348

This is not an interpersonal issue as such, it's a security concern. I don't advocate overreacting, or misinterpreting polite interest, but they guy has gone way beyond the pale. You've done nothing wrong - it's he who needs a lesson in interpersonal skills. And the best way to teach him that is by informing security (or staff) the next time he so much as ...


249

As an ex-lifeguard in a swimming pool, I can correct your assumptions. We are there for stopping fights between children, cleaning up mess people make, answering questions, etc for 95% of the time. The other 4.9% are for helping people who fell because they slipped, or got a bleeding nose etc. I never witnessed the 0.1% of the time you have to save someone ...


187

Like most boundary related issues, this is one of those "set a boundary and stick to it" situations. If the boundary you set says that it isn't ok to drop by unannounced, then that's the boundary. Don't answer the door when she just drops by. Her reasons for feeling that it's ok to violate boundaries are really irrelevant, because dealing with it ends up ...


165

This incident should really tell you everything you need to know about your friend. I mean .. he "stole" the grinder from someone else to begin with. And then he "stole" it back from you, further taking advantage of you by swapping out the used parts with your new ones in the process. It really looks like this guy is only watching out for number one: ...


136

Short answer: Really it is your girlfriend that needs to be firm with him and tell him to stop. You can and should back her up, but she has to establish her boundaries with this person herself. I know you want to protect your girlfriend from this person flirting with her, but unless she herself calls out the behaviour at the time it occurs then he will ...


128

Pester them with service Continuously come up to them and ask them if they need anything else. You'll either make more sales (good!) or (hopefully) they'll get the hint that your space and tables are for active customers. You will also come off as friendly and a good host if you do this well. It's mostly an observation on what I see happen where I live. I ...


125

You know, I'd like to quote the British comedian Stewart Lee on this, because there is many a true word spoken in jest. By way of a disclaimer, the subject of this comedy routine is absolutely not the target. "...sometimes you're stuck with what a symbol means to you, aren't you? It's a bit like these old hippies that say, "The swastika... far from being ...


125

I'm assuming you are paying to use this gym, and that Mr Big-mouth is also a member, not someone employed by the gym. I suggest you make a formal complaint to management. Start by telling them that you want it to be kept confidential. Tell them that he keeps giving out unsolicited advice (at the gym) and that you have witnessed him bothering other people. ...


110

So how do I diplomatically deal with Jane D's this habit of continuously delivering political speeches in private? Don't argue with Jane. Don't offer counter-arguments, don't say that you are on her side. She's already proven that she won't listen to any of those and isn't open for a 'nice' debate. 'Nice debates' follow rules. One of those rules is the ad ...


93

From the tone of most answers, it seems most people agree with her position, but feel that she conveys it wrong. For people who may read this question and disagree with her view, I will post a few thoughts on how to handle this situation. I would say the same could apply to whether you agree or disagree. This person is what we call a button-pusher - they ...


83

For those of us who work in IT, this is a pretty common curse. I know mainframe operators who get asked to look at PCs, I see IT security guys who get asked about databases, and I know of Desktop Support folks who get asked all kinds of web programming questions. Keep in mind the knowledge level of those folks asking you - they know next to nothing, so in ...


72

In this situation, you have a person who: Steals from one friend Uses another friend to cover it up Reneges on a "gift" when it is convenient for him Rearranges the situation to suit himself This is a self-centered individual, with some bullying tendencies. A relationship like this will always be one sided, tilted in his favor. The only time he will do ...


71

When we were training our dog, in the section under barking, the book claimed that you can't teach a dog not to bark until you have first taught the dog to bark. This establishes that the barking is something you control, not the dog. So, in the case of your mother-in-law (or as we called it when we lived together, mother-in-sin) to-be, you take control of ...


71

I have been in your position but never in such an extreme case. You must understand that he is going through a tough emotional time and he isn't really thinking how it might affect your friendship. What worked for me was: First: Set clear boundaries with your friend. Don't answer texts and calls during work hours or quality time with your family or ...


