441 votes

How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

I don't think you can. I'll lay out why I think this is the case: The relationship you describe with Katie sounds exactly like any new romance except for the fact that you are both currently married ...
  • 16.3k
259 votes

How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

From everything you've written here, it seems perfectly reasonable that your wife would be feeling jealous. Your wife is jealous because everything you are doing looks like cheating, regardless of how ...
  • 2,856
237 votes
Accepted

How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

Close friendships are wonderful. Right now, you are putting a lot of time and energy into your friendship with Katie, and you are both enjoying the benefits of that effort. A proportionate investment ...
  • 3,684
200 votes

How to talk to my brother-in-law about my concerns about his intent to propose to his girlfriend?

I'll be honest with you. You sound like you're judging someone else's choices by your own standards, rather than what might be best for them, and what they consider to be their priorities. Moreover, ...
  • 6,787
172 votes

How do I politely decline a request for a contract marriage?

Yeah, fraud is what I call "Not a good thing". The feds aren't pleasant about that particular one. She apparently won't talk seriously about this, so follow her lead: don't talk seriously about it. ...
  • 32.2k
164 votes

How to get spouse to empathetically listen to problems instead of offering solutions?

I am like your husband, and I am also an engineer. We are expected to fix things. It makes us happy because our brains are wired that way. Also we think that is what is expected from us when people ...
124 votes

How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

By having a long, hard talk with Katie about what your relationship is. It's going to suck, believe me. But you seem totally oblivious to the fact that you're having a full-blown emotional affair. If ...
  • 1,502
90 votes

Not having to explain my reasons for wanting to keep my last name

My solution (if I am in a bad mood) was to simply ask back Why should I? the only answer "because it is tradition", to which I respond "SO?" I have been married 25 years now, it is amazing how ...
  • 3,023
87 votes

Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship?

I have found that answers which detail an absurd situation that would prompt you leaving her often lighten up the situation, while pointing out that nobody can be 100% sure of the future. Wife, I ...
  • 4,196
86 votes
Accepted

How can I tell my wife that her fears and mistrust are hurting us?

This does sound like a case for couples' therapy, or single therapy for her with some joint session, because her trust has been deeply broken before. Think about it: The man she loved cheated on her, ...
  • 928
85 votes

How to approach discussion with wife about a possible "emotional affair"

It sounds like your wife is having what is often called an emotional affair. Even though it is just talk, the heart is involved. I say this not to escalate the situation, but because it is important ...
  • 27k
76 votes
Accepted

How to get spouse to empathetically listen to problems instead of offering solutions?

I am one of those engineering males and married to an engineer, so I am rather familiar with the situation you describe (In fact, I had to check a few of your specific examples to make sure you weren'...
  • 4,282
56 votes

Not having to explain my reasons for wanting to keep my last name

I see there are several answers already, but I feel mine takes a slightly different approach to answering, which is to not explain why at all. If you want to do something and you are free to do it and ...
  • 2,274
49 votes

How to get my wife to remember to say "please"

I have a radically difference experience with this having traveled all over the US and now live in a foreign country. First, I believe the framing of this question is incorrect, so I'm going to ...
  • 2,310
49 votes
Accepted

How do I insist my wife gets rid of her recently bought pet spider, given that I'm arachnophobic?

Your wife went ahead and made an optional purchase of a pet, knowing that it absolutely terrified you. She made this purchase with no consideration at all of how much emotional pain this would ...
  • 7,176
48 votes

Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship?

You appear to be taking your spouse's statements and requests at face value, but in my experience, statements and requests like this from a SO often mean something quite different than their direct ...
45 votes

How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

I know this is more of an anti-answer, but I think it's an important Interpersonal Skill to identify the difference between knowledge and feeling. How can you convince her? You can't. Here's why: ...
  • 5,124
45 votes
Accepted

How to get my wife to remember to say "please"

My experience is that when you and your co-parent have differing values about something that impacts the children, but it isn't a life-or-death matter, it's better to consistently model your own ...
44 votes

How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends?

To answer the question: you can't. The other answers go into good detail on why you can't and I agree with them, so I won't repeat everything they said here (for more detail see the points made by ...
  • 595
41 votes

How to get my wife to remember to say "please"

You're already doing a great job presenting your arguments for teaching the kids to say 'please' here, and you've also shown understanding that your wife may not even deliberately not say 'please'. So,...
  • 33.7k
40 votes
Accepted

How to respond to "When are you getting married"?

I come from The Netherlands. Let me assure you that joking about relationships/weddings is very common here as well, since (at least in my area) people are usually married by their mid-twenties. Just ...
  • 33.7k
39 votes
Accepted

How to approach my spouse about their weight gain?

The first thing you need to ask her is: "Does she seriously want to lose weight?". There are people who realize that they are overweight, but do not consider it an issue which is serious enough to ...
  • 1,809
39 votes

Not having to explain my reasons for wanting to keep my last name

If you get asked the question why, then you have to give some kind of answer, otherwise you're just ignoring them, which isn't your goal. Your answer needs to be succinct, truthful, and not leave the ...
  • 27k
38 votes

How to approach my spouse about their weight gain?

Even when I could point out some irregularity in her diet, I just can't say it without sounding rude. ...All in all, my goal is to help her in the long run, because it has gone too far. Decide what ...
38 votes
Accepted

How should I discuss on which side of the family to spend Christmas with?

Her wanting to see her family for Christmas is reasonable, and I would suggest avoiding approaching this as a zero-sum game where one person has to "get" the visit they want around Christmas and ...
  • 1,894
38 votes
Accepted

How can I tell my husband I need time for myself without work?

An important factor in any relationship is mutual appreciation. Not feeling like your partner values you or what you do to try and benefit both of you is extremely disheartening, and in my opinion ...
34 votes

How can I find out if my gf only wants me for a green card?

Unless you're God, you can't know what's in a person's heart. And if you are God, you probably aren't asking people on the internet for advice. How do you know she wants a green card? You really ...
  • 32.2k
33 votes

How do I politely decline a request for a contract marriage?

Suzy, you need to listen to me for a moment: I don't feel good about this idea and neither do I support it now, nor will I support it at any point in the future. You have to talk about this with ...
  • 1,271

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