Hot answers tagged

105

When it comes to my own young cousins and children of friends, I usually give them an explicit choice between sharing physical affection and not, while still expecting that they will obey the spirit of the parents request by giving a greeting. My personal script for it is, "Hugs, bye-byes or high fives?" (Basically, give a hug, wave goodbye at each other, ...


76

I'm not much of a talker myself and my father isn't either. However, every Saturday my father will ask me to come grocery shopping with him and I will agree (even though I no longer live at my parent house which means that the food which is bought these days isn't even for me). I don't really like to do grocery shopping and my father definitively doesn't ...


42

I have a very stressed grandmother who hardly lets me leave her house alone. I thought this would change once I get my driver license, but she still is uncomfortable with me going out alone. My grandma had her daughters encounter bad situations a couple of times and now is afraid every time one of her granddaughters is outside alone. Her motivation seems ...


30

Both a preacher's kid and seminarian here. A lot of this depends on the denomination in question. Catholics and some Lutherans practice what is called "closed communion" where only those practicing that specific faith are allowed to participate. Others practice what is called "open communion" where anyone is allowed to participate. There isn't really an ...


27

As much as I hate to say this, anything you can do to "soften the blow", so to speak, might be entirely ineffective. If your wife is that against the idea, it is probably a much better idea for both you and your daughter if you hold on to the secret until she is out of the house and living on her own. If she's really a control freak like you say, and she ...


21

Let him listen Some quiet people don't necessarily need silence. They like conversations; they just don't want to contribute. So rather than asking him questions, try just telling him things. It's preferable to pick subjects he enjoys. But of course, you may not know which subjects he enjoys. Ask him Every once in a while, when you face a choice ...


20

So you have two names that you respond to. One of which is your legal, given name. And the other which is something your friends call you. It sounds like you have a nickname. From the OED, a nickname is: 1. A (usually familiar or humorous) name which is given to a person, place, etc., as a supposedly appropriate replacement for or addition to the proper ...


20

I went through something similar with my parents before they passed away. I was pretty convinced it wasn't safe for my father to drive me anymore. I just ended up saying that I wasn't going to ride with him anymore. Period. End of discussion. I didn't go into detail about how I felt about his driving, and he knew that in general I liked to walk places, ...


19

TL;DR - Confront your Sister In Law, insist she deal with you directly rather than your daughter and then try reach an agreement with the help of your wife and after planning some key points for conflict resolution Clearly something has happened to make your SIL think that your daughter should give her $8,000. What that something is will affect how you ...


18

This came out to be longer than I'd intended, so, direct answers to the question: Keep the focus on the decision to buy the coat and her reasons for doing so. DO NOT focus on what you imagine the broader significance of that decision to be, nor your personal judgment of your daughter. Ask questions about why she chose as she did, and what she knows about ...


18

My father does not talk (or when he talks socially he is quite awkward). He is a brilliant guy with a huge knowledge, it is just that he does not want and does not know how to chat. He met a new family member (someone who married into my family) during a family gathering, someone like him. At some point, we realized in horror that we left them both alone in ...


16

I used to be an animator in holiday centers when I was a teenager, and it was fairly common to have kids who didn't want to kiss cheeks/hug when they arrived at the facility. At first I didn't say anything and the parents would force them to greet me in a socially acceptable way. The kids often ended up crying, and it was heartbreaking. Two years after ...


16

Disclaimer: I am not trans, but I am queer and I came out to my immediate and extended family when I was 17, so I can only speak from my experience. Regardless of how you plan a coming out, it inevitably won't go quite as expected. When I came out to relatives, I spoke to most of them myself either in person or over the phone. There were awkward questions,...


14

There are a lot of judgement calls here, and it's a really difficult situation. If Suzy is getting her life together, and it's possible that you'll be willing to allow her to have unsupervised time with your son in the future, you might try making excuses for why one of you has to be with her each time one of these outings is proposed. It's likely that Suzy ...