70

I disagree with those who claim it is immature or otherwise wrong for her to object to you telling her to do it. You're not her parent or manager. The two of you are partners. You want to work together to get all the things done that you need to do as a team. Some (like renewing a license) can only be done by one person, and others could be done by either, ...


65

Well, just stop doing it. Had the same problem when I was living in Hungary with 5 other girls. Don't wanna blame them, I think they just hadn't noticed at the time and since somebody was already taking care of it well, why bother? I beared the full and smelling bin for 10 days and after that, they realized, and we were 2 or 3 switching for getting them out ...


65

Between Jane and your mother, most sensible solutions are closed to you. Unlike many people here, I don't think you should "not all men" her anyway. It's rarely useful and demonstrates a mis-alignment around the emotional damages being discussed. That is, the total misery inflicted on group A by some members of group B wildly outweighs the smaller misery ...


65

There are two answers, one for each of the paths that you ask about: Avoid questions by either removing the flag or putting it in context. The context could be other countries you like, or stickers that establish a travelling meaning. The flag by itself raises questions because it does not indicate if you enjoy the country, its politics and leadership, its ...


64

I think that you are absolutely right to want to have your reaction planned in advance if Alice tries to sign up for the event. That suggests that you are trying to minimise the drama for all concerned. I would suggest that you and the appropriate other members of the group consider a couple of things. Other than drama during previous events, has anyone ...


61

I'm sorry this happened to you. You didn't do anything wrong - this guy kept harassing you even after you made it clear you weren't interested. If you encounter him again, tell him once "No, I'm not interested", or "Go away", or "Please don't touch me" as loudly as you can - then absolutely report him to the lifeguard. They will know who to involve to help ...


58

What you ended up doing, while a perfectly normal reaction, was actually quite dangerous. You retreated to a place with (presumably) no other people, (presumably) only a single exit, and the only thing preventing the person you feared from following you were societal constraints - something he's already shown to disregard. Don't ever do that again. Among ...


56

If this is the only flag on your backpack, one answer could be to add some flags for other Countries you like or have been to. Considering the current geo-political situation, having only one flag (the Russian one) on your backpack is going to be seen by many as you making a strong political statement. A Russian flag, along with flags for other countries ...


56

Politeness makes it hard to tell them to do anything. However, brains are weird, and you may have far better success regretting to inform them of something you have to do, and the consequences for them of that obligation. However, the thing you have to do must be chosen carefully. Not that you need to leave for a moment, or that you need to go and do a thing....


55

Yeah, it's unfortunate people behave this way. However, reading what you've written it sounds like you might initiate those encounters with an angry or annoyed tone. While you have every right to feel that way, maybe try to approach people more calmly and politely. Just ask them, as calm as a Buddhist monk, "Excuse me, would you mind turning off your cell ...


54

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It's almost always a no-win situation when two people argue or debate over something (and especially when temper has reached critical levels). What I suggest is to pretend to agree with them no matter what - but you don't have to actually believe their side. Calculate your risks, though. If this is a matter that will come back to you later, like, ...


52

I had a similar problem a few years ago. A particular commuter (who I knew from a previous employment) would spot me on the platform and insist on coming up and talking to me. Because we have friends and colleagues in common and because there was a strong possibility I'd end up working with them in future, I was extremely keen not to offend them by ...


52

Sometimes I have the same problem. I am a biologist. People happen to ask me all sort of things about health (but I've never worked on humans) or their plants (but I'm a zoologist). Lots of times I have no clue about the death of their geranium. So I came up with this solution: when people ask me what I do for a living, I tell them that I study a specific ...


49

Change the question The strategy I am aware of, which usually also works very well with people you don't know much, or people you absolutely don't want to leave a bad impression with (because of dating, business, etc) is not to express your opinion first. Instead of: You: Did you hear of Hyperloop, designed by Elon Musk? Sounds promising, don't you think?...


48

I'll rephrase the problem: You take out the trash You are (rightfully) pissed that the others don't do it, and don't even thank you for it. It's a common situation with roommates: the one with the least tolerance to a pile of dirty moldy dishes in the sink ends up to be the others' personal dishwasher. However... a group of people will not tend to self-...


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