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215 votes
Accepted

How to deflect awkward questions when shopping for women's clothing as a man?

First things first. There's no reason to be ashamed. Some people may judge you and you may still be judging yourself, but there's really no need to. Love yourself for who you are and try not to let ...
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205 votes

How to quickly remove yourself from a homophobic conversation?

I realize this may not be the way you wish to go about it, but I did admire one way a fellow coworker handled these situations; with every type of prejudiced joke. What he would do is pretend not to ...
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  • 1,251
173 votes

How can I effectively tell people that their defensiveness over me bringing up an issue is part of the issue?

Recognise your own biases When someone from a minority group says "that's racist/sexist/homophobic/etc" and the retort from someone from a majority group is, more or less, "no it isn't" This is ...
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  • 1,633
98 votes
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Responding to my mom's remarks about my love life when she refuses to accept/acknowledge it

Wow, I know them feels... It usually feels like being caught between a rock and a hard place when people ask questions that you know they can't handle the answers to. The place I've come to with ...
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95 votes
Accepted

How can I tell my date that one of her close friends outed her to me as trans?

Trans woman here, so this is entirely how I would handle it from my perspective. First, I like the inclination that you have to tell her that someone is outing her. That is dangerous. People lose ...
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91 votes
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How to tell a trans couple that their overly romantic behaviour makes you uncomfortable, without coming across transphobic?

On the one hand, the fact that one or both of these people is trans is utterly irrelevant. (I'm going to take you at your word that your objection is to Public Displays of Affection whether with ...
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  • 43.4k
88 votes

How to help a male-presenting person shop for women's clothes?

I'm a trans woman, and have been (still am, potentially :/) the kind of person you describe in your post. First thing to understand is that you literally can't stop them being nervous or ...
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79 votes

Responding to my mom's remarks about my love life when she refuses to accept/acknowledge it

If your mother is actually saying soulmate out loud with her mouth, and not man, how about taking her at face value? You can go several ways with it. You could argue that you don't need a partner to ...
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76 votes
Accepted

What pronoun to use when talking about a transgender person's past?

As a general rule, it's better to ask the individual person how they want to be referred to, whether it be past or present. That said, in my experience it's common and usually appreciated when you ...
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  • 54.7k
76 votes

Requesting time off to attend a Pride event

It sounds like your boss is a little nosier than many, but you don't need to reveal details. I've used the following framing when I've needed to request days off but didn't want to say way (for ...
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70 votes
Accepted

How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people

I've posted similar answers to similar questions before, but this isn't strictly a duplicate, so here we go again. What I find helpful when I have to deal with similar things in my workplace is to ...
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65 votes

How can I effectively tell people that their defensiveness over me bringing up an issue is part of the issue?

The problem is all about the tone and how it causes the first impression of your argument to shift. I've had this issue for years, and even with close friends I get incredibly frustrated when ...
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61 votes
Accepted

How can I help a close friend get over me?

Sounds like your friend is in love with you. Despite it being an unrequited love, and you being plain about that, it's going to be hard for her to turn those feelings off. Seems like she's ...
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  • 54.7k
56 votes

How to deflect awkward questions when shopping for women's clothing as a man?

I buy clothes for other people routinely. I have never been asked that. If someone in a store were to ask me "who are you buying these for?" I would stare at them in a way that made it clear they were ...
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  • 43.4k
53 votes

How to quickly remove yourself from a homophobic conversation?

What I find helpful when I have to deal with similar things in my workplace is to shake my head to indicate "no" and walk away. It's a simple gesture of disapproval and then an exit. Even when I'm ...
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  • 54.7k
47 votes

How can I handle a bisexual friend whom I think is attracted to me?

High school is a tough time for everybody and I understand why you feel you should do something to help your friend in this situation. My suggestion is to actually do nothing. People have a lot of ...
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  • 5,103
42 votes
Accepted

How to have an honest discussion, when all outcomes are undesirable

What I think you haven't fully faced is that your conversation already has only one possible outcome: breaking up. I am certain that given what you have been through, the idea of coercing your ...
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  • 4,879
41 votes

How to respond to questions at family holiday gatherings without making the asker uncomfortable about my sexuality?

In my experience, people typically ask for two reasons: They're being nosey They're ready to talk about it, or they at least want to try My mother flat out expressed to me that she never wanted to ...
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  • 22.6k
41 votes

How to initiate a conversation with a person who recently had transition but you were not in touch with them?

Now I want to talk to her to show my support => does she want that too? That's the point. When in doubt, I usually just let people know who I am, and what I'm looking for. I don't put pressure on ...
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  • 21.5k
39 votes

How to ask my office to remove the pride decorations without appearing anti-LGBTQ?

An approach I've used in the past that was quite successful is to not ask that someone remove the decorations outright, but ask people if there are plans to clean them up or reasons outdated stuff is ...
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  • 33.7k
37 votes

Requesting time off to attend a Pride event

I can't address coming out, but as a woman in what was a vastly male (and misogynist) dominated field, I can empathize. When I went into premature labor (by months, mind you) during a shift in the ...
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36 votes

How do I let someone I'm romantically interested in know I think we wouldn't work out because I am not straight?

You might just be missing the point by almost making this about labels. You said you don't feel like the typical "woman", the woman society expects you to be, act like, look like. I personally try ...
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  • 7,536
34 votes

How can I correct my family's use of language related to LGBT+ issues without making them uncomfortable?

Re-learning how to communicate with people we have known for our whole lifetimes can be very complicated. Sometimes their miscommunications might come from them not yet being comfortable addressing ...
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  • 22.6k
34 votes

How to tell a trans couple that their overly romantic behaviour makes you uncomfortable, without coming across transphobic?

The short answer: Address it the same way you would with any other overly sappy, sweet, PDA couple: Hey, you two, get a room. The long answer: The fact that this is a trans couple doesn't, or at ...
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  • 54.7k
33 votes

How can I talk with my older cousin about his sexuality?

It's worth noting that it's not an either or. Sexuality is more of a spectrum, as in some people may fall somewhere in the middle. Your cousin may be one of these people, or he may not, but you don't ...
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  • 54.7k
33 votes

How to ask a new friend about his sexuality?

How, if, could I ask him make him explicitly say if he's homosexual, without risking our fresh friendship? You really can't. You could simply ask, but you're running the risk of alienating a friend ...
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