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129

So, I also saw that research once in a training, and I think that one of the reasons why your strategy is not working might be related to a misinterpretation of ...specifically that men do not like to talk face to face and women like to talk face to face Men do not like to talk face to face means that they don't like to be positioned facing the person ...


122

Reddit has a lot of threads regarding this question. Generally, the most honest way to do this, according to what I've seen on that particular forum, is to gracefully say, "I'm sorry but this isn't working for me. Thank you for your time; I'll pay for drinks/dinner (whatever you have), and I hope your next date works out better for you than this one ...


121

I think that the major reason your strategy isn't producing the results you want is because you've overinterpreted a very precise piece of information, and have based your entire approach around that overinterpretation The single most difficult element of your situation seems to me to be this: A few years ago, I read online that men and women communicate ...


93

Trans woman here, so this is entirely how I would handle it from my perspective. First, I like the inclination that you have to tell her that someone is outing her. That is dangerous. People lose jobs and get assaulted for being trans so if someone who knew my secret went around telling people I was trans, I would want to know. Please tell me so I can act ...


48

It's been a while since I've dated, but I've been married for quite a while. So maybe I might have some insight here. When I'm on a date with my wife, I want to be her focus - and she wants to be mine. I want her to think that she's the most interesting thing in the world at that point in time. Were she to bring a book, or work to do, I'd be really ...


47

You can always say "I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me. Goodbye." At any time. That said though, it would usually be strange to say that so soon. The only reasons generally would be if the person is fundamentally not as they described themselves - physical characteristics, age or whatever - or if some other issue becomes apparent such as discovering ...


26

I'm on the spectrum myself, and I understand that dating can be quite the challenge. I've had a fair bit of success with it (I'm now married), so I've got a few tips that can help you out. Why your recent strategies have failed First of all, it's important to understand why what you've been doing hasn't worked. While it may be true (though it certainly isn'...


22

The book "Is There Anything Good About Men?" By Roy Baumeister is a non-fiction, readable account of his psychological research, which I think will answer your question and provide many other insights. Essentially, due to the biology of reproduction, males in most species (including ours) have always had to compete with each other for the chance to ...


20

As a person who dates, I would find it very rude if someone left after only 1-2 minutes. Most people need at least an hour to have any idea if they are compatible with someone, either in terms of long term partners, casual flings, or just being friends. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, such as your date lying about their marital status. That ...


19

There are a couple things I want to clear up before I get into your main question of how to progress the friendship into a romantic relationship. First off, being introverted simply means you find interacting with people to be draining and you need some time to yourself to recharge after a lot of socializing. It does not mean you are incapable of or dislike ...


19

I think there's another step you can take, that could eventually lead to having more contact with these women, although it doesn't directly focus on asking them specifically for a one-on-one chat. My advice would be to treat everyone the same, so even the males that are usually dominating the conversations, and just shoot a message to everyone explaining ...


18

I recommend taking small steps first. Something like this continue being yourself in these large-group situations. Laugh at people's jokes, say interesting nice things when you're talking, respond to things other people say. You want to be confident that anyone you approach will recognize your name and think warmly about you when they do. if there is one ...


16

I have found in my dating and married life, as well as with friends and family, that everyone is different. We do not need to generalize men as non-talkers and women as talkers that make them uncomfortable. I married a man who does not like social situations and is very quiet. However, when we went out, our conversation was very easy. He opens up to me, ...


16

This kind of stuff makes me incredibly paranoid---if someone went around gossiping about my transgender status (particularly in the workplace), I wouldn't handle it well; it's the kind of thing I think about when making suicide attempts. There's always the idea that, behind my back, people I trust are deadnaming me, and only use my correct name when I'm ...


16

This is based on dating for many years before meeting my wife, both people I met offline and online (although not via Tinder, that came after my dating days). Further I will assume that your date isn't your type, but is otherwise inoffensive. If your date turns out to be impolite, creepy, aggressive, or otherwise not behaving appropriately, you have every ...


