Podcast #128: We chat with Kent C Dodds about why he loves React and discuss what life was like in the dark days before Git. Listen now.

New answers tagged

-1

If I understand you correctly, it seems like, so far, you have only explained to your friends why you didn't support this kind of behavior but you haven't yet told them that you wish them to stop pressuring you. So, I believe this is the first thing you should do. From my experience, when you argue with someone, they tend to think that talking to you about ...


-1

To sum up the situation : OP has an opinion about a situation ; OP has clearly stated their opinion about said situation ; OP's friends disagree with OP's opinion and want them to change their mind. (Clarify your point of view) From what you have already tried, you might want to highlight the fact that you do not feel responsible for Rachel in any way. ...


0

Explain your friends WHY you do that. They might even change their minds and be on your side. Make it clear that you refuse to ease the burden of responsibility from her shoulders, and that she actually has to learn from the experience, in order to avoid even greater troubles in the future. However, it would be nice of you to assist in "cleaning up the ...


3

I think that your goal here, although a good goal, is not possible. Why? You cannot ever really make someone else do anything. (If that were the case, crime would be non-existent). You can help others do do something, but generally can't make them do what you want. What you can do, however, is control your reaction to other people. I'd also add that ...


2

You don't have to change your view, or condone her actions to feel empathy. Empathy is extremely broad, and has a place everywhere. You can feel empathy for the worst people on the planet, because you can take a minute to understand how they must feel right now. Pablo Escobar was a mass murderer, but it's perfectly reasonable to feel empathy for him when ...


1

If a friend of mine does not answer a message, I assume they're not really interested to get in touch at that particular moment. If after a certain time they just write to me I would be happy to hear from them. I think this should be as simple as that. Tell them you are sorry, and then invite them to resume the contact with a face to face meeting. My ...


3

I encourage something simple, without excuses. Something like: Hi [their correct name*]. Sorry about my rather slow reply. How are you? Just take it from there, and basically act as you normally would (i.e., be the same person). I remember when I transitioned, people would be afraid of saying the "wrong thing", and for this reason avoided me; it felt ...


4

There are certain techniques for 'active listening' that don't involve you agreeing or elaborating, but encourage the other person to talk (and release emotion). Here's a couple of useful ones: Mirroring: Best, in my opinion. Repeat the last / relevant 2-3 words as a question. Really encourages them to elaborate, and you can do it repeatedly without them ...


1

Although your stated goal is to point-blank refuse to disclose the occupation, there is another goal stated in your background information: He exceedingly wants to reconnect — he has no friends except me! Your husband hopes to gain friends from the reunion - that is his real goal! Would it be fair to say that any solution to the goal stated in your ...


8

Edit: This is from experience of being a somewhat private person and living in a place where “what do you do?” is the common opener. If the other is an extrovert I just get them talking about themselves. If a fellow introvert, they usually won’t “fight” my direction of the topic. Answer to “What could hubby have done differently?” If the script is ...


4

The best way to avoid answering a question is to change the subject and answer a different question. I often have to do this when, for example, people ask about other people and I'm not allowed to reveal, say, a pregnancy or an upcoming job change. In the conversation you quoted, I see your husband trying to avoid saying his current job to such an extent he ...


0

I can empathise with you, as I have a similar experience which I will briefly relate. I had a very good friend from childhood who was a complex person who struggled in social groups, but one-to-one we understood each other and had a great friendship. We were solid friends from age 9 until about 18, whereupon we fell out of touch, mainly because I had ...


2

We live in time and age that answer I cannot say, you know confidentiality case is perfectly normal, uderstood and acknowledge. Or should be. if someone is persistent with the "oh coomone I won't tell anyone" you could add It's so secret I can't even name the brand of pencils I'm pushing. I had friends who worked for certain asian coporations that ...


7

Focus on what the charity work prevents you from doing. There is nothing wrong with seeking personal growth. You want a full time job, and you want a career. You want to acquire knowledge and experience that the charity work is not allowing you to pursue. Focus on the non-monetary aspects that the charity work cannot fulfill. Most importantly, for your ...


