Hot answers tagged

167

You can't. "What happens on the pitch stays on the pitch" is your opinion, but not theirs. If this guy doesn't like what you say on the pitch and is offended by it, your choices are: Remove him from the team (good luck trying this) Look for a team that shares your attitude Ignore what he thinks about you (he might make it hard for you to ignore) Tone down ...


141

In this particular case, John is speaking in public. You see that he is going to embarrass himself tremendously. You want to keep the embarrassment to a minimum. And you don't have the luxury of thinking time. You start by saying calmly "John, can I stop you right there." If he stops, you say "Can we have a minute outside." And if he agrees, you take him ...


97

If it was me, I might say something like, John, you bring up an excellent point. Calling it a 'Mom's Room' is kind of confusing. But calling it a 'Breast Pumping Room' sounds kind of awkward. [Making eye contact with John and the other members of the group] What are some other names we could call the room where mothers can pump their breast milk ...


59

Honestly, when someone is dumb enough to jump in to complain about something they know nothing about, embarrassment can't be avoided. In this particular case, John's blunder could have been sidestepped as soon as it was clear what he was doing by using it as jumping off point to start discussing a point which has a little more merit, like "Should we be ...


56

Start at precisely the agreed time and only very briefly pause the discussion to welcome late-comers. They are the ones who broke a promise, it is only right if they feel a bit awkward (and not you). I once had a job teaching students photoshop. It was voluntary but we had one useful rule which was to always start at exactly the given time, especially on ...


46

I know that situation pretty well. While I'm not particularly introverted, I do tend to keep my mouth shut when I have nothing in particular to say in a situation (especially after sports, as in your example, when I'm tired anyways). When in a company of very outgoing folks, this can lead to exactly your situation. What I do, and what works without fail is ...


43

I've been playing for over 40 years now (since 1976), and have been on a lot of teams. I'd like to think I've learned a thing or two about inter-personal skills within a soccer team. So here's what I have. #4 is the one that most applies to the question you asked, but I'd suggest reading the whole thing. Common goals. If nobody is being paid to be there, or ...


20

So you have two names that you respond to. One of which is your legal, given name. And the other which is something your friends call you. It sounds like you have a nickname. From the OED, a nickname is: 1. A (usually familiar or humorous) name which is given to a person, place, etc., as a supposedly appropriate replacement for or addition to the proper ...


19

In most any organization 10% of the people do 90% of the work... Sometimes taking a "management role" is a way to get away with that. Sometimes these people feel like they're "natural leaders." a variation of "I'm a thinker, not a doer" In my experience it's worth openly challenging these people. When they say: We aren't doing that. A fun response would ...


18

Oof, this I can relate to. My friends and I are planning a trip to a big city in the midwest and we had two people who had been "maybe's" for 4 months. I'd been bugging them once every few weeks (probably the equivalent in your case of asking once every hour or so), but I'd still get an "Eh, I'm not sure yet. But I'm still interested in coming!" Finally we ...


18

At decision time Since this is the core of the question I'm putting my advice to it first. I have very little patience for this sort of behavior, so when it's time to go out/start the game/initiate whatever activity you'll be doing, the time for consideration is just about up. I'll usually say something along the lines of We're about to [head out/start ...


15

You write in your comment: From my experience with this teacher, frankly said: he sucks! I really doubt that he is gonna do anything. I bet he tells us to deal with it ourselfs OK, then I'm going to answer based on the assumption that you really can't force your lazy teammate (I'll call him Bob). However, before you assume that, spend some time ...


15

No matter what kind of game you play, any stakes higher than zero change the nature of the game. If you play for virtual points, it's no more than a freetime activity. You can play to win, but your reward is no more than the knowledge that you won. You can play very casually as well with no true regards towards who wins. You can play for the sake of playing ...


13

When I played at (an all-boys) school a teacher (a.k.a. "games master") might shout things like "come on, you old woman!" to spur us on. That kind of exhortation could be socially offensive though, e.g. seen in the context of ... a younger person who thinks he can boss people older than him around ... as if he were their teacher or boss. That (age ...


