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163

Personally, I'm very bothered by a person who would cheat in a casual game. I would stop playing with them. However, since you don't want to do that, try the following... Make a house rule that cheating is allowed, but the penalty for being caught is costly. For example, immediate disqualification from the current game and cheater must bring pizza for ...


106

I had a similar situation when I was a teenager - an online friend who didn't give any indication to her gender, so we all assumed she was male, and she never bothered to correct us. One day, she said something about her personal life that indicated her gender, which surprised me in particular, and I incredulously asked "[username], are you a girl??&...


86

There's an old saying... If you lend someone $20 and you never see them again, it's $20 well spent. I think that's where you find yourself with Mark, except for the fact that you're still hanging out with him... Your best and only realistic option is to take it as a loss and learn from it. If you know someone is a thief and you continue to invite them ...


81

There's one simple fact that I think is being overlooked here: They invited you to dinner. Generally speaking you don't invite someone to dinner if you want to have a hard conversation, because that could spoil everyone's appetite. A serious conversation, maybe, but not an accusatory one. I personally feel based on the information provided that there's ...


52

T saying: guys only thing and discovering This mutual friend mentioned T specifically said his girlfriend could come is clearly a conflict of logic. You are rightfully intrigued as to why you are being omitted from this social event and you should be rightfully upset with your boyfriend for being OK with this in the presence of such a conflicting ...


49

what's the more gentle way to say that I'm leaving in early 2020 You say exactly that. Make a post, either on your website or some other site (I've seen similar posts on Twitlonger) that explains what you've said here. That the community has been a wonderful part of your life for almost a decade, but that you just have to move on. It can be short or long, ...


47

I agree with you, the blame is not to put on feminism, or any other of her ideologies. The problem is that she is offending people who don't agree with her, ruining the times in which you guys hang out together. First of all try to point out how disrespectful her behavior is, and that there are other more appropriate ways to express her opinion. For example,...


46

I recommend going to your "best friend" you mentioned, ask him in a 1 to 1 talk if you could be included and ask him for his honest opinion why you are not included. I would also like you to ask yourself if you think there is anything in you that is particularly different from your friends, as to why they could be "leaving you out" of the whatsapp group. I ...


44

There is no way of knowing for sure how they'll react to it, but being upfront and honest about it, while stating your reasons and apologizing for keeping it a secret for this long is probably the best way to go. Correct me if I'm wrong, but as I understand, initially you were unsure of how they would treat you knowing you're female. Then as time went on, ...


43

My plan is to have our scheduled session on this upcoming Saturday, then before we end for the evening, bring up how I feel directly with them. I wouldn't recommend that: (In my experience) people are tired after a gaming session and may not have the time / stamina / patience / etc. for a difficult discussion around social stuff . You're putting a whole ...


38

Warning: this is an arm-twisted way of solving the situation and it could damage your relationship with them. I have anxiety issues. Sometimes, people want me to go somewhere but, in my eyes, they aren't giving me enough information. Not having enough information can cause me a lot of (otherwise avoidable) stress and I don't like that. That's why, when the ...


37

Handling it within a debate Being in political circles and debate clubs in the past I know your pain. People are very passionate about what they believe and get themselves into a specific mindset, I am exactly the same on certain topics and there's no shifting what I believe through purely verbal debate (without verifiable facts). If anything it wants me to ...


35

Seems pretty straightforward to me: if Tony and Alice are happy being friends, why not just mention to Tony that you're thinking of asking Alice out? I'd be surprised if he had an issue with it, and honestly if he does I think it would be a bit harsh on his part - he can't be her friend and yet assert control over who she dates. If she's genuinely interested ...


32

Is it possible to find out why I was not included without causing a scene? I'm afraid this is not really possible (in my experience). I've been excluded from similar gathering countless times in my life, and I never got a straight answer to the question "why?". I got my own answers, sure, by growing up I was able to analyse the situation from a "distance" ...


28

I've experienced this too when my sister invited me to get-togethers with her college friends (she was also in the arts, in a very tight-knit cohort). The main strategy I used to re-insert myself into the conversation was indeed asking questions. You mentioned that you did ask questions, but usually to clarify. So I hope this doesn't repeat too much of what ...


