standards
to
I am worried that lately there have been some days when your work has fallen just a tiny bit short of our ...
5
I did an intercultural communication course recently and one of the things that was pointed in the course - quite interestingly - is that your speech patterns and how you construct your discourse is heavily influenced by your mother language, even if you have fluency in a second or third language.
Of course, it also works both ways, since how you perceive ...
4
Here are the options I see. (You can do some mix & match.)
Negotiate directly with Alice, using I-messages, with perhaps some support from others in your office, e.g. supervisor, someone who's a natural mediator, HR, Bob.
Officially request support from your organization. You mentioned anxiety, so if you have disclosed an anxiety disorder, or would ...
3
Somewhat of a Frame Challenge here, I don't think you should try to talk to her about it at all.
First of all to consider what is going on with her: It is likely that there is a combination of instinct and habit, her impulsive instinct is to react loudly to anything she finds remarkable. Most of us have a similar instinctual urge to make a startled outburst,...
2
in this side of Europe
I assume I am from the same "side of Europe", considering the description.
Sadly it is not custom in this side of Europe to announce or plan a visit.
Maybe it is not the custom in the most ordinary situations. But even in this part of Europe, visits in a hospital are limited within certain hours. Just because the patient is at ...
2
How do I tell my boyfriend how much I want these pictures gone, and that this task is not something he can postpone any longer?
Other:
... I asked him if he would mind removing her picture. He said "I can do that". Fast forward a few month. The picture is still in the frame ...
... He is the kind of guy that leaves stuff he does not deem important ...
2
It seems that he already knows that you dislike the pictures, but for some reason he does not do something about it. We might suppose that he's lazy about the issue, because you say that he procrastinate things... hence, he needs some help.
I usually procrastinate a lot of things, but I have discovered that asking someone for help often solves all my ...
2
How can I tell "Friend A" about our future trip without upsetting "Friend B"?
I don't know if you can achieve both. B has already told you he doesn't want A to know, and has already gotten upset when you did tell A about a previous trip.
Your best bet is to talk to B, and ask them why they don't want A to know. Maybe you'll hear how A has a tendency to ...
2
As I suggested in the comments, just say:
Hey, I'm out of town this weekend, I'll catch you up on Monday
You replied that:
"Friend A" might try to pry deeper upon finding that we're both unavailable because we're both out of town. We could make sure that what we say is plausible and different, but I'm averse to that sort of thing
What you're averse ...
1
I could have been your friend A.
First and foremost: Please don't lie about this to A. That can hurt so much more than it does good in this situation.
I have experienced these situations and am experiencing them still. Some of my friends have started to become friends with others, with whom I don't (and in some cases do now!) have a connection. It felt ...
1
It sounds to me like Friend A being invited or not doesn't really have anything to do with you. So first and foremost I suggest not worrying so much about Friend A and if you should or shouldn't lie to them and just enjoy your weekend trip.
Friend B is responsible for excluding A, not you, so particularly with your goal of conflict-aversion I see no reason ...
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