13

A sports field is not a magical consequence-free universe separated from reality, although many would have it so. Harassment whether it is verbal or physical is just as unacceptable there as at the workplace, home or any place else. It sounds like you tried to bully him, and he called you out on it. Further it sounds like you are in denial, since your ...


13

By appeasing their lateness you are sending out a clear signal that being late is okay. Stop doing that. It's not too late now but from day one you should have enacted repercussions to the tune of: Providing an agenda Starting at the agreed upon time Not facilitating people's haphazard "I will be late" notices Not getting late-comers caught up by wasting ...


12

Be honest about the cost and approach it with a desire for mutual problem-solving. Say something like: I actually have to pay for every message, so I try to save those for urgent stuff. I can use IM from my computer, which I use every night, and I thought responding that way would be fast enough for scheduling next week's meeting. Is that causing ...


11

The first time I did a networking event, I did not know what to do. So I just stood somewhere alone in an empty space. That of course, was not the right approach. Luckily, this was an event where there were professional coaches present. Let me explain that: I was trying to get into a special schooling program. The program's goal was to re-school people ...


11

I can definitely relate to how the trainee feels. I too get very quiet when I'm in a larger group that I'm fairly new to. There are a few reasons for this: There's an inherent discomfort around new people until you get to know them. The more people you don't know, the greater the discomfort. Even if you know some of the people, there's still discomfort due ...


11

I am a very loud speaker and I sometimes have the same issue. This usually happens when I'm not really part of the group. When I am "the stranger". However, this also tends to happen when the group is too big (at least for me). My solution One solution I find so far is to try to only talk to a person near me. It's easier to attract the attention of only ...


10

I can often be shy in social situations. One thing that helps when I lead meetings is to ask myself, "What would I wish the organizer would do in this situation?" You're not putting yourself out there in this case; you're serving the group by helping everyone stay on task. A set agenda is always helpful in a meeting and will ensure that important business ...


10

Try to learn a bit about these subjects for future conversations. I go to a liberal arts college, which basically means that it's a small school with a lot of people who like to talk about a lot of different things. Students do get exposed to a variety of disciplines, but everyone seems to like to specialize, and there's always a topic or two that a person ...


10

Stretches are meant to have an effect, it is unlikely to not feel anything. You surely find information about that somewhere on the internet, perhaps with more details to what you should feel with a particular stretch and what you shouldn't. Normally gym leaders are quite flexible and can stretch more than anyone else. It must not be a problem if you can'...


10

Every exercise class I've ever been in as an adult, the instructor has given out alternatives. For example, if we have a station that is pushups, she'll demo the full pushup, then show doing it on your knees, then say that if pressure on your wrists are a problem, here's yet another alternative. That's the professional approach. If the leader of the ...


10

For your example of "someone getting something technical wrong": Most of the time technical mistakes are irrelevant to the conversation, and no one else even realizes there's a mistake. Since you want to avoid causing embarrassment, the best IPS option is to do nothing at all. Whatever they said will likely quickly be forgotten anyways. If it really irks ...


9

A male injecting himself into a group of girls and trying to join the conversation is often awkward. There is a fair chance that they are talking about "girl things" and you'll be seen as an outsider. You're better to look for a group that is mixed guys and girls so you're one of the guys instead of the only guy. If you know a girl in the group, you can ...


8

There's more in 2 brains than in 1. So, you can (and always should) listen to anyone willing to improve for group's sake. Do you have to stick to what they unilaterally decide? I don't think so... What I always did (and still do) when I was facing such a issue, was: Have a scheduled meeting with all the points that were to be discussed / disputed. Send a ...


8

If you are not part of the conversation, and there are things you need to gather up before you leave (such as a bag or coat), then silently get ready to leave first. That way the conversation is not interrupted but it will be obvious that you are about to leave. If, by the time you have got ready, no one has addressed the fact that you are getting ready to ...


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