27

Is there a way to show interest in getting to know others while still protecting yourself? Yes. Ask more questions and listen carefully. Most people like to talk about themselves to an extent (some a lot). If you ask them pertinent questions and listen to the answers, you'll get to know one aspect of that person. But you're worried about how they might ...


27

TL;DR: Your relationship with these friends seems to have degraded, and the topics you want to discuss with them (environment, human rights) seem too heavy for the type of relationship you seem to be having with them at the moment. Encouraging more than small talk as such is going to be extremely hard, if not impossible. When we were in school, we used to ...


26

I'd like to pose a slight frame challenge: why not go to the wedding. You say you don't feel like going because, despite a good faith effort on your side to keep in touch, they never responded and you feel abandoned. It seems to me like you care about this person, and not going will only hurt your situation by enforcing the distance that you previously ...


25

It might be impossible for you to leave the group without hurting his feelings, at least temporarily. If you leave, you are choosing a different group over his, and that would hurt anyone's feelings. However, hurting someone's feelings doesn't mean that you have to 'burn a bridge'. People get their feelings hurt all the time, and they can get over it. ...


25

You're in a tough spot. Unfortunately, a lot of people have tendencies to agree to things with disregard to what they involve and what they mean to other people. It sounds like your plans are very tied with this girl being there (and Tom). Meaning, your enjoyment or otherwise benefits would be diminished by them not being there. This is what Summer does not ...


25

You're over-thinking it. People who send out invitations want you to respond in a timely manner. Not responding is literally the worst thing you can do. Respond with a simple "Best Wishes" and state that you can't make it. You don't need to give them a reason. ** Note: Got married last year. It was a giant pain when over 25% of invites was not ...


23

Perhaps it might help if you sit down with Friend B and explain that you are not comfortable with deception, and you do not feel it is your responsibility to help him hide the truth from Friend A. Tell him that you will not volunteer the information, but if asked directly you will not lie. If Friend B wants to make plans that exclude Friend A, then he must ...


21

He's innocent until proven guilty. It's possible that his presence was merely a coincidence, or maybe you or someone else just misplaced those items and forgot about it. To directly deal with him, you currently have no absolute evidence. People don't like being accused of wrongdoing, and it's highly unlikely that he'll confess just like that. What you can ...


21

Personally, when I'm this unsure about something this serious, I'm often happy to spoil a more jovial mood in case the person needs not-joking support. I'd rather ruin a joke than miss an opportunity to support someone who might need it. But sometimes I really do want to avoid crossing that line, too. So I try to mirror their approach - a tone of ...


19

Will's answer is absolutely the correct one, but I wanted to add a different side to it. As someone who has been in Tony's position, talking to him can make a huge difference. An ex and a friend started dating a few months after we broke up. They both, separately, came and spoke to me about it before they got together. It was much, much easier to deal ...


18

I work in the nuclear industry, and the way we treat radiation hazards is a pretty good framework for dealing with other caustic things. The general approach is to focus on time, distance, and shielding. Time - The longer you are exposed to radiation, the more harmuful dose you will receive. Limit time to limit the hazard Distance - The closer you are to ...


18

For reference, I’m one of the higher-reputation users at the RPG Stack Exchange, so I hopefully have some relevant domain experience to offer. One of the things we often tell people in your position there is that “no gaming is better than bad gaming.” Knowing when and how to walk away is important. Different people want different things from a game; any ...


18

You can go "conflict aversion", or you can go "rock and hard place": When your boyfriend gets there and sees your mutual friend's girlfriend there, he needs to query "Huh, you told Jane and I this was guys-only... Guess we won't be watching the Baywatch slow-motion specials then?" - T then has a choice between saying "Oh, that changed because", or straight ...


17

Ask about the event after it has happened. You are looking for specific information that T has gone out of his way to avoid having to provide to you. In that context, I'm not sure that there is a non-confrontational way to get that information, as T is working to avoid expressing it directly. It will seem more confrontational to ask ahead of the BBQ ...


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