13

I use dating apps quite a bit and this answer is based on my experience. You should finish the date, especially if it's only an hour long. They at least invested the time in coming out to meet you. I think it's rude to end it earlier if the other person is having a good time. If it's your first date, especially with someone you never met, I think it's clear ...


11

It sounds like you've already tried what would have been my first suggestion - stand your ground - and it didn't go so well. A valiant effort! I'll refer to the back-and-forth "you answer first", "no you answer first" exchange as "the ping pong game" in the suggestions below. Two background observations and then some possible ...


10

I may be wrong here, but I see in your responses a pattern of needing to share your opinion on everything, and needing to be right as well. Let me offer you some words you could use in response to things a person tells you over text: tell me more what's that like? sounds great good idea you're right This gives the other person a chance to feel like they ...


10

I am neither 30 nor from the Balkans, and I’m also not in the online dating world. However, I find it hard to fathom that common netiquette would not apply - as this exact type of conversation can for any type of relationship. This is more or less what I would write for any friend, acquaintance, or colleague: “Hi [name], just wanted to follow up on my last ...


9

I've lived in China for years. TL;DR: This is not necessarily a date. It's good to attempt to pay for the bill (if given a chance), but I expect it's unlikely you'll succeed. First of all, in Chinese/Taiwanese culture, would this be considered a date? I'm not familiar with Taiwanese culture, but I expect it is very similar to China. In Chinese ...


9

An important point especially pertinent to the first several dates is that the goal should be to try to get know each other so that you can both decide whether to continue to pursue the relationship. In this way your current strategy is extremely disruptive and counter productive, by withdrawing into a book or your work you are not engaging with your date so ...


8

Ok, so what it looks like is that your challenge is managing expectations from both yourself and the girl regarding dating and relationship progressing. Cultural-wise, the western society is much less "strict" on relationships and more often than not there is no expectation on the step-by-step of a budding romance. And some of the terms and definitions are ...


8

This is a hard question to answer definitively; why a broad cultural practice started, became common, and endured is fundamentally hard to find evidence for, with conclusive evidence being harder still to come by. The most plausible and proximate answer I can think of is that, historically in Western cultures, women often didn't really have access to money ...


8

The most important phrase here would be, possibility of keeping the courtship going? I would like to preface this by saying that there is no guarantee that Bob will be able to keep things alive. The development of a relationship should be mutual and should never fall within the confines of gender. How might Bob tactfully decline the suggestion of going ...


7

You're dating without a purpose. Stop. As you mention in a comment, you're not sure why you're going on dates, just that you're supposed to. This is where you are coming undone. You have no aim, so you're aimless. And that is how you are making a first impression of a nose in a book. That isn't on your radar, clearly. And when you discuss it, from my ...


7

To be honest, unless you are willing to be very rude, there is no way to terminate the date that early. But I'd wager that you are not setting your dates properly to begin with. I'll first give you the tips you are asking for, but please keep reading through the tips I think you actually need. The direct answers: You may tell the person you'll be a "...


7

Regarding your second edit I think there was indeed some misunderstanding, so I'll address that. Regarding the swiping, it's quite simple, the app is expected connect two people that have swiped "yes" to each other. It is nothing more than a pre-selection to a text conversation, you don't have to decide yet if you want to meet the person. A "...


6

You probably can't do these things. She is behaving true to her culture and upbringing. She is hoping to change you into a gentleman like she witnessed in her homeland, while you are trying to change her into a career woman like you see in your homeland. I recognize these two cultures because I have personally lived both of them. CONTRASTING CULTURES While ...


5

There are books and articles that say men don't like to talk face to face, but the meaning is the particular geometric orientation, not that they don't want to talk. For example: Intercultural Communication: Girls and women talk face-to-face; boys and men prefer to sit at an angle Talking shoulder-to-shoulder, not face-to-face: men often ...


5

I have been using zoosk, so I can share my perspective. I get a lot of messages, and I ignore almost all of them. I can tell you the main reasons: The message is one of the pre-made messages provided by the app, telling me to ask them anything. If you message me, you should be starting the conversation, not telling me to. The message is a comment about ...


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