Episode #125 of the Stack Overflow podcast is here. We talk Tilde Club and mechanical keyboards. Listen now

Hot answers tagged

91

I once had the same issue with an online friend. Since I have anxiety, I was very afraid that the person might react badly to me giving them a gift (feeling embarrassed and awkward). To resolve this, I simply decided to "warn" them beforehand and ask them if there was okay with me giving them a gift. In this case, the other person was absolutely fine and ...


54

I'd suggest something similar to @Ælis' answer. However, I'd phrase it like: You: I'm going to be in London for the big Poké event! Her: Omgggg. Really? ... (Poké discussion here) You: While I'm there, I'm planning to get trinkets for a bunch of my friends. Would you want me to get you one too? Similar to Ælis, this focuses on asking ...


23

Perhaps it might help if you sit down with Friend B and explain that you are not comfortable with deception, and you do not feel it is your responsibility to help him hide the truth from Friend A. Tell him that you will not volunteer the information, but if asked directly you will not lie. If Friend B wants to make plans that exclude Friend A, then he must ...


10

First, I would recommend that you speak to your teacher about her. Specifically mention that she says she can't see the board. The teacher will have access to possibilities like speaking to her parents and connecting them with social services that can help pay for glasses if they can't afford them. I know I didn't want to tell my mom I couldn't see the board ...


7

One thing that I've seen other internet friends do is make a general post on social media. For instance, something like I'm going to visit the Pokèmon center in London later this month, and I want to share the excitement! If any mutuals1 want a small souvenir, message me your address :) 1. "Mutuals" is a word I've seen used on sites like Twitter and ...


5

I know this might sound unpleasant, maybe even scary, but you're probably going to have to either find a way to enjoy going out, or start using social media. Maybe both. Or at least, if not enjoy it, struggle through it long enough to get to know someone. The problem is simple logistics; people aren't just going to knock on your door some day and ask to ...


4

"The bad" I was in a similar situation 10+ years ago. The situation was actually worse - after a successful pregnancy, the child of a colleague was born dead. I wanted to say something nice / helpful, so I decided to go with something like: I am sorry for the loss. I am sure God has bet plans... I understood easily that my feelings were taken as an ...


4

From how you wrote in your original post, you seem to feel affraid and desperate toward this situation. To enhance Johanna's (very good) answer, I want to give you two tricks to make things less difficult. How to feel less affraid towards someone (doesn't work for everybody, but you might want to give it a try): look on how you see this person. In your ...


4

One way of many... "Make" it okay I was in a similar place about that age and some still to this day. When talking about a disappointing part of your own past, I have found that being "at peace with it" is the sugar to make the medicine go down for those who hear. Yes, they do need to know, but you don't have to bleed on them, so to speak. Be happy and ...


3

Well, the justification for my answer is basically I have a similar background (wasn't popular during teenage / early adulthood, and also didn't have many friends growing up) and I'm simultaneously going through a move to a different job in a different company and different country and through a romantic relationship development, so my advice would be based ...


3

Emphasize that you are getting a gift for many of your friends. It will feel creepy if she thinks that you're only buying a gift for her, or a select few, or very close friends. If she shares your interest in Pokemon and you buy gifts for others in your community, she might even feel left out if you buy lots of little poke gifts for people but not one for ...


2

How can I tell "Friend A" about our future trip without upsetting "Friend B"? I don't know if you can achieve both. B has already told you he doesn't want A to know, and has already gotten upset when you did tell A about a previous trip. Your best bet is to talk to B, and ask them why they don't want A to know. Maybe you'll hear how A has a tendency to ...


2

As I suggested in the comments, just say: Hey, I'm out of town this weekend, I'll catch you up on Monday You replied that: "Friend A" might try to pry deeper upon finding that we're both unavailable because we're both out of town. We could make sure that what we say is plausible and different, but I'm averse to that sort of thing What you're averse ...


2

I have a similar story - my father's phone number disappeared from my contacts list, on my phone. I could have asked as you mentioned, cornering him: Why did you delete the contact? You know it is useless, because I know the phone number by heart, anyway! Instead, I gave him the liberty of answer and the chance to save face: I just noticed that your ...


2

I've been involved in Grief Management sessions and am finishing seminary... perhaps I can offer some thoughts here. As your friend goes through the stages of grieving (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Sadness, and Acceptance), it is important for you as a friend to do one thing: listen to them. Too many people try to help the grieving by saying what they think ...


2

So as a UK software developer, they all have social events (well they do in Yorkshire). Go on them, don't talk about work. Try to find somebody who has the same hobby as you, board gaming is really popular and you can always find 2 or 3 people to organise board evenings with. Or if you are more sporty ask people who do the same sport if you can "do it" with ...


1

I am an American developer, but I attended grad school with a few Indian classmates. Some are successful at socializing with Americans and have remained my friends since graduation. Here are some characteristics I've observed among the more successful: They have a better command of English. The others talk too slowly for a normal conversation, and often ...


1

In Western culture, you don't have to be afraid of talking about things that are not work-related. At my own workplace, many colleagues even prefer to ban any work-related talk during lunch break. They argue that work hours are work time and lunch break is free time, so they want to do and talk about things that don't directly contribute to their work. I ...


1

I have thought a bit about your issue and the hardest part will be making the conversation about the friendship of you both, and not focus on your issues with how it currently is. I think this might work, but I also think that a discussion like this could easily slide to becoming about one side more over the other, be it hers or yours. First I suggest you ...


1

I could have been your friend A. First and foremost: Please don't lie about this to A. That can hurt so much more than it does good in this situation. I have experienced these situations and am experiencing them still. Some of my friends have started to become friends with others, with whom I don't (and in some cases do now!) have a connection. It felt ...


1

It sounds to me like Friend A being invited or not doesn't really have anything to do with you. So first and foremost I suggest not worrying so much about Friend A and if you should or shouldn't lie to them and just enjoy your weekend trip. Friend B is responsible for excluding A, not you, so particularly with your goal of conflict-aversion I see no reason ...


1

First of all, you should decide for yourself to cancel your friendship. You should be 100% sure of your decision. This is important. Explain it once why you would like to break up and you may leave feedback to your friend why you want to cancel your friendship. From your words it should be understood that there is no way back. There is no way how he can ...


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