Hot answers tagged

323

Prompted to give an answer by @apaul, I thought I'd give a woman's perspective here :) As per my answer over at Workplace.SE on wandering eyes, most women are fairly used to the occasional involuntary glance at our chests from guys. It happens. However, once it reaches a point of "can't take your eyes off" then it rapidly jumps into creepy territory. ...


213

First things first. There's no reason to be ashamed. Some people may judge you and you may still be judging yourself, but there's really no need to. Love yourself for who you are and try not to let other people get you down. It may be a little early for this suggestion, but consider trying to become comfortable enough with yourself to be comfortable ...


173

Recognise your own biases When someone from a minority group says "that's racist/sexist/homophobic/etc" and the retort from someone from a majority group is, more or less, "no it isn't" This is phrased in extremely general terms. The example you added to the question is quite clear-cut, but in other situations which fall within the scope of the quoted ...


123

You say you're sure, but you can't ever really be. It's easy enough to spill or sit on something. And it doesn't even matter: you don't need to tell her what kind of stain it is, just that it's there. So just keep it simple, like you presumably would if it were anything else: "hey, I think you have something on your pants." She can figure it out and take ...


117

It's quite simple, what you're seeing is mate guarding behavior. Let's do some science! All the women tested rated the thin, provocatively dressed women as the sexiest. Participants were also twice as likely to avoid introducing the model to their partners compared to the conservatively dressed model, who was rated as the least threatening. ...and some ...


102

Instead of saying Excuse me, you are taking all the room. I'd go with Excuse me, I don't have enough space, could you move a bit? It's just less accusatory (and as such, less confrontational), you're not telling them they're doing something wrong but instead making them aware you have a problem they can solve. For me, just a "Pardon" ("Excuse me"), ...


100

That being said, I'd like to politely inform people who mistake me for a man that I am actually a woman. I don't want it to sound aggressive because I don't really mind and it doesn't change anything to the answer, nonetheless I think they ought to know in order, maybe, to realize that there are also women here. People can never seem to figure out my gender....


94

You're right, using mod tools to remove her from the sign up list would be wrong, and it is your problem.Take a deep breath, remember why you're there and be a grown up. This kind of thing is a big part of the reason that women have largely dropped out of game culture... Boys will be boys, and more often than not, men will be boys. It's... Disappointing. ...


93

Trans woman here, so this is entirely how I would handle it from my perspective. First, I like the inclination that you have to tell her that someone is outing her. That is dangerous. People lose jobs and get assaulted for being trans so if someone who knew my secret went around telling people I was trans, I would want to know. Please tell me so I can act ...


89

I've been on the other side of this and I agree that lying is not a great idea. She'll know that you're lying and it will make it sound worse than it probably is. What she wants is reassurance that you still find her attractive. Here are a few options that don't include lying or insulting her, and do include reassurance. Say the old cut was your favorite, ...


88

Let's take a few steps back... You say: The result doesn't especially matter to me, but the uncertainty does. You also say that you're annoyed and have been trying to make note of which bathroom they use and the like. These are somewhat incongruent. It doesn't matter or it does. There's nothing necessarily wrong with having preferences, but be honest ...


78

One thing you could do is highlight the positive qualities of women while avoiding directly contradicting him I find that the women here are highly motivated. The ones who choose a domestic lifestyle are very successful at it. However there are also many women who choose other paths, and they are very successful in those areas as well! Something like ...


75

Sure, it's fine to use it, guys! It's fine as long as it's informal. I use it all the time, even at work among colleagues of either sex. I have heard it being used almost my entire life, every city I've been to, as long as it's informal and it's an English-speaking crowd. Avoid using guys in formal situations. Guys -- Oxford Dictionaries (informal) noun 1.1....


75

As a general rule, it's better to ask the individual person how they want to be referred to, whether it be past or present. That said, in my experience it's common and usually appreciated when you use their current pronouns. Many trans folks think of themselves in those terms, because they knew they wanted to transition and identify long before they were ...


75

Quick note: This answer is writing from my own experience. I fully acknowledge that there are (several?) men (maybe women too?) who are far less considerate than I am and just push out to get as much space as they want. Why I spread my legs (and why your attempts did not work) I'm a tall man. 1,94 m (6 foot 4.4 inches) to be precise. I also can't stand ...


72

Your concern is definitely something that is changing in society right now - this movement with regards to respecting non-binary members. It's certainly commendable for you to wish to address people respectfully using terms that don't gender them unnecessarily. While there definitely is a group of people recommending terms like Xe or Mx, they aren't ...


70

With brief interactions with strangers, I agree with the other answers that there is little you can do. They are projecting their relationship insecurities on to you - this is not your fault, and something that needs to be worked on between them and their partner. This would apply to incidents 2 and 3, where you correctly just minded your own business. ...


70

You don't usually want to start a discussion, you don't want to attack them, so don't try things like "Now I see how you are still single". Merely express your displeasure: Not cool, man. There are similar alternatives depending on how bad and how long the chat has gone on, like "Too far", "Just no". The most common outcome is that they will attempt to ...


67

In English, and in most cultures that use English as a first language, the masculine gender has historically been the default when speaking about an unidentified person. For example, written instructions intended to be received and used by any person of any gender often refer to the user as "he". Cultural changes mean this may be on the decline in formal use;...


65

The problem is all about the tone and how it causes the first impression of your argument to shift. I've had this issue for years, and even with close friends I get incredibly frustrated when pointing out certain things. Say a friend of mine makes jokes about autism and about how some behavior is "just such an autistic thing to do" in a demeaning way. Now ...


55

I buy clothes for other people routinely. I have never been asked that. If someone in a store were to ask me "who are you buying these for?" I would stare at them in a way that made it clear they were crossing a line, and then say I'm not asking for assistance with this, thankyou or I'm sure you don't need to know that I would do my very best to ...


51

Well, I'm not straight, I'm white, but I'm not a man, so let me see if my experiences in the world can help any here. Advance forgiveness, I am sure a lot of what I say you might already know (otherwise I don't think you'd be here asking this thing in this way), but I want to try to make it as approachable to a maximum number of humans as possible. One of ...


48

Ask them what pronouns they prefer. For members of the LGBTQ+ community, this is generally a reasonable and respectful question regardless of the physical appearance of the person. It indicates that you are not assuming that their preferred gender and their apparent gender are the same, but neither does the question imply that you think they are different. ...


48

Have you tried politely asking them to move their legs? From personal experience, they might not know that they're doing it. I have unintentionally sat in seats with my legs spread rather wide. I have always moved my legs when asked. Sometimes this simply wasn't possible because the leg room was physically too small for my long legs. As Imus said in their ...


44

If you ever feel someone's trying to drag you into a potentially uncomfortable conversation, you can always look a little puzzled and ask something like: What do you mean? This lets you postpone any confrontation, but also forces the other person to lay out their opinion in more detail. Hopefully, their opinion is actually reasonable, they just chose ...


38

Just ask, after setting up the topic in a way that makes the question natural. There is already too much cloak-and-dagger character to your concern. Begin or steer a conversation towards gender identity (mention a celebrity, a recent controversy, watch Zoolander 2, there are lots of avenues), describe your own situation ("I've always identified with my ...


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