85

Recently, at a party, somebody loudly asked "What are those marks on your forearm?", before turning a deep shade of red and looking mortified. The room promptly went silent, I made some sort of awkward joke, and conversations resumed again. It was awkward, to say the least. Yes that surely was awkward. In such situations I like to deflect the ...


72

Unrealistic expectations are just that: unrealistic. It is unfortunately common that our expectations don't actually align with reality, and someone has to bring us down to Earth. Ultimately, you want to help your wife adjust her expectations, but this is not an easy thing to do. There is a difficult conversation that needs to be had. As a consultant, I ...


66

Preamble: First off, I'm so sorry. It appears that you have gone through something very traumatic. From your question, it sounds like someone you trusted and loved, someone you were sexually intimate with, betrayed you, and mistreated you. Regardless of what the rest of society thinks, that person's betrayal has caused you some very real and very serious ...


63

If you want to talk to your mother about the issues you're facing right now, I would not advise you to use the word anorexia. Please be assured: I am not questioning your diagnosis in any way. I recommend not to use the word "anorexia" because it comes with a lot of stigma and misconceptions and she might picture your situation in a biased way. A few years ...


53

Most languages will have a saying akin to "I was feeling a bit under the weather" or something close to that. I would simply say that. When I am sick and my co-workers ask me about it I usually say "I was feeling really sick". This is something people often say in my language (Dutch) when they either are feverish, sick to their stomach or just feel like ...


49

I have depression and anxiety. I had it for years and it took me a very long time for me to finally be able to reach out and see a therapist for help. First of all, you need to know that only one conversation probably won't make your SO willing to see a therapist. There is a lot of stigma around therapists and mental health and it won't go away overnight. ...


31

Teach your friend to say "thank you" instead of sorry. It's an incredibly powerful lesson that will make both of you feel better. (Follow the link above for more examples and explanation.) I wouldn't talk like this to someone I worked with, or a customer at a service desk, but to an actual friend, or someone who worked for me and talked this way ...


29

A Good Read Bustle has a great article on the matter: When To Disclose Your Mental Illness To Someone You're Dating They note five different times when you should consider disclosing your mental illness: When It Influences Your Behavior For instance, Health Central gives a scenario in which a person with an anxiety disorder is invited on a date to a ...


25

Some people have suggested strategies to do with being vague and evasive, but I'm going to suggest a different approach. Be honest that it is a private matter. People are naturally inquisitive, and will want to know what was wrong. In my experience, being evasive can be a problem, especially when talking to colleagues that you are friends with. It can ...


24

Right now I'm kind of in the same spot as you : I'm supporting myself and my partner (who lost his job two years ago), and we budget to be able to afford the basics, save a little, and also have a little fun. But this means that, for example, instead of taking a big vacation with friends or family and do some city trips like we used to, we have to choose one ...


24

Some of this is similar to avazula's answer (which is great!), but I wanted to share the approach that I've used too. The main differences I think is that my mother is in the second category (tends to worry, rather than dismiss) and that I did name it and make this a serious conversation. In my case, since my mother had follow-up questions, and because she ...


23

From what I've seen my coworkers do when they didn't want to talk about some personal thing (like the reason for sick leave) there are 2 main ways to handle any inquiry about it. Which one to choose depends on whether you want people to always take you seriously, or if you want to be known as a bit of a joker outside of serious work related topics. 1) Give ...


20

I'd challenge one premise here: asking loudly in a group "what's with your arms?" is a poor social skill. That question should be asked quietly, in a one-on-one situation where you can answer in a way that you deem appropriate. But your question isn't about teaching some boor better social skills, it's about how you respond to it. I assume that you don't ...


20

It sounds like you need a way to change the subject. Business Insider lists two techniques that I've personally found great success with: Use a distraction The article says to do something like pointing behind the other person and yelling "Squirrel!" which, to me seems a little overkill. I do think using a distraction outside the scope of the ...


