29

I used to have a colleague that was on the spectrum as well, and when I had just met him, he also used questions like these. From my (non-spectrum) perspective, a question like Why do you say that? appears to question/doubt what I just said. If I tell you my opinion on something, and you asking me why I say that, it appears to question my opinion, and I ...


20

For most people, active listening techniques are going overboard in casual conversation For most people, casual conversation is casual. Having one person seem to take it too seriously almost forces you to start taking what you thought was casual conversation or even "small talk" seriously as well. That can make the conversation unexpectedly intense. When ...


4

You might get better reactions if you don't include the other person in your question. For example, asking "Does that mean" instead of "Do you mean" when applicable will lower the chances of your interlocutor thinking he explained poorly / said something wrong instead of thinking the concept he was explaining could be difficult to understand. Instead of ...


4

The active listening techniques might be too direct for most people not within the spectrum. I'm on the spectrum myself and I indeed see through this directness or don't even notice it (or care about it). I think I get where you're coming from, you're not trying to question them as a person but just want clarification on the words/opinion that they stated ...


3

From my personal observation people hear emphasis on different words than you might want. Due to methods in Western Culture people hear accusation. Here a video of Kim Kardashian asking the same question And she says all the additional things that people hear in such questions: expected knowledge on how person feel, accusation that statement prior to ...


1

It feels like all of the answers here so far have touched on the reason, but not really focused on it. People who frequently engage in active listening with other people who are used to active listening tend to get lazy about how they phrase things. The other person knows them and knows they're not trying some rhetoric techniques to imply the other person'...


1

I doubt you could have done anything much differently, given that you felt she was in trouble. She explained that she was merely venting and not in trouble, you explained your actions and she accepted that. There does not appear to be much left to do other than tell her that you accept her apology. At the same time, you could reassure her that you ...


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