New answers tagged

-1

In my experience if someone is emotionally distraught then either you can support them or disengage. I have found you can try to address the issue on the spot while agreeing with them, eg: "not all G are but X is one helluva ." However be aware that there are potentially bigger cultural factors at work and if you aren't savvy you might be stepping ...


7

I am going to have to disagree with Kate in her answer. I think there is a strong distinction between a few examples of inflammatory behavior coming from specific members of particular groups, and stereotyping unfairly, and emotionally, in the heat of the moment, that all members of that particular group are problematic. Self restraint and rational thinking ...


24

The phenomenon you're experiencing has a name: "not all men". It applies not only when men are the group G, but for any group. What you need to understand is that they are not condemning the whole group, so you don't need to correct that. That G, X, [did terrible thing]! All G are [string of nasty adjectives.] Despite having said "All G are&...


26

Say both at the same time. "I very much agree that X did you wrong and I will try and help you in that regard in any way I know. But you cannot blame all Gs. There are bad people in any group of people, like X in G. I share your pain, but that's no reason for racism/ageism/whateverism." Well, that's how I handle these kinds of situations. It ...


0

There's a middle ground that, if it works for you and for them, could work. Sometimes, it's not just "oh, Confused likes Star Wars, this will be great for him", but also "heh, what Star Wars silliness can we get Confused this year". But as a game, a 300 quid Lego Millenium Falcon is a bit much, even from "the entire family", ...


8

I was recently in a relationship where I repeatedly had this same issue: I felt like we had agreed on something concrete, but when it came time to do that thing, he was suddenly not on board. It was frustrating, but I did learn a few things that made it easier to manage. The first and easiest potential issue to solve is that she's not actually agreeing to ...


0

There are two problems. One is buying gift that are just ill suited for your lifestyle. No matter if it's Lego Death Star, life-size mediaeval armour or coffe table made from 100 year old tree stump. With such just ask for a recipe (not while you unpack the present) and explain that you just can't keep something that size and you would prefer to return it. ...


19

Gifting is supposed to be fun, so I don't feel like I can say: "I really don't like Star Wars anymore, so this extremely expensive item is wasted on me" or "This item is too large for my flat" without sounding ungrateful. I agree with this, but with one caveat: Gifting is supposed to be fun, but so is getting a gift! Unlike OldPadawan, I ...


8

I have the same issue with my family. With my parents, I don't mind just telling them "I don't like that anymore, please stop buying those" but for my extended family I don't "dare" to be so blunt. So, here is what I do instead: When my birthday or Christmas is coming (so, one or two months in advance), I just send a general "FYI&...


4

I've faced the same (with another theme/hobby). In order to not be unkind, I would still warmly greet the gift·er and say: Thanks a lot, this will help me extand and enrich the collection, as it'll end soon. [ note the "as it'll end soon" ] If (and they) would ask, I'd go with: well, now that I've almost eveything single item/goodie on this ...


16

I've worked retail in The Netherlands for quite a while. I've had customers point out things that needed my attention. Of course, there's different ways this can be done and some are nicer than others, but in general, people are likely to overthink this: I'm working the store, I'm there to handle situations from 'the toilet ran out of toilet paper' to '...


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