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87

I'm a trans woman, and have been (still am, potentially :/) the kind of person you describe in your post. First thing to understand is that you literally can't stop them being nervous or uncomfortable. It's just a fact that shopping for gender affirming clothing is scary, because of the way society treats gender nonconformity (GNC). Especially for people ...


71

Unrealistic expectations are just that: unrealistic. It is unfortunately common that our expectations don't actually align with reality, and someone has to bring us down to Earth. Ultimately, you want to help your wife adjust her expectations, but this is not an easy thing to do. There is a difficult conversation that needs to be had. As a consultant, I ...


52

How to honestly answer questions from a girlfriend like “How did you find this place” without giving the impression I'm always talking about my exes? You don't need to avoid mentioning them. Just talk about them the same way as you would talk about any other (male) friends that you might have done things with. Much like your description of your background,...


40

Now I want to talk to her to show my support => does she want that too? That's the point. When in doubt, I usually just let people know who I am, and what I'm looking for. I don't put pressure on them, they have an easy way out; to do that, they only need to (just) don't answer and go back to you. It's not even rude to you, because you "tell" them to do so. ...


33

I was taught this as part of my training to be at a conference on behalf of the conference organizers. Talking to people is part of the job, and in fact standing at a booth for people to come and talk to you is often part of the job. And you get people who love to talk and will not take hints. The vital step is to stop hinting and clearly communicate that ...


32

I dont think you need to focus so much on WHAT to say, but just the fact that you are talking to them. According to Open Democracy, a lot of homeless people are lonely, 77% of homeless people often or sometimes feel lonely, according to a survey undertaken by Crisis in 2015. That’s more than three times the level of loneliness amongst the middle-aged ...


32

I worked as a sales clerk in clothing about 15 years ago and we did have the occasional male presenting person shopping for female branded clothes. One of the things you already picked up on is not asking who they are shopping for. Don’t make an extra fuss about it, just greet them as you would any other customer and tell them you are around if they need ...


28

I've experienced this too when my sister invited me to get-togethers with her college friends (she was also in the arts, in a very tight-knit cohort). The main strategy I used to re-insert myself into the conversation was indeed asking questions. You mentioned that you did ask questions, but usually to clarify. So I hope this doesn't repeat too much of what ...


27

I have good news for you, according to research done at the University of Minnesota, it's not the American way to accept a compliment. In fact, Americans rarely accept compliments. Deflecting or rejecting compliments negates the implication that the addressee is superior to the speaker in any way. In American English, the preference of response strategies ...


26

I told myself I wasn't going to do this anymore, but here we are again... I was born a straight cis white male, and for the majority of my life I identified myself that way. I was admittedly blissfully ignorant of how the majority of people experienced the world. I was aware that there were problems with racism, sexism, homophobia, etc, but I wasn't really ...


26

This is a tough one and the blow back from Anne might include her cutting you out of her life. My Story A little over a decade ago I was involved in a religious cult and I completely bought into it hook, line, and sinker. For the first year I showed positive results, impressing my family, friends, and other members in my religious community with my "...


24

Right now I'm kind of in the same spot as you : I'm supporting myself and my partner (who lost his job two years ago), and we budget to be able to afford the basics, save a little, and also have a little fun. But this means that, for example, instead of taking a big vacation with friends or family and do some city trips like we used to, we have to choose one ...


24

I too have had my fair share of female friends. I've also had a couple of serious relationships before finding my wife. This answer is based on my discussions with my now wife when those other girls came up in conversation. Using the following aproaches have either prevented my now wife from asking those questions in the first place, or if they did come up, ...


24

This answer is informed mostly by personal experience and a little by conversations with transgender peers. I'm trans (Female to Male, pre-transition). I would prefer, in this circumstance, by a significant margin, being referred to by my preferred name and pronouns. It would be a lot easier for me to understand that someone did not try to stalk me, or ...


22

Your approach might work if she has noticed you and is also interested in you. However, if she hasn't noticed you or she's noticed and isn't interested, then such a blunt approach is likely to make her uncomfortable, which will translate into her not wanting to continue the conversation. What to do instead A better way to approach is to find a less blunt ...


