49 votes
Accepted

How do I insist my wife gets rid of her recently bought pet spider, given that I'm arachnophobic?

Your wife went ahead and made an optional purchase of a pet, knowing that it absolutely terrified you. She made this purchase with no consideration at all of how much emotional pain this would ...
DaveG's user avatar
  • 7,310
37 votes

How can I help my Significant Other to overcome his fear particularly when I don't understand it?

Framing it as getting them to overcome their fears is counterproductive. In addition to the existing fear there's now an additional pressure to "get over this problem". This creates an new thing to be ...
sphennings's user avatar
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23 votes
Accepted

How to start a conversation with an introvert/nerdy classmate?

Your approach might work if she has noticed you and is also interested in you. However, if she hasn't noticed you or she's noticed and isn't interested, then such a blunt approach is likely to make ...
Rainbacon's user avatar
  • 9,042
22 votes

How can I help my Significant Other to overcome his fear particularly when I don't understand it?

Don't try to reason with phobias. By definition, they're irrational fears or fears to an irrational degree. Don't try to cure someone else of a phobia without their consent and cooperation. They ...
that other guy's user avatar
20 votes

How do I insist my wife gets rid of her recently bought pet spider, given that I'm arachnophobic?

So, you're saying that you, an arachnophobe, are married to a budding arachnologist, who has brought her work home with her? As they say, "Buddy, you got a problem." With due respect to the other ...
Andrew's user avatar
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15 votes
Accepted

How to have a talk with a coworker I'm scared of?

My advice to you would be to have that talk. But if at all possible, involve a manager or scrum-master in this. Or any other independent third party you can find. I've had troublesome co-workers, and ...
Tinkeringbell's user avatar
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14 votes

How can I help my Significant Other to overcome his fear particularly when I don't understand it?

My partner is afraid of heights, and of needles. He can't even watch if someone is getting a needle on TV. He can get vaccinated, though he dislikes it, and he's been lucky enough not to need a lot of ...
Kate Gregory's user avatar
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14 votes

How to have a talk with a coworker I'm scared of?

You know, I think you actually just criticize everyone, to conceal your own lack of skills, I mean it's surely a lot of pressure to be underperforming as you do, isn't it? This is not professional, ...
anongoodnurse's user avatar
13 votes
Accepted

How to tell my uncle I don’t want to see his turtles at his turtle farm?

First, just say you don't want to see the turtles. I don't think you need to do this beforehand. When he suggests to you that you look at his turtles, be honest and focus on your feelings. Be sure to ...
Peter's user avatar
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9 votes

How do I insist my wife gets rid of her recently bought pet spider, given that I'm arachnophobic?

Your wife probably doesn't understand the extent of your phobia, judging by how adamant she is about getting a spider. I think the best way to address this is make sure she completely understands your ...
zanahorias's user avatar
  • 1,725
8 votes

How can I help my Significant Other to overcome his fear particularly when I don't understand it?

How can I help him overcome his fear? In short, encourage him to see a psychotherapist. Behavioral as well as systemic/strategic therapy have been repeatedly tested as effective methods for solving ...
michi's user avatar
  • 3,752
6 votes

How do I insist my wife gets rid of her recently bought pet spider, given that I'm arachnophobic?

There is no way for me to know exactly what is going on through your wife's mind but I believe it might be a misguided attempt to help you face your phobia. She knows you had tried to deal with it ...
Ontamu's user avatar
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5 votes
Accepted

How to reapproach a girl that I liked when last conversation did not end well?

I was pretty nervous around girls in junior high and high school, so I can certainly sympathize with your situation. A very similar situation happened to me once (though I was just making conversation ...
Upper_Case's user avatar
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4 votes

How can I help my Significant Other to overcome his fear particularly when I don't understand it?

Fears are usually based on something tangible or an experience, whearas phobias are often by nature irrational. Fears that seem irrational are perhaps just based on the 'unknown'. When you think about ...
Astralbee's user avatar
  • 27.1k
4 votes

How can I help my Significant Other to overcome his fear particularly when I don't understand it?

First, a disclaimer: I am married to a psychologist, and have taken some psychology courses, but I am not myself a psychologist. Second, some definitions: A fear is only a phobia if it is irrational ...
KRyan's user avatar
  • 1,373
3 votes

How can I help my Significant Other to overcome his fear particularly when I don't understand it?

If he wants to get over these fears/phobias, ask him what HIS baby-steps would be. Then support him with those baby steps. For me, I have a phobia of spiders. But it is FAR less strong than it used ...
BunnyKnitter's user avatar
3 votes
Accepted

How can I help my Significant Other to overcome his fear particularly when I don't understand it?

You can provide moral support when he wants to overcome a fear, and you can help him find ways to do it very gradually (which is more or less what professionals do to treat a phobia, and getting ...
psr's user avatar
  • 146
3 votes

How can I help my Significant Other to overcome his fear particularly when I don't understand it?

Personally I don't believe that an external factor (like you in this case) can affect the internal phobias of your partner. Perhaps you could suggest studying techniques aimed at overcoming phobias ...
Nat's user avatar
  • 662
2 votes

How to have a talk with a coworker I'm scared of?

I have autism, which is very similar to Asperger's so I can easily sympathize with you. (BTW, Asperger's is now called autism spectrum disorder - ASD, just wanted to let you know) He does seem to be a ...
Sheldon Andre's user avatar
1 vote

How can I help my Significant Other to overcome his fear particularly when I don't understand it?

Your edit provides background which I can use to offer some very generalized advice. The specific advice you've been given in the other answers is great. However, my own experiences suggests that ...
Cort Ammon's user avatar
  • 4,330
1 vote

How can I help my Significant Other to overcome his fear particularly when I don't understand it?

I have a few fears that are "inconvenient", and they line up with the ones you mentioned. For the most part, I can and do face them, I may be miserable as a result of the stress and anxiety they cause ...
AsleepAtTheLab's user avatar
1 vote

How can I help my Significant Other to overcome his fear particularly when I don't understand it?

In order to overcome fear, any fear, you need courage. Courage only allows us to overcome fear, it doesn't remove the fear, or decrease the chance of something bad happening to you, it just allows ...
apb21's user avatar
  • 19
1 vote

How can I help my Significant Other to overcome his fear particularly when I don't understand it?

It sounds like this is an aversion to putting oneself in harm's way. Most people have strong inhibitions about, say, doing something that would risk them losing their arm, especially without a good ...
Artelius's user avatar
  • 299

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