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168

Undoubtedly you and Susan talk about things that are not related to work. Assume that the conversation goes on about a popular band that is touring. You could simply say: Oh, I would love to take my girlfriend to that concert she loves that band and she would think it very special if I take her. All you need to do is mention your GF in a kind way and ...


128

So, I also saw that research once in a training, and I think that one of the reasons why your strategy is not working might be related to a misinterpretation of ...specifically that men do not like to talk face to face and women like to talk face to face Men do not like to talk face to face means that they don't like to be positioned facing the person ...


115

I think that the major reason your strategy isn't producing the results you want is because you've overinterpreted a very precise piece of information, and have based your entire approach around that overinterpretation The single most difficult element of your situation seems to me to be this: A few years ago, I read online that men and women communicate ...


107

Given the constraints you've laid out in your question, you can't. You want to be seen (roughly) as a peer to these students, but also want them to treat you as a professional that is off-limits for any non-professional activities. You want to clearly lay out a broad class of behaviors you would like the students to cease, but don't want to be direct in ...


94

The nub of this is that you want to have your cake and eat it. You want to act like another kid with similar interests yet not have them respond to you as though you were another kid with similar interests In your interactions with the students, you set the tone for how they respond to you. If in all other ways you want them to respond to you as ...


39

It's been a while since I've dated, but I've been married for quite a while. So maybe I might have some insight here. When I'm on a date with my wife, I want to be her focus - and she wants to be mine. I want her to think that she's the most interesting thing in the world at that point in time. Were she to bring a book, or work to do, I'd be really ...


25

Note: I am answering as a teacher, now teaching in a high school. In the past, when I was teaching assistant at university, I have been in the situation where students were trying to flirt with me. I also did my internship with a girl class (in a co-ed high school). @Upper_case's diagnostic on the situation seems fine to me: middle school is a very special ...


24

If possible, something should be done while it is happening. Move. If you are sitting, ask him to get a you drink (or some other request that will allow you both to move). Then, while he gets up and leaves, simply excuse yourself. Once you are both in motion, make sure to end in a different spot. This of course only will work if there's no assigned seating. ...


23

The very first comment got it right: Some people just enjoy flirting. That's probably the extent of it for some people. – curiousdannii It is simply a 'feel good' activity and apparently circulates certain feel-good hormones or something. It is also usually fairly harmless because the persons are not taking it very seriously anyway. According to this ...


23

I'm on the spectrum myself, and I understand that dating can be quite the challenge. I've had a fair bit of success with it (I'm now married), so I've got a few tips that can help you out. Why your recent strategies have failed First of all, it's important to understand why what you've been doing hasn't worked. While it may be true (though it certainly isn'...


22

Your approach might work if she has noticed you and is also interested in you. However, if she hasn't noticed you or she's noticed and isn't interested, then such a blunt approach is likely to make her uncomfortable, which will translate into her not wanting to continue the conversation. What to do instead A better way to approach is to find a less blunt ...


21

Ideally you want to have conversations about this subject before it happens. Realistically, unless you want an awkward situation in the moment, you need to clarify expectations in advance. Talk with your partner, it doesn't have to be a long conversation, but make sure you both know how the other feels about this. It's entirely possible your partner didn't ...


19

The trick here is to discourage her without harming the work relationship. I would suggest you continue being polite to Susan, but make sure to passively communicate a lack of interest: If she invites you out, politely refuse. If she messages you about something not work related take a good, long while to reply, or even chide her that the message is not ...


17

The thing is, the type of people who ignore clear signals are not interested in playing by the rules. It's a power move: they're leveraging your uncomfortableness and reluctance to cause conflict in order to get what they want. Remaining polite and quietly ignoring them doesn't work because it signals to them, "You won't suffer any consequences because I ...


16

Apart from the aforementioned discussion with your partner, a very simple, subtle, non-confrontational approach is to ask for an introduction. Something along the lines of: "Hey, honey¹ why don't you introduce me to your friend²?" Honey may be replaced with whatever term of endearment you normally use. Friend may be replaced with whatever context ...


