163 votes
Accepted

What to do with a friend who cheats in games?

Personally, I'm very bothered by a person who would cheat in a casual game. I would stop playing with them. However, since you don't want to do that, try the following... Make a house rule that ...
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  • 1,523
107 votes

How do I tell my internet friends I'm actually female?

I had a similar situation when I was a teenager - an online friend who didn't give any indication to her gender, so we all assumed she was male, and she never bothered to correct us. One day, she said ...
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  • 2,829
86 votes
Accepted

What to do if I suspect my friend is stealing from me?

There's an old saying... If you lend someone $20 and you never see them again, it's $20 well spent. I think that's where you find yourself with Mark, except for the fact that you're still hanging ...
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  • 54.7k
81 votes

Two people from small group of friends want to have a "meeting" with me. The circumstances are strange and give me a bad feeling

There's one simple fact that I think is being overlooked here: They invited you to dinner. Generally speaking you don't invite someone to dinner if you want to have a hard conversation, because that ...
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  • 1,425
52 votes
Accepted

How to ask why I was not included without causing a scene?

T saying: guys only thing and discovering This mutual friend mentioned T specifically said his girlfriend could come is clearly a conflict of logic. You are rightfully intrigued as to why you ...
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  • 4,830
49 votes
Accepted

How to gently end involvement with an online community?

what's the more gentle way to say that I'm leaving in early 2020 You say exactly that. Make a post, either on your website or some other site (I've seen similar posts on Twitlonger) that explains ...
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47 votes

How to handle very opinionated and aggressive friend?

I agree with you, the blame is not to put on feminism, or any other of her ideologies. The problem is that she is offending people who don't agree with her, ruining the times in which you guys hang ...
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  • 1,527
46 votes

How do I tell my friends that I want to be included in activities beyond our gaming sessions without alienating them?

I recommend going to your "best friend" you mentioned, ask him in a 1 to 1 talk if you could be included and ask him for his honest opinion why you are not included. I would also like you to ask ...
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  • 642
44 votes

How do I tell my internet friends I'm actually female?

There is no way of knowing for sure how they'll react to it, but being upfront and honest about it, while stating your reasons and apologizing for keeping it a secret for this long is probably the ...
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43 votes
Accepted

How do I tell my friends that I want to be included in activities beyond our gaming sessions without alienating them?

My plan is to have our scheduled session on this upcoming Saturday, then before we end for the evening, bring up how I feel directly with them. I wouldn't recommend that: (In my experience) people ...
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38 votes

Two people from small group of friends want to have a "meeting" with me. The circumstances are strange and give me a bad feeling

Warning: this is an arm-twisted way of solving the situation and it could damage your relationship with them. I have anxiety issues. Sometimes, people want me to go somewhere but, in my eyes, they ...
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  • 17.2k
37 votes
Accepted

How to handle very opinionated and aggressive friend?

Handling it within a debate Being in political circles and debate clubs in the past I know your pain. People are very passionate about what they believe and get themselves into a specific mindset, I ...
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35 votes
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Relationship with a friend's ex-girlfriend

Seems pretty straightforward to me: if Tony and Alice are happy being friends, why not just mention to Tony that you're thinking of asking Alice out? I'd be surprised if he had an issue with it, and ...
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  • 2,514
32 votes

How to ask why I was not included without causing a scene?

Is it possible to find out why I was not included without causing a scene? I'm afraid this is not really possible (in my experience). I've been excluded from similar gathering countless times in my ...
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  • 1,071
28 votes

How to participate in group conversations as an outsider?

I've experienced this too when my sister invited me to get-togethers with her college friends (she was also in the arts, in a very tight-knit cohort). The main strategy I used to re-insert myself into ...
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  • 13.5k
28 votes
Accepted

How to encourage conversations beyond small talk with close friends

TL;DR: Your relationship with these friends seems to have degraded, and the topics you want to discuss with them (environment, human rights) seem too heavy for the type of relationship you seem to be ...
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  • 33.7k
27 votes

How to show interest in getting to know others while still protecting yourself

Is there a way to show interest in getting to know others while still protecting yourself? Yes. Ask more questions and listen carefully. Most people like to talk about themselves to an extent (some ...
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26 votes

How to decline a wedding invitation from a friend I haven't seen in years?

I'd like to pose a slight frame challenge: why not go to the wedding. You say you don't feel like going because, despite a good faith effort on your side to keep in touch, they never responded and ...
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25 votes
Accepted

How to permanently leave a group activity without insulting a friend

It might be impossible for you to leave the group without hurting his feelings, at least temporarily. If you leave, you are choosing a different group over his, and that would hurt anyone's feelings. ...
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  • 4,386
25 votes
Accepted

How do I ask someone to stop changing your plans?

You're in a tough spot. Unfortunately, a lot of people have tendencies to agree to things with disregard to what they involve and what they mean to other people. It sounds like your plans are very ...
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  • 5,134
25 votes

How to decline a wedding invitation from a friend I haven't seen in years?

You're over-thinking it. People who send out invitations want you to respond in a timely manner. Not responding is literally the worst thing you can do. Respond with a simple "Best Wishes" and ...
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  • 1,558
23 votes
Accepted

How can I tell a friend about a future trip without upsetting another friend, who wants me to hold the truth about it?

Perhaps it might help if you sit down with Friend B and explain that you are not comfortable with deception, and you do not feel it is your responsibility to help him hide the truth from Friend A. ...
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21 votes

What to do if I suspect my friend is stealing from me?

He's innocent until proven guilty. It's possible that his presence was merely a coincidence, or maybe you or someone else just misplaced those items and forgot about it. To directly deal with him, you ...
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  • 10.2k
21 votes

Responding to a man about the fact that they had been kissed by force

Personally, when I'm this unsure about something this serious, I'm often happy to spoil a more jovial mood in case the person needs not-joking support. I'd rather ruin a joke than miss an opportunity ...
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19 votes

Relationship with a friend's ex-girlfriend

Will's answer is absolutely the correct one, but I wanted to add a different side to it. As someone who has been in Tony's position, talking to him can make a huge difference. An ex and a friend ...
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18 votes

How to handle very opinionated and aggressive friend?

I work in the nuclear industry, and the way we treat radiation hazards is a pretty good framework for dealing with other caustic things. The general approach is to focus on time, distance, and ...
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  • 281
18 votes

How to permanently leave a group activity without insulting a friend

For reference, I’m one of the higher-reputation users at the RPG Stack Exchange, so I hopefully have some relevant domain experience to offer. One of the things we often tell people in your position ...
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  • 1,353
18 votes

How to ask why I was not included without causing a scene?

You can go "conflict aversion", or you can go "rock and hard place": When your boyfriend gets there and sees your mutual friend's girlfriend there, he needs to query "Huh, you told Jane and I this ...
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17 votes

How to ask why I was not included without causing a scene?

Ask about the event after it has happened. You are looking for specific information that T has gone out of his way to avoid having to provide to you. In that context, I'm not sure that there is a non-...
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  • 16.3k

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