14

I encountered similar situation previously. People just tell their friends (and remind them occasionally, when needed, during accommodation period) about the name change like this: From now on, please call me [Max]. I like this name better / This name suits me better / I prefer this name. or: As we discussed, please call me [Max]. or (to closer ...


13

Does someone in your family need a car? When my Grandpa's health started deteriorating but there still wasn't a clear cut drive/no drive line, no one in the family wanted to hurt his feelings yet we all had our fears that an accident might happen. In a very relaxed atmosphere during a family gathering my uncle asked my grandpa whether he could do without ...


12

I've seen simular situations. Husband is uncommunicative, wife asks "What's wrong?", husband answers "Nothing's wrong" and then the wife starts with "There must be something wrong. You're acting strange. What's going on?" and so on and so forth. The mood keeps spiraling down. The problem here is neither your bad mood nor her father. The problen is that ...


12

Would have there been any way to suggest to her that she might want to learn more about cultural appropriation? When considering how to approach suggesting someone may want to learn about something you need to consider: how likely they are to already have knowledge of what you are suggesting they should learn how likely they are to expect you to know about ...


12

This sort of thing is a very common problem for lots of people. I've been there too. When a statement is vague, it can help to use a technique called "active listening" to learn more. So you could say "You are? I'm sorry to worry you, what are you concerned about?" There are three items here: You are? -> Showing you're listening and you care I'm sorry to ...


11

It all depends on whom and how you are calling someone. If you're calling a private landline, then there is a possibility that people didn't hear it as they may be in another room. A company phone being unanswered usually means there is no one around to pick it up. With cell phones I ALWAYS assume that the person chose to not answer my phone call because ...


11

Be proactive and step into the conversation before the parents insist with the child. The general conversation will be something like this: Sibling: Do you have hugs and kisses for uncle Rainbacon? *Child hides face Sibling: Come on, give your uncle Rainbacon a hug and a kiss and say goodbye In this scenario, give your ...


11

Write a letter and send it via good old fashioned Snail Mail. I have experienced a similar situation in which my aunt passed and the funeral was in the Midwest and I lived in New England (United States). I wrote a letter (not typed, emailed, etc- but actually hand written with a pen) to each closely-related family. This should be ideal because you ...


10

It sounds like your dad is in a pattern of behaviour where he conceals things from you because he thinks "it is for the best", or perhaps more specifically "in your best interest". That is natural parenting behaviour when a child is young, but obviously not meant to be continued in quite the same way now that you're an adult yourself. Sure you need to do ...


10

You are doing it right. Also, never be afraid of being yourself. Someone in your family is trying to apply some form of peer pressure. You are correctly having second thoughts about it. Stand your ground, do not let their flawed arguments cloud your judgement. Remind them that your social profile, and your social activities are, and should be, the ...


10

I'll preface this answer stating that I am queer, but have not come out to my extended family (what's left of them), aside from having my Facebook name match my new name and being friends with my cousins there. Despite being vocal in the past about my identity, I don't know what all my family has seen or if they even call me Lux. This answer will be ...


9

I grew up Catholic and had the full suite of religious education that goes with it. I suspect that the rules vary by Christian denomination. The headline answer to your question for a Catholic service: if you are not Catholic, you should not take Communion at Mass. Full stop. There are a variety of situations in which one is not supposed to take Communion, ...


9

Unfortunately it is becoming the norm for children (and adults) to spend a substantial amount of time using phones, tablets,...etc. What you can do to help your sister is to invite her to participate with you in any real world activities that you do. You will build a better bond with her, and at least temporarily keep her away from the electronic devices.


9

Two lessons I've learned from transgender people who go through a similar process: It's going to take time for people to get used to the new name. That's something you have to accept. That doesn't mean you excuse them not making an effort, or let them get away with making themselves into the victim. But, you do have to be patient. If you tell them what to ...


9

It sounds to me like the half-sister isn't angry at your partner, just expressing bitterness and regret about her father. It sounds like your partner sympathizes with her negative experience with the father. They might even be uniquely able to support each other throughout their lives in commiserating over their shared disappointment of him. The half-sister'...


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