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126

So, I also saw that research once in a training, and I think that one of the reasons why your strategy is not working might be related to a misinterpretation of ...specifically that men do not like to talk face to face and women like to talk face to face Men do not like to talk face to face means that they don't like to be positioned facing the person ...


122

Reddit has a lot of threads regarding this question. Generally, the most honest way to do this, according to what I've seen on that particular forum, is to gracefully say, "I'm sorry but this isn't working for me. Thank you for your time; I'll pay for drinks/dinner (whatever you have), and I hope your next date works out better for you than this one ...


116

I think that the major reason your strategy isn't producing the results you want is because you've overinterpreted a very precise piece of information, and have based your entire approach around that overinterpretation The single most difficult element of your situation seems to me to be this: A few years ago, I read online that men and women communicate ...


86

Trans woman here, so this is entirely how I would handle it from my perspective. First, I like the inclination that you have to tell her that someone is outing her. That is dangerous. People lose jobs and get assaulted for being trans so if someone who knew my secret went around telling people I was trans, I would want to know. Please tell me so I can act ...


47

You can always say "I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me. Goodbye." At any time. That said though, it would usually be strange to say that so soon. The only reasons generally would be if the person is fundamentally not as they described themselves - physical characteristics, age or whatever - or if some other issue becomes apparent such as discovering ...


41

It's been a while since I've dated, but I've been married for quite a while. So maybe I might have some insight here. When I'm on a date with my wife, I want to be her focus - and she wants to be mine. I want her to think that she's the most interesting thing in the world at that point in time. Were she to bring a book, or work to do, I'd be really ...


23

I'm on the spectrum myself, and I understand that dating can be quite the challenge. I've had a fair bit of success with it (I'm now married), so I've got a few tips that can help you out. Why your recent strategies have failed First of all, it's important to understand why what you've been doing hasn't worked. While it may be true (though it certainly isn'...


18

As a person who dates, I would find it very rude if someone left after only 1-2 minutes. Most people need at least an hour to have any idea if they are compatible with someone, either in terms of long term partners, casual flings, or just being friends. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, such as your date lying about their marital status. That ...


16

This kind of stuff makes me incredibly paranoid---if someone went around gossiping about my transgender status (particularly in the workplace), I wouldn't handle it well; it's the kind of thing I think about when making suicide attempts. There's always the idea that, behind my back, people I trust are deadnaming me, and only use my correct name when I'm ...


15

This is based on dating for many years before meeting my wife, both people I met offline and online (although not via Tinder, that came after my dating days). Further I will assume that your date isn't your type, but is otherwise inoffensive. If your date turns out to be impolite, creepy, aggressive, or otherwise not behaving appropriately, you have every ...


14

I have found in my dating and married life, as well as with friends and family, that everyone is different. We do not need to generalize men as non-talkers and women as talkers that make them uncomfortable. I married a man who does not like social situations and is very quiet. However, when we went out, our conversation was very easy. He opens up to me, ...


13

I use dating apps quite a bit and this answer is based on my experience. You should finish the date, especially if it's only an hour long. They at least invested the time in coming out to meet you. I think it's rude to end it earlier if the other person is having a good time. If it's your first date, especially with someone you never met, I think it's clear ...


9

I've lived in China for years. TL;DR: This is not necessarily a date. It's good to attempt to pay for the bill (if given a chance), but I expect it's unlikely you'll succeed. First of all, in Chinese/Taiwanese culture, would this be considered a date? I'm not familiar with Taiwanese culture, but I expect it is very similar to China. In Chinese ...


8

Ok, so what it looks like is that your challenge is managing expectations from both yourself and the girl regarding dating and relationship progressing. Cultural-wise, the western society is much less "strict" on relationships and more often than not there is no expectation on the step-by-step of a budding romance. And some of the terms and definitions are ...


8

An important point especially pertinent to the first several dates is that the goal should be to try to get know each other so that you can both decide whether to continue to pursue the relationship. In this way your current strategy is extremely disruptive and counter productive, by withdrawing into a book or your work you are not engaging with your date so ...


7

To be honest, unless you are willing to be very rude, there is no way to terminate the date that early. But I'd wager that you are not setting your dates properly to begin with. I'll first give you the tips you are asking for, but please keep reading through the tips I think you actually need. The direct answers: You may tell the person you'll be a "...


6

You're dating without a purpose. Stop. As you mention in a comment, you're not sure why you're going on dates, just that you're supposed to. This is where you are coming undone. You have no aim, so you're aimless. And that is how you are making a first impression of a nose in a book. That isn't on your radar, clearly. And when you discuss it, from ...


5

There are books and articles that say men don't like to talk face to face, but the meaning is the particular geometric orientation, not that they don't want to talk. For example: Intercultural Communication: Girls and women talk face-to-face; boys and men prefer to sit at an angle Talking shoulder-to-shoulder, not face-to-face: men often ...


4

I don't think there is a crystal clear answer to determine whether a date wants you to come home with them. This is a very tricky situation because if you read the signs wrong, it may be understood as you're violating their consent and/or you make them feel unsafe ... which clearly isn't your goal and could end up very badly. TL;DR: Don't assume anything ...


4

The chances are extremely high that your date knows more about Western culture than you know about hers. Western culture is omnipresent - the whole world watches Hollywood movies. She will know that you, as a European, have asked her out on a date. In any culture, consulting a "guide" to etiquette will give you only generalisations which may be true for a ...


3

An almost-universal expectation that people have, when they go on a date, is that the other person (you) will pay attention to them. Hopefully, they will also have the intention to reciprocate by attending to you, although unfortunately that's less of a given. Either way, the goal of the date is for the two people to become better acquainted. Merely sitting ...


3

I would like to add some personal experience and observation of mine that probably applies to many people but certainly to many men: We often like to have something to do when we get together with someone. A personal conversation without a specific topic or incentive, just in order to socialize, can feel a bit awkward. Note the typical venues where men ...


2

TL;DR: Maybe don't tell her right away, and make sure she knows she can trust you and confide in you before you do You said Bob is a close friend of hers and that you've only recently began dating. You can't know for sure who's Alice more likely to believe and if she'd rather trust Bob, she might dismiss what you told her and Bob might do it again. Moreover,...


1

It's impossible to say from the info you've given. There are two possibilities: The first is she isn't sleeping with her co-worker, which means a colleague either massively misinterpreted something or (much more likely) is purposely spreading false, damaging, and serious rumors. She may naturally become defensive because she's caught a lot of flak for ...


1

I would like to point out that people are different and any generalization about people is by default wrong. It is not true that "men" do not like to talk face to face. I'm a man, and I like to talk face to face, especially when I'm dating. I'm sure there are men who do not like to look at the woman they are dating, but I do. In the same way that ...


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