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250 votes
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How to avoid being seen as a cash cow by my family?

I'm very sorry but your loans are in fact gifts. What you describe is actually you filling the gap in their spending pattern. That gap will not close, ever. Consecutive 'loans' without mention of ...
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250 votes

How do I tell my new boyfriend that I make a lot of money?

As someone who has been the boyfriend in this scenario, tell him. I can completely understand your concerns but you need to find out sooner rather than later. What if he treats me differently? He ...
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  • 1,847
183 votes

My cousin doesn't know that I know he received money that belongs to me - how do I approach him about receiving the money?

I'd be direct but offer him the opportunity to still come clean on his own. Maybe something like: Hey, I heard from the buyer that the money was transferred to your account. Would you be able to ...
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  • 22.6k
183 votes

How to significantly reduce my hairstylist's tip, without upsetting her?

Just don't If you're paying $15 as a tip on a $55 hair cut, that's a total of $70 per haircut. You've flat out said other hairstylists are charging more than that for the same basic work. Except this ...
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  • 1,516
152 votes
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How do I tell a friend I can't afford her wedding?

You need to say "no" to Anne while minimizing damage to the friendship. That's hard, but you can convey that you care, gently let her down, and look for alternatives. In this particular case it ...
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130 votes

How to avoid being seen as a cash cow by my family?

This reminds me of a short story in Mandarin, roughly translated as such: A guy always gave a handout to a beggar near his home. When he was single, he gave five dollars. After he married, he gave ...
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  • 2,735
117 votes
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Stepmother wants me to sign for life insurance without consulting a lawyer, how do I tell her that I will only do this after talking to one?

Phone your stepmother. (As suggested by Martijn: You might want to ask someone to sit with you for this conversation. If you start 'giving in', that person can keep you from doing so.) Tell her ...
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112 votes
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My roommate is making me pay too much for rent. How can I confront him?

New parameters = new deal. When he first offered to sublet his apartment, it was the FULL room/space with all amenities at your OWN benefit. Which is obviously not the case anymore. No matter what ...
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  • 21.5k
103 votes

How to significantly reduce my hairstylist's tip, without upsetting her?

You are going to upset them. For years you have been visiting this person, paying the same amount for the same service. Now you are wanting to cut their tip in half because you found out your friend ...
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  • 8,404
98 votes
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How can I politely tell someone I won't do my job for free?

I used to be a member of the Austin film community - rife with "working for credit". Part of why I found a job that isn't like this is that I really, really didn't like being in exactly the position ...
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  • 14.2k
97 votes

How do I tell my new boyfriend that I make a lot of money?

If he's the type of person who will treat you differently once he knows, it might be good to know this sooner rather than later. You say, He often offers to pay for things and I try to go halfsies ...
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94 votes
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How can I accommodate my in-laws in a hotel without making them feel uncomfortable about me paying for the room?

They are happy to come and visit you and stay in your home, so evidently they are okay with accepting your hospitality. An approach that may well work is if you present the arrangement not as a gift, ...
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90 votes
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How to politely request we don't eat out for lunch on my first day at new job?

Postpone. Schedule the celebration before your friends do, to a date when you'll have money, preferably payday to keep the celebration's purpose, meaning and excitement. Let's go celebrate on my ...
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  • 2,838
85 votes

How do I tell a friend I can't afford her wedding?

I would be straight-forward and direct about it. Simply state the facts: I am very happy for you and I am honored that you've asked me to be a bridesmaid, but I don't have the financial resources ...
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  • 2,320
84 votes
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How to handle my girlfriend's parents' attitude to asking her for money?

The varying amounts which your girlfriend is being charged, combined with the emotional guilt tripping ("not a good daughter" if she doesn't pay up) lead me to believe that this is an exploitative ...
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  • 17.1k
84 votes
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How to Approach Friends about Vacation Costs

I feel like I have been cheated, as I offered to pay for the hotel because I thought they wanted to be frugal on the trip. I'd like to challenge this. Think about it from your friends point of view. ...
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  • 4,196
82 votes

How do I dismiss a stranger asking for money?

At the bottom, this is someone asking you to do them a favor, and a stranger at that. You can choose to do something, but it is not impolite to not do so. There is nothing wrong with saying, "sorry, ...
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80 votes

How do I approach telling my date that I won't lend her money?

how can I let my date know to stop asking me to lend her money? Next time she asks, explain it just like you did here: I'm sorry, but no. I don't like the idea of lending people money unless they ...
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  • 33.7k
75 votes
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Girlfriend won't let me pay for her. How can I approach the situation?

People of low financial means often take money issues much more seriously than those who have money. Take it from me; I grew up in a very low income household and accepting money from people, ...
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  • 3,290
74 votes
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How do I treat my friends to something without it being awkward?

I've been in your friends' position. The way the benevolent benefactor made me feel comfortable was to set bounds. Consider it from your friends' point of view. "He's invited me, but I know this ...
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73 votes
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How to convey to the people around me that I want to disengage myself from constant giving?

I experienced this too, in addition to the charities that I wanted to make donations to. I am adding this because it is very similar to you. I learned to allocate a percentage of my income to a ...
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72 votes

How do I talk to my wife about unrealistic expectations?

Unrealistic expectations are just that: unrealistic. It is unfortunately common that our expectations don't actually align with reality, and someone has to bring us down to Earth. Ultimately, you want ...
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  • 9,032
70 votes
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How can I stress to my brother the importance of saving when he relies on me as a safety net?

Firstly, he seems annoyed. He probably knows you're at least somewhat correct, but at this point you comes across more as a know-it-all vibe than good intentions. The fact that he is annoyed makes ...
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  • 5,419
69 votes
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Different budgets within roommate group

This is my premise: A roommate has the right to be sparing and conservative with their spending A roommate has the right to spend their money as they please, as long as they meet their agreed-upon ...
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67 votes

How to avoid being seen as a cash cow by my family?

It's possible that your family will see you as a "cash cow" until your udders go dry (when you buy your house and go into some debt yourself, or have other financial responsibilities, like children.) ...
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61 votes
Accepted

Should I help pay for a traffic ticket someone got while helping me?

There are two possible situations of this kind. The first is, he got the ticket in the line of duty. E.g., he had to park in the "wrong place" to unload your furniture, and got a ticket as a result. ...
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  • 5,561
56 votes

Received a large monetary gift from an estranged grandparent - now what?

Write a kind letter, expressing appreciation for the gift. It is very thoughtful of your grandfather to try to eliminate some of the hassles involved in the distribution of his estate after he passes....
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55 votes
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How to confront friend who won't give back borrowed money?

The advice to write it off is good. I'd rather frame it differently, though. I would consider "forgiving the loan". In writing it off, you sustain a net loss. We might be mincing words, but in ...
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54 votes

How do I approach telling my date that I won't lend her money?

Borrow or give? If she wants to borrow money you could lend her a tenner sometime if you're feeling generous, as it's not that large an amount. Don't ask for it back, consider it a gift (but don't ...
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  • 1,308

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