20

I didn't have this exact issue with my mom, but I have had the need to have difficult conversations with her about certain things she did and how they made me feel that it seemed like she was totally unaware of, just like in your case. Also I have taken some courses on negotiation and handling difficult conversations. In my family we don't talk feelings ...


18

Run. Run as fast as you can. This is a toxic, abusive relationship. Your partner, in addition to being controlling(stealing numbers, not respecting boundaries), may also have issues of their own. And while these issues might mean they have a harder time looking after your own needs (like needing a break from people, etc), that's no excuse for what they did. ...


18

But I don't know how I can say this to my girlfriend or my friends/family in a way that does not seems like a excuse. First of all: don't talk about it after (or worse, during) a fight about your disconnectedness. Choose a time when everyone is calm and receptive to listening. If you were to say this in the middle of an argument it would probably sound like ...


18

(I've been in all the parts of this dynamic over the decades.) Do not worry about "bringing up bad memories." When you see your friend, tell him you are glad to see him. And mean it. If he wants to talk about what happened and how he feels, he will. Do not check up on him later "you don't still want to kill yourself do you?" but do check in: are you ok? ...


14

It sounds like there's a couple things going on here... Your parents aren't respecting your transition/gender. And they're not respecting your time and space. It may be a bit easier to separate these issues and focus on the time/space problem if they're openly phobic for religious reasons. I know that's a crap position to be in, and really crap to have to ...


14

Firstly, congratulations on your victory over self harming. I know it's not easy and can be a struggle. Based on experience, the person who publicly asked the question made it awkward for the group. "...somebody loudly asked "What are those marks on your forearm?", before turning a deep shade of red and looking mortified." This person ...


14

My response will be a bit of a "workaround" (as I don't know how to solve your issue otherwise). What I would suggest is: instead of having the choice between "bringing a game that needs a lot of preparation" and "bringing no game", you choose the third option: "bringing a game that doesn't really need preparation". This way, when your friend ask you to ...


13

The best thing your mother can do is pursue therapy. We often like to think that we can step in and help those around us, but most of the time we are either not qualified, or not cognizant of the price we'd have to pay to achieve those goals (if it is even possible). By your own admission she was making your life miserable, and damaging the relationships ...


13

The starting approach Your approach of telling her that being a minimalist doesn't require getting rid of all of her possessions is the right way to start. Minimalism is a philosophical way of living, not a list of rules that need to be followed. Colin Wright's explanation of minimalism puts it quite succinctly It’s important to understand that the ...


13

A person somewhat close to me has an eating disorder, not anorexia or bulimia though. So I'm answering form the perspective of someone who regularly interacts with a person who recognizes their condition and is in treatment. in order to improve their body image (and self-esteem) in the long run Be aware up front, you can't actually help with her ...


13

First, well done seeking help. This is the biggest step and far too many suffer alone. Next, I'm sure your therapist has explained this, but for the wider audience, anything you discuss is confidential and is entirely up to you to decide what to share with anyone. Meaning, don't feel you owe him any explanation or details about your sessions. Having said ...


12

Talk with her about other stuff The first thing that comes to mind is that you should try to comfort her by talking with her like you would normally do. About normal everyday stuff, about hobbies, about news from around the world. Play games with her, read together, watch TV together - whatever it is that the two of you are normally doing together. If that ...


12

This sort of thing is a very common problem for lots of people. I've been there too. When a statement is vague, it can help to use a technique called "active listening" to learn more. So you could say "You are? I'm sorry to worry you, what are you concerned about?" There are three items here: You are? -> Showing you're listening and you care I'm sorry to ...


11

The job of a therapist includes validation of whatever you are feeling. If she dismisses your thoughts, immediately walk out and find another therapist. Your thoughts are the exact reason that people go to therapy. Our minds are imperfect products of evolution, forged with the purpose of survival, not happiness. They sometimes go wrong, and they have a ...


11

It sounds like one of two things might be going on here: You two have different expectations about the amount of work needed to offset the rent difference. Maybe she thinks that to go from 50-50 to 60-40 calls for a smaller amount of work than you do. Or maybe one or both of you underestimated the effort required. You two have different standards about ...


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