139 votes
Accepted

How to invite terminal ill / very sick friends to a party?

I've been the dying person (I got better, long story.) Trust me, inviting me to a party would not have "reminded me of my limitations." I already knew. It's more likely that I would be offended at ...
Kate Gregory's user avatar
  • 44.7k
80 votes

Alternative to "Get well soon" card for terminally ill?

As a cancer survivor, who was looking death in the face, I can tell you that the most valuable thing for me was friendship. Ask your children to make a card expressing what a great friend and ...
Martlark's user avatar
  • 871
70 votes

Alternative to "Get well soon" card for terminally ill?

A "We love you!" card is great. It's honest, direct, and it doesn't rub the terminal condition into the person's face. Whatever you do, be in the moment, because that's where the patient/person ...
anongoodnurse's user avatar
62 votes
Accepted

Alternative to "Get well soon" card for terminally ill?

As no one else has suggested it: 'Thinking of you' - lets them know they are in your thoughts. 'Hello!' - simply let someone know you're ready to be there for them, when they need you. 'Pretty ...
djsmiley2kStaysInside's user avatar
33 votes

How to invite terminal ill / very sick friends to a party?

A few years ago I helped my grandparents write down their invitations (to a 50 year wedding anniversary). They too had relatives with serious health problems and terminal illnesses at the time. What ...
Tinkeringbell's user avatar
  • 33.9k
25 votes
Accepted

Sick grandparent(s) moved in and are now inciting anger and stress

This answer is highly dependent on you. Your schedule, your life, what you do, how much are you around the family in any given day; you could be an excellent shield here and that won't be possible if ...
Crazy Cucumber's user avatar
23 votes

Dementia: How to cut off useless advice to a caregiver from well meaning people?

I have a somewhat similar experience... Not one to one, but similar. My mom was hit pretty young with early onset Alzheimers/dementia. It's still a very cringe worthy experience when people I barely ...
apaul's user avatar
  • 54.8k
22 votes
Accepted

Disclosing medical condition on relationship start

Give her some time. My situation I'm a teenager with epilepsy, which is has been in remission (at the least) for the past four years. I was first diagnosed eight years ago, at the age of ten. Things ...
HDE 226868's user avatar
  • 8,987
17 votes
Accepted

Dementia: How to cut off useless advice to a caregiver from well meaning people?

You have hit the nail on the head that these are well-meaning people. Your question has the beginning of your answer. With someone reasonably close to you, the next time that someone says ...
baldPrussian's user avatar
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17 votes
Accepted

How can I make it up to my best friend after I forgot her birthday?

I'd like to try a small "frame challenge" with you. Try to help me answer this imaginary question: How can I tell my friend I was wrong to over-react when they forgot my birthday? I have a friend ...
Kate Gregory's user avatar
  • 44.7k
14 votes
Accepted

Is it OK to wish someone who's terminally ill "Happy Birthday"?

It's actually not common at all to have 5 years left to live. A few months, a year or two, or "there's nothing we can do" are the usual diagnoses. That said, whether a person is dying or not, their ...
Kate Gregory's user avatar
  • 44.7k
13 votes
Accepted

How do I tell my wife that a family member has just died with an illness they both have?

Start with a very short opening. You don't want to just walk in and say, "so .... died today". Open by saying there is some sad news in the family. Keep it short. After your opening, just say what ...
simyou's user avatar
  • 406
10 votes

Family of migraine patient - how to help kids understand violent outbursts of migraine patient (mother) in response to noise

First, let me argue with your "it's ok for my wife to hit my daughter because she gets migraines" theory. I get migraines, have for decades. I got one this week that interacted with a tooth ...
Kate Gregory's user avatar
  • 44.7k
9 votes
Accepted

Chronic illness at work; navigating genuine "how are you?" questions

I think it does not really matter what you mention as feedback. I assume your colleagues are well aware of the long term positives: I am on treatment plans and actually in a great place health-...
Bookeater's user avatar
  • 4,739
9 votes

How to invite terminal ill / very sick friends to a party?

the invitation will indicate a lack of understanding for their situation and/or remind them of their bad health and limitations One counter argument that comes to mind instantly is: not inviting ...
Dmitry Grigoryev's user avatar
8 votes
Accepted

How do you open/close a friendly personal message to somebody with a terminal illness?

