Hot answers tagged

155

How do I explain this to her without her getting hurt/our friendship getting ruined? Okay, that is definitely not going to happen. She is going to get hurt, and your friendship is going to be affected. (Not necessarily ruined, though!) You can't avoid that, since it comes from the fact that she has feelings you don't reciprocate. She is going to have to ...


127

Pretend like you didn't understand that it was a joke and take him seriously. It could go like this: "Hey do you know that random Indian person I met on the train last weekend?" Stare at him for ~5 seconds with poker face and then ask: What? or: What do you mean? or: I don't think I understand. or: What makes you think I should know that ...


123

As I said in the question's comments, I think this is strongly culturally-related, but let's take a shot in the dark: In my culture (I'm French) and those of many people who testified in the comment section, such a bet would already be considered as flirting, so it would not seem awkward to ask for spending some time to get to know her better. With such an ...


86

Is it in general a bad question to ask westerners ? Some westerners (and people from anywhere) are inclined to be very private, but I've stayed in many hostels and hotels and I can't imagine someone not asking me where I'm from (or being surprised when I ask them). It's normal smalltalk for tourists (and business travelers). And is it especially bad ...


81

I was wondering if it is rude (or expected) to wear a sari to the wedding. Being from India, I'd say there is no such thing that only Indian women must wear a sari. You can always wear it if you feel comfortable. Also, it is not compulsory for every girl to wear a sari. I attended a wedding once where two or three foreign girls were wearing sari (I guess ...


73

Just tell the person that your mobile phone is only for family calls: "I'm sorry, but I only use my mobile number to contact my family. I do have a phone number, though: <home number>". Or maybe even better, don't even mention "mobile": "Yes, here's my phone number: <home number>. I don't have WhatsApp." Don't make up excuses. As you've ...


72

It sounds like he's laying his kink cards on the table early. This may seem agressive, and perhaps foolish, but it boils down to: "I'm into these kinds of things sexually, what are you into?" He's coming across as aggressive, either because that's a part of his kink, or because he's looking for a purely sexual relationship, or because he's relatively ...


65

I personally am very bad with names, and often come across this issue myself. Firstly, if you have a mutual friend, or someone else who knows the person, it's always best to ask them first, to see if they know (and can tell you). If you can't think of anyone you know that might know their name, it might be worth trying to contact one of his friends, and ...


64

Let me tell you a story that happened at my friend's wedding (say John) a few months ago. John's an Indian who works in Sweden. The wedding was in India and John had invited a few of his Swedish friends to his wedding. Indian weddings typically last from a day to about a week. John's wedding spanned 5 days. There are various functions/ceremonies like ...


64

From what you have said the issue is not actually closely tied to whether or not you have a mobile phone or are willing to share its number, so no amount of explaining that will help. The problem is that people's refusal to accept your answer. There are likely a number of intertwined reasons for that and I can't possibly, being in a different culture ...


62

I'm going start by challenging this a little bit. There are a couple of things to keep in mind. Each of the two parties in an interaction have their perspective and desired goal of the interaction. Yours, in this instance, is to receive your coffee and be treated politely. The cashier's, on the other hand, is to serve as many people as possible with as ...


58

It's pretty close to impossible to comment on someone else's motives, especially when they aren't here to clarify their position. All we can comment on is your course of action. But let's look at this. She willingly made a bet with you. She was the judge of whether you won or lost and it's purely subjective. You get to choose the prize. How easy would ...


52

A trick to save you a bit of embarrassment, is the following. "What was your name again?" "John." "Sorry, I mean your surname." That makes it seem you've only forgotten their surname. Should they reply with their full name right away, be sure to emphasise it was their surname you had forgotten. "What was your name again?" "John Smith." "Ah ...


52

Have you tried just putting the bottle out of their reach whenever they enter the room? If you are not leaving your chair, take the water bottle off your desk and put it in the ground next to your feet. If you intend to get up while talking with them, just put the bottle under your desk (which I assume would be behind you while you're standing and talking)....


