344

You don't. You're asking how to interrupt someone who's working with mostly-inconsequential personal matters. If someone did that to me, I'd be annoyed at their lack of situational awareness, and would be looking to end the interaction quickly and get back to work. There is no way to do this that is polite and respectful - at risk of sounding like a broken ...


207

Before answering, there are a few things I think are important to address. She then told me it hurt when I pulled her earphone When you pull your own earphone, you might not be hurt, but the person from whom you pulled them this time was not you, but her. You might not have realised how strong you pulled them, maybe she pulls them in a different way, ...


184

Just don't If you're paying $15 as a tip on a $55 hair cut, that's a total of $70 per haircut. You've flat out said other hairstylists are charging more than that for the same basic work. Except this girl knows you, what you like, what looks good on you. You're looking at risking this mutually beneficial relationship over 10 bucks a haircut. In Manhattan. ...


176

As a fellow woman who does not wear makeup, I feel your pain. Usually my mother is the one nagging at me, and I've found that it's most effective to say something along the lines of: "I appreciate you trying to be of help, but I've already went X years (I usually just state my age) feeling great about myself without makeup, so I won't be starting now." ...


175

Normally, the way to handle overly intrusive and rude questions is by staring a little and then saying Excuse me? Should they happen to repeat the question again, you can then ask Are you seriously asking me why I have a child? And then just stare until they apologize. You are not answering the question, in fact you are questioning the question, ...


172

You are looking for a breadth of answers, from which I read that you hope to find one which doesn’t advise you to leave her alone. If you do get such an answer I’d like you to think about this before accepting it: there's one significant obstacle: she's always wearing her headphones. She isn’t wearing them by accident, they are an obstacle she had ...


168

You need multiple strategies here. First, be more precise about your job. "I work in the space industry" naturally makes people think you're an astronaut or a rocket scientist. "I'm in professional baseball" would make people think you're a player or a coach rather than an accountant, chef, or janitor. So if you develop software, say you develop software. ...


167

You can't. "What happens on the pitch stays on the pitch" is your opinion, but not theirs. If this guy doesn't like what you say on the pitch and is offended by it, your choices are: Remove him from the team (good luck trying this) Look for a team that shares your attitude Ignore what he thinks about you (he might make it hard for you to ignore) Tone down ...


166

I am like your husband, and I am also an engineer. We are expected to fix things. It makes us happy because our brains are wired that way. Also we think that is what is expected from us when people come with problems, that fixing them will help them since fixing things is our job. That is the engineer part of him taking over his way of thinking, tell him he ...


163

I know a mother with two kids who frequently mentions how much she envies my career and my current relaxed life. But, of course, she would never even think about trading her life and her kids for mine. Different life choices give different rewards. There is nothing wrong with showing photos of your vacation, while they show photos of their kids and homes. ...


162

The only way this is rude is your belief that a programmer is better than a tech [you mention it feels like a minimization of your job when people think you're a tech.] I don't mean you're rude to believe that , but if you do believe that, then correcting people, "I'm not that lesser thing, I'm this superior thing" can feel rude. Solution: speak as though ...


162

Keep this in mind: recruiters are salespeople. They get paid when positions get filled. They want to pursue potential opportunities and not go after something that won't work. That said, showing that they're wasting their time on you is not rude. It saves them time and enables them to pursue a potential sale and not pursue someone who is not interested. ...


161

I pulled her earphones out of her ear and she looked at me really angrily for doing that Pulling someone's headphones out is a pretty horrible thing to do, I hope you apologized to her afterwards. Don't do that again. she said it's fine but she doesn't like being touched (which is weird because when we go out for drinks after work her boyfriend is always ...


151

I think I would meet this head-on. Thinking is tiring and both your parents know this because they do it. Something like: Nothing? When Dad is driving, he is sat in the van, but he's not doing nothing, is he? He's watching the road, for other drivers, pedestrians, eejits coming out in front of him, maybe people asking him stuff over the radio, planning ...


