251
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How to avoid being seen as a cash cow by my family?
I'm very sorry but your loans are in fact gifts.
What you describe is actually you filling the gap in their spending pattern. That gap will not close, ever. Consecutive 'loans' without mention of ...
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How to communicate to my mother that I find it hurtful when she cooks dessert for everyone except me who is vegan?
You are asking for something extra
I think it is perfectly fine to be vegan. But if there is a bunch of people to be cooked for, demanding a change of meals because of the wishes of one would be ...
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199
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How to talk to my brother-in-law about my concerns about his intent to propose to his girlfriend?
I'll be honest with you. You sound like you're judging someone else's choices by your own standards, rather than what might be best for them, and what they consider to be their priorities.
Moreover, ...
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My cousin doesn't know that I know he received money that belongs to me - how do I approach him about receiving the money?
I'd be direct but offer him the opportunity to still come clean on his own. Maybe something like:
Hey, I heard from the buyer that the money was transferred to your account. Would you be able to ...
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173
votes
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How to tell people I'm not their tech support?
As a computer scientist myself, here are the avenues I have taken:
When asked to fix a Bluray player at a holiday gathering...
"I can look, but your guess is as good as mine. I know how to write ...
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165
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How can I stop enabling my brothers without my mom exploding?
You handled your end perfectly, and I mean, perfectly. Kudos on setting and keeping a boundary.
How can I get my mom to understand that I'm not responsible for the mess she found when she came home?...
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158
votes
How do I ask my dad's friend if he's interested in me?
The default reaction of people these days is "I'm not gonna judge", but ...
I'm going to go there.
But first I'll address your actual question, then you can stop reading. ;D The problem is that ...
- 5,955
157
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I have been asked to keep a secret about a surprise that I believe will end poorly
I do not have divorced parents, but I have had to juggle situations where two co-workers that hated each other were using me. In the end, I found out that the simplest way to resolve the problem was ...
- 34k
152
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How can I convey to my technologically inept parents that my IT job is mentally draining
I think I would meet this head-on. Thinking is tiring and both your parents know this because they do it. Something like:
Nothing? When Dad is driving, he is sat in the van, but he's not doing ...
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133
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How to avoid being seen as a cash cow by my family?
This reminds me of a short story in Mandarin, roughly translated as such:
A guy always gave a handout to a beggar near his home. When he was single, he gave five dollars. After he married, he gave ...
- 2,755
133
votes
How to explain my complicated family background to people that I don't know very well?
These questions make my skin crawl.
That is very much a perception issue you have that may just need to get to grips with, as honestly, they are all perfectly normal conversational questions in ...
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How to communicate to my mother that I find it hurtful when she cooks dessert for everyone except me who is vegan?
Originally commented on a different answer, but I want to flesh this out into a full response -
Unlike other answers, I don't believe your primary choice is to just accept this as what it is and move ...
- 22.7k
117
votes
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Stepmother wants me to sign for life insurance without consulting a lawyer, how do I tell her that I will only do this after talking to one?
Phone your stepmother. (As suggested by Martijn: You might want to ask someone to sit with you for this conversation. If you start 'giving in', that person can keep you from doing so.)
Tell her ...
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104
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How to decline physical affection from a child whose parents are pressuring them?
When it comes to my own young cousins and children of friends, I usually give them an explicit choice between sharing physical affection and not, while still expecting that they will obey the spirit ...
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101
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Accepted
My grandmother doesn't talk or communicate any more. How can I be good company to her?
Try to get someone to explain to you her ability to hear (she should have had her hearing tested), her ability to respond, etc. Ask if some of this is depression. Someone should explain this to you. ...
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101
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How to approach an inevitable breakup after sudden death in partner's family?
Let me offer my perspective as someone who was in a similar(ish) situation to your girlfriend.
My father passed away when I was in a new relationship. This loss was life changing for me, and my ...
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How can I stop enabling my brothers without my mom exploding?
Hmm...
The boys know how to keep things clean, they do help when parents are at home, but are lazy when the cats are away, and don't listen to Sis.
There are two problems here...
The boys
Mom
Let'...
- 5,955
100
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How do I convince my Mom I’m not inviting my brother to someone else’s bachelor party?
The answer I'd give Mom is: "It's not my party". I wouldn't offer excuses or tell her anything beyond that. Yes, she may want your brother, for some reason, invited to the bachelor party. But it's ...
- 32.3k
94
votes
Accepted
How do I deal with a mother who won't take "no" for an answer?
This sounds like stereotypical "door-to-door salesman" behavior, and I think you might try the same tricks that work with those.
Say "No.", and if they try to continue, just refuse to engage with ...
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votes
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How to politely stress that I do not wish to eat something?
Your in-laws have broken your trust here. It's not so much about the diet itself (they're free to disagree with it, they can even refuse to cook it and let you cook) but this is about them refusing to ...
- 7,274
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votes
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How to handle my girlfriend's parents' attitude to asking her for money?
The varying amounts which your girlfriend is being charged, combined with the emotional guilt tripping ("not a good daughter" if she doesn't pay up) lead me to believe that this is an exploitative ...
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80
votes
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How to tell my Mom that I don't care about someone without upsetting her?
Once I went to the funeral of a distant relative of my young nephew, he asked me why I went to the funeral, because I did not even know the person who died. My answer was simple:
I came for you, ...
- 1,342
77
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How to befriend someone who doesn't like to talk?
I'm not much of a talker myself and my father isn't either. However, every Saturday my father will ask me to come grocery shopping with him and I will agree (even though I no longer live at my parent ...
- 17.2k
76
votes
My sister has an alcohol and drug addiction. How can I get people to stop asking me about her?
You have a great start in your question. "Thank you for asking. As you can imagine, this is hard for all of us. I'm going to respect her privacy by not giving out any information other than what is ...
- 32.3k
74
votes
Accepted
How can I respond when someone asks me when I'm going to get married to my girlfriend?
Welcome to the world of adults and the responsibilities of forming adult relationships. Your relationship status is not just your concern; you are part of broader communities which included society ...
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How to deal with my boyfriend’s mother without affecting my relationship with him?
I am not obliged to bear with his mother as I am in a relationship with him, not with his family
You have hit it right there with that one sentence. You cannot make him choose between his family and ...
- 32.3k
72
votes
Accepted
How to ask my father in law to stop entering our house unannounced?
From an outsider's perspective:
It's your house, so you get to say who can be there when and who gets a key.
It's his time, so he gets to say when and if he wants to do work for you.
If you're ...
- 4,744
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How can I stress to my brother the importance of saving when he relies on me as a safety net?
Firstly, he seems annoyed. He probably knows you're at least somewhat correct, but at this point you comes across more as a know-it-all vibe than good intentions.
The fact that he is annoyed makes ...
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How can I respond when someone asks me when I'm going to get married to my girlfriend?
When this happened to me, I just said (my girlfriend and I had already talked about it, so we knew what we wanted to say, and how):
we're way too young and have a looong list of things to do before ...
- 22.3k
69
votes
Dad wants me to invite his mother to my wedding. How to push it back?
First of all, it's not your father's decision - it's yours. Your father made a demand of you, but the choice rests with you. You organize the wedding, you're paying for it, you get to decide.
From ...
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