181

That might not be the best solution, but how about I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well, can I please sit down? Anyone, no matter how young and fit, might not be feeling well on a particular day, with no visible signs. So you wouldn't need to go into any lengthy explanations. And people are usually nice and helpful when you ask nicely. This is what I usually ...


178

I'm probably going to Hell for this, but what we might need here is a little white lie. I have an arthritic knee and sometimes this means I end up using a fold up walking stick (available in many pharmacies and in charity shops sometimes). It does mean if I need to shift someone from the notionally reserved special seating on buses I've got visible ...


162

Can you violate table manners in public? Of course you can. Everyone can. In fact until someone learns them it's likely that they will be unintentionally violating them. Table manners are just codified expectations of behavior, normally considered part of "polite society". This is a reciprocal expectation. You can't hold someone's poor manners against them ...


135

My eldest step-son is on the spectrum and had a similar incident when he was 9 or 10. Another kid pushed all of his triggers and my step-son snapped and tried to choke the kid. This was way out of character for my step-son, he'd never been violent before, and after hearing what happened it was pretty clear that he was provoked. The thing is... Being ...


91

I am going to slightly challenge the frame of your question, in that a more useful way to think about this interchange is to focus on it as professional handling of a difference of understanding rather than the discovery of the client's colour-blindness. You have stated that: The client got frustrated because he was thinking my colleague was joking with him....


80

Note that I am not experienced with blindness, but the generic solution to getting offered something that you don't feel like accepting seems applicable here. This answer has been extensively tested since I started coming into contact with Chinese people more frequently. Politely insist Your conversation is entirely normal untill this point: Seller: "Oh,...


76

Yes. In fact, "table manners" are a matter of circumstance, as anyone with a background in etiquette should tell you. It is not physically possible for you to conform to my manner of eating, so I would be obliged to either conform to yours, or to politely ignore yours, depending on the specific nature of the issue. For anyone beyond the confines of your ...


70

Somewhat different perspective here. I'm on the spectrum myself (also higher functioning, more specifically what used to be known as Aspberger syndrome). I used to have incidents like this as a kid all the time. Given my own experience, I would argue that you're approaching this from the wrong direction. Most likely, the teacher either already knows that ...


63

I was always thought not to distract a working dog, so I did not want to approach the dog without the owners permission.  This is normally correct. Except for safety or life and death issues. Chocolate can kill a dog. Even if they are not killed, severe medical issues can result from ingesting a chemical that the dog cannot breakdown. It's essentially ...


58

In London, UK, we have "Please Offer Me A Seat" badges and cards: https://tfl.gov.uk/campaign/please-offer-me-a-seat Once you have one of these badges, the duty of a true English citizen is to stand in the middle of the tube, flaunting the badge and avoiding making any eye contact with anyone. If someone has not offered you a seat within a few seconds, the ...


50

It is rude and presumptuous of them to question whether you have a disability, especially since your car was marked. This is something I understand happens to a lot of people with invisible illnesses or disabilities. Anyone who confronts or questions you is already being rude. You say that you want to help educate people, so do so when you have the energy. ...


50

I think you can give exactly the information you gave in the question, to anyone who is seated: Excuse me, I have a disability/health issue/problem that makes it difficult/unsafe/unhealthy for me to stand for long periods of the time. Would you mind if I sat down? If they inquire into the nature of the disability, you can simply but firmly say I'd ...


47

Since this person is trying to do right by you, it's probably best to approach it by first acknowledging their attempts to be helpful before asking them to stop. I'd recommend privately saying something like: "I notice you've been sticking up for me when ______ (instance/example), and I appreciate the intent behind you doing that for me. Can I ask you to ...


43

I know you may feel a bit awkward but I think the best way to deal with it is to just be honest and concise. Just offer to pay and if they insist then just maybe say: This happens to me a lot, thank you for the kind offer but I'd like to pay. Then if they really insist like you suggested maybe be a bit to the point (still a friendly tone of voice, no ...


32

My first thought would be is it important to refuse the gesture and if the answer is yes, then to answer why is it important to refuse? I don't think the giver in such a situation thinks you cannot pay, as it would be illogical to think you came in, ordered, and had no money. It seems in such a situation they are simply trying to do something nice that ...


31

"Table manners" is just one small subset of overall "good manners". One hallmark of good manners is patience and respect, and a desire to make others comfortable in your presence. Someone displaying good manners would not, for example, comment on your disability unless you brought it up yourself. They may appear not to even notice your tremor or your use ...


29

A Good Read Bustle has a great article on the matter: When To Disclose Your Mental Illness To Someone You're Dating They note five different times when you should consider disclosing your mental illness: When It Influences Your Behavior For instance, Health Central gives a scenario in which a person with an anxiety disorder is invited on a date to a ...


29

As far as I know, the special sticker is actually a card, which can be layed on the dashboard (this eg allows people with disabilities to be passengers on other peoples cars, and still have the possibility to park in these special parking spots). So one approach might be to assume that it's an honest mistake. As you said, there are invisible disabilities, ...


26

What complicates matters and makes a simple "I'm sorry I'm hard of hearing" difficult to say is that in most cases people don't get the fact that I can "hear" them when I'm looking at them but suddenly not when we are not facing each other. That's correct. So you'll have to tell them something more. I've had several co-workers with hearing difficulties. One ...


24

Etiquette in immediate situations is necessarily different. While it may seem inappropriate to touch someone or shout in most situations it's generally acceptable when helping others avoid danger. In this specific case it would probably have been best to do what the person sitting next to the blind person did. Take the chocolate away from the dog, and then ...


20

I fully understand that you want to defend and protect your daughter, but as I see it: Your daughter was provoced and attacked the other child, which you claim she was "developmentally unable to prevent" The other child did not purposefully provoke your daughter, it was "developmentally unable to prevent" the situation just as much as your daughter I think ...


17

I have a close family member who had that problem (until he got a brain pacemaker, which is a whole other story...). The worst were coffee cups, especially when the tremor got so bad that the content started flying. Judging from that, you have your hands full with other problems anyways, and manners or the impression you leave should be the least of your ...


16

A slightly different view of this may help. Maybe it makes them feel good to help. By refusing you are possibly making them feel they are not wanted. So I'd suggest you take a more polite approach : Thanks very much. But, honestly, I get a bit uncomfortable when people offer me things and I'm fine with paying. If they insist then perhaps just say : ...


16

I had a roommate for a year who was deaf and I didn't ever learn ASL! We didn't communicate a whole lot but we certainly did have to talk from time to time. The various solutions we used will work well for you, too... and they all pretty much come down to the same thing - write it down. If you're not in the same place, communicate the way you're used to. ...


16

There is no point in making yourself or others more upset. Please consider that someone may have a disabled family member that all too frequently gets locked out by a callous, selfish fool that should not use disabled parking. For these specific people, I sympathize. And for you as well, obviously. With that possibility in mind, it may not be appropriate ...


15

It is a typical case of a misunderstanding, they believe they are doing the right thing (those who don't are such a tiny minority it would be wrong to immediately assume someone is part of it). They are genuinely willing to make this parking lot a better place for handicapped persons. Their misunderstanding might be solvable by you explaining to them ...


15

One of the best ways I have found for dealing with these kinds of situations is to casually defend those in question. Accusations that someone might be offensive can really upset the tone of the interaction between everyone involved and it is important that you attempt to return that tone back to a pleasant one, assuming you don't find it to be offensive. ...


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