140

I've been the dying person (I got better, long story.) Trust me, inviting me to a party would not have "reminded me of my limitations." I already knew. It's more likely that I would be offended at having decisions made for me, as though I was no longer capable of that myself. (There were no family occasions I was excluded from in the bad months, in fact I ...


117

There's nothing wrong with the truth in these cases. You could say something like: Oh my goodness, I can't believe it's 6:30! The time has flown by hasn't it? I actually have a 7 o'clock thing I need to get ready for. You can, if you genuinely had a great time and kind of wish it wasn't ending, immediately try to schedule the next get together: This ...


101

The answer I'd give Mom is: "It's not my party". I wouldn't offer excuses or tell her anything beyond that. Yes, she may want your brother, for some reason, invited to the bachelor party. But it's not her party. Or yours. Or your brother's. Whoever is arranging the party has decided the guest list, there's some expense associated with it, and these are ...


70

First of all, it's not your father's decision - it's yours. Your father made a demand of you, but the choice rests with you. You organize the wedding, you're paying for it, you get to decide. From what you describe, you cannot acquiesce to his request. Every further point you've listed strengthens this fact. This means you need to find a way to bring this ...


64

He asked you for an invitation that wasn't yours to give. You're not the host, you're not the one who prepared the food, and you're not the one who will be inconvenienced by a last-minute guest. Whether to invite him is up to your uncle. What you say in this situation is something like "I'm sorry, but my uncle is hosting, not me. I can't just show up ...


59

Instead of asking them to join you right away, ask them what they think about using recreational marijuana. Asking them about their opinion from a neutral standpoint (a simple "I noticed its legal in this state, would you ever smoke?" etc.) will provide an insight on how they will react to your next question. They Would By all means, ask them about going. ...


55

However you word this, unfortunately, the person may choose to take offense. Just be as diplomatic as possible when letting them know they won't be invited, something along the lines of: "I'm sorry, but we have a limited amount of space, and I can't invite everyone. I'd like to invite you, but we are looking at inviting family and our closest friends." ...


54

Have your friends bring only modest cards to wish you well. I have a friend (USA) who threw her own birthday party, and invited all her friends. She too said "no gifts", but she mentioned that she treasures cards that show people's feelings and has their names on them. She indeed treasured them and displayed them for quite some time. She received no gifts. ...


39

Don't ask to be invited, but let them know you're available. I always say, "That sounds fun. Let me know if you're looking for more people." This makes it clear that you are interested, but doesn't put them on the spot or make the situation awkward.


39

Giving money is hard for some people, 10 bucks can look like a lot less than a box full of towels from the dollar store that maybe cost you 5 bucks. Bringing nothing is even harder for some people. They realise you are providing them with food and entertainment and they want to repay you. I think you can totally encourage supporting charities and pleasing ...


36

Ask for consumables, e.g., food. Food will only clutter up your life until it is eaten. You note that your calendar is pretty full, so experiences don't help. However, I assume that even with a full calendar, you will still find the time for eating. And getting some interesting ethnic foodstuffs or bottles of wine you don't know yet might in fact be an ...


36

There is no polite way to say this as it is an incredibly rude gesture. The underlying problem seems to be that you do not trust your friend's judgement in women. You could go with the honest approach though: Hey ___, I know you like your girlfriend, but I do not and I have no interest in getting to know her better. The party is for ____ and we feel that ...


36

There is no polite way to tell someone you care for that you didn't enjoy their cooking. If you go to a restaurant that charges a lot of money but serves substandard food, you might have a leg to stand on. But in this situation, the host's feelings are more important than your tastebuds. You said in a comment: she asks because nobody said something ...


34

As you've seen, young children being raised the way you describe (different meals for small people, allowed to eat away from the table, playing with whatever they see instead of only things their parents brought for them) are difficult guests at a traditional dinner party. As I see it you have at least three options: host a different kind of get-together. ...


