219
votes
Accepted
What to do if you are accidentally following someone?
Sorry if this comes across as barking out orders; it's not. You have every right to walk the way you want around me. But you asked. :)
As a woman who has often walked alone late at night in less than ...
- 24.8k
211
votes
How to get my coworkers and family to respect my hobby
No Dad, I don't care how many more rings Tom Brady has than Big Ben please keep your handegg anecdotes to uncivilized company
I find it strange you’re expecting acceptance and respect for your hobby, ...
- 1,439
208
votes
How to tactfully communicate with ex-boyfriend about my personal choices?
This is not a situation where tact is likely to help anything. Tom sounds hurt, maybe fairly, maybe not, and he has apparently decided that not only will he nurse that feeling but that you must tend ...
- 16.4k
204
votes
How to quickly remove yourself from a homophobic conversation?
I realize this may not be the way you wish to go about it, but I did admire one way a fellow coworker handled these situations; with every type of prejudiced joke.
What he would do is pretend not to ...
- 1,261
199
votes
How do I ask for an espresso if there's a good chance they don't know how to make it?
Either as an alternative or in addition to the other good suggestions, you can try phrasing the difference as something like:
Can you do me an Italian-style espresso? Like, shorter and stronger ...
- 1,168
194
votes
Accepted
How can I tactfully refuse to switch seats on flights?
"I'm sorry, I selected this seat in advance. But thank you for asking!" Another option is to say, "Thank you for asking! I like this seat just fine." Smile and be polite yet firm.
It's been my ...
- 32.3k
186
votes
Accepted
Girlfriend's nosy mother keeps expressing that she'll show up unannounced
Like most boundary related issues, this is one of those "set a boundary and stick to it" situations.
If the boundary you set says that it isn't ok to drop by unannounced, then that's the boundary. ...
- 54.9k
168
votes
Accepted
How can I ask my girlfriend to split gas money for a long trip?
You talk about having a "fair [...] healthy relationship." I'm speaking from experience when I tell you that if you focus on every little thing that you've done and she hasn't, the relationship isn't ...
- 15.2k
167
votes
Accepted
How can I ensure people know 'What happens on the pitch stays on the pitch"
You can't.
"What happens on the pitch stays on the pitch" is your opinion, but not theirs. If this guy doesn't like what you say on the pitch and is offended by it, your choices are:
Remove him ...
- 6,234
162
votes
I gave a "gift" back to a friend after he asked for it back, and now he is trying to tax me for using it
This incident should really tell you everything you need to know about your friend. I mean .. he "stole" the grinder from someone else to begin with. And then he "stole" it back from you, further ...
- 17.1k
161
votes
Accepted
What to do with a friend who cheats in games?
Personally, I'm very bothered by a person who would cheat in a casual game. I would stop playing with them.
However, since you don't want to do that, try the following...
Make a house rule that ...
- 1,535
161
votes
How can I tactfully interrupt a customer service representative over the phone?
I can't answer from the UK perspective, but in the US, you have a couple of things happening here.
First of all, these reps are "encouraged" to get people to do these surveys and to try to sell other ...
- 32.3k
158
votes
Accepted
How can I convince my significant other to stop double standards?
From what you've said here (and in your other post), there are three problems :
She wants to win every argument and discussion
She won't stick to agreements intended to fix problems
She plays mind ...
- 5,845
157
votes
I have been asked to keep a secret about a surprise that I believe will end poorly
I do not have divorced parents, but I have had to juggle situations where two co-workers that hated each other were using me. In the end, I found out that the simplest way to resolve the problem was ...
- 34k
148
votes
Accepted
How to miss my own stag/bachelor party?
My suggestion would be to organize your own stag party, this way you get to control what happens and (more importantly) avoid whatever it is you don't want to do or don't agree with about stag parties....
- 3,021
148
votes
Accepted
How do I clarify that the gift someone gave me is mine when they are asking for it back?
In my personal opinion it doesn't look like a gift. She said you can keep it, not it's yours. It looks more like a long term loan. The proof is also given from the fact that she said "bring MY camera"....
- 1,869
142
votes
How can I tactfully refuse to switch seats on flights?
Unless they make a convincing appeal for why they really need my seat, I say something like "sorry, but I specifically reserved {an aisle seat, a window seat, a seat in the front of the plane, etc}". ...
- 17.2k
138
votes
Sketchy "friend" recently revealed true colors, is attending my wedding. Should I un-invite, and if so how?
It sounds like you've been drawn into quite a mess and the timing couldn't have been worse, but to be blunt this probably isn't a problem you should have been tasked with solving. You've got enough on ...
- 54.9k
131
votes
Accepted
My best friend has become increasingly xenophobic towards Muslims. What do I do?
But, he'll still share and talk quite hateful things towards them. I
know deep down it isn't because he genuinely has a hatred for Muslims,
it's because he's believing the lies that he's reading.
...
- 4,386
130
votes
How can I ask my girlfriend to be my gym buddy without hurting her feelings?
Make it about you and not about her. In other words, tell her that you want to go to the gym more often but have trouble getting the motivation, and it would really help you get there and work out if ...
- 7,238
129
votes
Accepted
Dealing with / extricating yourself from having to listen to a superior's xenophobic rants
Something that worked for me, when I was working in construction, was to subtly redirect the rant. It was effective against a wide variety of divisive rants and it has helped me survive a number of US ...
- 54.9k
129
votes
Accepted
How to politely reject a rude advice giver at the gym that won't take it well anyways
I'm assuming you are paying to use this gym, and that Mr Big-mouth is also a member, not someone employed by the gym.
I suggest you make a formal complaint to management.
Start by telling them that ...
- 1,993
128
votes
Accepted
How to handle my girlfriend finding out about my second apartment?
TL;DR: You messed up, own that to yourself before you talk to her. Don't lie. Express how your lie was wrong to her, and mean it when you say it. Figure out your needs, and her needs, and ...
- 4,118
127
votes
How do I politely hint to customers to leave my store, without pretending to need to leave myself?
Pester them with service
Continuously come up to them and ask them if they need anything else. You'll either make more sales (good!) or (hopefully) they'll get the hint that your space and tables are ...
- 731
124
votes
How do I avoid strange questions because of a flag?
You know, I'd like to quote the British comedian Stewart Lee on this, because there is many a true word spoken in jest. By way of a disclaimer, the subject of this comedy routine is absolutely not the ...
- 27k
123
votes
Accepted
How to tell someone to be quiet immediately while listening to an announcement?
In this context, I prefer
Hang on
Unlike shh, it clearly conveys a sense of temporariness. Not "don't talk" but "don't talk right now". It's also not something adults say to children (eg teachers, ...
- 44.9k
120
votes
Asking guys to quit shouting in a bar
Finding out if you are in a bar where this is the norm or exception can go a long way in making sure you are not needlessly putting yourself in this kind of situation.
Per the comments, you can ask ...
- 4,760
119
votes
Accepted
Dealing with small crimes as a volunteer
Something that I found very effective when attending music festivals, and even while helping out as a doorman at a local club when I was younger, was a simple request for discretion.
Something along ...
- 54.9k
118
votes
How do I tell my girlfriend she's been buying me books by the wrong author for the last nine months?
Judging by the answers already given, I'm apparently alone in that I find the whole thing kind of...funny?
I'm picturing putting myself in the girlfriend's shoes. My boyfriend sits me down, very ...
- 1,383
Only top scored, non community-wiki answers of a minimum length are eligible