50

This might be an unlucky coincidence - in German, young people sometimes also refer to older male persons as "Onkel", but it would mean something like "dude" (informal!). If you, as a stranger, would call me "Onkel" while I am your server, I would also be offended, because it implies that you are looking down on me. Just "Excuse me, can you ... " is ...


49

As long as the jokes aren't offensive I think an indirect approach would work better than a straight confrontation as it would seem like you can't take a joke if you directly call him out on it. If I was in your shoes I would respond to vaguely racial remarks by taking them a bit overboard. For example: "Hey do you know the random Indian person I met on ...


48

Okay, since there have been loads of answers saying 'don't do private things in public': you stated in the question the things you're doing aren't really that privacy-sensitive. You're not doing online banking, you're not reading sensitive company e-mails. You're doing social media stuff. If you were doing the very private stuff, I would definitely advise ...


47

the dogs are getting mad, and bite kids and elderly people This sentence alone means that the time to be nice is over. I have children and was faced with a similar situation before. First, call the police. Tell them that this lady's dogs are attacking people. Not stray dogs, but hers. If she denies then they are good to go to the shelter. You will probably ...


44

I can only tell from my experience (means my answer is based on my own experiences and should be only linked to them. I don't mean it at a general rule). When men start talking about topics like that, they usually want to push the conversation into sexual ways to get arousal from it. Common next step is to send/ask you for explicit images and stuff like ...


41

calling him "Uncle" shouldn't be offensive at all since he was anyway quite elderly for us. Calling the waiter uncle might have offended him because, possibly he thought that you either mistook his age by his look or he probably just didn't want to be called as such. Is this correct or we were wrong in thinking so? I'd say neither party is wrong. You ...


41

Indian, male here. I think you don't owe any kind of explanation to anyone. It's your choice how you live or lead your life. I would most definitely suggest you to not interact with him anymore as you are not at all interested. When someone asks very personal things out of the blue, It is better to give them a answer in a way that further refrains them ...


40

You may be worrying excessively because you are scared of the possible consequences. Of course, if this is important to you then you are right to take care! But you are telling us that you already believe dating is acceptable, and that you and your friend are already "very close" and both aware of Western culture. You have good reason to believe she could ...


38

how do I ask someone to stop wasting water like this without sounding rude ? You can't, as there's no straight out-of-the-box answer... You want them to share your POV, therefore, you need to explain the pros and cons. If they're willing to listen to your arguments. First of all, the way you asked seems very much too straight (rude) to me, no matter the ...


36

I am Indian & know that feeling; and not from your side of the situation! Sorry but I don't see you with a romantic eye, you are a dear friend of mine. This seems to be the reason in your mind and it should be the reply you give her, as kindly and sincerely as you possibly can. This reply is a standard and culturally appropriate way of rejecting this ...


35

Referring to any stranger/service professional as 'Uncle' in Western Europe is likely to be received as strange, even outside of the restaurant scenario. You mention that you held this conversation in your native language, and despite this it was still received badly. It could be that this waiter has lived all his life in Germany, and has never become ...


35

You seem to be reading way too much into it. While it's possible/probable that there was awkwardness about this situation it isn't that big of a deal and apologising for it likely will make it worse, since it would add a lot of importance to something most people would forget in five minutes. If you feel bad, just make sure you are more consistent about ...


34

While the other advice given here on the Indian culture and how to respect it are wonderful, I am going to try a different approach that involves people. In my mind this part of your question is the most relevant here: I was invited through my sister-in-law (friend of the bride) so I do not have the ability to contact the bride directly, and whenever I ...


34

Things you want to say: your impressions of the person do not match you do not know, but suspect it might not be true or at least exaggerated you are not interested in this discussion So if the person starts ranting wait for the first pause and then clarify these things in a calm tone: That's not an experience I had with him/her yet so I can't help you ...


33

You didn't ask your coworker to stop wasting water. You insisted. You physically intruded into his space (in the bathroom, where most of us are much more sensitive about that) and turned the water off for him. This would be acceptable if you knew there was poison in it or if he was a small child. He's left there with soapy hands not sure if you touched the ...


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