Episode #125 of the Stack Overflow podcast is here. We talk Tilde Club and mechanical keyboards. Listen now

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255

You are asking for something extra I think it is perfectly fine to be vegan. But if there is a bunch of people to be cooked for, demanding a change of meals because of the wishes of one would be requiring something extra. Just because you choose not to eat something, does not mean everyone else is fine going with that and also not having that for family ...


248

I'm very sorry but your loans are in fact gifts. What you describe is actually you filling the gap in their spending pattern. That gap will not close, ever. Consecutive 'loans' without mention of previous debts or payback means no payback is intended by the 'loaner'. Your money is lost. Don't worry about politeness. Apparently your money is theirs. And ...


201

I'll be honest with you. You sound like you're judging someone else's choices by your own standards, rather than what might be best for them, and what they consider to be their priorities. Moreover, you come across as a bit of a snob who perhaps has judged the woman by superficial qualities. She might be much more intelligent than you think but just doesn'...


184

I'd be direct but offer him the opportunity to still come clean on his own. Maybe something like: Hey, I heard from the buyer that the money was transferred to your account. Would you be able to double check and see if you missed the transaction last time you checked? If not, we should call them back and see what's going on. This allows your cousin to ...


175

As a computer scientist myself, here are the avenues I have taken: When asked to fix a Bluray player at a holiday gathering... "I can look, but your guess is as good as mine. I know how to write software, not fix hardware." When asked opinions on software I know nothing about... "Yeah... I know nothing about this. I would try looking for reviews on ...


163

You handled your end perfectly, and I mean, perfectly. Kudos on setting and keeping a boundary. How can I get my mom to understand that I'm not responsible for the mess she found when she came home? Repeat the story you told here, exactly as you told it. Your mom isn't thinking with logic, she's reacting to your assertion of your rights (it's called ...


161

The default reaction of people these days is "I'm not gonna judge", but ... I'm going to go there. But first I'll address your actual question, then you can stop reading. ;D The problem is that you don't have any way of telling if he is actually into you, if he's just enjoying the occasional peek at a vibrant young lady, or if you're misreading the cues. ...


152

I do not have divorced parents, but I have had to juggle situations where two co-workers that hated each other were using me. In the end, I found out that the simplest way to resolve the problem was to remove myself from the equation. You can not make things right between your parents, just as I could not make things right between my co-workers. You can ...


151

I think I would meet this head-on. Thinking is tiring and both your parents know this because they do it. Something like: Nothing? When Dad is driving, he is sat in the van, but he's not doing nothing, is he? He's watching the road, for other drivers, pedestrians, eejits coming out in front of him, maybe people asking him stuff over the radio, planning ...


128

This reminds me of a short story in Mandarin, roughly translated as such: A guy always gave a handout to a beggar near his home. When he was single, he gave five dollars. After he married, he gave three dollars. Once he had his first child, he reduced the handout to one dollar. When that happened, the beggar yelled angrily : "How could you give my money ...


121

Originally commented on a different answer, but I want to flesh this out into a full response - Unlike other answers, I don't believe your primary choice is to just accept this as what it is and move on. However, I don't think that a monologue about how she's making you feel is going to make her more likely to accommodate you. If anything, approaching ...


116

Phone your stepmother. (As suggested by Martijn: You might want to ask someone to sit with you for this conversation. If you start 'giving in', that person can keep you from doing so.) Tell her politely that you also want to get the insurance thing done as soon as possible. Ask her to send you the insurance documents in the mail or drop them off in your ...


105

When it comes to my own young cousins and children of friends, I usually give them an explicit choice between sharing physical affection and not, while still expecting that they will obey the spirit of the parents request by giving a greeting. My personal script for it is, "Hugs, bye-byes or high fives?" (Basically, give a hug, wave goodbye at each other, ...


102

Let me offer my perspective as someone who was in a similar(ish) situation to your girlfriend. My father passed away when I was in a new relationship. This loss was life changing for me, and my girlfriend had a hard time finding her role in helping me with my grief. I had heard that you aren't supposed to make big life decisions after this kind of event, ...


101

Try to get someone to explain to you her ability to hear (she should have had her hearing tested), her ability to respond, etc. Ask if some of this is depression. Someone should explain this to you. Read about dementia, if that's her diagnosis. What kind does she have? To answer your question specifically; did she have a favorite writer or poet? Did she ...


