89

I just finally converted a long distance relationship back into a short range relationship1, but during the long distance times I had this same exact issue. Only, my SO handled it completely differently. Since we're very open, they told me they felt like I wasn't giving the relationship enough of my time and that they were putting in far more effort than me ...


70

My mom has a habit to cook for two meal times: breakfast and lunch, lunch and dinner, or even dinner and tomorrow's breakfast. Because of this, usually we only eat exactly half (or maybe even less) of what she has cooked for each meal. We were raised to not waste food, at all. I've gone as extreme as eating every bit of rice on my plate, literally. (My ...


51

You guys got off on the wrong foot, which is not to say that things might not change for the better (or worse). Very few of us actually stop and try to look at things from the other person's point of view. You're not really doing that right now either. You know you were busy for those two days. You know you had good reasons to not interact. So how dare ...


50

This might be an unlucky coincidence - in German, young people sometimes also refer to older male persons as "Onkel", but it would mean something like "dude" (informal!). If you, as a stranger, would call me "Onkel" while I am your server, I would also be offended, because it implies that you are looking down on me. Just "Excuse me, can you ... " is ...


45

How could I have politely told the mom that I'd like to have been able to eat as much as I wanted to OR that I was still hungry because I didn't have enough food OR that I couldn't enjoy food if I had to worry so much about portions, without coming off as unappreciative? There isn't really a good way of doing this. The fundamental problem here is that all ...


41

calling him "Uncle" shouldn't be offensive at all since he was anyway quite elderly for us. Calling the waiter uncle might have offended him because, possibly he thought that you either mistook his age by his look or he probably just didn't want to be called as such. Is this correct or we were wrong in thinking so? I'd say neither party is wrong. You ...


37

Since I'm from Ukraine, the Russians are quite similar in offering food to guests. Ukrainians are even more persistent. For me, when I visiting someone, especially grannies, and I don't want to eat there, there is no special way to say it. I'd say it this way: Thank you greatly for your hospitality, it’s surely very tasty, but I am not really hungry/in ...


36

Maybe it's just me, but in the UK I would not understand any of that. It's completely alien to me. If you work in an international setting, it might be better to use full words and sentences to express your thoughts.


35

Referring to any stranger/service professional as 'Uncle' in Western Europe is likely to be received as strange, even outside of the restaurant scenario. You mention that you held this conversation in your native language, and despite this it was still received badly. It could be that this waiter has lived all his life in Germany, and has never become ...


35

There are times that it may be impossible to do something politely, and this might be one of them. If by chance you were truly malnourished and actually required more food for health, then by all means I'd delve into how to address it. That is highly unlikely and as such, seems more like a quirk you need to adjust to. There is really no time where we have ...


31

1 pack of ravioli for 5 people? Sharing meals at restaurants? No seconds of dessert? Sounds a lot like my family growing up. Thing is we never thought of ourselves as tight and never went hungry. To me it sounds like the problem here is that you are used to much larger portions than they are and what they consider normal is much less than what you do. If ...


26

I work in IT and this type of situation happens a lot here in France. In general, the basic thing to do when you have enough info is to tell the other person that she can go and continue her work and that you will tell her when it is fixed. For example (Thanks Vlad274 for the formulation): I think I have all the info I need. I will reach out to you if I ...


24

I recognized the gesture immediately from the title: Some call it “finger twiddling”; it's a self-touching fidgeting behavior and I've seen variations of it IRL (eg joining the palms and tapping the tips of the indexes). It's meant to convey apprehension. Still, I'm not sure I'd recognize 👉👈 in a chat. I think the 😬 alone does that, and I've used it ...


22

I am Indian myself and let me tell you first off that I never call a waiter or any other service-provider anything because I wouldn't know which form of address is acceptable to that person. We can be polite without calling them anything, though you may not have expected that hostile response. We don't really have the right to call an unknown person uncle ...


22

The reason such answers come off as "offensive" is that they're confrontational - you're challenging the other person's interest in the topic, which implies that you don't think they should be interested in it. So try not to do that. Instead, accept it as a given that the other person is interested in the topic they've brought up and ask questions which ...


21

As far as I understand there is no liable solution including to ask them to adhere to basic neighborhood courtesy or the law as they want their service to be disruptive to the "non-believers". So one solution will take a lot of time: Group other people disrupted by the noise around you. Collect reasons you feel disrupted and evidence of it. Do not try to "...


20

I am an American with multiple friends in Israel. I have been on the other side of this debate a great many times (actually almost got kicked out of a VERY nice hotel in Jerusalem for ordering non-kosher pizza while visiting) ... here is my take: Do NOT lie Saying you are not hungry, or you don't feel good, or any other excuse is lying ... which is also ...


16

So, I'm guessing from your comments you have no idea why your co-worker is showing this behavior. This means you might want to ask them, to get a conversation about the behavior going. Not in a confrontational way though! Include in your 'conversation starter': One or two examples of his behavior, and how this bothers you. Describe the behaviour ...


15

People (especially co-workers) who behave like that are just willing to do more. They just don't want to stop working, and don't want to waste time waiting for an answer. They're on their way, and nothing/nobody must slow them down. +1, on one side. -1, on the other side. From my experience, and that how I handled them, it's important to show them the side ...


15

It's not that American culture is unwelcoming. It's not even that you're doing something "wrong". It's quite simply that teenagers will be teenagers. Kids seek the approval of their parents. But as we reach our teen years, we start seeking a group to identify with, and wish to gain their approval instead. Very often in high-school you'll see the "cool kids" ...


14

Offer to bring something Offer to bring part of the meal. Maybe not the “main course” but just a salad, soup or dessert. This way you can make sure that there is enough food and if they can’t afford food you are helping them as well.


14

It sounds like there's a couple things going on here... Your parents aren't respecting your transition/gender. And they're not respecting your time and space. It may be a bit easier to separate these issues and focus on the time/space problem if they're openly phobic for religious reasons. I know that's a crap position to be in, and really crap to have to ...


14

Actions speak louder than words ever will. Stop doing this immediately: As such, I sometimes don't even remember to check my phone or am just too in the zone to read messages. Sometimes even when I do reply I send a short message which does not seem to cultivate the conversation. because it validates her notion of: she told me that she isn't texting ...


14

I'm a socially awkward person who often doesn't care to participate in the small talk of those people around me. On the other hand, if it's someone with whom I'm comfortable with, then I'll be the one spurting these random facts. (I read a lot, and surf the internet, so I'll often just spout the latest thing I was looking into.) If someone has just told me ...


13

Although there are some unique specifics in this question, dealing with noisy neighbours (which is essentially what this is) is always best tackled in a peaceful way. The first advice is always to make them aware that you can hear them and that it is disturbing you, as they may not be aware of how much their sound is traveling. Finding common ground is very ...


13

Disclaimer: I never used or saw such usage of that emoji, therefore my answer focuses on its IRL understanding and offers an emoji alternative that may be better understood in an international context. I do use this gesture when I want to express my discomfort asking for help or because I did something wrong. I don't know if it's a gesture that'd be ...


12

Yes in Indian context it is not offensive to call an elderly person uncle even if the person is unrelated. But even in India many people may find it offensive. Recently I had similar experience. I was at an informal meeting and I was chatting with someone and there was this lady in her 60s may be. The person I was chatting with called her aunty and she was ...


11

In all three cases, you have to find a balance between how much you are willing to offend them, and how much you care about your own health. I'll start with the easiest one. We once hired a cleaning lady from a different country. She took the sponge from our sink and used it to clean the toilet, and put it back. Now she used that same sponge to do the ...


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