1

First, I think Harper's answer is very good, and could work. Since you asked how to get the money back I feel my experience in a somewhat similar situation could be of help. Background for my thinking: Long time ago I was in a similar situation, not in an artistic related project, but I was doing a project for someone else, this person wasn't a great ...


2

Not everyone in your classroom is your friend. They may not want the best for you, they may not want you to be happy. They may be enjoying your confusion and discomfort, and having a big laugh when you do "the wrong thing". My advice, and this comes from a childhood of relentless teasing and bullying in school, is to stop listening to this group and trying ...


6

I don't really have experience with reconnecting with friends, so my answer won't really be complete. However, I am non-binary and I also do have experience with unexpectedly reaching out to someone in order to bring them joy. I write about such a reach out in another answer here so my post will partially be based on that (and another reach-out that I also ...


14

I had a "falling-out" with a close friend due to distance/life as well. We used to hangout and talk often, and we were even getting groceries and dinner together every Wednesday for a few months! But they moved and stopped responding as often to me until eventually I stopped hearing from them. I'm on your friend's side of things though. While the few ...


1

I, too, have had things I've loaned not returned to me. Some were things I had expressly told the person that I was reluctant to lend because of past experiences with other people, but would trust them to be careful and make sure to return the item(s). Doing that did work with most people. But, there was one person who I really thought would definitely ...


6

I run into this problem because I have an old friend (all the way back to grade school) who lives 3 time zones off from me. We like to have long calls on the weekend every month or so to catch up, but scheduling them can be a bit of a pain due to the time difference, and the fact that I have to cram my non-work life into weekends, so lots going on. The ...


-1

From the patient's side: The ASD sufferer/ the common people who experience very few of ASD symptoms (also called B.A.P. or broader autism phenotype) needs a logical and rational explanation about complexity of human interaction. Suicidal ideation and high feeling of guilt/shame is quite common in ASD so its good to get support before disasters happen. ...


3

I don't think you ever have enough life experience; for different situations the "enough" could vary wildly. Plus I think you can always learn from every situation you encounter. I am pointing this out only because you are setting yourself in an antagonistic position to what they are saying. In this case, maybe if you deal with them "enough" times you may ...


22

The answer here lies in building your own narrative. Right now, the prevailing narrative is that Anne met up with you at a bar and you were kicked to the curb for being a sex offender. Anne, shocked at learning this, is then spreading the news out of concern for other unaware people who know you. Not only is the information Anne's spreading blatantly false, ...


46

I've been in a similar situation and by my experience the #1 thing you need right now are a few allies. You won't be able to resolve this all by yourself. I had a good friend on the scene who is also a great IPS person and he came with me and we managed to resolve the situation before the event was over. After the fact, things are more tough. The situation ...


4

It's conceivable that Saxton has my problem: falling into a common habit called "procrastination". Many potential activities, a certain freedom to choose which ones... I find it is easy to choose wrong, and fall into a habit of choosing wrong over and over. Sometimes with too many tasks I will lock up and do none of them. What can often help a ...


105

It could be of course of great help if you could get the bouncer to acknowledge the mistake, or at the very least to disclose where the information come from, but I wouldn't count too much on it. Thankfully, even in absence of this, your social circle can search the local sex offenders registry and note that you are absent of it. As advised for example on ...


1

Take the hint, walk and forvige There are two factors here: your stuff and expressing how you feel. I've had friends take my stuff or owe me money and the ongoing debt weighs down everyone. Just forgiving the debt or letting go of the stuff has allowed those relationships to move into newer and better discussions and levels. I've had other friends ...


4

Well, the justification for my answer is basically I have a similar background (wasn't popular during teenage / early adulthood, and also didn't have many friends growing up) and I'm simultaneously going through a move to a different job in a different company and different country and through a romantic relationship development, so my advice would be based ...


5

One way of many... "Make" it okay I was in a similar place about that age and some still to this day. When talking about a disappointing part of your own past, I have found that being "at peace with it" is the sugar to make the medicine go down for those who hear. Yes, they do need to know, but you don't have to bleed on them, so to speak. Be happy and ...


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