101

The answer I'd give Mom is: "It's not my party". I wouldn't offer excuses or tell her anything beyond that. Yes, she may want your brother, for some reason, invited to the bachelor party. But it's not her party. Or yours. Or your brother's. Whoever is arranging the party has decided the guest list, there's some expense associated with it, and these are ...


96

Hmm... The boys know how to keep things clean, they do help when parents are at home, but are lazy when the cats are away, and don't listen to Sis. There are two problems here... The boys Mom Let's focus on Mom. I'd sit her down and ask to go through what she expects of you. Specifically, ask her straight out: "If the boys will not clean up, are you ...


95

This sounds like stereotypical "door-to-door salesman" behavior, and I think you might try the same tricks that work with those. Say "No.", and if they try to continue, just refuse to engage with them. If they come up with a "Why not?" just keep saying "We're not going to do it. Let's talk about something else." Once you made clear that it's not a ...


95

Your in-laws have broken your trust here. It's not so much about the diet itself (they're free to disagree with it, they can even refuse to cook it and let you cook) but this is about them refusing to respect your personal decisions and then deceiving you by making you things you don't want to eat. So approach it like that. Revoke their privilege of cooking ...


83

The varying amounts which your girlfriend is being charged, combined with the emotional guilt tripping ("not a good daughter" if she doesn't pay up) lead me to believe that this is an exploitative relationship, and not one meant to simply instill financial responsibility on her. You seem to have reached much the same conclusion. While other answers describe ...


76

I'm not much of a talker myself and my father isn't either. However, every Saturday my father will ask me to come grocery shopping with him and I will agree (even though I no longer live at my parent house which means that the food which is bought these days isn't even for me). I don't really like to do grocery shopping and my father definitively doesn't ...


74

You have a great start in your question. "Thank you for asking. As you can imagine, this is hard for all of us. I'm going to respect her privacy by not giving out any information other than what is publicly available; I'm sure you can appreciate our desire for privacy right now," I'd also take up the practice of responding slowly to these requests. They ...


73

Welcome to the world of adults and the responsibilities of forming adult relationships. Your relationship status is not just your concern; you are part of broader communities which included society in general, broad circles of friends, your close friends, your intimate friends, broader family, and close family. All of these circles feel the effect of your ...


71

What works for me with the food pushing relatives is: Saying something like "I'm sure it's delicious / That looks nice - but I don't want any at the moment" the first time. This should make it clear to well-meaning people that you don't have anything against their food, you're just not hungry/in the mood. Saying a brief and neutral "No, thank you" about 1 ...


70

From an outsider's perspective: It's your house, so you get to say who can be there when and who gets a key. It's his time, so he gets to say when and if he wants to do work for you. If you're really still depending on his free work you will have to find a compromise on when he works - or in the worst case accept his behaviour. If he doesn't want to work ...


70

First of all, it's not your father's decision - it's yours. Your father made a demand of you, but the choice rests with you. You organize the wedding, you're paying for it, you get to decide. From what you describe, you cannot acquiesce to his request. Every further point you've listed strengthens this fact. This means you need to find a way to bring this ...


70

I am not obliged to bear with his mother as I am in a relationship with him, not with his family You have hit it right there with that one sentence. You cannot make him choose between his family and you - that won't work out well for you. YOU, however, can make the choice. Lay it out in clear terms for your boyfriend: you've had enough and won't ...


69

When this happened to me, I just said (my girlfriend and I had already talked about it, so we knew what we wanted to say, and how): we're way too young and have a looong list of things to do before we can talk about that! We first need to settle down, secure a nice job, make a good living, and then, we'll see... If it's time for it (get married), we'll ...


69

My mom has a habit to cook for two meal times: breakfast and lunch, lunch and dinner, or even dinner and tomorrow's breakfast. Because of this, usually we only eat exactly half (or maybe even less) of what she has cooked for each meal. We were raised to not waste food, at all. I've gone as extreme as eating every bit of rice on my plate, literally. (My ...


69

Firstly, he seems annoyed. He probably knows you're at least somewhat correct, but at this point you comes across more as a know-it-all vibe than good intentions. The fact that he is annoyed makes sense: It's his money and you're telling him how he should spend it (or actually, to save it). How would you feel if he kept telling you to "spend more money, ...


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