34

A few years ago I helped my grandparents write down their invitations (to a 50 year wedding anniversary). They too had relatives with serious health problems and terminal illnesses at the time. What they, as very religious people did, was to include the following sentence of Latin in their invitations (it's often used in their church's communications as ...


27

how can we politely invite the adults but tell them to leave the kids at home What about Hi everyone, we’d like to invite everyone to dinner at our place, on Saturday, Jan 20 - for this time “adults only”. What do you think? Or something along these lines. you may in addition set a later starting time to underline the “adult” aspect of the dinner set ...


27

I got a message from my father telling me that it's my wedding, but he feels I must invite that branch of the family anyway, because it's just 2 more people. [...] It's totally unfair for her, and I've spoken to her about this before. No. This is not unfair only for your girlfriend, this is totally unfair especially for you. As he said, it's your wedding. ...


26

I'd like to pose a slight frame challenge: why not go to the wedding. You say you don't feel like going because, despite a good faith effort on your side to keep in touch, they never responded and you feel abandoned. It seems to me like you care about this person, and not going will only hurt your situation by enforcing the distance that you previously ...


25

You're over-thinking it. People who send out invitations want you to respond in a timely manner. Not responding is literally the worst thing you can do. Respond with a simple "Best Wishes" and state that you can't make it. You don't need to give them a reason. ** Note: Got married last year. It was a giant pain when over 25% of invites was not ...


23

You seem to suggest that your relationship with your brother is good. I also assume that both of you have good relationship with your mother. Having been in a similar situation, I discussed this with my brother and together we found out a way to make her understand that his presence was not a good idea and that he was very fine with this (my exact situation ...


19

Let him participate, but have a talk with him beforehand. My advice is to have a chat with him about the event. Set up expectations and ask him if he thinks he can reign it in for an afternoon. If he says yes allow him the benefit of the doubt, but also give him a way out if things go south during the event. I have a friend who sounds a lot like yours; she ...


18

Answer: This depends on your priorities. If you want to make sure you keep him as a friend then invite him to the party If on the other hand you are ambivalent about his friendship, (you don't mind being his friend but are fine losing his friendship) then just keep saying what your are already saying, "We are keeping the party small." Advice to make it ...


17

Option 2 sounds like the safest and most honest way to handle it. If Person A is likely to be uncomfortable, but you still want them to show up, it's probably better if you give them a chance to prepare rather than be surprised by the situation. Just break it to them tactfully and express how important it is to you that they be there. Of course you can't ...


17

Unless your host explicitly invites criticism (and, to be clear, asking how the meal was appears to be inviting compliments, not criticism), don't criticize the food. You should always find something nice to say about the meal, even if it just looked nice (complimenting the "presentation" makes it sound fancier!). If the host says something like "I don't ...


17

Having lost my father when I was a little bit older than her, I remember what I went through at that time: up's and down's, and swinging moods. Sometimes you're ok, sometimes not, sometimes you need someone to talk to, sometimes you want to be left alone. And all this can happen and change within minutes or seconds. I'm pretty sure this is what she's ...


16

Normally you don't invite yourself If you don't know someone very well you can't know whether that person wants to invite only very close friends to his birthday party or if it's going to be a big party where basically everyone is welcome. He may not view you as a friend he is close enough to warrant inviting this year. Asking him bluntly whether you can ...


16

How I See Things: Weddings are carefully planned events, with the guest list being one of the most carefully considered pieces of the puzzle. In planning a bachelor party, the best man is seeking to optimize the experience of the groom by inviting those people he deems closest to the groom. As you state in your first point: I’ve been good friends with the ...


15

These answers are good if you're really firmly against the idea of not doing anything to invite yourself, even in the most polite and understanding way possible. However, I think they all have the pitfall of not being up front enough to make your desire to go now clear. If you're an introverted person, it's easy to make assumptions about imposing yourself ...


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