15

You have a simple way of meeting her outside her working hours. A friend of the friends I was with there knows this girl quite well. Here's the key! First of all, work to get better acquainted with this friend's friend. Then, tell him your story, tell him how bad you want to know the girl because she stole your heart etc. This way, you can know first of ...


14

Offering help with ulterior romantic motive is usually fine, provided the intent is clear and the recipient has the option of turning down said help. If both conditions are met, I could see the offer to help as a flirtatious gesture, or the start of one. However, the issue here is that the recipient in question is in a tough spot where it would be harmful ...


14

I have found in my dating and married life, as well as with friends and family, that everyone is different. We do not need to generalize men as non-talkers and women as talkers that make them uncomfortable. I married a man who does not like social situations and is very quiet. However, when we went out, our conversation was very easy. He opens up to me, ...


13

There is no good time to communicate verbally that you are not flirting with them. However, from the start you should use your paraverbal, nonverbal, and situational to communicate that you are not flirting with them. Paraverbal It is important to remember that communicating is not limited to what you say, but how you say it. Take the following sentence: ...


13

Your best non-offensive way to answer that type of stuff is a smile with a deflecting comment like, "Hey, that's not robotics!" and start talking about something else without answering the question. Note that "Hey, that's not robotics!" is a deflecting statement instead of a question (which the girl could answer, her answer would take the topic back away ...


11

How to get to know a service staff without interrupting her work? You can't. Getting to know someone via socializing/talking, etc, at any meaningful level beyond just client-customer, is something that can only really happen in non-work time. You're in non-work time, but they are not unfortunately! Trying force the socializing/situation and the "getting to ...


9

How to make it clear you're interested in friendship only One option, as you point out, is to have a frank conversation with him. As much as I am a general advocate for candor, that may not be the best option here. He has never said anything direct to you on the topic, never asked you out on an official "date", no open/obvious flirting, no attempts at ...


9

There are good answers here already about how to directly either get out of that situation or address the issue with your partner, but I'm going to take a different approach and suggest a shift in your own thinking. If your partner is trustworthy and faithful to you, then another woman hitting on him is not a threat to you or your relationship, and is ...


9

There are two possible underlying truths: she is flirting with you (but might not even know it, and certainly might not be willing to say it) she is not flirting with you You have identified two ways of discovering the truth: ask her describe the situation to your partner and then ask if that is flirting The problem with the first approach is that she ...


7

I do what works. I am a pretty good read with people. With men, if I think it will garner me more expeditious response, then I will flirt if I think it will help. Other times I might be a raging jerk, and often I am just normal. It really depends on how I read it and typically I start with normal, as I need enough feedback to assess. I am not bothered I ...


7

As with a lot of things, context is everything. If you are doing these things out of the blue, jumping past any boundaries that were set, and so on - people aren't going to give you a positive enthusiastic response. Be okay with hearing the word no, or being told your advance isn't wanted or isn't welcomed. Also, don't assume that everyone ever is going to ...


7

Warning: I never was in a similar situation before. But I had to deal with comment or question that were making me uncomfortable. So, here is what I suggest doing: Wait for the thing that makes you uncomfortable to happen, this way everyone would know what you are talking about and they won't have to wonder "what exactly is making him uncomfortable?". Then ...


7

An important point especially pertinent to the first several dates is that the goal should be to try to get know each other so that you can both decide whether to continue to pursue the relationship. In this way your current strategy is extremely disruptive and counter productive, by withdrawing into a book or your work you are not engaging with your date so ...


6

You're dating without a purpose. Stop. As you mention in a comment, you're not sure why you're going on dates, just that you're supposed to. This is where you are coming undone. You have no aim, so you're aimless. And that is how you are making a first impression of a nose in a book. That isn't on your radar, clearly. And when you discuss it, from ...


5

After talking with her for a bit, it became clear that she was attempting some casual flirting and reaching out more than was strictly necessary for the requirements of our work Right at this point in your conversation with her you insert "you flirt just like my girlfriend" or bring up in anyway that you feel comfortable with that you are in a relationship. ...


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