41

Hormonal birth control pills come with a very interesting set of side effects listed, some of which are of a psychological nature (mood shifts, etc.). It would, perhaps, be best for both of you if you read that list of side effects, and discussed whether it would be a good idea to continue using them - there are, after all, other contraceptive options ...


30

It kinda sounds like you're already enabling her. Trust me, I've been there and done all of the things you're describing in, sadly, more than one relationship... As for saying "no" and breaking the pattern, it's simple, but definitely not easy. The key is to stick to your "no" and be consistent about it. The things you're saying "no" to, need to be things ...


28

If she's telling you these stories on your second date, it means she is preoccupied with them and wants to talk about it. She most likely doesn't want you to change the subject or cheer her up, she wants you to listen and give her sympathy, otherwise she wouldn't bring up such topics with someone she is just getting to know. Some people enjoy the patient-...


24

I have, myself, several mental health issues (anxiety, depression and some other stuff). For me, talking about certain things can be really difficult and, like your friend, I will need to rest after doing so. What I have found helps is to not talk but to write instead. Whenever I have something "delicate" to say, I do not talk. Instead, I write and ...


19

This answer will deal with not just what to do if you personally are dealing with depression/suicidal thoughts, but also if someone you know is feeling that way too. Any numbers, websites or hotlines will be listed towards the end of the answer. What to do if you are feeling depressed or suicidal: Contact a helpline immediately, if you are afraid of talking ...


18

The answer obviously depends on what you gain from this date and what you hope to gain from future ones. If you find that this made you uninterested in the girl you should obviously make a quicker exit, not blatant but excuse yourself earlier than otherwise. Mayhaps you still like her and want to meet her more, then the best thing is to stick around. That ...


17

I agree with AndreiROM, this could very well be a side effect of her new birth control. You should encourage her to talk to her doctor to explore this possibility and discuss options. Now, about every other week or so, she has a night where if anything goes wrong she becomes very withdrawn and quiet, silently crying to herself and not talking to me about ...


17

Depression I think half of the problem here is your initial framing and her depression. Anything said to her in that way with her current state of mind will (in all likelihood) be taken as an insult and affirm the complex negative beliefs she has about herself. Anecdote When I had depression, anything anyone said to me came across as a personal attack (...


15

This sounds like myself and my wife. @Em C has great suggestions, but the biggest help for us was: Talk about this when she isn't upset. Make sure she feels safe. Don't get upset. She isn't in trouble. You care about her and just want to understand what goes through her mind so that you can help. Talk about this when she isn't upset and can think clearly,...


15

So… I'm not depressive, just bipolar (and ADHD… go genetics!), but I can get into a pretty nasty funk a couple of times a year (take seven pills a day to mostly feel normal, and that still fails…). In one sense, she's right. You have no idea what it's like. Most people don't. Even thinking about depressive episodes is enough to make me deeply uncomfortable,...


13

This is the dean's job; he's probably good at it. If you try to express yourself and do it badly, that's ok, you can back up and say it again another way. The dean will ask you questions and help you to explain yourself. You can start with simple facts: I didn't do well in A and B class I saw a psychiatrist The psychiatrist says X I wanted you to know the ...


11

I've been on both sides of this issue, so I'm going to provide 2 parts to my answer: one from the perspective of the person being asked and one from the perspective of the person asking. I'll start with the perspective of the person being asked and explain what I found helpful when others were asking me about sensitive issues, and then I'll talk about what I'...


10

Before I say anything else, I will say this one more time: You should probably get some kind of advice from a professional. This is really early in your relationship and I'm glad you didn't wait too long to ask this question or to act. So how you do it: You say "no", when you think you should say "no". But when you do, you have to be ready to stick ...


10

Well, this is a lot to unpack. Since telling you what to say is impossible given that we don't know anyone, the suggestion would be to ensure first that you are taking care of your wife. As someone with a mother who barely talks to me, and pretty strained relationships with extended family for similar reasons, I can tell you that the people in my house, my ...


9

I was very young when I met my husband. A few dates into it, I did a weird thing that I didn't seem coming and told him every rotten part of my life. I think in hindsight, I already could see how much I really liked him and I think it was my way of finding out if he could "handle" my truth. I've never done anything like that again (25 years later) and in ...


9

I'm going to take a stab at this, just because we get a lot of these... The advice I received from a licensed psychiatrist, for dealing with suicidal people in person, or over the phone, in my own community, was to treat every suicide threat as legitimate and call the authorities. Where I live in the US, they treat these things seriously and dispatch first ...


9

First, I would suggest that you follow the NIMH advice; especially the last two points. From https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml Tips for Family and Caregivers To help a friend or relative with the disorder: Offer emotional support, understanding, patience, and encouragement—change can be ...


9

Background During my college years and right afterwards, I was in a very similar situation as you currently are. I was depressed, spent most of my time staring at a screen, and didn't take good care of myself (poor eating habits, sleep schedule, etc...). After graduation, I moved back home for several months before taking a job that required me to move ...


9

Like your friend I've been a young person going through a couple of heart surgeries (minor ones relatively speaking and I was in my early twenties). Also like your friend, I have high-function depression. While baldPrussian's answer is awesome and you should definitely follow it. Only do so if your friend really wants you to make that kind of space for them....


8

This may not be the answer you are looking for, but get out of that relationship. I speak from experience and the primary regret I have is to not leave sooner. A person with a serious mental illness needs professional help and a stable environment. She rejects the first and doesn't have the second and as much as you want to, you cannot give it because it ...


8

My wife is bi-polar and was in the middle of a sub-manic phase when I started dating her. As much sympathy as I had for her when she told me her story on our first date, we were careful to be very slow in developing our relationship. The biggest warning sign to me is that you are already seriously emotionally involved. She is already living with you 5 or ...


8

Most people should understand that we all have different capacities for social interactions. Some people love being with other people, other people a little less so. Some people are extroverts, others are introverts. Some people have lots of friends, others have a few close friends. To avoid stigmatisation, you want to show that how you were when you were ...


8

Answer So, to list all the actual technical questions you are asking... How to suggest someone to find a hobby without offending them? she took it to herself and I felt very bad about that because that was totally not what I wanted her to think. Is there something I could do to fix that? Can I somehow encourage her to try out new things on her own / look ...


8

I am in a similar situation with a friend, and while I still look back at some of the ways I've responded and realise with hindsight there were better ways to approach it, I've found this resource extremely valuable. One thing I would emphasize from it, particularly for someone who is likely to be isolated for 6 months, is to do whatever you can to make ...


7

First of all, depression is a serious mental condition and should be treated by professionals. Don't expect anything you say to make her depression dissappear. But you can help her see herself in a better light and strengthen her self-confidence. Wow that's so good, I should just give up drawing now since everything I make is crap Don't confirm her ...


7

First, understand that the job of being a therapist, helping a depressed person feel better, and ensuring they don't kill themselves, is one that takes years of study and training. It's not something you can just do because you want to help. Yes, having a friend who wants to help can be vital for a depressed person. Magically fixing someone because you say ...


6

While depression is a major factor here, I cannot shake off the feeling that your girlfriend is forcing you to think and spend more time with her in this passive-aggressive way. Even with your best intentions, she will interpret your words her way. Depression or not, she needs to be able to rely on herself first and foremost. What would happen if you ...


6

Question: How can I offer help in a way which a) Would make it likely for her to accept if the need exists. I think serious topics like this are often served well by having a direct approach, and since you mentioned that you don't know her extremely well, it may go over best if you include in your offer an easy way for her to reject it. Something like: &...


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