I don't know your relationship and communication style, but your email looks good to me. Having had a bit of flirtation with death myself, I didn't want people avoiding me because of awkwardness. ...
David Thornley's user avatar
8 votes

Sick grandparent(s) moved in and are now inciting anger and stress

I am coming from a different cultural background (US), but I was in a similar experience with my family. My paternal grandmother moved in with us (mom, dad, me) because of her failing health. Both of ...
km678's user avatar
  • 807
7 votes
Accepted

Should you wish someone luck with a health problem?

I would not use the word luck in this context, because luck implies the possibility of not being lucky (a bad outcome). Luck in gambling would be a good example, where the majority isn't lucky. In a ...
user3169's user avatar
  • 1,459
6 votes

How to invite terminal ill / very sick friends to a party?

I think the main thing here is You want to let them know they are welcome, and you will be very happy if they can indeed make it. And you're happy to make whatever accommodations they need, if they ...
Ne Mo's user avatar
  • 160
5 votes

Dementia: How to cut off useless advice to a caregiver from well meaning people?

I recommend being explicit: Thank you so much for your concern and support, but honestly I've got a handle on things, as much as anyone can. I'll [X]/I'm already [X]/I've already [X], and we're ...
Upper_Case's user avatar
  • 16.3k
5 votes

Alternative to "Get well soon" card for terminally ill?

Maybe a "thank you" for the joy they've brought to your life, including "best wishes" for making the most of the time they have left, or "blessings" if the recipient follows a religion. All of us (...
WBT's user avatar
  • 823
4 votes

Chronic illness at work; navigating genuine "how are you?" questions

I don't know how feasible it is, but perhaps you could write up something sharing as much about your condition as you feel comfortable, thanking people for their concerns and saying that you do worry ...
threetimes's user avatar
4 votes

Chronic illness at work; navigating genuine "how are you?" questions

First of all: People genuinely asking how you feel are one of the best thing that could happen to you. How I would answer: I'd explain them that you still have a long road until you're over the ...
Stocky's user avatar
  • 41
4 votes

Should you wish someone luck with a health problem?

I have faced a number of health problems recently. I am trying to imagine a condition that I wouldn't be constantly aware of, and would be saddened by having someone mention it. I can't think of ...
Kate Gregory's user avatar
  • 44.7k
4 votes

Disclosing medical condition on relationship start

Wow... I was pretty taken aback by your story. Recently, I had an abdominal surgery (appendix rupture) and I know, to the lesser extent, how difficult a recovery is and that consequences of complex ...
Pero's user avatar
  • 107
4 votes

Disclosing medical condition on relationship start

To give a different perspective to this. It sounds to me with phrases like "can't stop thinking about it", "I hope you understand that the problem is with me and not you. I'm also sad but that's how I ...
Vality's user avatar
  • 499
4 votes

How to express sympathy to a very great friend whose father is dying very soon?

"The bad" I was in a similar situation 10+ years ago. The situation was actually worse - after a successful pregnancy, the child of a colleague was born dead. I wanted to say something nice / helpful,...
virolino's user avatar
  • 1,922
4 votes

People assuming dead person's intentions

People can't read thoughts and can't really know what are things that could comfort you through grief. Usually people either copy what is the social norm where you live by in expressing condolences, ...
Diane M's user avatar
  • 4,720
3 votes

How to invite terminal ill / very sick friends to a party?

A common thread in the answers here accommodations - what can you do to accommodate disabilities? The answers you've got, have got the visible stuff covered (although I didn't see a note about ...
Nigel Heffernan's user avatar
3 votes

Dementia: How to cut off useless advice to a caregiver from well meaning people?

Caring for my wife these past 6 years, I have learned a few tactics myself. Everyone's situation and culture will be different (I am a tall man in my mid 30's living in Midwestern US), but let me ...
CWilson's user avatar
  • 131

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