67

Don't give them anything to talk about This is a critical IPS skill that, unfortunately, not everyone comes by naturally. Sometimes you have to really work for it, and it can take a lot of trial and error to understand how your actions will be perceived. A good rule of thumb is if you haven't seen other people doing or saying something before in a ...


40

You will always sound petty saying this. This could be the final time you ever talk to them again. Laying out your grievances on this final card shows that you are still thinking about the situation, even after the person has acted nicely ever since the choking incident. Be the bigger person and forgive and forget. These comments should not be written on a ...


38

I understand your need for closure, it's a very common feeling in human beings. The ability to finally say what you want knowing there won't be any real consequence is great, and if there were never any consequences, IPS wouldn't exist. But unfortunately, even you yourself have mentioned that there's a real potential for negative consequences in this ...


24

It sounds to me, like the person was surprised by your request and wanted to express that surprise. This is likely due to a difference in cultural norms. Like BlackThorn mentioned, it appears you're breaking some cultural norm by asking for the rest of her food. When she shared with her friend, not only was she expressing her surprise, but was also subtly (...


22

I'm no personal coach or professional, but I've had my personal share of experience and watched a lot of therapy videos. Make sure not to sit in the back. Don't be victim of manipulation, although still possibly being done inadvertently and non-maliciously by that person as some people do that naturally. The trait that is causing you this is lack of ...


21

I've been in a similar situation in the past. In my case, I communicated my sentiments verbally rather than through a card, but I think the overall approach should still be viable. The idea is to acknowledge the difficulties without placing any blame and to focus on the positive aspects. For example: Hey X, I think we've had our difficulties over the years ...


19

Inappropriate comments from someone in authority over children, such as a teacher, are always a cause for concern. Since your parents hired this person you should talk to them about this behavior. I don't think they will consider it acceptable, and they will want to find you another tutor.


19

I am German and also shave my head; since my mid-30s the hair was receding and thinning out, following the typical male pattern baldness. So finally I trimmed them extremely short. I think your fear is unnecessary, skinheads are also wearing dark clothes, boots and bomber jackets. I have always worn glasses and like bright colors like orange, red or green, ...


16

Oh boy I definitely empathize with you on this. Back when I was in college I used to love asking difficult questions to the professors. They'd be explaining an algorithm and turn to find me with my hand up wondering what's preventing things from breaking in the special case of XYZ. There was one time where one of my favorite professors--after one such ...


15

You do not want to trouble the teacher and that's nice of you... ...but he/she is troubling you and this is worth at least an attempt to fix ...and you won't have the chance to trouble him/her anymore anyway, in the future, as you're leaving high school. So I'd suggest to go ahead and attempt the fix. Phase 1 - Request for clarification I'd go with the ...


15

I am an Indian, just like you. I am actually from Tamil Nadu (South India). In my 11th grade, I had a physics teacher like that. She was a hardheaded "strict" teacher (to the point that boys were not allowed to use the restroom during class hour, only girls). We were learning about lenses and mirrors. I am pretty good at physics concepts, but I like to ...


14

First of all, you won't be able to avoid those situation in the future, but maybe next time you will be more prepared to face them. My opinion regarding the 'hamburger' situation, you should make the whole thing as coming from their side, not yours. In your example make her offer you the rest of the hamburger without even asking. I am gonna write you ...


11

The reason this would sound petty is because it IS petty. Like grandma said, if you can't say something nice just don't say anything at all. Aside from your own personal satisfaction at finally telling that jerk what you really feel, what good comes from this? NOTHING. All it does is satisfy your petty need to have someone else know that you don't ...


11

I recently got a haircut. Ever since I got a boy-cut, everyone in my school spreads vicious rumours about me (...) I got physically bullied as well (...) Before my haircut, all these teachers were civil and I was usually the class favourite. It seems that the short haircut was interpreted as an open rebellion against conservative cultural values, ...


9

Anne sounds like a bit of a bully (or at least an entitled brat), and perhaps you and your classmates should be acquiescing to fewer of her requests. The unfortunate truth is that she is not going to be getting her way out in the "real world", and you're doing neither yourselves, or her any favors by letting her get away with these silly demands. There is ...


9

Rolling plan: One simple "democratic" solution we had in high school was rolling the seating plan forward by one row every week so if you start the first week of a month in the last (4th) row, you will go to the third row next Monday, 2nd row in the 3rd week and finish the month in the first row before going back to 4th and repeat the process. You could ...


9

I'm going to make the following assumptions, based on what you've told us: You at least care about the guy's feelings, because you're asking how to deal with this sensitively. You called him your friend, so beyond his current behaviour he is a decent enough guy He is within or connected to your other circle of friends, even if that is just while you're at ...


6

He told me that it often annoyed him that he would put so much effort into rewriting and perfecting his literary analyses/etc. yet it seems like I write them half-heartedly and still manage to write excellent essays regardless. Your friend is clearly jealous of your academic abilities, and that your abilities can make him feel inferior by comparison. I ...


5

I am fifty, a project manager at Dailmer, responsible for a key internal software application, and had/have a learning disability. First, accept that if you do not ask questions until you understand something, you'll never understand that something. Second, accept that when you do something another does not want you to do, it will upset them. Third, ...


5

The biggest challenge people face is knowing when to be assertive and when not to. In this case, being assertive definitely would be a good thing here. Obviously sitting in front is more beneficial to you than sitting in the back - in the US, that's generally where the people who want the least out of the class sit. My advice would be to chat directly ...


5

There's really no difference between accidental and deliberate baldness. Either way, you don't have hair. I shave my head. I do so because I was losing my hair anyway. When I came in the day after I shaved for the first time, I had a couple people ask me, "Trying a new look?" but that was about it. Now, yours will be a little more extreme because you ...


5

You can't really prevent people from talking about what they heard or saw. You can, however, prevent people from discussing awkward things you said or did, by not saying or doing awkward things. If you're convinced that your request to finish someone else's meal was not awkward, then you should have no problem that other people talk about it. Simply put, ...


4

I am an Indian. To be honest, these situations are very common in Indian Education System. The easiest answer I could give is, just give a complaint on the teacher to the principal. It always works. When I had the same problem with my biology teacher ( my students had the same issue ), so all of our parents gave a complaint against the teacher. Then she ...


4

This is very late on my part, but since it may still be relevant: Life is full of difficult decisions. You might not WANT to deliver that speech but you did it in the end. You might not WANT to trouble anyone, but that oftentimes simply the cost of rebellion. Going forward, you will face situations that don't have a clear-cut answer. Sometimes, you will have ...


4

In our age it's normal that the students decide where to sit on their own. Maybe I am missing something, but if your comment above is accurate, what prevents you from making your way to this class ahead of your friends and picking the best available seat? The sooner you arrive, the better chance you have of having your needs met. Your problem seems to be ...


4

I shave my head periodically, and usually don't have that issue, even when combined with the combat boots... The only time I've ever had someone mistake me for a Nazi was when I was approached by a Nazi (surprise, surprise, they're not the brightest) Probably much adue about nothing. Don't trouble yourself about people thinking that you've suddenly and ...


4

You have to find other "outcasts". It's true for making friends anywhere, normally it's finding people who share the same interests or have similar outlooks to life and other topics. But in your particular case you might want to find people who share more or less the same moral outlook and behavior. In other words, the "outcasts"


4

My advice runs counter to what a lot of teen magazines advise, and thus also what people who get their wisdom from teen magazines tend to advise. Your former friend has already apparently figured out that you're no longer happy with him. He's trying to figure out how to make you like him again. But there is some ambiguity to what he thinks your emotional ...


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