22

The reason such answers come off as "offensive" is that they're confrontational - you're challenging the other person's interest in the topic, which implies that you don't think they should be interested in it. So try not to do that. Instead, accept it as a given that the other person is interested in the topic they've brought up and ask questions which ...


21

I believe it is occasionally detrimental to both my work and the work of others, due to the time wasted discussing my "robotic" tendencies. I disagree! What's happening here is some light teasing to increase the morale of the team and bond together as fellow humans. TheFreeDictionary defines morale as The state of the spirits of a person or group as ...


21

I have a number of trans woman friends who have shopped for women's clothing while still being male-presenting. One important thing, as I think you've realized, is not to be too enthusiastic towards them -- treat them as you would any other (female-presenting) customer. If you start telling them how happy or excited you are for them, that's probably just ...


19

I wil advocate against any welcoming strategy. The best way how to approach "different" people is not to care for their "difference" at all. Treat every customer as anyone else - no matter their skin colour, preferences, clothing, eye colour, hair length. Being oversupportive is as bad as treating "others" as creepy ones. In both cases one is drawing ...


16

The real audience for anything you say is your child and your own self. These are strangers: engaging in any kind of argument with them only sends the message that teaching your child is a topic on which their input is sought. You will get that input. Anything you do with your child in public (including walking silently doing nothing) will attract ...


16

I'll challenge the phrase "semantic noise" a little bit. It makes me think of fluffy language, extra words thrown in that add little (if any) additional information (somewhat related note: grandiloquent was my favorite English word for a long time). That doesn't sound like your problem here. What you are describing is specific terms not being understood by ...


16

You don't know what Leon is thinking, of course. But I can pretty much guarantee he isn't thinking about you at all. He's going through a lot right now. He lost a friend to suicide. Some people may have consoled him amazingly well. You didn't do a terrible job: you didn't make him explain, and you said it was a shame (though a clearer response would have ...


16

Signs of shame Not showing 'shame' is easier if you first understand how shame, and feeling ashamed, is usually communicated. This image shows a typical (but maybe somewhat exaggerated for educational purposes) example of body language usually associated with shame. Wikipedia says about the identification of shame: Nineteenth-century scientist Charles ...


16

The husband needs to figure out what his problem actually is. Typically, a husband gets jealous of his wife hanging out with guys due to "competition", but these are her brothers. I honestly hope NOBODY in that circle is having trouble with incest... Moving on... the husband is still jealous, now what? He needs to know what he is jealous of! Is it ...


15

Two things. First, to answer your question, you need only to use "they" a little more, and toss in the odd parenthetical. For example, when someone says "anyone who would vote for X is clearly just stupid, there is no other reason" you might respond: Perhaps some of them have [been laid off, seen their families persecuted, whatever] and that has left them ...


15

The 3 options you propose are not good at all and only contribute to the awkwardness. How can you again be on friendly terms? If you really want that, have an honest talk with her, that is what friends do. Explain how you felt and what you thought, and ask her how she saw these events from her perspective. Just be honest, you are adults, you were not ...


15

I have a stutter. It's a small one, so people don't really realize I'm stuttering. It comes across more like I'm insecure about what I'm saying. So even though it's a bit awkward, I just tend to announce to people that I stutter, often right after I did. Ah, FYI, I have a slight stutter, don't worry about it ! Anyway, what I was saying is... (It doesn't ...


14

I encountered similar situation previously. People just tell their friends (and remind them occasionally, when needed, during accommodation period) about the name change like this: From now on, please call me [Max]. I like this name better / This name suits me better / I prefer this name. or: As we discussed, please call me [Max]. or (to closer ...


14

I'm a socially awkward person who often doesn't care to participate in the small talk of those people around me. On the other hand, if it's someone with whom I'm comfortable with, then I'll be the one spurting these random facts. (I read a lot, and surf the internet, so I'll often just spout the latest thing I was looking into.) If someone has just told me ...


14

Having a child changes people and their relationship significantly. She sounds to me like she is under a lot of stress (real or imagined or both) and is taking it out unfairly on you, leaving you holding the bag on chores and interaction with your son. My suggestion is to emphasize to her that you value your relationship and marriage and want to work on it ...


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