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319

There joined a new cashier in my local food product market. My Question is how can I ask for her number, or ask her out for a coffe while she is only sitting at the cash point? I would strongly advise you do neither of these things. But what is your advice? Should I just hope that I will meet her after work at the parking area? And I'd even more ...


248

I'm very sorry but your loans are in fact gifts. What you describe is actually you filling the gap in their spending pattern. That gap will not close, ever. Consecutive 'loans' without mention of previous debts or payback means no payback is intended by the 'loaner'. Your money is lost. Don't worry about politeness. Apparently your money is theirs. And ...


197

Having been here before myself, I think you need to realize what this means for your relationship. You don't feel able to relax and have you-time with her around. This is probably because you place a set of responsibilities on yourself when you spend time with her, but also want to be able to shed those responsibilities at times and do what you're interested ...


148

I find the other answers very unusual, which illustrates there must be some kind of cultural difference at play. Where I grew up (the UK) it is completely normal, typical and acceptable to engage in conversation with shopkeepers. Sometimes the entire queue could stop and simply have a collective chat with the shopkeeper about some random thing, such as the ...


147

In these situations you want to put people on the spot without setting them on fire (because being too confrontational in the workplace can be an issue). Next time you see him doing this, I'd say: "Excuse me, can I help you?" (Or even without the 'excuse me' bit if you just want to be direct) "Um... No, I'm just passing through." "Okay. I ...


130

Something that worked for me, when I was working in construction, was to subtly redirect the rant. It was effective against a wide variety of divisive rants and it has helped me survive a number of US election cycles since then. A person on a hateful rant usually doesn't care so much about what kind of hateful rant it is, so if you drop a bug in their ear ...


128

This reminds me of a short story in Mandarin, roughly translated as such: A guy always gave a handout to a beggar near his home. When he was single, he gave five dollars. After he married, he gave three dollars. Once he had his first child, he reduced the handout to one dollar. When that happened, the beggar yelled angrily : "How could you give my money ...


125

You know, I'd like to quote the British comedian Stewart Lee on this, because there is many a true word spoken in jest. By way of a disclaimer, the subject of this comedy routine is absolutely not the target. "...sometimes you're stuck with what a symbol means to you, aren't you? It's a bit like these old hippies that say, "The swastika... far from being ...


104

Since you want to apologize, it's very simple. You can go ahead and start a conversation, not loud, and say like, I apologize for what I said. I already have an injured leg and when you stepped on my foot, it hurt a lot. So, I really didn't mean what I said at that time in pain. I hope you understand. A simple apology won't hurt and it can set things ...


101

Try to get someone to explain to you her ability to hear (she should have had her hearing tested), her ability to respond, etc. Ask if some of this is depression. Someone should explain this to you. Read about dementia, if that's her diagnosis. What kind does she have? To answer your question specifically; did she have a favorite writer or poet? Did she ...


94

Just say what you said in your question, Sorry, I can't talk right now. I need to get the bus/train/metro to work, have a good day though. This is not only polite by wishing her a good day (keeping it polite as you'll bump into her again on another Wednesday) but it also indicates that you have a place to be. If she talks to anyone and everyone I'm ...


90

You could do it this way; One thing you could do, since you go often to that store, is: start building a basic "relationship" with the cashier. Meaning; talking to her each time you go shopping, exchanging some humor and eventually get to know her name. That's not inappropriate at all and could happen in a nice way without putting her in an ...


86

This does sound like a case for couples' therapy, or single therapy for her with some joint session, because her trust has been deeply broken before. Think about it: The man she loved cheated on her, and to add to this, it was with her sister! That is at least one, possibly two, deep trusts broken in one fell swoop! Even if she keeps reminding herself that ...


83

Don't. Being friendly is literally part of their job description. There's no way to know whether the "signs" you are picking up on are actually signals and not them just doing their job. Ask yourself how well you actually know them. Have you had a conversation about anything that isn't related to their work? The checkout line isn't the place to have real ...


80

Note that I am not experienced with blindness, but the generic solution to getting offered something that you don't feel like accepting seems applicable here. This answer has been extensively tested since I started coming into contact with Chinese people more frequently. Politely insist Your conversation is entirely normal untill this point: Seller: "Oh,...


71

What works for me with the food pushing relatives is: Saying something like "I'm sure it's delicious / That looks nice - but I don't want any at the moment" the first time. This should make it clear to well-meaning people that you don't have anything against their food, you're just not hungry/in the mood. Saying a brief and neutral "No, thank you" about 1 ...


68

I have been told I tend to be a bit passive aggressive when dealing with those kinds of situations, but I like to mask it with a bit of humor. In your position I would reply something like: 我不会来 When he asks you what is that you can reply "I am not coming in Chinese, you don't seem to understand when I write it in German so I decided to try some other ...


67

Just some hints. Chat with an old-timer to get stories of past events. This should give you a rough idea what to expect. Volunteer to help with organising, especially during the event. This will give you an inside perspective and hopefully a role to fill during. Back-up plan is to appoint yourself event photographer; carrying a semi-serious camera should do ...


66

It's possible that your family will see you as a "cash cow" until your udders go dry (when you buy your house and go into some debt yourself, or have other financial responsibilities, like children.) It's time to start setting boundaries with your family. Expect them to balk, and loudly. But if you truly want to reach your own goals, this needs to stop. ...


65

There are two answers, one for each of the paths that you ask about: Avoid questions by either removing the flag or putting it in context. The context could be other countries you like, or stickers that establish a travelling meaning. The flag by itself raises questions because it does not indicate if you enjoy the country, its politics and leadership, its ...


64

One thing I have learned is that it is generally better to assume ignorance or stupidity over malevolence. I think there are two things I haven't seen in the other answers yet that I would try first: Empathize. Sit down and ask your boyfriend something along the lines of "Seeing those pictures really bothers me, and despite having said a couple of ...


57

I had similar problems for a long time. In college some of my friends thought my reactions were hilarious and would do the same "time for a group hug!!" things. The last major incident I recall was at lunch one day. I was sitting between two friends (which already made me slightly uncomfortable) and they decided it would be funny to slowly inch closer to me,...


56

I'm late to this question, but I'd like to take a stab at it. What you said and did was so painful that I don't think a simple apology and explanation will "make amends". I am an apology freak, if you want to label it. I think that when you've done real harm, apologies, a request for forgiveness, a promise that you'll try to mend your errant ways, and an ...


56

If this is the only flag on your backpack, one answer could be to add some flags for other Countries you like or have been to. Considering the current geo-political situation, having only one flag (the Russian one) on your backpack is going to be seen by many as you making a strong political statement. A Russian flag, along with flags for other countries ...


52

Edit 2: Thorsten S. Has mentioned that German culture is different. I will note that my response may be more applicable to most Canadian (in my experience) business/services/companies. If the company has a certain image to maintain then it's up to management to handle this. If the expectation was not conveyed at the time of hiring then it should be ...


51

This might be an unlucky coincidence - in German, young people sometimes also refer to older male persons as "Onkel", but it would mean something like "dude" (informal!). If you, as a stranger, would call me "Onkel" while I am your server, I would also be offended, because it implies that you are looking down on me. Just "Excuse me, can you ... " is ...


51

There are two points here. First, if you are concerned because of impact on the company, for example because clients react badly to him, then this is a workplace issue. Your boss should take care of it, and the question should be on our workplace site.. If your boss isn't handling it you should go to the boss and explain why you think Bob's image is hurting ...


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