148

When you say "ethical reasons" you are implying that you have made the right choice (morally correct choice). This has an inherent implication that every one else has made the wrong choice. The problem is that you do believe you have made the right choice. You're not trying to force that on other people. In fact, it appears that you are much more careful ...


137

How I would normally respond is: "Enough to pay the bills" This way, they'll get that you're unwilling to disclose this information, they'll also know you earn enough to get by. You should reply with a polite undertone which insinuates that you're saying it in a way that you haven't taken offence to the question, either. As @Emrakul rightly points ...


137

If what you are looking for is that such people engage in conversation, why not use their sad-face/pleading as a jumping off point for that conversation yourself? Instead of saying 'That might work with some losers....', why not say something like Does that usually work for you? There are two ways it can go from there, either they will be puzzled and you ...


135

You said in a comment: I don't know how much it means to people in my locale, but to me it's quite serious. I would only use it in a serious relationship. I guess by saying it to her I am kind of trying to set up a conversation where we agree on where we stand. I think you're going about it backwards. You are in an undefined relationship right now. You ...


132

There are a lot of commonalities shared by parents, but not as many as most parents seem to assume. "Wait until you have kids" assumes that other people will have the same experiences and restrictions that you do. That is not a safe assumption at all. Some parents will have extended networks of family that they can (and will) rely on to babysit, allowing ...


132

Make it about you and not about her. In other words, tell her that you want to go to the gym more often but have trouble getting the motivation, and it would really help you get there and work out if she would be your buddy and go with you. That should remove a lot of her anxiety and have her feeling good about helping you out. I've found that it is much ...


131

But, he'll still share and talk quite hateful things towards them. I know deep down it isn't because he genuinely has a hatred for Muslims, it's because he's believing the lies that he's reading. This is no different from saying that ISIS members don't have a "genuine hatred" for the West, they just believe the lies they hear from other extremists. NO ...


124

In this context, I prefer Hang on Unlike shh, it clearly conveys a sense of temporariness. Not "don't talk" but "don't talk right now". It's also not something adults say to children (eg teachers, librarians) so it carries less "baggage" for the person hearing it. Usually I accompany this with pointing at the thing I urgently need to hear (in the case ...


124

You know, I'd like to quote the British comedian Stewart Lee on this, because there is many a true word spoken in jest. By way of a disclaimer, the subject of this comedy routine is absolutely not the target. "...sometimes you're stuck with what a symbol means to you, aren't you? It's a bit like these old hippies that say, "The swastika... far from being ...


123

As I said in the question's comments, I think this is strongly culturally-related, but let's take a shot in the dark: In my culture (I'm French) and those of many people who testified in the comment section, such a bet would already be considered as flirting, so it would not seem awkward to ask for spending some time to get to know her better. With such an ...


123

You say you're sure, but you can't ever really be. It's easy enough to spill or sit on something. And it doesn't even matter: you don't need to tell her what kind of stain it is, just that it's there. So just keep it simple, like you presumably would if it were anything else: "hey, I think you have something on your pants." She can figure it out and take ...


120

It sounds like your friend is trying to indirectly ease into the conversation, hoping that you will give them a graceful entry point to their purpose, and it's only after several back-and-forth exchanges without such an entry-point that they can bring themselves to come right out with it. For some people, this is a natural way of interacting, and it is very ...


119

The requests usually come out of the blue, so I don't have time to work my relationship status into the conversation naturally. What's wrong with saying "Sounds great. I know a few great places like X, Y and Z. I'll ask my girlfriend if she wants to join as well." or something along those lines? To me it seems perfectly reasonable to ask my SO if ...


117

There's nothing wrong with the truth in these cases. You could say something like: Oh my goodness, I can't believe it's 6:30! The time has flown by hasn't it? I actually have a 7 o'clock thing I need to get ready for. You can, if you genuinely had a great time and kind of wish it wasn't ending, immediately try to schedule the next get together: This ...


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